[ksbms]

(12-22-2016 10:58 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

They chat with other people and browse social media. It's practically an involuntary muscle. She was likely chatting with other dudes too.

Yes, sir, you nailed it and that's what transpired (but wasn't told openly) over the phone. If a chick is vacillating and says things to the equivalence of "I'm not sure", there's always another guy (or more of them) in the background. Some things clicked together after the conversation we had tonight.

Yes, I know, I should've just kicked her and not speak to her ever again - but I"m not angry, not that greatly disappointed (I'm quite a bit, I won't deny it) and thought at least I'll learn a few things.

Interestingly, she didn't reply to my message on the crucial day of December 16th until now, when I messaged her on Christmas day asking how she was doing. Why wouldn't she have stayed consistent and keep not replying? Even more strange, I got her on the phone for nearly an hour, late at night, just a few hours before her taking a flight for her trip.

So, what happened?

Apparently, she was going crazy for the few days when I went silent, and tried frantically to get in touch with me because she was so much worried about me.

Yet, my not talking to her for these few days justified for her to fully detach from me mentally and lock down a new guy from her university in a week's time and be already happy with him (as she claims) despite her telling me I was her true love and then te quiero many times over! Damn, these girls move on quickly.

All of this in a space of a week, like I mentioned, but she claims it's been a MONTH ago since we've spoken. Yes, that's what she was telling me and my pointing out to look up the dates in the conversations was met with "I deleted all the conversations and I don't remember". A month in her mind, whereas the last message she sent me was 14th and I messaged her already back 16th, but that message was conveniently ignored. At least she could've messaged back "I met someone, bye", or something similar to make it a "clean break".

And why no clean break? I suspect that around 16th she still wasn't sure if she'd click with the new guy. Had he fucked her once and left at that, she could've gone back to me, if she wanted. Sneaky.

Yes, she could've interpreted my not replying for a few days as "I've broken up with you", but still - lack of a message, isn't a message - especially, as I replied to her a week later.

"Ah, he's not replying, I'll just fuck another guy, whatever," a go-to solution for her seemed to be. Fair enough, a couple weeks pass, you're going to start going on dates, but she's got herself locked-down with a new guy within that week. Hmm. What if I had an accident and was admitted to a hospital, for example?

Things that make much more sense now:

- she didn't want to spend Nye together pre soft-next,

- I noticed her having Tinder on her phone when the screen lit up after a match (didn't comment on that),

- she admitted she's been "talking and met people" for some months now,

- once, pre soft-next she called me for the first time "my friend" which was odd but I said nothing.

- she took over half a day to reply to my "I want to take care of you" with her suggesting to slow down (I did take notice it was strangely too long and an unexpected reply - I guess that was the pivotal moment to abort the ship - alas, I preferred to stay semi-blind) and probably "speed up" with another guy.

- all in all, the cracks been showing up for a month at least or so.


Obviously, it's all my fault it happened, and she interpreted my not replying to her for a week that I moved on so it justified her moving on.

What conclusions should I draw from that?

Living in two different cities and seeing each other every few weeks doesn't help. Christmas and her going away on a trip until beginning of January would make it a long time without seeing each other, too.

Only soft-next a girl immediately after what she has done you wrong. In this case, just after she has thrown her tantrum about my telling her to put her phone down, as Kaotic intelligently wrote in his reply to my post.

(12-22-2016 01:27 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

(12-22-2016 08:38 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

Last time she came to visit me, she was perusing her phone way too much when we went out to a Christmas market. Felt like I was competing for an attention with her phone big time, so I firmly told her to put her phone away. She got offended, blew things out of proportion, started sulking, not talking, walking away like a little child, etc.

Quote:

Instead of calling a cab, taking her home, making her pack her stuff and kick her out, I tried to reason with her and be rational about it.

The fact she got offended and threw a temper tantrum should've been a one way ticket to go the fuck home.

As soon as she said, "I don't want to be here" you should've said "you're right, this is a waste of time spending time with you tonight" and took her home, had her pack her shit while you sat there and watched TV with a beer acting unphased as she tried pouting, shit testing you, and crying.

Having done it some days later only caused confusion and backfired to a certain extent only because that girl was exhibiting "amber alert" lights behaviour pre soft-next and was of two minds how much she wanted me. I can only wish the other guy to withstand the emotional roller-coaster and unpredictable behaviour.

I reckon, that you, too, will have some interesting insights?