[tomzestatlu]

I have been thinking about this recently. Since childhood, we are being told, that we should learn from elders, but there is always question I always ask myself and that sumarize it all.

How can I respect as a wisdom authority someone, who spent last 30 years of their life watching TV?

Of course there are many wise men, who built their kingdoms and were successful in their lifes, but none of them appeared in my life.

I can like my family members, because they are my family members. But I totally disrespect them, beside my grandfather, who passed away 2 years ago. I try to meet them on some basis, I try to convince myself I want to meet them, because they are my family. But sometimes I have problems even speaking with them, because I have zero respect to them.

I´ve never met a person, that I could look up to and say, this is what I want to become. The only persons I have around is my family, friends, people I work with and they are actually images what not to become.

I am 26 now and I feel it more and more. The hole in myself is something what feels unbearable to me sometimes. I have no real direction in my life, but not because I chose to, but because I must find it on myself without any help and that´s pretty difficult.