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Nicaragua: A Country for Old Men
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Nicaragua: A Country for Old Men

Hola mi amigos, so today I’d like to talk about Nicaragua which is definitely a country for old men. However, this info can easily be used by you younger cats too.

Let me start out by saying that the last thing I’m interested in doing here is aiding in the destruction of a country I love by promoting the mongering of 14 year old girls by 60 year old douche bags. So if you are looking for that kinda’ shit I suggest you look elsewhere. The Nica’s are onto that shit. They are a poor people but they are not dumb and they refuse to allow Nicaragua to become another Costa Rica (Nicas and Ticos hate each other).

But, if you are in your 40’s or 50’s and are semi-buff, have a little bit of cash and can run fairly tight over the hill game then you can score hot college educated chicks in their mid to late twenties in Nicaragua no problem (hint: during lunch time run cold approach day game on the female employees of banks and cell phone companies). One thing that makes having a Nica girlfriend twenty years younger than you so cool is that in Nicaragua no one will hardly bat an eye. This is especially true if you keep it on the down low by avoiding public displays of affection.

Many older traveling men are operating out of a paradigm of frugality and for this I especially recommend Nicaragua. For example, I have seen beautiful four-star level apartments in Leon going for as little as $300 a month. However, when you get off The Gringo Trail which includes Leon, Granada, and San Juan del Sur, things get much cheaper. For example, two years ago in a pueblo near Jinotepe I rented a three bedroom house (very “rustic”) for almost nothing. The cost? $1080 for a year! One lump sum, no ID, no paper work, just bam and done. True, I had a local connect but I created that connect outta’ thin air. You can do the same.

As an older dude myself (45) without much cash or Spanish language ability (but I do have a fairly decent look and vibe that has me coming across as thirty-something), I rely heavily on google translator to pipeline Nicaraguan girls on Latin American Cupid (LAC) beginning two months before my arrival in Managua. This is how it goes…

Building Your Latin American Cupid Vibe and Profile:

The first thing you need to get started on LAC is a brand new email account. Only use this account for managing your LAC connections and nothing else. Then you will need three professional quality photographs that fully reveal your vibe but NOT your identity. This is very important. Do not skimp on the quality of the photos. I’m talkin’ GQ quality. Use sunglasses, shadow, and artistic blurring techniques to conceal your identity. Make the photos mysterious and semi-artsy but not creepy or too beta. In addition, the photos should make you look no more than three years younger than you really are because you don’t want to shock a girl with your appearance on the first meet and greet. Keep it real. You want one shot of you in a suit and tie in a five-star environment, one shot of you at your “fake” job (more about this below) and one of you doing something dangerous or exciting like rock climbing, surfing, snowboarding, or flying a plane. Getting the right photos for LAC can be tricky and time consuming because if the shot is too far away the site will reject it, but if it’s too close someone who knows you could ID you. Balance is key here. Don’t forget to compress the files or the photos won’t post. Have the photographer and two or three chicks help you pick the photos to use (do not pick them yourself). Once you have these professional photographs you can use them on all of your internet profiles. Update them every two or three years as you age.

“Familiarity breeds contempt, but privacy gains admiration.”

Building an LAC Character:

If you are anything like the average modern “man”, a boring nobody with below average game, then you must start acting like a fun and important guy. The first thing an actor does when preparing for a role is to build a character.

So, in building your LAC character you want to lie as much as possible but make sure you base all of your lies in truth so you can keep track of them. For example, if you are a teacher (boring), state that you are a superintendent of schools or that you work for a company that develops literacy software for inner city schools and private universities, etc. If your real job is boring then you must invent a new exciting fake job. Again, don’t knock more than three years off of your age unless you really look the age you state. So state an age you can actually pull off in the full light of day. Be descriptive but do not over-share and reveal too much. Keep the intrigue level high. I suggest documenting the details of this character in a notebook and memorizing these details (age, profession, back story, purpose for being in Nicaragua, etc.).

*SIDE NOTE: You can also build a Christian character for Christian Mingle and eHarmony, a swinging/casual sex character for okcupid, a platonic friendship/activity partner character on craigslist, a cowboy character for the cowboy/cowgirl sites, etc. By building different characters (don’t forget the costume, props, and corresponding photographs!) you can attract and bang very different kinds of women. For example, I’m a liberal who’s diggin’ on the house nigger Obama but if a conservative chick finds this out she is less likely to bang me so what I like do is bust out my conservative character if I’m in the mood to grudge fuck a republican. You get the idea. Moving on…

… So, for LAC I like having two characters. One is a catholic conservative looking for marriage and kids and the other one a bit more liberal, an agnostic looking for friends and/or romance who is “not sure” about wanting kids (if you can only afford one character then build a conservative one). However, the site is very good at catching people doing this so here is how you game their system. To have two characters you must follow the above process by having two separate email accounts, one for each LAC account. Obviously, you will need to use a different set of photos too, but even more important is that you must launch and manage your two different LAC accounts from two different computers. You must also pay for the two accounts using two separate pre-paid credit cards (do not use the same card or a card with your real name on it). This is a good way to internet game all different types of Nicas, rich, poor, doctors, party girls, girls with kids and girls without kids, girls who want marriage and girls who don’t, girls who believe in God and girls who don’t, etc. If the girl doesn’t go for character #1 then maybe she’ll fall for character #2. Having two strikes is better than having one. You know how fickle chicks are, all you gotta’ do is say, “I don’t like cats” or some other dumb shit like that and you’re fried, done, no sexo por usted. This method gives you a second chance at bat (should you need it).

Okay, so here is an example of something my conservative character might write on LAC regardless of how long I intend to stay in Nicaragua (mixed in are some Spanish examples of Nicaraguan lingo and slang):

About Me: Hola, que pase buen dia! Mi nombre es John. Mucho gusto. In two months the company I work for is sending me to Nicaragua for two years. I am in the business of computers and electronic gaming. My Spanish is not very good so I am looking for new friends to help me practice. I also need help finding an apartment! Jaja. On the weekends I like going dancing, to the beach, and to church. My favorite food is pizza. My favorite music is Carlos Mejia Godoy. My favorite poet is Ruben Dario. Vive Nicaraguenses! Jaja. Serioso, es verdad! [Image: smile.gif]

What I’m Looking For: I work a lot so I am looking mostly for friends right now. People who can show me all the best restaurants and clubs in Managua and teach me about Nicaraguan history and culture. I would also like to find a girlfriend because I will be in Nicaragua for two years. What I like in a girlfriend is someone who is fun and likes to dance and travel, believes in God and family, and who is honest and loyal and does not cheat. Ahi nos vemos y gracias por su tiempo. Que Dios bendiga!

Of course, if you your Spanish is not very good use google translator to translate whatever it is you decide to write into Spanish. I have found the key to using google translator effectively (and fast when instant messaging) is to open up four windows of it. Two that translate from English to Spanish (I’ll call these two windows E-S #1 and E-S#2) and two that translate back from Spanish into English (I’ll call these two windows S-E #1 and S-E #2). First, write what you want to say in English in the E-S #1 window and translate it into Spanish. Keep it simple and clear using short sentences punctuated correctly using basic descriptive vocabulary. Don’t get fancy or you will get lost in translation. Now, copy the Spanish translation and paste it into the S-E #1 window and translate it back into English. Does it still say what you wanted to say as you intended? No, it does not, so now you must edit the Spanish version correcting one mistake at a time. Use your other two unused open windows to search for the vocabulary and sentence structure necessary to correct your Spanish writing. Now check your second Spanish draft again? Still not quite right? No, it is not. Third time is usually the charm with this technique. I have also found this to be a great interactive, less painful way to study Spanish.

Once you are up and running on LAC I suggest copying the profiles of all the girls you are interested in and pasting them into a word document. I do this to help me remember specific details about a chick without having to revisit her profile. Every time you visit a girls profile on LAC she can see that you have and if you do it too much it comes across as blue pill, needy, and/or stalkerish. Every time the girl reveals new information about herself via email or instant message add it to a notes section in her profile folder. She will be amazed at how much you remember about her and this will make her feel special as if she is the only girl you are communicating with.

One cool thing about many of the Nica girls in their twenties (especially Managua girls) on LAC is that they seem to not mind dating older dudes. Some in fact seem to prefer older men. This is probably due to the fact that older men can provide stability (money) in a country that is very poor and where opportunities for women are still pretty limited. So keep your confidence high, don’t look in the mirror too much, embody youthful energy and vibe and run tight over the hill game and you will slay it.

Oh yeah, and avoid facebook and Skypeing with these chicks like the plague. If you’re really feeling it with a chick then Whatsapp with her on a disposable Track Phone from Wal Mart using a prepaid international calling card . Under no circumstances should you ever give anyone in Nicaragua a way to find you unless you want them to. Like a true alpha you and you alone control the interaction. Period.

When in Rome…

When in Nicaragua do yourself a favor and dress as the Nicaraguans do. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Nicaraguans are poor but they pride themselves on being clean and tidy. Nica chicks are always commenting on my fly Nica-inspired style by saying “You don’t dress like an American.” This means no shorts, long hair, beards, unshaven faces, t-shirts, Hawaiian shirts, flip flops or those God awful Teva sandals that all the chele-euro-trash in Leon, Granada and San Juan del Sur wear with impunity. Separate yourself from the pack. In your costume and prop trunk for Nicaragua you need a traditional old school New York Yankees ball cap, a pair of black or navy blue low-top Chuck Taylor Converse, a pair of brand new Wrangler denim jeans, a plaid Chaps cowboy shirt, cowboy boots and hat and a nice leather belt (get them cheap in Esteli), one of those new/old school bowler hats like Bruno Mars wears, a bad-ass Rolex looking watch, an iPhone or Blackberry, a stylish wooden rosary to hang around your neck, and two pairs of real deal Ray Bans (Wayfarers and Aviators). Of course a suit for Managua day game could never hurt. Be prepared for shweaty balls. For the rest of your wardrobe you can’t go wrong with Diesel and Hollister and Polo and Calvin Klein and Gucci and all the rest of that crap. If you wanna’ take it over the top buy a Nicaraguan national baseball team jersey at the Oriental Market in Managua and sport that with your Yankees hat and Converse at a baseball game and people will shower you with love.

Also, do us all a favor and learn something about Nicaragua before you go. I highly recommend that you read Blood of Brothers by Stephen Kinzer (if you can only read one book slog through this thick bitch), The Country Under My Skin by Gioconda Belli, The Jaguar Smile by Salmon Rushdie, and Poemas de Ruben Dario. Listen to the music of Carlos and Luis Enrique Mejia Godoy as well and you’ll be well on your way to a deeper understanding of Nicaraguan women and culture. This will result in more bangs for your buck. Nicaraguans are a proud people and they will sing your praises if you champion their cause via a thorough understanding of their history, customs, and norms.

“To know your future you must know your past.”

Another tip: before arriving in Nicaragua have professional quality business cards printed in both English and Spanish with the contact details of your fake life (believe it or not one of the things you need ID for in Nicaragua is printing business cards). I also like to have my Talent Scout/Modeling Agent business cards in Spanish on me at all times. Especially at live music events when I’m rolling dolo. I always approach the musicians and their friends at these gigs and give them my talent agent card and start talking music shop. This gives me a reason and a purpose for being “older” and rolling out dolo. These cards work incredibly well with nineteen year-olds and chicks in their early twenties in Nicaragua. I always get a phone number when approaching from this angle.

In addition, if you can afford it purchase three cell phones upon arrival in Nicaragua at either Movistar or Claro. One smart phone for the 8’s and 9’s (good luck finding a 10 in Nicaragua). One cheap one ($20) for the 6’s and 7’s and p4p (if that’s your thing). And another cheap one for non-gaming relationships like business, friends, taxis, hotels, etc. Remember, don’t mix business with pleasure (or reality with fantasy). Keep em’ separated.

Well, I suppose the pink elephant in the room to address is the general level of attractiveness of Nica women. Many people on the forum here are down on Nica women, and rightfully so if you compare them to Colombian or Brazilian chicas. However, there are some stunners, but unlike say Medellin for example they are actually attainable without having to take out a second mortgage on your home. My best summation of Nica chicas: plenty of fairly easy 7’s without breaking the bank. Google photos of Bianca Jagger when she was in her 1970’s prime. 100% Nica.

Last Words: A Bunch of Random yet Important Info.

Price of teeth cleaning in Nicaragua: 15 bucks (my dentist in the states charges $200). Root canal with fiberglass post and a crown in Nicaragua: 300 bucks ($1700+ in the states). Teeth whitening in Nicaragua: 50 bucks (same bleaching procedure in the states is $350; don’t use that laser Zoom shit it destroys your enamel and doesn’t last as long as bleaching).

$10 doctor visits. Comprehensive blood and stool analysis with STD, cancer and diabetes screening - $60 (this cost upwards of $800 in the states). Get her done.

Beware of the lip herp! Don’t let girls with small bumps or scars around their mouth kiss you or suck your dick. Always use a condom. Do not eat pussy.

Do not use the word “Nica” when conversing with Nicaraguans.

Never, ever, under any circumstances allow a Nicaraguan woman to take your photograph unless you are wearing your Yankees cap and aviator sunglasses.

Beware of Managuan taxi’s. Do not pay more than $10 to go to or from the airport (try $8). Only ride in taxis with red striped license plates. The license plate numbers should match the numbers on the doors. Act like you are taking a picture of the license plate when negotiating for a SOLO fare. Do not allow the driver to pick up anyone else. Sit in the back seat behind him and talk to him using the mirror. Try and get an older driver. Its cool and safe just be cautious in Managua, especially at night. The rest of the country is pretty chill. Relax. Act like you belong without being arrogant. Your mantra: “I am enough and I am welcome everywhere.”

Bang on,

Da’ Purps
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