Hey guys, I thought I'd share a bit of my current situation and maybe someone who has been through the same can help me.
The problem is, I don't feel any emotions.
I'm depressed quite often and very apathetic.
I tried changing all the stuff in my life that I can change but it doesn't make me feel better. The things that make me feel down are the few things I cannot change, however much I want to.
Life feels meaningless. I feel tired, sort of thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. Life is trivial, nothing seems to give me pleasure anymore.
Ever since I was a kid I never felt any great attachment to anything. I remember when my grandpa died when I was 7 and I didn’t feel sad or guilty or any other emotions that people would experience. I knew how other people felt and tried to emulate it but I never truly experienced those by myself. Everybody was crying during the funeral and I just stood there not knowing what to do. During football I never got passionate about the game, I just went through the motions, when my team won big games I didn’t truly feel happy, when we lost heartbreakers I just felt well nothing. Same with golf, playing well and winning tournaments didn't make me happy either. I don’t feel happy when I’m around friends or bang hot girls. I don’t feel amazed by the amazing environment around me. I only see what everyone around me feels and say “well in that situation I should feel this so I pretended to feel that”. I feel like I am watching my life. It’s right there. And I keep scratching at it, trying to get into it and I just can’t.
The whole human experience is about feeling emotions and learning them and mastering them. Right now I’m feeling like I don’t belong here, like my life is pointless if I don’t feel anything.
From an objective point of view, I've got everything in life going for me.
I excel academically, have many friends, I'm good with people and girls, I am good looking and by having a good education I am better off than probably 70% of the rest of the world. But I just can't seem to value these things, it's difficult to value things you didn't have to do without at some point in your life.
I watch all these other people. Classmates, friends, strangers. How they are happy about all those little things. How they take pictures of their food and post it on Instagram to get some likes.
How they post stupid self pics on Facebook, gossiping about other people, talking about the newest clothes they bought. All that stuff doesn't interest me.
There's a quote from Dexter which pretty much sums up how I feel and it goes like this:"People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well, that's my burden, I guess"
The problem is, I don't feel any emotions.
I'm depressed quite often and very apathetic.
I tried changing all the stuff in my life that I can change but it doesn't make me feel better. The things that make me feel down are the few things I cannot change, however much I want to.
Life feels meaningless. I feel tired, sort of thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. Life is trivial, nothing seems to give me pleasure anymore.
Ever since I was a kid I never felt any great attachment to anything. I remember when my grandpa died when I was 7 and I didn’t feel sad or guilty or any other emotions that people would experience. I knew how other people felt and tried to emulate it but I never truly experienced those by myself. Everybody was crying during the funeral and I just stood there not knowing what to do. During football I never got passionate about the game, I just went through the motions, when my team won big games I didn’t truly feel happy, when we lost heartbreakers I just felt well nothing. Same with golf, playing well and winning tournaments didn't make me happy either. I don’t feel happy when I’m around friends or bang hot girls. I don’t feel amazed by the amazing environment around me. I only see what everyone around me feels and say “well in that situation I should feel this so I pretended to feel that”. I feel like I am watching my life. It’s right there. And I keep scratching at it, trying to get into it and I just can’t.
The whole human experience is about feeling emotions and learning them and mastering them. Right now I’m feeling like I don’t belong here, like my life is pointless if I don’t feel anything.
From an objective point of view, I've got everything in life going for me.
I excel academically, have many friends, I'm good with people and girls, I am good looking and by having a good education I am better off than probably 70% of the rest of the world. But I just can't seem to value these things, it's difficult to value things you didn't have to do without at some point in your life.
I watch all these other people. Classmates, friends, strangers. How they are happy about all those little things. How they take pictures of their food and post it on Instagram to get some likes.
How they post stupid self pics on Facebook, gossiping about other people, talking about the newest clothes they bought. All that stuff doesn't interest me.
There's a quote from Dexter which pretty much sums up how I feel and it goes like this:"People fake a lot of human interactions, but I feel like I fake them all, and I fake them very well, that's my burden, I guess"
“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
-Socrates