TL;dr -OP, I can relate to you in some ways. My sense is you're wanting to be a good older brother but also seeing your sister not showing appreciation for you, and even actively disrespecting you. This would be unacceptable to any man but only YOU can end it. That might require you to fully distance yourself from her and let her 'be the adult' she wants the world (and you) to believe she is. Only YOU can decide how much disrespect you'll tolerate, from anyone, and family pushes us harder and farther than any stranger would ever dream (unless they're psychotic). The longer you go without drawing a line in the sand and establishing consequences for her poor behavior toward you, the more demanding and crazy her behavior will be.
She's a woman, and she's an overgrown entitled child (as most young women are, especially given unearned rewards like cars, condos, undue respect, etc.). A child NEEDS discipline and while you can't physically do that (nor should you), your clarity and willingness to distance yourself will show her you're serious and she has standards she must maintain to enjoy the benefits of you in her life. This isn't mean, this is a kindness to her so she won't fuck her life up acting like a cunt to anyone (including men). You're setting an example of what she can or can't get away with re: behavior toward men who would show consideration toward her. She's using you as a proving ground, which most younger sisters do. How you deal with her will also affect how you deal with any future / current woman you date.
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Having lived over 40 years on this planet and been through a lot of ups and downs, including losing my father some years ago to chronic disease, I've slowly come to a simple 'NO BULLSHIT' rule.
It's very simple: if I feel you're disrespecting me, I'll tell you and you need to apologize. If you don't, or you do and repeat it (habit-forming), then I'll cut you out of my life unless and until you change.
As Clint said in one of his movies 'A man's gotta know his limitations.'
Do you?
I didn't, for a long time. But I do now. I am a good man, I take care of my own business and enjoy interacting with others, for fun or assistance. I'm grateful to receive help and also offer it. But I'm no fool.
Family often think they can get away with being complete assholes because 'well, you're my XYZ, how can you leave me?' Women are guilty of this more so than men, but feminized men would be as well.
Since you're admitting your life isn't in great shape (and we can all stand improvement), here are my suggestions, for what they're worth:
-Tell yourself, in the mirror, every morning and every night 'I only accept honest and respectful people into my life.' This is a POSITIVE affirmation and while it alone won't change your life like some self-help gurus might imply, it will begin to reprogram your thought process.
-Tell your sister you don't tolerate rude / abusive / ungrateful people in your life. You tell yourself what you WANT (prior step) and tell others what you WON'T TOLERATE. This is a VERY important part of neuro-linguistic programming, which you are in sore need of doing for yourself. I know, I've been there and still have to remind myself of my WANTS and WON'T TOLERATES.
-The next time she's disrespectful, stop her THEN AND THERE -don't wait to get home or into a quieter / more private environment. Tell her WHAT exactly you find disrespectful and WHY. If she continues the behavior or talks back, exit / leave / GTFO then and there. You HAVE to back up your words with actions otherwise they're hollow. This is the hardest part, and the most essential. This is how you discipline or 'spank' an adult child - you make them responsible for the consequences of their behavior, without needing to 'spank' them physically.
-Watch Patrice O'Neal videos on YT, especially the Black Philip Show. It'll help you grow some stones. Hell, you might even be able to start calling her a 'bitch' when she is one, and that'll shock the fuck out of her.
Step back from the situation - for my own sanity, I had to go no-contact with my mother earlier this year. I told her clearly what she was doing that was disrespecting me and I wouldn't tolerate it. Long story short, during that time with ZERO interaction, I got a lot more peace and she is coming back around with most humility.
It's incredible how we can fall into patterns that we aren't aware of. If you feel yourself wanting to white knight, simp, help a girl out, etc. STOP THAT SHIT NOW! Just fucking stop. Let liberated bitches take care of themselves. Let them know what your standards are and if they can't meet them, cut them the fuck off. Every man that does this makes the world a less feminized place and that is a VERY good thing.
Good luck.
She's a woman, and she's an overgrown entitled child (as most young women are, especially given unearned rewards like cars, condos, undue respect, etc.). A child NEEDS discipline and while you can't physically do that (nor should you), your clarity and willingness to distance yourself will show her you're serious and she has standards she must maintain to enjoy the benefits of you in her life. This isn't mean, this is a kindness to her so she won't fuck her life up acting like a cunt to anyone (including men). You're setting an example of what she can or can't get away with re: behavior toward men who would show consideration toward her. She's using you as a proving ground, which most younger sisters do. How you deal with her will also affect how you deal with any future / current woman you date.
===
Having lived over 40 years on this planet and been through a lot of ups and downs, including losing my father some years ago to chronic disease, I've slowly come to a simple 'NO BULLSHIT' rule.
It's very simple: if I feel you're disrespecting me, I'll tell you and you need to apologize. If you don't, or you do and repeat it (habit-forming), then I'll cut you out of my life unless and until you change.
As Clint said in one of his movies 'A man's gotta know his limitations.'
Do you?
I didn't, for a long time. But I do now. I am a good man, I take care of my own business and enjoy interacting with others, for fun or assistance. I'm grateful to receive help and also offer it. But I'm no fool.
Family often think they can get away with being complete assholes because 'well, you're my XYZ, how can you leave me?' Women are guilty of this more so than men, but feminized men would be as well.
Since you're admitting your life isn't in great shape (and we can all stand improvement), here are my suggestions, for what they're worth:
-Tell yourself, in the mirror, every morning and every night 'I only accept honest and respectful people into my life.' This is a POSITIVE affirmation and while it alone won't change your life like some self-help gurus might imply, it will begin to reprogram your thought process.
-Tell your sister you don't tolerate rude / abusive / ungrateful people in your life. You tell yourself what you WANT (prior step) and tell others what you WON'T TOLERATE. This is a VERY important part of neuro-linguistic programming, which you are in sore need of doing for yourself. I know, I've been there and still have to remind myself of my WANTS and WON'T TOLERATES.
-The next time she's disrespectful, stop her THEN AND THERE -don't wait to get home or into a quieter / more private environment. Tell her WHAT exactly you find disrespectful and WHY. If she continues the behavior or talks back, exit / leave / GTFO then and there. You HAVE to back up your words with actions otherwise they're hollow. This is the hardest part, and the most essential. This is how you discipline or 'spank' an adult child - you make them responsible for the consequences of their behavior, without needing to 'spank' them physically.
-Watch Patrice O'Neal videos on YT, especially the Black Philip Show. It'll help you grow some stones. Hell, you might even be able to start calling her a 'bitch' when she is one, and that'll shock the fuck out of her.
Step back from the situation - for my own sanity, I had to go no-contact with my mother earlier this year. I told her clearly what she was doing that was disrespecting me and I wouldn't tolerate it. Long story short, during that time with ZERO interaction, I got a lot more peace and she is coming back around with most humility.
It's incredible how we can fall into patterns that we aren't aware of. If you feel yourself wanting to white knight, simp, help a girl out, etc. STOP THAT SHIT NOW! Just fucking stop. Let liberated bitches take care of themselves. Let them know what your standards are and if they can't meet them, cut them the fuck off. Every man that does this makes the world a less feminized place and that is a VERY good thing.
Good luck.