Quote: (09-02-2013 07:31 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:
Quote: (08-21-2013 05:40 PM)Onto Wrote:
This is how I handle dating and kids.
First, it's not of her business if you have kids or not. That's very personal and she doesn't deserve to know anything that personal about you yet.
Wait until about 2 weeks before the wedding to introduce them.
And if the situation were reversed, would you appreciate something that significant being withheld from you for that amount of time? If you're maintaining any sort of regular contact with your child/children, good luck covering your tracks and not having a guilty conscience doing so.
Personally, I'm very upfront about my situation (2 year old daughter who lives with her mother), and prefer to get it out of the way before the bang...even for a ONS. I don't put it up on online profiles, but usually on the first date, or back at my place, I'll divulge. I feel there's something cathartic in revealing personal things of this nature, particularly when it's such a big part of my life.
I'm not telling them because I want them involved, I'm telling them in the interests of full disclosure, so if the time eventually came where I was comfortable with an introduction (an LTR situation), the news doesn't come as a ridiculous shock.
I've never had an adverse reaction after doing so.
If I dated a woman for a while and she revealed later on that she had kids, I wouldn't be upset. I may even respect her for it.
Whether it's full disclosure right away or later when you've decided she's important, I think you have to handle the situation in the way that makes you feel most comfortable.
One of the reasons I never mention it in the beginning is because the conversation will then focus around my child, their mother and that whole relationship, instead of the focus being on getting to know each other. She will see me as the "Single Dad" and then view me as that through her preconceived ideas and judgments.
In my opinion, kids and their opinions shouldn't haven't any importance in my relationships. Those kids aren't going to be around for very long anyways. After they hit 13-14 they pretty much don't want anything to do with their parents, whereas my potential wife will hopefully be their forever.
As far as lying goes, my feelings on that are people in this world often ask inappropriate questions they have no right knowing anything about so I have no qualms in not giving them a truthful answer. Later on, if I feel it's ok for them to know I'll tell them. If they question why I "lied", I tell them I wasn't ready to share such personal information with them. They often respect you for it.
When people in business bring up the subject of kids, I lie to them also because unconsciously everyone has a preconceived notion of why I'm not married to the mother. We just never know what kind of family life our co-worker, client, or boss came from and what impressions they brought with them into adulthood.