Thanks for all the replies so far.
To Rocha, a couple of thing I want to clear up (and I type this with a "leave emotion at the door" perspective)...
- As far as heritage and/or money, the numbers I quoted in my original post aren't the real numbers. Significantly higher than the $50K/$10K example, but not in the $1M neighborhood. Not even in the same zip code.
- Yeah, sister is a spoiled brat. There was a situation last year (when my father was still alive). My mother (prior to the stroke) needed to travel out of state to visit her hospitalized sibling. My father at that time was not doing well, and my mother lamented about leaving him here while she went to visit her sibling. At the time, my sister and I both told her (Eunice) that we would take care of our father while she went out of state. So Eunice hopped on the next plane out.
My kids and I spent the entire week with my father, Carla was nowhere to be seen. Upon my mother's return, Carla was apologetic that she wasn't able to spend time with our father while Eunice was gone, her explanation being that she "had been busy all week".
Looking back now, that was the canary in the coal mine.
- As far as my sister Carla, she has NO kids, and is not married to Eddie. Which isn't to suggest that she spend MORE time at Eunice's because of that (versus my having my kids), the problem is that Carla isn't doing what would be considered her 'fair share'. Simply put, while she has greater flexibility, she's not holding up her end of taking care of our mother, her reason being that she "needs to spend time with Eddie".
Ok... what's wrong with Eddie coming over to Eunice's and spending time with you there ? Again, not that I'm suggesting that they spend greater than her 'fair share' of time, but the excuse that "Eddie can't handle Eunice in that condition" is getting old and tiring.
- My school age kids gotten to see my mother/their grandmother struggling with everything from incoherent babbling to emotional meltdowns to bathroom related accidents. But Eddie, who has seen this sort of thing before and by default should know what to expect, "can't handle it" ?
- At this point, I'm not quite sure if it's Eddie that's truly got an issue, or if it's Carla who's using the guise of Eddie not being able to handle this as an excuse to not carry her (Carla's) end of the responsibility. It's gotten to the point where I (and by default my kids) are being taken advantage of.
*As I sit here and type this, I can confidently go on record and say that for all of my cheating/conniving ex-wife's faults, while she might not be/have been at Eunice's all day/every day, she would have been spending a hell of a lot more time than Eddie has been.
So I figure one of two things... either Eddie's being a little bitch about coming to see Eunice (and on a side note, it wouldn't surprise me if he's stepping out on Carla)... or this is all Carla's doing, it gives her some sort of plausible deniability with Eunice as to why she (Carla) can't spend "as much time with (Eunice) as she'd like to".
Funny story... a couple of years ago, when my father was getting worse (and still had high spirits and his sense of humor), he, Eunice, Carla, and myself were joking around (but not really... but really... but not really), it was "agreed on" that in the event something happened to Eunice first, that I would be responsible for my father, and if something happened to my father first, that Carla would be responsible for Eunice if something happened to her.
(I should pause here and reiterate that we've always been a somewhat comedic family. I imagine that we're not unique in this, but while the next paragraph may come across as grim and uncaring, it wasn't the tone of the conversation, if that makes sense).
Carla's (playful) verbiage, in front of our parents, was something along the lines of, "If something happens to mom first, you get to move in and take care of dad. And if dad goes first, I'll move in with mom." To which I amusingly agreed. My mother laughed, my father threw a thumbs up, and that was the end of the 'joke'.
Now, I put 'joke' in parentheses because if this situation were the other way around, Carla would be holding my feet to the fire based on that conversation. She'd point out that on X day, at X time, I agreed to move in with our father and take care of him. But because the proverbial shoe is now on the other foot, the conversation above is "just a joke".
(I hope that made sense).
It's a double standard with Carla. It's always been that way.
The problem now is that Carla won't continue to do her fair share, equal part, or whatever else we want to call it.
And Carla doesn't understand 'reasonable', because Carla is only worried about Carla.
To Rocha, a couple of thing I want to clear up (and I type this with a "leave emotion at the door" perspective)...
- As far as heritage and/or money, the numbers I quoted in my original post aren't the real numbers. Significantly higher than the $50K/$10K example, but not in the $1M neighborhood. Not even in the same zip code.
- Yeah, sister is a spoiled brat. There was a situation last year (when my father was still alive). My mother (prior to the stroke) needed to travel out of state to visit her hospitalized sibling. My father at that time was not doing well, and my mother lamented about leaving him here while she went to visit her sibling. At the time, my sister and I both told her (Eunice) that we would take care of our father while she went out of state. So Eunice hopped on the next plane out.
My kids and I spent the entire week with my father, Carla was nowhere to be seen. Upon my mother's return, Carla was apologetic that she wasn't able to spend time with our father while Eunice was gone, her explanation being that she "had been busy all week".
Looking back now, that was the canary in the coal mine.
- As far as my sister Carla, she has NO kids, and is not married to Eddie. Which isn't to suggest that she spend MORE time at Eunice's because of that (versus my having my kids), the problem is that Carla isn't doing what would be considered her 'fair share'. Simply put, while she has greater flexibility, she's not holding up her end of taking care of our mother, her reason being that she "needs to spend time with Eddie".
Ok... what's wrong with Eddie coming over to Eunice's and spending time with you there ? Again, not that I'm suggesting that they spend greater than her 'fair share' of time, but the excuse that "Eddie can't handle Eunice in that condition" is getting old and tiring.
- My school age kids gotten to see my mother/their grandmother struggling with everything from incoherent babbling to emotional meltdowns to bathroom related accidents. But Eddie, who has seen this sort of thing before and by default should know what to expect, "can't handle it" ?
- At this point, I'm not quite sure if it's Eddie that's truly got an issue, or if it's Carla who's using the guise of Eddie not being able to handle this as an excuse to not carry her (Carla's) end of the responsibility. It's gotten to the point where I (and by default my kids) are being taken advantage of.
*As I sit here and type this, I can confidently go on record and say that for all of my cheating/conniving ex-wife's faults, while she might not be/have been at Eunice's all day/every day, she would have been spending a hell of a lot more time than Eddie has been.
So I figure one of two things... either Eddie's being a little bitch about coming to see Eunice (and on a side note, it wouldn't surprise me if he's stepping out on Carla)... or this is all Carla's doing, it gives her some sort of plausible deniability with Eunice as to why she (Carla) can't spend "as much time with (Eunice) as she'd like to".
Funny story... a couple of years ago, when my father was getting worse (and still had high spirits and his sense of humor), he, Eunice, Carla, and myself were joking around (but not really... but really... but not really), it was "agreed on" that in the event something happened to Eunice first, that I would be responsible for my father, and if something happened to my father first, that Carla would be responsible for Eunice if something happened to her.
(I should pause here and reiterate that we've always been a somewhat comedic family. I imagine that we're not unique in this, but while the next paragraph may come across as grim and uncaring, it wasn't the tone of the conversation, if that makes sense).
Carla's (playful) verbiage, in front of our parents, was something along the lines of, "If something happens to mom first, you get to move in and take care of dad. And if dad goes first, I'll move in with mom." To which I amusingly agreed. My mother laughed, my father threw a thumbs up, and that was the end of the 'joke'.
Now, I put 'joke' in parentheses because if this situation were the other way around, Carla would be holding my feet to the fire based on that conversation. She'd point out that on X day, at X time, I agreed to move in with our father and take care of him. But because the proverbial shoe is now on the other foot, the conversation above is "just a joke".
(I hope that made sense).
It's a double standard with Carla. It's always been that way.
The problem now is that Carla won't continue to do her fair share, equal part, or whatever else we want to call it.
And Carla doesn't understand 'reasonable', because Carla is only worried about Carla.