Quote: (04-10-2016 01:11 PM)HankMoody Wrote:
It confuses the shit out of me on many levels...
1. Why get married when you can easily have casual dating relationships and mini-LTRs?
2. What kind of man would let his wife, or even his girlfriend, have sexual relationships with other men and be cool with it?
3. What kind of man would let his woman be seen around town with other men?
It appears to me that the women like the stability and appearance of having a husband, but can't actually get off the cock carousel. So they then convince their husbands that this is how modern relationships work, sex positive, feminism, etc. Another observation - all the guys in these relationships are very liberal.
My opinion on this is that 1) men are becoming more feminine and are afraid to say "no" to their women and to other men trying to fuck their woman; and 2) we live in a society where increasingly everyone feels they should be able to do whatever they want to do.
Polyamory is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.
Hi Hank, I thought I would respond out of respect to you for starting this discussion.
1. I agree with you about marriage. The whole thing doesn't make sense. But if you put yourself in the shoes of someone who is already married, and for some reason wants to stay married and not cheat... polyamory is one way of having your needs for excitement and variety met.
2. What kind of man? Hmmm. I bet I'm going to touch a nerve here. Let's say you're out for a walk and see a beautiful flower, you can either pick it and take it home (and of course, watch it die), or you can appreciate its fragrance and beauty without taking it home to make it yours. Yes, others will stop and smell it, and enjoy it but that's ok. It's a gesture of love for both the flower and the other people if you leave it. When we make a friend, do we ask our new friend to stop being friends with other people? Of course not! So why are things so different when it comes to a sexual lover?
You may say that STD's are a concern. Make it clear that she should wear a condom 100% of the time with other men.
You may say that it's natural or consistent with evolution to be possessive of our lovers. What I hear with this is trying to justify or rationalize fears. Our closest relative in the animal kingdom is bonobo apes (along with chimps), which practice free sex. Ok, so we're human not apes. So what's important to you in terms of evolution? If you want to only raise your genetic kids, just get a DNA test and don't raise kids that aren't yours. You should be extra sure to do this if you've created a marriage where your woman is not free to talk to you about her desires. If you believe your genetic duty is to father many children with a variety of women, and want them to be raised with a father in the house to give them the best chance of success, having several lovers that will bear your children fulfills this evolutionary need better than any one woman can do.
You may say that you feel negative emotions at the thought of someone else having sex with your wife. Those emotions are usually related to fear, such as the fear of losing her. The fear comes from an insecurity. Well what is the insecurity? That you're not good enough in bed? That your wife doesn't love you fully? That if she leaves, your future will suck? These emotions are real, and the way they're commonly handled is by making rules forbidding extramarital play, rather than working on the root problem. The problem with making rules like these is that they don't work. You don't need to look at statistics to know how much people cheat, it's pervasive. People don't like following rules, especially ones that remove excitement and pleasure. So the end result of not dealing with your shit and instead enforcing rules is you'll eventually make your wife miserable and/or get cheated on. So here's an alternative, let your bird fly out of its cage and see if she comes back to you. Yes, sometimes the bird will fly away, but if it comes back, it will touch your heart because it chose you again from a place of freedom. When she feels desire for another man, instead of making her pretend it's not happening or making her feel guilt, let her feel free to tell you without fear of consequences. (Yes, this will be hard for the ego to handle). Then you can discover and work on the problem, which may cause her to lose her desire for the other man. If it doesnt, you can let her explore that connection, and now you're still the one in control of the relationship, and she isn't betraying you. So to answer your question about what kind of man would let his lover be free to sleep around? Sure, some are betas who have no balls. The other type is a man who is very secure in himself and his relationship, and walks the walk regarding his higher values of freedom (for himself and his loved ones) and honor (no dishonesty or deception).
3. I don't know what it's like to live in a small town, but I'd imagine it's quite judgey and gossipy. Sounds pretty horrible.