[The Lizard of Oz]

(12-06-2013 09:37 AM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Have you considered hiring an actor to drink for you?

This reminds me of a joke I heard years ago.

You have to imagine the main character speaking with a classic Irish accent.

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots of Jameson, neat. He sits in a booth by himself and drinks these three shots at the same time. This seems a bit odd, but no one says anything.

This becomes a regular thing. This man walks in and always orders three shots and drinks them by himself, seemingly lost in contemplation. Sometimes he orders additional rounds, but always three shots at a time.

Finally, curiosity wins out and someone comes up to the man and asks him why he does what he does, if it's not a secret.

His face brightens up. "Oh, it's no secret. It's just that I miss my old man and my brother so much now that I'm away from home. We three would always have drinks together. So I order one drink for each of the three of us and I feel like they're both here in spirit, if you know what I mean".

Of course this is met with great respect and understanding. Everyone in the bar is very into the idea of this guy communing in this way with the men of his family.

This goes on for some time.

Then, one night, this man walks into the bar again. His face looks drawn, grim, and haggard. He walks up to the bartender and makes his order.

"Two shots of Jameson, neat".

A hush falls over the place, but no one says anything. He is served his two drinks in silence and goes over to his usual booth with a haunted look.

Finally the bartender can't help it anymore. He walks up to the guy and says,

"Pardon me if I'm imposing. But I have to ask -- has something happened to your father, or God forbid, your brother? We're all your friends here if you'd like to share".

"Oh", the man answers glumly, "No, thanks for asking. My dear father and brother are both in excellent health. It's just that I've quit drinking".