Please correct me if I'm wrong but perhaps you've developed some unrealistic ideas and expectations around yourself, women, etc.
There's no getting around female drama. The best you can do is develop huge optionality (so that women are careful with how they act with you because they know they're one of many), develop strong terms (i.e. figure out what you want by asking yourself "what do I want?" all the time and always do THAT), and (you're not going to like this answer) simply keep growing your experiences with women because over time you'll deal with the drama better.
Not much you can do about that I'm afraid. Everybody's out for themselves, it's just a fact of nature.
But you're also based in the USA, so I'd really recommend traveling to a few other places where the women are ...women. I can see where you're coming from in this post and if you haven't traveled much and think that American women in any way represent natural, normal female behavior, you'll be in for a treat when you visit a better country.
Are you expecting women to NOT be out for themselves? Why do you expect such a thing? Is this expectation causing you emotional pain because the reality always disappoints?
A lot of game is just getting a realistic, objective grip on reality. For example, 'nice guys' have the expectation that being nice to a girl will win her favor and eventually, entrance into her vagina.
Even though this has been proven over and over to be objectively ineffective, guys still do it. They even go so far as to brainwash and delude themselves with the notion that they "really care" about her and aren't out for "just sex".
The blue pill/red pill metaphor comes to mind as a very potent illustration of just how unrealistic many of our expectations about ourselves, others and the world around us are. Becoming an effective player and HAPPY in your own skin and with the ways of others requires identifying erroneous expectations and replacing them with realistic ones.
You don't have to choose one relationship style over another (i.e. Pump & Dump vs Long Term Relationship vs Fuck Buddy, etc). Just be honest and upfront with women about what you can offer (expectation management) and play it by ear.
You're right, it IS hard to maintain a relationship. So if you can't offer that to a woman, just let her know. The relationship can be whatever it turns out to be. It doesn't require a label or a category. In fact, categorizing is the sure way to miss the nuance and finer points of simply relating with another human being.
A relationship is a fixed, static thing. Relating is a process that relies on awareness, commitment to honesty (honesty to yourself, not dogmatic honesty with others), unpredictability, etc.
I lived in the US all my life until my mid 20s when I started traveling abroad. So please don't think this is a cop-out, easy answer. But here goes: Go abroad! (If you haven't already) :-)
Quote: (12-27-2013 12:54 PM)Wavy Wrote:
1. No matter how much I try to avoid it, women always know how to bring drama. It seems like with every girl ive been involved with, they have a whole lot of drama that comes with them. There is never a woman who is content and at peace with herself. They always have insecurities or daddy issues or something else in that noggin of theirs that makes them act in a way that I simply refuse to deal with. The solution would be to just fuck them and chuck them correct?
There's no getting around female drama. The best you can do is develop huge optionality (so that women are careful with how they act with you because they know they're one of many), develop strong terms (i.e. figure out what you want by asking yourself "what do I want?" all the time and always do THAT), and (you're not going to like this answer) simply keep growing your experiences with women because over time you'll deal with the drama better.
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2. I genuinely dislike one night stands and random squeezes. To me the whole process is very fake and soulless.
I dont like talking to people who generally disinterest me. Most of the women you meet when doing these pickups or one night stands are pretty scummy personality wise. And the process of listening to these women talk and giving them attention knowing im really not shit to them isnt fun to me.
Not much you can do about that I'm afraid. Everybody's out for themselves, it's just a fact of nature.
But you're also based in the USA, so I'd really recommend traveling to a few other places where the women are ...women. I can see where you're coming from in this post and if you haven't traveled much and think that American women in any way represent natural, normal female behavior, you'll be in for a treat when you visit a better country.
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3. I cannot trust women at all. Anytime I am hanging out with a woman of interest. I always find myself trying to pick apart what she had to say too much. I read in between the lines too much. I always think a woman is ultimately out to use me. I think she is ultimately out for herself. Every time I have gone out of my way for a woman, I have been used as an emotional tampon or generally was treated less than I felt like I deserved.
Are you expecting women to NOT be out for themselves? Why do you expect such a thing? Is this expectation causing you emotional pain because the reality always disappoints?
A lot of game is just getting a realistic, objective grip on reality. For example, 'nice guys' have the expectation that being nice to a girl will win her favor and eventually, entrance into her vagina.
Even though this has been proven over and over to be objectively ineffective, guys still do it. They even go so far as to brainwash and delude themselves with the notion that they "really care" about her and aren't out for "just sex".
The blue pill/red pill metaphor comes to mind as a very potent illustration of just how unrealistic many of our expectations about ourselves, others and the world around us are. Becoming an effective player and HAPPY in your own skin and with the ways of others requires identifying erroneous expectations and replacing them with realistic ones.
Quote:Quote:
4. Maintenance. I cannot do the fuck and chuck aspect, but at the same time I dont think I really have what it takes to provide a woman with what she needs for a long term relationship. Taking care of a woman is very similar to parenting or taking care of a pet. There is a lot of responsibility in giving them the affection and attention they need. If you arent providing them with enough of it, they will without a doubt look for it somewhere else. They dont even let you know how they feel because they want you to do it because you want to, not because they tell you to...I look at the dudes who live with the same woman on a daily basis. I did it myself for a few months, and it drove me crazy.
You don't have to choose one relationship style over another (i.e. Pump & Dump vs Long Term Relationship vs Fuck Buddy, etc). Just be honest and upfront with women about what you can offer (expectation management) and play it by ear.
You're right, it IS hard to maintain a relationship. So if you can't offer that to a woman, just let her know. The relationship can be whatever it turns out to be. It doesn't require a label or a category. In fact, categorizing is the sure way to miss the nuance and finer points of simply relating with another human being.
A relationship is a fixed, static thing. Relating is a process that relies on awareness, commitment to honesty (honesty to yourself, not dogmatic honesty with others), unpredictability, etc.
Quote:Quote:
So yeah...I'm only 21, but I am already starting to contemplate even trying. There are just so many negative aspects that are involved for something thats supposed to be positive. I have been through almost all the bullshit you can think of when I was just trying to get some pussy and/or find a chill girl who I enjoy spending time with.
I lived in the US all my life until my mid 20s when I started traveling abroad. So please don't think this is a cop-out, easy answer. But here goes: Go abroad! (If you haven't already) :-)