Good details here. My sense is that this was doomed from the start, since she showed up with a roommate to begin with. Her state-of-mind was that this was something less than a "date." When a girl doesn't go in 100 percent on just going on date, it's going to be a monumental struggle to get her to go beyond that.
Good to know that it's worked in other situations for you already.
This is solid reasoning. I agree 100 percent.
You simply had too much distance to travel. You went from a pseudo-date with her roommate in tow to trying to get her home. It was a big leap.
The constant interruptions and feeding of her social-butterfly muscle didn't help your cause. Even though this venue was closer to your house, it harmed you because it was her home territory and you didn't get an opportunity to pull her into your world. You basically never had full, uninterrupted isolation--a requirement to set up a sufficient amount of comfort and "charming."
You probably had no choice, but a second round--at the same place--already sets a different mood. You've now set up a scenario where the venue itself was the destination and not just a stop along the way. You anchored yourself there, through no fault of your own, though.
You did the right thing, but this girl was obviously checked out (since she never really checked in). I'm actually surprised she went home with you at all. You might have put the smack down on her cell phone use by casually asking her is she was "one of those phone addicts" or told her to take off her coat and "get comfortable." She might have been super resistant, but a tiny bit amenable if you'd worked hard at clearing her head from all the bullshit that had just happened.
You probably went for the make-out too soon. You had to get her our of the state she had been put in by running into all those people and having you be just one of a series of social interactions that night. She wasn't sufficiently warmed up which, to be quite honest, may not have been possible that night.
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The big take-away here is that you should eject from situations where the deck has obvious been stacked against you. She hand-picked this venue for a reason. In general, I don't let a girl pick the first-date venue because of this. They will likely know people there or like it for reasons that are not going to be favorable to me. Remember: girls have totally different priorities than us.
In your case, you went along with it because it was closer to your place and you got seduced by what seemed like equal, if not better, logisitics. I can't blame you for that. But, once you saw that the roommate was there--and that your target was already drinking--you should have known that you were simply an accessory on her night. You should have bounced to a intermediate, hopefully nearby, venue with some excuse. This would have created a mental break in the night. You were starting over. These were less-than-ideal circumstances, so it's a matter of how to salvage this situation. Once at your place, you didn't do enough to "clear her palate" from everything at the bar.
It's interesting that you mentioned this girl was a 5. I find that plainer-looking girls are more this way. They protect their assets more than a hot girl does.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
1. When I used the framework last week, it worked like a charm.
Good to know that it's worked in other situations for you already.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
My pad is set-up so that kitchen is in a separate part of the house from seduction location (my studio space/bedroom). I usually leave them in the sed location when I go to fetch a beer or drink. This is because my roommate's room is connected to the kitchen, and if he comes out to talk to me when I enter, it would be introducing another presence into the game. My gut says there is something about letting the girl be alone that can break the state if she's not intoxicated.
This is solid reasoning. I agree 100 percent.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
Roommate leaves, and I take her seat (alcove seating). Dropped bachelor pad baits: drinks, music, art, and as we were finishing the first round, I suggested we go back to my place and I could make the drink etc. She looked at me and said "maybe.." I think this was a major bungle point.
You simply had too much distance to travel. You went from a pseudo-date with her roommate in tow to trying to get her home. It was a big leap.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
Also, she's a bartender and lives in the neighborhood as well. Her bartender friends all stopped in and said hi to her etc. This made it even more important to not go for make-out at the venue I think. BTW this girl is probably like a 5.
The constant interruptions and feeding of her social-butterfly muscle didn't help your cause. Even though this venue was closer to your house, it harmed you because it was her home territory and you didn't get an opportunity to pull her into your world. You basically never had full, uninterrupted isolation--a requirement to set up a sufficient amount of comfort and "charming."
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
I buy the second round (because she already had a beer when I arrived), and when we finished, we went back to my place.
You probably had no choice, but a second round--at the same place--already sets a different mood. You've now set up a scenario where the venue itself was the destination and not just a stop along the way. You anchored yourself there, through no fault of your own, though.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
4. Shoes off, music on, I go to fetch a couple of beers. Come back, and she's fidgeting with iphone. Give her a beer, and then I go to the bathroom. When I return, she's back on phone. It's really hot in my pad, but she still has her coat on and bag slung around her shoulder.
You did the right thing, but this girl was obviously checked out (since she never really checked in). I'm actually surprised she went home with you at all. You might have put the smack down on her cell phone use by casually asking her is she was "one of those phone addicts" or told her to take off her coat and "get comfortable." She might have been super resistant, but a tiny bit amenable if you'd worked hard at clearing her head from all the bullshit that had just happened.
Quote: (01-02-2012 12:04 PM)soup Wrote:
So, after some talking, I go for another kiss. She's kind of into it, but is still icy. It probably took me 10 mins from entering my house to going for kiss. She finishes the beer, and is like "I should go." Puts her shoes on. I go for one last kiss, this time I reach around and grab her by the ass and jut my junk into her crotch. We kiss for a bit, and then she's out.
You probably went for the make-out too soon. You had to get her our of the state she had been put in by running into all those people and having you be just one of a series of social interactions that night. She wasn't sufficiently warmed up which, to be quite honest, may not have been possible that night.
##
The big take-away here is that you should eject from situations where the deck has obvious been stacked against you. She hand-picked this venue for a reason. In general, I don't let a girl pick the first-date venue because of this. They will likely know people there or like it for reasons that are not going to be favorable to me. Remember: girls have totally different priorities than us.
In your case, you went along with it because it was closer to your place and you got seduced by what seemed like equal, if not better, logisitics. I can't blame you for that. But, once you saw that the roommate was there--and that your target was already drinking--you should have known that you were simply an accessory on her night. You should have bounced to a intermediate, hopefully nearby, venue with some excuse. This would have created a mental break in the night. You were starting over. These were less-than-ideal circumstances, so it's a matter of how to salvage this situation. Once at your place, you didn't do enough to "clear her palate" from everything at the bar.
It's interesting that you mentioned this girl was a 5. I find that plainer-looking girls are more this way. They protect their assets more than a hot girl does.