Quote: (03-13-2016 02:58 PM)AccF428 Wrote:The practical advice has already been covered so I'll leave you with one piece of broad advice:
It failed. Three years of my efforts, and fuck ups. She told me a couple of days ago that she's dating now. I'm torn up. I've already without a court order agreed to provide her with 17% of my net income as child support. But I can't be a father to this child beyond that. I can't watch in horror as my son watches his mother gets fucked by dozens of men over the years as she becomes alpha widowed or whatever happens in that situation. I can't be a father to him, knowing that he will be more influenced by her than by me, and may become something that I loathe as I have children with a wife. I can't be a father knowing very well that she can manipulate the circumstances of my relationship with him, and may interfere in the equality of our co-parenting of which she has indicated in the past that it will never be equal. None of the wisdom I've accumulated has helped me in preparation for the complexity of this, the morality of it. I financially provide for him, but our society will look unfavorably upon me for not wanting to be subject to this fuckery. I love this kid, and that's because I was there to raise him initially. That's the problem.
Do you have any advice?
It's unwise to make life impacting decisions when you are in the midst of emotional turmoil. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to make some decisions, but don't rush decisions that you don't have to. The pain you feel right now is sharp but will be short lived compared to the impacts of this decision.
A good rule of thumb for getting over a serious breakup: for every year you were together it'll take half that long to get over it completely. As a young guy, a year and a half to get over your ex might seem like a long time but your relationship with your son will last a lifetime. Edit: it might take less time since you two were on again off again as long as you make a clean break.