Hello all,
So a couple of days ago I spotted a girl -- solid 8, resembled a young Gwyneth Paltrow -- at my bus stop with a number of travel guides on her lap. I indicated at those to open her and pretty soon the conversation fixated on Paris (I studied there a couple of years ago).
I had to get off pretty soon and hers was a couple of hundred metres away. By then she had written down her email for me so we could exchange further information. Throughout this time, she was pretty receptive, gave good IOIs, and after I alighted gave me a a smile and wave when we locked eyes.
Herein lies my caveat: I've traditionally confused establishing a personal connection with seeking validation with the other party. This tends to come about in showing off how well-versed I may be with a particular topic -- especially in something the other person may have a vested interest in.
This is something I've only been a bit more conscious of over the past few years -- generally after it being pointed out bluntly but honestly. Coming across as more worldly/sophisticated and having read the right literature or seen the right films isn't necessarily what matters. It's not so much what you say as how you say it i.e. inner game.
That's generally where I've fallen with approaches in particular. Because I've gotten somewhere here, I'd like to be able to shore up my leverage with Europe (she has never been) with that sort of inner game; generating warmth, building a connection instead of approval. Scoring brownie points isn't the way to go and I'm trying to rectify that.
Thank you for putting up with my long-winded post.![[Image: smile.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/smile.gif)
So a couple of days ago I spotted a girl -- solid 8, resembled a young Gwyneth Paltrow -- at my bus stop with a number of travel guides on her lap. I indicated at those to open her and pretty soon the conversation fixated on Paris (I studied there a couple of years ago).
I had to get off pretty soon and hers was a couple of hundred metres away. By then she had written down her email for me so we could exchange further information. Throughout this time, she was pretty receptive, gave good IOIs, and after I alighted gave me a a smile and wave when we locked eyes.
Herein lies my caveat: I've traditionally confused establishing a personal connection with seeking validation with the other party. This tends to come about in showing off how well-versed I may be with a particular topic -- especially in something the other person may have a vested interest in.
This is something I've only been a bit more conscious of over the past few years -- generally after it being pointed out bluntly but honestly. Coming across as more worldly/sophisticated and having read the right literature or seen the right films isn't necessarily what matters. It's not so much what you say as how you say it i.e. inner game.
That's generally where I've fallen with approaches in particular. Because I've gotten somewhere here, I'd like to be able to shore up my leverage with Europe (she has never been) with that sort of inner game; generating warmth, building a connection instead of approval. Scoring brownie points isn't the way to go and I'm trying to rectify that.
Thank you for putting up with my long-winded post.