Quote: (09-26-2012 08:03 AM)Coyote Wrote:
XXL - the response to your question is: Both.
I'd like to improve both....
Talking less (you know as needed but not running the show continuously ( I can do it but it gets boring) and always having fun.
The having fun thing I do some times and often really at the expense of getting numbers and pick ups... sometimes I just don't give a fuck and having fun takes quick priority...
to me there are two main ways to be the anchor of the conversation. taking the role of the judge (talking less) or the entertainer (small talk).
1) being the judge
being the judge is about listening and giving approval/disapproval. when you talk you actually talk very little. you listen. you tell others to tell you this or that. you ask others for their opinions. you encourage others to talk more about something you like. basically you put yourself in the position of the judge who's interested in what others have to say and you just sit there (like jury) and listen while others talk and talk and talk to impress you.
beware cause it may fuck you up a bit hahaha. at one point this angle worked so well for me that i couldn't believe that i put so much effort to entertain girls with stories and funny shit to get their attention. i thought any kind of talking is useless since i can just say to a girl in very decisive/assertive tone of voice "hey!.. who are you?" (or anything that fits the frame) and sit there and listen to her talking and talking.
this is also very effective when you just don't feel like talking. you simply shut up, hold eye contact and ask engaging questions. tension builds. people crack up fast. and start talking like crazy to lessen that tension in the air. from distance it looks like everybody strive to impress you. and you just watch listen and throw out short responses/questions to steer the conversation.
example:
- what do you think about xyz?
- blablabla blablabla...
- interesting, tell me more
- blablabla blablabla...
- aha
- blablabla blablabla...
- you know i don't think that way
- blablabla blablabla blablabla blablabla...
- what made you think so?
- blablabla blablabla...
- and what do YOU think? [point at other person]
- blablabla blablabla...
- yeah i feel like it too
- blablabla blablabla...
- i guess we're on the same page then
- blablabla blablabla...
- no
- blablabla blablabla...
- yes
- blablabla blablabla..
- why?
- blablabla blablabla...
- no way!
- blablabla blablabla...
2) being the entertainer
this is harder cause you have to develop that FLOW when you can just talk and talk and talk. to me it's not even about being funny/witty, more about being unpredictable, surprising and engaging people in the convo.
i've learned A LOT from californication tv series, great display of wordplay, humor, chill vibe, assertiveness, devil may care attitude, comebacks, imagination, etc.. definitely good example that beside talking just to talk, small talk can be fun and cool.
also check VERBAL SKILLS link in my signature below, some tips there also.