What are some good ways to make friends/build a social circle if you dont have them??
02-01-2015, 08:49 PM
You have no shortage of cool interests. Definitely keep meeting people at the beach. I'm into things like skiing and windsurfing as well, but those are definitely not the same low barrier of entry as something like swimming or basketball. Longboarding sounds incredibly specific as well.
What monster said about these kind of activities not really producing real friendships beyond acquaintances, most of the time, is sadly true. It's this shallow, surface-level kind of thing that doesn't really have the potential to go further. But the good thing is that you can tell. We know when we get along with someone well, when there's that mutuality.
Like in soccer, quite a few times guys have asked me how I pull off crosses accurately. And I'm interested when someone is really good at connecting with crosses and making the volley. That kind of mutual appreciation is what culls acquaintances from something actually meaningful.
Ok, this is doing things in the wrong order. You don't want to just stag these kinds of events. But they are exactly the kind of low-cost, potentially interesting thing that you can do with people you don't know overly well.
Keep doing your thing, meet regulars at whatever it is - surfing, basketball, longboarding, whatever. So you build at least a casual familiarity. Can't count the number of times someone flailed around on the field out of nowhere, and disappeared. Then just mention "Me and this other guy I know through x thing are planning on going. It's dirt cheap, I figure it could be fun. Want to check it out with us?" Introduce them if you think they'd get along well.
I'm incredibly meticulous when it comes to stuff like this. I scope out places ahead of time and try and find the "highlights" of the area so I can suggest things to do afterward. You can use the event at its expense. Openly mock the bands and the other attendees at how gay they are, then move to another event or show. A joint with good food. A bar. Someone's hosting a poker night, head on over. Hell, I've even made chilling at my place and blowing a $10 buy-in or two at online poker playing ridiculous over-the-top aggressive work, then leading into our own impromptu home game.
There's no reason to wait till you've known them for months. You see them three, four times, then just suggest something. If they can't make it or you can tell that they don't want to, then ok, next. It's normal, both for you to toss something out there, and for them to say no, and you to shrug and move on.
One thing I realized in observing myself, is that I have very specific interactions with a few people in the "casual friend" category. One guy I only 'hang out with' when we're grinding through another assignment in the lab. Another girl I only hang out with when we run into each other at the dining hall or student union and eat together.
Getting to know them would be awkward, honestly. My suggesting something else would draw attention to the fact that I'm consciously trying to break the pattern. When you're very light and casually suggesting stuff at the beginning, people are much more curious and will go with the flow.
So don't let things ossify. Yeah you have to build rapport, but don't overdo it.
What monster said about these kind of activities not really producing real friendships beyond acquaintances, most of the time, is sadly true. It's this shallow, surface-level kind of thing that doesn't really have the potential to go further. But the good thing is that you can tell. We know when we get along with someone well, when there's that mutuality.
Like in soccer, quite a few times guys have asked me how I pull off crosses accurately. And I'm interested when someone is really good at connecting with crosses and making the volley. That kind of mutual appreciation is what culls acquaintances from something actually meaningful.
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Going to mini concerts with indie bands my facebook friends are going to. I think Ive tried being social there but everyone seems to be going along with friends and I still feel alone by myself.
Ok, this is doing things in the wrong order. You don't want to just stag these kinds of events. But they are exactly the kind of low-cost, potentially interesting thing that you can do with people you don't know overly well.
Keep doing your thing, meet regulars at whatever it is - surfing, basketball, longboarding, whatever. So you build at least a casual familiarity. Can't count the number of times someone flailed around on the field out of nowhere, and disappeared. Then just mention "Me and this other guy I know through x thing are planning on going. It's dirt cheap, I figure it could be fun. Want to check it out with us?" Introduce them if you think they'd get along well.
I'm incredibly meticulous when it comes to stuff like this. I scope out places ahead of time and try and find the "highlights" of the area so I can suggest things to do afterward. You can use the event at its expense. Openly mock the bands and the other attendees at how gay they are, then move to another event or show. A joint with good food. A bar. Someone's hosting a poker night, head on over. Hell, I've even made chilling at my place and blowing a $10 buy-in or two at online poker playing ridiculous over-the-top aggressive work, then leading into our own impromptu home game.
There's no reason to wait till you've known them for months. You see them three, four times, then just suggest something. If they can't make it or you can tell that they don't want to, then ok, next. It's normal, both for you to toss something out there, and for them to say no, and you to shrug and move on.
One thing I realized in observing myself, is that I have very specific interactions with a few people in the "casual friend" category. One guy I only 'hang out with' when we're grinding through another assignment in the lab. Another girl I only hang out with when we run into each other at the dining hall or student union and eat together.
Getting to know them would be awkward, honestly. My suggesting something else would draw attention to the fact that I'm consciously trying to break the pattern. When you're very light and casually suggesting stuff at the beginning, people are much more curious and will go with the flow.
So don't let things ossify. Yeah you have to build rapport, but don't overdo it.