The most valuable game lesson I have learned is this: create your own world with your own rules and expectations for how everything should work, and how people should behave around you. Live in your world, not a world created by someone else.
Writing your own ticket, so to speak, is incredibly powerful. The question becomes not “who is going to let me?” but instead “who is going to stop me?” You can do anything you want with this mentality, and it causes you to challenge long established beliefs. For me, one of those beliefs was that you have to take a girl on a date in order to have sex with her.
And I came to the realization that...
...Going on a date with a girl is the absolute best way to cockblock yourself. You’re setting up obstacles that you'll have to overcome throughout the date. If you just want to sleep with the girl, why would you meet her in a public place where you can't have sex? That's illogical. Why force upon yourself the eventual awkward do-or-die moment when you try to get her home, or try to weasel your way into her place? It's unnecessary. You are a highly sexual alpha male, and she can succumb to you right now or she can walk away. It’s got nothing to do with how fun the date was, or how many venue changes you performed.
How she feels is the only thing that matters. Familiarity is not a prerequisite for sex. Neither is raw physical attraction. We already know this. These are all foundational elements of Game, yet we ignore these truths by taking girls on dates. Why?
Romance is an old world concept. Young hot girls don’t want romance, they want something engaging, dangerous and sexual. However we also know that girls don't want to feel like sluts. Yet going on a date introduces the concepts of romance and sluttiness into her subconscious; confusing her very simple, emotionally driven brain. These are obstacles that must be overcome if sex is going to occur. It's a sticky situation, but we brought it upon ourselves.
Going on a date with a girl, then inviting her back to your place for what she knows can only be sex, will make her feel like a slut. She will second guess herself every step of the way. She will be wondering if anyone at the bar saw her leave with you, leading to social anxiety and embarrassment. She will wonder if your conversations were all a front, and if you are just using her for sex. She will wonder or even ask outright if you are a player. "Why would he take me out to a nice place if he just wants to have sex?" It creates cognitive dissonance, which throws up red flags in her hind brain and sometimes she walks away from the interaction altogether. See also: "Reaction Formation."
So why do we bother with all of that? Why do we put ourselves into these situations? Reduce your variables.
Skipping the first date and inviting her directly over sets the frame and lets her know your intentions. No guessing games. Going to a man's house for drinks and maybe sex does not make her feel like a slut, because it’s her choice to either go over or not go over. No one will see her, no one else will know what she did, and most importantly, no one will judge her - the single greatest fear of women around the world. That is exhilarating in and of itself for the girl. She is attracted to a man that wants to give her exactly what she craves but is culturally prevented from saying outright or even admitting to herself: casual, private, no strings attached sex. So stop complicating things.
Here is how it goes down:
You number close a girl. Run some flirty, occasionally semi-sexual but surface level comfort building text message game on her over the course of 1-3 weeks. Then, one day around noon you hit her up out of the blue. You invite her over to your place. You do not ask her on a date. In fact, throughout texting and the number close, you've never once said “maybe we can go out sometime.” No, instead you’ve only ever said “maybe we can hang out sometime.” Subtle but important difference. You’re setting and controlling the frame.
I've thought about this long and hard, and tried a dozen different techniques, but I think the magic bullet to get girls over is this: there is no magic bullet. No false pretenses, no setting up plausible deniability, no one liners, no bait and switch, no shadiness, no routines. Just: “do you want to come by for drinks later” That’s it. It's forward, it engages the girl, and it cuts out the bullshit.
Four Common Scenarios:
Best case:
You: “Hey what you up to later, we should chill.”
Her: “Sure. I’m free after 8”
You: “Want to come by my place for a drink at 9, I’ve got some new recipes”
Her: “Okay”
You: “Text me when you’re heading out and I can give you directions”
Her: “Will do”
That’s it. Just be cool. Don’t use question marks; you’re telling her what she wants not asking for permission.The last line about giving directions is important: you are confirming that she understands she is coming over to your place, without being needy and directly asking if she understands.
---
Sometimes, she will say: “Uhmmm, no I don’t want to go over to your place. I’m not some booty call.”
That’s fine, you just let these girls go. Forget about them and delete their numbers.
---
Many times, she will say: “Haha well what if you are a serial killer or something”
That’s a great response to get, because it means she wants to come over but is a little nervous, so all you need to do is remind her that she wants to hang out with you. Agree and amplify, be playful, or if your phone game is strong, call her and chat for a minute. Then you say "ok so I'll plan to see you at 9. Text me when you head out and I'll give you directions"
---
Occasionally, she will say: “I’d feel more comfortable meeting in public”
This is a very tricky response to get, and I have not mastered it yet. I think these are the girls that like to bang on the second date. Sometimes I’m able to run comfort game and get them to come over, or try to drop huge bait about why my place is better than a bar. Sometimes they buy it, sometimes they don’t. If they don’t buy it, you never hear from them again as the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, and the sexual tension is dissipated. I have lost many girls at this stage.
---
Those are the 4 scenarios you will run into. I have tried many many techniques over the past four months, and have had more than 20 girls say “no” to me during this time. But 15 have said yes, and 11 of those 15 had sex with me. That’s a better success rate than when I take girls on regular dates. I'm sure glad I didn't take those other 20 out, because they are the girls that would have flaked pre-date, not banged on first date, not banged even after 3 dates, gone radio silent after the first date, or put me in the friend zone. So I avoided all of that effort and trouble. The four I didn’t bang were early on in my Zero Date Bang quest, and were results of going caveman, or otherwise not understanding the subtleties of what was taking place.
When she shows up at your door:
From here it’s straightforward. Just run first date style game in your own home. She will be nervous, but since you are acting like you’ve done this a thousand times, she will begin to chill out and remind herself why she came. She is running on pure emotion, so work with that.
Give her a tour, and make her a complicated drink. This gives her heart time to stop beating so fast. Then, you sit at your kitchen table, or on your porch, or on your couch, whatever. Chat with her, get her to start talking, or just do most of the talking yourself. Doesn’t matter about what, since it’s just buying time for you both to finish your drink. This is subtly different than normal first dates where you are attempting to get to know each other. Make a second drink, turn up the music, ask her what kind of music she likes (have your itunes open or whatever so she can pick some songs) then go for the kiss. From when she walks in to the first kiss should be somewhere between 45 mins to 2 hours. No need to rush, she's yours for the night.
Back off after the first kiss - don’t go caveman. Pull away from the kiss and say “I’ve got to show you something.” Show her pictures from your trip, your music collection, the drawing your kid brother made for you, whatever. Just buy 10 minutes to build more sexual tension, and avoid activating any residual anti-slut defense that might be lingering in her subconscious. Go for the second kiss. Repeat if necessary, you'll have to feel it out for yourself. But from there it’s game on.
Results:
Afterwords, things are easy. She knows you don’t want a relationship, so she’ll leave you alone. Since you threw down, she will feel sexier than she has ever felt before. To her, these are the kinds of things that only happen in movies and 50 shades of gray books. She has no misgivings or regrets about sleeping with you, and has never had an experience like she has had with you. She is exhilarated, happy, and feels more empowered than any feminist literature could ever make her feel.
She’s in the palm of your hand from here. No need to text her or see her every week or try to save face by maintaining a mini-relationship. Just text the next day, say you had fun, make her feel good about it. Then you can hit her up whenever you want to see her again.
Additional thoughts and observations:
The most surprising thing about Zero Date Bangs, is that when the girl comes over, she is not attached to her iPhone. At all. She might check it once, but by and large it stays in her purse the entire night. I don’t know the reasoning, but it has held true for every girl that has walked through my door.
Girls don't flake on you once they decide to come over. This is because you've engaged them emotionally, something that setting up a drink date in public does not achieve.
Audio recorder: since she is a stranger, you want to cover your bases. Run an audio or voice recorder in your bedroom or use a smartphone app to record all the sound throughout the night. Think of it as insurance in case something goes wrong, as it becomes your word against hers, and we know how that turns out for men.
What do all of these girls have in common? They are emotionally stable and independent. “Fly girls,” as gmanifesto would say. She’s the girl you see at club laughing at other girls for being drunken fools. Party girls have not come through for me, because they need their friends to do anything, or they just like to be seen out on the town with a guy, not actually intending to sleep with him. The girls that come over are all pleasant and easy going. What's funny is that I would consider seriously dating almost all of them because by coming over, they've proven to me that they are not part of the typical status quo herd mentality.
In conclusion:
Look, I know this might not be the right game for everyone. If you are going to sweat it when a girl refuses to come over, and tells you to delete her number because she is honestly offended by you, then it's not a good fit. If you have bad logistics and live with roommates, forget about it. If you're more nervous than she is, you're going to bomb.
However, the greater lesson here is to try something totally new in your game, and to question absolutely everything about why you do what you do. Reduce your variables, write your own rules, and the girls will follow.
In other words...
Shake things up.
Writing your own ticket, so to speak, is incredibly powerful. The question becomes not “who is going to let me?” but instead “who is going to stop me?” You can do anything you want with this mentality, and it causes you to challenge long established beliefs. For me, one of those beliefs was that you have to take a girl on a date in order to have sex with her.
And I came to the realization that...
...Going on a date with a girl is the absolute best way to cockblock yourself. You’re setting up obstacles that you'll have to overcome throughout the date. If you just want to sleep with the girl, why would you meet her in a public place where you can't have sex? That's illogical. Why force upon yourself the eventual awkward do-or-die moment when you try to get her home, or try to weasel your way into her place? It's unnecessary. You are a highly sexual alpha male, and she can succumb to you right now or she can walk away. It’s got nothing to do with how fun the date was, or how many venue changes you performed.
How she feels is the only thing that matters. Familiarity is not a prerequisite for sex. Neither is raw physical attraction. We already know this. These are all foundational elements of Game, yet we ignore these truths by taking girls on dates. Why?
Romance is an old world concept. Young hot girls don’t want romance, they want something engaging, dangerous and sexual. However we also know that girls don't want to feel like sluts. Yet going on a date introduces the concepts of romance and sluttiness into her subconscious; confusing her very simple, emotionally driven brain. These are obstacles that must be overcome if sex is going to occur. It's a sticky situation, but we brought it upon ourselves.
Going on a date with a girl, then inviting her back to your place for what she knows can only be sex, will make her feel like a slut. She will second guess herself every step of the way. She will be wondering if anyone at the bar saw her leave with you, leading to social anxiety and embarrassment. She will wonder if your conversations were all a front, and if you are just using her for sex. She will wonder or even ask outright if you are a player. "Why would he take me out to a nice place if he just wants to have sex?" It creates cognitive dissonance, which throws up red flags in her hind brain and sometimes she walks away from the interaction altogether. See also: "Reaction Formation."
So why do we bother with all of that? Why do we put ourselves into these situations? Reduce your variables.
Skipping the first date and inviting her directly over sets the frame and lets her know your intentions. No guessing games. Going to a man's house for drinks and maybe sex does not make her feel like a slut, because it’s her choice to either go over or not go over. No one will see her, no one else will know what she did, and most importantly, no one will judge her - the single greatest fear of women around the world. That is exhilarating in and of itself for the girl. She is attracted to a man that wants to give her exactly what she craves but is culturally prevented from saying outright or even admitting to herself: casual, private, no strings attached sex. So stop complicating things.
Here is how it goes down:
You number close a girl. Run some flirty, occasionally semi-sexual but surface level comfort building text message game on her over the course of 1-3 weeks. Then, one day around noon you hit her up out of the blue. You invite her over to your place. You do not ask her on a date. In fact, throughout texting and the number close, you've never once said “maybe we can go out sometime.” No, instead you’ve only ever said “maybe we can hang out sometime.” Subtle but important difference. You’re setting and controlling the frame.
I've thought about this long and hard, and tried a dozen different techniques, but I think the magic bullet to get girls over is this: there is no magic bullet. No false pretenses, no setting up plausible deniability, no one liners, no bait and switch, no shadiness, no routines. Just: “do you want to come by for drinks later” That’s it. It's forward, it engages the girl, and it cuts out the bullshit.
Four Common Scenarios:
Best case:
You: “Hey what you up to later, we should chill.”
Her: “Sure. I’m free after 8”
You: “Want to come by my place for a drink at 9, I’ve got some new recipes”
Her: “Okay”
You: “Text me when you’re heading out and I can give you directions”
Her: “Will do”
That’s it. Just be cool. Don’t use question marks; you’re telling her what she wants not asking for permission.The last line about giving directions is important: you are confirming that she understands she is coming over to your place, without being needy and directly asking if she understands.
---
Sometimes, she will say: “Uhmmm, no I don’t want to go over to your place. I’m not some booty call.”
That’s fine, you just let these girls go. Forget about them and delete their numbers.
---
Many times, she will say: “Haha well what if you are a serial killer or something”
That’s a great response to get, because it means she wants to come over but is a little nervous, so all you need to do is remind her that she wants to hang out with you. Agree and amplify, be playful, or if your phone game is strong, call her and chat for a minute. Then you say "ok so I'll plan to see you at 9. Text me when you head out and I'll give you directions"
---
Occasionally, she will say: “I’d feel more comfortable meeting in public”
This is a very tricky response to get, and I have not mastered it yet. I think these are the girls that like to bang on the second date. Sometimes I’m able to run comfort game and get them to come over, or try to drop huge bait about why my place is better than a bar. Sometimes they buy it, sometimes they don’t. If they don’t buy it, you never hear from them again as the cat is out of the bag, so to speak, and the sexual tension is dissipated. I have lost many girls at this stage.
---
Those are the 4 scenarios you will run into. I have tried many many techniques over the past four months, and have had more than 20 girls say “no” to me during this time. But 15 have said yes, and 11 of those 15 had sex with me. That’s a better success rate than when I take girls on regular dates. I'm sure glad I didn't take those other 20 out, because they are the girls that would have flaked pre-date, not banged on first date, not banged even after 3 dates, gone radio silent after the first date, or put me in the friend zone. So I avoided all of that effort and trouble. The four I didn’t bang were early on in my Zero Date Bang quest, and were results of going caveman, or otherwise not understanding the subtleties of what was taking place.
When she shows up at your door:
From here it’s straightforward. Just run first date style game in your own home. She will be nervous, but since you are acting like you’ve done this a thousand times, she will begin to chill out and remind herself why she came. She is running on pure emotion, so work with that.
Give her a tour, and make her a complicated drink. This gives her heart time to stop beating so fast. Then, you sit at your kitchen table, or on your porch, or on your couch, whatever. Chat with her, get her to start talking, or just do most of the talking yourself. Doesn’t matter about what, since it’s just buying time for you both to finish your drink. This is subtly different than normal first dates where you are attempting to get to know each other. Make a second drink, turn up the music, ask her what kind of music she likes (have your itunes open or whatever so she can pick some songs) then go for the kiss. From when she walks in to the first kiss should be somewhere between 45 mins to 2 hours. No need to rush, she's yours for the night.
Back off after the first kiss - don’t go caveman. Pull away from the kiss and say “I’ve got to show you something.” Show her pictures from your trip, your music collection, the drawing your kid brother made for you, whatever. Just buy 10 minutes to build more sexual tension, and avoid activating any residual anti-slut defense that might be lingering in her subconscious. Go for the second kiss. Repeat if necessary, you'll have to feel it out for yourself. But from there it’s game on.
Results:
Afterwords, things are easy. She knows you don’t want a relationship, so she’ll leave you alone. Since you threw down, she will feel sexier than she has ever felt before. To her, these are the kinds of things that only happen in movies and 50 shades of gray books. She has no misgivings or regrets about sleeping with you, and has never had an experience like she has had with you. She is exhilarated, happy, and feels more empowered than any feminist literature could ever make her feel.
She’s in the palm of your hand from here. No need to text her or see her every week or try to save face by maintaining a mini-relationship. Just text the next day, say you had fun, make her feel good about it. Then you can hit her up whenever you want to see her again.
Additional thoughts and observations:
The most surprising thing about Zero Date Bangs, is that when the girl comes over, she is not attached to her iPhone. At all. She might check it once, but by and large it stays in her purse the entire night. I don’t know the reasoning, but it has held true for every girl that has walked through my door.
Girls don't flake on you once they decide to come over. This is because you've engaged them emotionally, something that setting up a drink date in public does not achieve.
Audio recorder: since she is a stranger, you want to cover your bases. Run an audio or voice recorder in your bedroom or use a smartphone app to record all the sound throughout the night. Think of it as insurance in case something goes wrong, as it becomes your word against hers, and we know how that turns out for men.
What do all of these girls have in common? They are emotionally stable and independent. “Fly girls,” as gmanifesto would say. She’s the girl you see at club laughing at other girls for being drunken fools. Party girls have not come through for me, because they need their friends to do anything, or they just like to be seen out on the town with a guy, not actually intending to sleep with him. The girls that come over are all pleasant and easy going. What's funny is that I would consider seriously dating almost all of them because by coming over, they've proven to me that they are not part of the typical status quo herd mentality.
In conclusion:
Look, I know this might not be the right game for everyone. If you are going to sweat it when a girl refuses to come over, and tells you to delete her number because she is honestly offended by you, then it's not a good fit. If you have bad logistics and live with roommates, forget about it. If you're more nervous than she is, you're going to bomb.
However, the greater lesson here is to try something totally new in your game, and to question absolutely everything about why you do what you do. Reduce your variables, write your own rules, and the girls will follow.
In other words...
Shake things up.