[Beyond Borders]

(05-03-2014 09:04 AM)rhr Wrote:  

Thanks, but it is highly unlikely that I'm "getting played". I met her family, and the one time I offered her some money for a ride she really got upset about that.

Just to make things simple, let's assume that her "feelings" are real.

On the other hand, if I am actually getting played, I will find out soon enough and the steps foreward from there would be pretty clear (breaking up).

Why is no one pointing out the obvious here?

Dude, why did you go and meet her family?

She's crying because you led her on. You've also likely shamed her by meeting her family, making them think she'd met a serious guy, and then boning out on her.

Word of advice. If you don't want women to get super attached to you in Southeast Asia - never meet their families. Some will get attached anyways, but you accepting the trip home to meet mom and pops pretty much guarantees it.

Maybe there were unique circumstances that led to you meeting the fams, and if so I apologize for over-assuming. But since you used it as a "reason" why she can't be playing you, it's hard not to read more into it than that.

(05-03-2014 12:54 PM)TheChef Wrote:  

(05-03-2014 09:50 AM)Cobra Wrote:  

But then, I realized that it is simply the hamster going for an intense spin. And that hamster just gets tired.

So true!

Women use tears and their emotions (almost) at will, knowing exactly how to amp it up or down. It's hard, at first to resist, but once you realize how they use tears to break a man's frame, the truth becomes more apparent.

This is true. Women are geniuses at emotional blackmail.

Want to see a guy flounder and change his mind? Bring on the tears, Baby.

We have an innate instinct to protect and comfort.

(05-03-2014 11:50 PM)rhr Wrote:  

Do you really believe tears and crying can be triggered by conscious control like pawns on a chess board? I'm unconvinced.

Yes and no.

Some women are sociopathic enough to completely do it on purpose.

Most, though, aren't completely aware or aren't completely honest with themselves about why they're turning up the dial on their emotions. Hamster, hamster, hamster.

You also have to remember that women cry more often when they're sad. Think back on how you felt when you were rejected by a woman you thought you liked. Back when you were more naive.

Fucking stung, right? And maybe you didn't bawl like a baby, but given that women are okay with doing so, it doesn't take much for them to express themselves that way if they're hurting.

Then they see your reaction to it - comforting them and holding them close, etc, and it's only natural they would turn up the dial to get more of what they want while in the throes of their emotional breakdown.

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Also, what would be the goal?

To make you feel bad. To get you to stay in the Philippines, keep her as a girlfriend, or send support after you left. Could be any of these depending on the woman.

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I mean I am already leaving her, right?

Theoretically. She doesn't know that things can't be changed.

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And the even bigger questions is: Assuming you are right, is there even such a thing as a genuine feeling?

Yes, of course there is. She very well may have them.

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The thing is, I have never experienced something like this in my life.

I find this surprising. Sure, women in Western countries won't bawl their eyes out over a one-night stand (unless they've got serious issues). But a guy they introduced to their family?

Even if the time frame is short, a woman from any country will have an intense emotional response if she is rejected by a guy she thinks she wants to keep.

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In Europe I could just bang some chick, get rid of her the next morning and that was it.

Here in the Philippines however I suddenly find myself with this cute little thing who cares and cries and is just fantastic to be around with. I was completely unprepared for this!

This in - my eyes - only emphasizes the utter and complete worthlessness of the European woman!! The contrast couldn't be more stark! (I will write more about this in my upcoming Davao thread)

Not judging here, as it'd be hypocritical to do so (I've broken my share of hearts too, with these more innocent girls and the American floozies), but it also says a lot about us Western men in general that when we can have what we say we want and admire, we don't take advantage of it by rewarding it or keeping it.

Instead, we keep treating these women like European women even while bitching about the way that European women are.

Again, not judging or pushing another course of action, but I think it says a lot more about Western culture than just making a statement about our women.

I think it's up to each of us as individuals to at least take an honest look at how illogical this divide between what we value and what we do in action. We're just as responsible for a lot of our own unhappiness as our females are.

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I'm glad to hear you managed to work out a similar situation for you. I will definitely keep in touch with this one. She did nothing wrong, in fact, she did everything right - and I am still going to leave her. It kinda breaks my heart.

It's never easy. It still wears on me whenever I do it. In fact, over the years, you get tired of doing it to people and keep them at a greater arm's length. Which only makes them fall for you harder...

It's a vicious cycle for "sensitive" guys. I'm not sure it affects us all equally.

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I do not regret coming to the Philippines at all. It was one of the best choices in my life. Even in my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined how BAD women in Europe really are!

Just trying to offer another perspective here. Are they so bad to give you the causal sex that you want? Would you rather they acted more devoted from the get-go, like these Filipinas, and then bawled like a baby when you left?

I think as men, while it stings to see the women hurt when we crush them, we get a big ego boost out of it as well.

I've gone through all this myself, and I've questioned myself on these points when it happened, but I do find it ironic how you've chosen this context to complain about Euro women, even while dealing with the aftermath of playing around in the other side of the spectrum.

Just something to think about for a lot of us. No disrespect intended.

And she could still just be emotionally blackmailing you.

It's complicated, the game.