In the same boat teedub
Went to school for a year, dropped out and grew in Nor Cal USA and after getting involved with shady motherfuckers came home more of a man then my classmates, Albeit a manic depressive suicidal man, and now I'm back at school in Alaska pursuing a degree in computer science, working out every weekday, and getting freelance work.
It's tough, like life should be, but I feel like my dad should have been there, like my grandfather should have kicked my ass into productivity, but they didnt, and now were here. I'm still fucked in the head and I overindulge for too often when I drink. The constant demons, the fucking drone everyone morning where I wake up and realize that today I could die, and that I haven't been the hero of my life. What sort of bullshit is that? I can't respect myself? I let myself get out control spinning into fights, angrily cursing the gods, trying to reach enlightenment by popping nootropics and whiskey. I can't fucking stand the weakness. God damn, Im positively shaking with rage when my testorene and manic stage kick in, I just want to murder weak men who remind me of my failures.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my mentally fucked version of a quarter life crisis, but after reading Enjoy the Decline and The Way of Men I know I want to graduate in computer science and chemistry, then go to school in San Diego for biochemistry and then move to one of the 4 tigers (I'm thinking more seoul or hong kong)
I have a 7 life plan described here:
http://www.highexistence.com/7life-syste...your-life/
I am using zen to done (simplified David Allen GTD) and pomadairo to actually get shit done
Im checking in with my gang weekly
And I have a think and grow rich 'cash desire' pledge to be completed by September.
I bang rarely, the nature of Alaska - everyone has already hooked up for the winter, and I'm staying at home till I get my finances in order. But I still do.
I expect that I'll wake up someday soon and burst forth from the child I have been and into the world as some furious gorilla, leaving value and used women by the wayside. But that won't happen unless I get my shit in order. I did take a moment to read polymath's response and:
"Stay aware that your actions now will echo throughout later parts of your life. Your actions -- not your feelings, actions. As long as your actions are carrying you in a direction that you desire, whether in fitness or in your career, with a woman or with your lifestyle, they are good. When you feel detached from the universe, capitalize on your freedom from other people by focusing all of your awareness and energy toward good actions."
Is freaking brilliant. I have been studying stoicism, toaism and lurking on a few alpha forums (JRE, Roosh, ect ect) and this rings very true.
As that was read a couple of things clicked into place
My fathers advice
A random youtuber
And one of captain capitalisms most recent posts.
My father said:
"if you do something for 8 hours a day, totally, with no distractions, you cannot fail to reach your goal."
I realized I spend 8 hrs a day wasting time, and I get the goal of a wasted life. I used to play video games, but know I spend that time smoking ecigs and talking with all the people I know on campus. I waste my life and I wonder why I feel wasted.
Frank Yang - facebook.com/biggerstrongerwierder
Body Builder, Musician, philosopher, photographer. This guy is wacky, alpha, and does whatever the fuck he wants. Sure a ton of it is immature and unrefined, but if this dude can do whatever the fuck he wants, what am I doing wasting time with excuses.
And finally the Cap post:
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/20...month.html
I don't think I could live spartan, and that upsets me. I would die in any other time, that's how weak I am. That's crap. That's a whole lot of crap. So I'm going to do everything in my power to live on 24 hrs a day and become the best possible man I'm capable of being.
I'm in Alaska might as well use the hardest environment in the states to forge a man who could out drink Churchill, out think tesla, out fight Hemingway, and be more aesthetic than Pitt.
Actions. Not feelings.
Now that I've resolved to stop this bitch ass mentality, is there anything you blokes want to advise me on, things that you wish your 19 year old self know?
And best of luck teedub, fuck shit up bro.
Went to school for a year, dropped out and grew in Nor Cal USA and after getting involved with shady motherfuckers came home more of a man then my classmates, Albeit a manic depressive suicidal man, and now I'm back at school in Alaska pursuing a degree in computer science, working out every weekday, and getting freelance work.
It's tough, like life should be, but I feel like my dad should have been there, like my grandfather should have kicked my ass into productivity, but they didnt, and now were here. I'm still fucked in the head and I overindulge for too often when I drink. The constant demons, the fucking drone everyone morning where I wake up and realize that today I could die, and that I haven't been the hero of my life. What sort of bullshit is that? I can't respect myself? I let myself get out control spinning into fights, angrily cursing the gods, trying to reach enlightenment by popping nootropics and whiskey. I can't fucking stand the weakness. God damn, Im positively shaking with rage when my testorene and manic stage kick in, I just want to murder weak men who remind me of my failures.
I don't know what I'm going to do with my mentally fucked version of a quarter life crisis, but after reading Enjoy the Decline and The Way of Men I know I want to graduate in computer science and chemistry, then go to school in San Diego for biochemistry and then move to one of the 4 tigers (I'm thinking more seoul or hong kong)
I have a 7 life plan described here:
http://www.highexistence.com/7life-syste...your-life/
I am using zen to done (simplified David Allen GTD) and pomadairo to actually get shit done
Im checking in with my gang weekly
And I have a think and grow rich 'cash desire' pledge to be completed by September.
I bang rarely, the nature of Alaska - everyone has already hooked up for the winter, and I'm staying at home till I get my finances in order. But I still do.
I expect that I'll wake up someday soon and burst forth from the child I have been and into the world as some furious gorilla, leaving value and used women by the wayside. But that won't happen unless I get my shit in order. I did take a moment to read polymath's response and:
"Stay aware that your actions now will echo throughout later parts of your life. Your actions -- not your feelings, actions. As long as your actions are carrying you in a direction that you desire, whether in fitness or in your career, with a woman or with your lifestyle, they are good. When you feel detached from the universe, capitalize on your freedom from other people by focusing all of your awareness and energy toward good actions."
Is freaking brilliant. I have been studying stoicism, toaism and lurking on a few alpha forums (JRE, Roosh, ect ect) and this rings very true.
As that was read a couple of things clicked into place
My fathers advice
A random youtuber
And one of captain capitalisms most recent posts.
My father said:
"if you do something for 8 hours a day, totally, with no distractions, you cannot fail to reach your goal."
I realized I spend 8 hrs a day wasting time, and I get the goal of a wasted life. I used to play video games, but know I spend that time smoking ecigs and talking with all the people I know on campus. I waste my life and I wonder why I feel wasted.
Frank Yang - facebook.com/biggerstrongerwierder
Body Builder, Musician, philosopher, photographer. This guy is wacky, alpha, and does whatever the fuck he wants. Sure a ton of it is immature and unrefined, but if this dude can do whatever the fuck he wants, what am I doing wasting time with excuses.
And finally the Cap post:
http://captaincapitalism.blogspot.com/20...month.html
I don't think I could live spartan, and that upsets me. I would die in any other time, that's how weak I am. That's crap. That's a whole lot of crap. So I'm going to do everything in my power to live on 24 hrs a day and become the best possible man I'm capable of being.
I'm in Alaska might as well use the hardest environment in the states to forge a man who could out drink Churchill, out think tesla, out fight Hemingway, and be more aesthetic than Pitt.
Actions. Not feelings.
Now that I've resolved to stop this bitch ass mentality, is there anything you blokes want to advise me on, things that you wish your 19 year old self know?
And best of luck teedub, fuck shit up bro.