In 2008 I was working for a record company in Hollywood, and I was living in a pretty lively apartment community full of aspiring actors and actresses. I soon found out that gaming at bars and clubs were a waste in comparison to the community hot tubs. I met and hooked up with plenty of women there, but there was one standout...
This one girl seemed to be trying really hard to win me over. She would take me out to Trader Joe's to buy craft beer, and she would taking me to bars and cover my tabs. She preferred gay bars in West Hollywood for typical, but I didn't think much of it at the time. She claimed to be bi, but I never tested that claim. I was too out of rhythm because I was doing nothing in the pursuit.
Anyways, I move to New York a month later and come down with this terrible fever. I'm always around 104 & 105 for a week straight. My throat isn't sore, but I just feel like complete shit. What I thought was odd was the fact I hadn't been in much contact with anyone surround the move and the period after so the flu seemed kind of like a stretch. Anyways, I am coming down from the illness but get into a doctors appointment anyway. They run some tests and can't come up with anything. They ask about my sex life, and I answer honestly. Then they say the only thing they can think of is an acute HIV infection, but I have to wait two months to take the test. This is due to the three month from exposure period rule when it comes to accurate test results.
You can imagine the next two months of my life were hell. All I wanted was to teleport two months in the future to know for sure, but I couldn't. I had to spend every day of two months figuring out a life plan change in the case I had contracted HIV. The more I thought about this girl (in my state of mind at the time), the more it made sense. She was bi and frequented gay bars in one of the most HIV prone bar districts in the US. Being bi, she had probably hooked up with bi men that had probably hooked up with full-on gay men. After thinking about it long enough, I just accepted my fate (even though I didn't know it yet). I had fully convinced my self I was positive without even having a diagnosis yet.
I went to the clinic thrilled as hell to submit my samples for the test. At that point I was convinced I was positive, so I could only receive great news. I gave my blood and left to return in a week or so. Over that week I continued mental preparation for the worst. I prayed, that no matter the diagnosis, that it would have a positive impact over the rest of my life. I believe that either road handed to me was indeed my destiny.
Finally, it was results day. I strutted into a clinic past a young woman crying to a phone. I was ready to hear which path in life I was headed down. I went back in the exam room and played air drums because I was anxious. Eventually, the physician came in with the news... I was negative. I collected my shit and head straight to the liquor store to buy $250 worth of cheap alcohol to throw a party. I had dodged the bullet, and it was time to celebrate with friends.
Up to my diagnosis, I was so set in thought that I was positive. The liquor store was happening either way. If I was indeed positive, I was buying the same beer and inviting the same people. I was going to party the same way, but it was going to be to celebrate a revelation and a change of direction.
That scare was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember walking in the streets wondering why some brat had it better than me. Why they weren't mentally suffering as I was. However, eventually I started pitying those because they didn't realize how short live was. They may never actually tap into their potential. Now I know the value of my life, and I spend every day improving myself. The only TV I watch is basketball so I may analyze plays in real time to improve my understanding of the game itself. All other free time is spent writing music, mixing records, and building relationships. There is no time in life to not improve yourself.
Remember, raw or not, if you swim with the sharks you will eventually be bit. If you do end up with an incurable, think of ways that it can positively improve your life. Remember, someone on this planet is positively impacted by every negative thing that happens.
This one girl seemed to be trying really hard to win me over. She would take me out to Trader Joe's to buy craft beer, and she would taking me to bars and cover my tabs. She preferred gay bars in West Hollywood for typical, but I didn't think much of it at the time. She claimed to be bi, but I never tested that claim. I was too out of rhythm because I was doing nothing in the pursuit.
Anyways, I move to New York a month later and come down with this terrible fever. I'm always around 104 & 105 for a week straight. My throat isn't sore, but I just feel like complete shit. What I thought was odd was the fact I hadn't been in much contact with anyone surround the move and the period after so the flu seemed kind of like a stretch. Anyways, I am coming down from the illness but get into a doctors appointment anyway. They run some tests and can't come up with anything. They ask about my sex life, and I answer honestly. Then they say the only thing they can think of is an acute HIV infection, but I have to wait two months to take the test. This is due to the three month from exposure period rule when it comes to accurate test results.
You can imagine the next two months of my life were hell. All I wanted was to teleport two months in the future to know for sure, but I couldn't. I had to spend every day of two months figuring out a life plan change in the case I had contracted HIV. The more I thought about this girl (in my state of mind at the time), the more it made sense. She was bi and frequented gay bars in one of the most HIV prone bar districts in the US. Being bi, she had probably hooked up with bi men that had probably hooked up with full-on gay men. After thinking about it long enough, I just accepted my fate (even though I didn't know it yet). I had fully convinced my self I was positive without even having a diagnosis yet.
I went to the clinic thrilled as hell to submit my samples for the test. At that point I was convinced I was positive, so I could only receive great news. I gave my blood and left to return in a week or so. Over that week I continued mental preparation for the worst. I prayed, that no matter the diagnosis, that it would have a positive impact over the rest of my life. I believe that either road handed to me was indeed my destiny.
Finally, it was results day. I strutted into a clinic past a young woman crying to a phone. I was ready to hear which path in life I was headed down. I went back in the exam room and played air drums because I was anxious. Eventually, the physician came in with the news... I was negative. I collected my shit and head straight to the liquor store to buy $250 worth of cheap alcohol to throw a party. I had dodged the bullet, and it was time to celebrate with friends.
Up to my diagnosis, I was so set in thought that I was positive. The liquor store was happening either way. If I was indeed positive, I was buying the same beer and inviting the same people. I was going to party the same way, but it was going to be to celebrate a revelation and a change of direction.
That scare was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I remember walking in the streets wondering why some brat had it better than me. Why they weren't mentally suffering as I was. However, eventually I started pitying those because they didn't realize how short live was. They may never actually tap into their potential. Now I know the value of my life, and I spend every day improving myself. The only TV I watch is basketball so I may analyze plays in real time to improve my understanding of the game itself. All other free time is spent writing music, mixing records, and building relationships. There is no time in life to not improve yourself.
Remember, raw or not, if you swim with the sharks you will eventually be bit. If you do end up with an incurable, think of ways that it can positively improve your life. Remember, someone on this planet is positively impacted by every negative thing that happens.