Quote: (02-24-2014 09:10 AM)runninutebball Wrote:
I searched for a similar thread but didn't find one, also not sure if this is the correct category but here goes. I married a Filipina a few years ago and we had a baby soon after. During the pregnancy sex became rare. After birth we didn't have sex for almost one year and it has been rare since. I work as an expat overseas. Family couldn't join last contract and has been delayed by visa issues this contract. My wife has threatened to leave at least five times in the last six months (and multiple times before that). I'm at the point where I don't care what she does if it weren't for our son.
My son is a great kid, friendly, smart. Looks a lot likeme and we've bbonded. I know he has missed me while I've been gone. My wife is a good homemaker and a great, slightly smothering, mother. Given my job which I don't want to give up, if I pull the trigger on separation I will see my son once a year for the next Couple of years and maybe summers after that. I've also cheated twice in the past year and I think my wife knows about one of them because she may have been looking into my email. She hasn't confronted me about it and if she did I'd pull the trigger on the separation because I'm tired of the drama.
So, married/divorced guys of the forum with kids, what would you do in this situation or what did you do in your situation? I know it seems "beta" to seek perspective on something so serious from this forum but I need a different look. My father, brothers and friends are all Mormon ( I was too until recently) and I have already heard the party line from them. I found this forum during my last overseas tour and it's helped me out a lot so I would like to hear a male, perspective outside of my religious upbringing.
Hit me with your best shot!
I'll add my perspective since I can relate. I'm married (7 years) with 2 kids, 3rd on the way. My marriage has been on and off the rocks many times over those years. Before the kids, I was really beta and wanted to please her so I went along with her shit. After the kids, it became harder because I didn't want to lose them. One fine day, a few years ago, I found the forum and started reading. I opened up more and started challenging my views. In the first part of this process, I was likely a complete asshole. Went away for work and took a side trip to Thailand, Sweden etc. Came back and became an even bigger asshole. During these "asshole" phases I truly found out something special to me - "what do I want?" Shit, I can tell you I haven't figured that out a 100% yet, but I'm at a much better spot than before, thanks to actually implementing the stuff I learned here. In doing that I eventually started talking to her more but remaining firm in what I want. Listen, I'm not saying cheating was right; but, you're a guy. You did it because there was something missing from her that you sought outside. You need to make it absolutely clear to her what that was or is.
You seem worried about keeping the kids and pleasing her. Remember that you can please her but eventually your frame will break and she'll have control over you emotionally even if she does leave you. You don't want that; because it affects te kids. Take control! You will always have your kids, but don't let them see you miserable. Don't let them see you threatened or beat down whether you're with her or not.