Quote: (08-19-2014 09:04 AM)MY DETROIT PLAYAS Wrote:
Timely thread
My rule on ex's is one and done. They usually drift off into the sunset, and that's that. Find myself not even attracted due to the thought of her being back in the wilderness.
Couple days ago, I got a text from one of my closest friends saying he had saw his recent ex for the first time with the breakup. Even though he was one of the biggest players I know he had gotten caught up in this young chicks web of bs and lies so he was still missing her. Apparently, she was in the passenger with her new guy. Not only did she step out on him, she also broke it off. They had been having problems for a minute now, and from the outside I could see it was only a matter of time. Normally, he talks a good game about being one and done but this one had really integrated herself in his life (met the family and kids) so he was taking it really hard. Since I could see he was "leaning" in the direction of reaching out to her, I had to throw a bucket of ice water over his head to remind him that he was doing himself a disservice by even considering making that move. He knew he was thinking with his heart and not his head. We chopped it up some more and eventually he had to agree although it stung in the present, he would just have to boss up and move forward.
Two themes kept coming up:
A) Going back to an ex whether she cheated or not, just tells her that you are accepting of the behavior that caused the break-up to begin with.
B) After being with another guy, she's really damaged goods in terms from an LTR vantage point. Call me selfish, but that's my true view. In the other words, the girl is dead to me at that point. Too much reprogramming would have to be done, too much investment.
Meanwhile, you could be starting with something fresh with a new one.
This could be me right now. Look at me a few months ago on the post above. Well, I made a huge mistake and ended up answering to one of her ping emails (sent 4 over the last 6 months) and meeting and banging my ex. Thought after 6 months of being apart and having a nice final breakup talk (we actually broke up over the phone, as she was with her parents at the time and we didn't see each other for 6 months, as I had always ignored her request for "closure"). Big mistake, I'm now knee deep back in the shit.
Now I'm in a totally fucked similar situation. We were living together for a year, straight after we started seeing each other (yep, huge mistake), then tried to be together but living apart for 6 months. I paid basically everything during the relationship. Trip to NYC, roadtrip around Europe, daily dinners at decent restaurants, rent in a good apartment in the center, fuel, groceries, she'd even use my protein powder for her shitty cooking blog. Due to her still being a terribly unhappy and ungrateful GF and constantly accusing me of cheating on her, I actually ended up cheating on her several times with several girls, and told her that during the coffee. She says she understands as she was a terrible GF and was suspecting it anyway. The thing is, whenever she'd be open to showing affection, she'd be the most feminine and most supportive person - a rollercoaster basically. She had been depressed for 6 months and finally went to a therapist, AFTER we broke up. Says she's over it now.
Despite seeing 2 super hot local highschool cheerleaders, I'm now constantly thinking on how to get this old chick back. The connection I have with these 2 other chicks is awesome, but nothing compared to what I had with my ex. She says she feels the same and is confused, yet doesn't really wanna talk openly about what happened inbetween breaking up and now, which would be a prerequisite for me to ever take her back. Says shit like "I had nothing MEANINGFUL so I don't think there's anything to talk about" or "the guy wanted the relationship, I did not, since he didn't make me feel like you did, blah blah" or "If you really think the sex I had would make a difference in you loving me or not, you should move on" - I mean, maybe I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here, since I banged around 20 girls during these 6 months, but for fucks sake, I'd argue that it's quite normal to want to know what happened during that little black window of time when she was out in the wild. At least I won't have to be second guessing myself when we're out in town (not that big of a city unfortunately). But here's the catch...
She says she doesn't want a relationship right now and would be fine with me banging other girls. However, I'm just afraid that this is just the reason since she's looking to keep me around, until she finds something better (actually quite hard, but sometimes I tend to "forget" my SMV - she confessed her friends told her she was "Crazy" to break up with me when they found out). But I feel like I actually wouldn't be fine with just banging this girl - too many feelings involved. I got too involved in her BS and me trying to "fix her" depression during the relationship, got me insanely invested in her. Being the hot chick that she is, she realizes I care for her and knows that she's the one who cares less.
Man, I'm screwed.
TLDR: Don't even bang an old ex, even if you think there's no feelings back there.