[whatsayitboys]

[quote='MY DETROIT PLAYAS' pid='1172441' dateline='1450329958']

I think you made the post about it possibly being a totalitarian type setup, to be clear this is captain first mate, 6040. If there is strife or mutiny that changes to 8020 which brings comfort tests and discussion to bring it back to 6040.

There are guys that wrap themselves up in being part of every decision and never letting her have a say. That is not only counter productive, it's idiotic. Where you're going to eat doesn't need to be a choice you lead on. What she wants to do for a day doesn't impact your ability to lead.

It really to me, comes down to knowing that you have that respect. That you give her all the leeway you can, all the ability to lead and live independently, but when you need to, you step in and that shouldn't be questioned.

Because as I've been saying, with kids, there's no time for leadership disputes. If you're away from the wheel she should take it, when you come back, there shouldn't be a question unless there is a crisis she's handling.

Otherwise, are you REALLY prepared to split?

Absolutely, you HAVE to. We know that's critical to sexual dynamics. The moment you aren't prepared to leave, mentally, she's got you and you're fucked. She depends on that to know that she has gets to have you, not that she has you.


I recall you starting your other thread alluding to your mastery when it came to the female persuasion, so what incentives are you giving her to encourage her complete submission?


I've upped the nuclear family game big time. I also focused on rewarding her with quality time when she brings her a-game and also been more overt about removing myself if she tries to play hands. I can see that stuff from a mile away so I just drop bombs on it and reinforce how much stronger things have become. Before kids there was lots of room for misbehavior or tantrums, lots of time to game. I miss that, I really do. Now you just have to quickly resolve conflict. That's why I think militant rank becomes much more important.

It becomes then less a discussion about whatever minutia is the topic or concern and whether or not you want to be discharged. And again, you've got to be prepared to leave.

Are you showing through your actions that you have her and the kids best interest at heart?

Absolutely. There are people that think you can dominate a woman and have your desires be the only priority. That may be possible, but I surmise that woman isn't worth that effort.

The way that I structure this, I overtly tell her, is that our family comes before us. And the obligation to that family is her submission and her unquestioned trust in me leading it. With that in place, it is my job to manage the relationship. Of which I have no problem doing that.

This isn't really a change over from follower to leader, this is a change from aloof leader to overt leader. It did require me digging into my balls and upping my game. I didn't really realize I had that much more in me until I faced down a reality where another man would be having my kids call them step dad. Fuck that.

You also mentioned being "at the helm" for the majority of the marriage, much to her dismay. Admittedly-dread game is much easier to employ as a single guy without kids, besides you can only use the nuclear option so many times without it losing it's effectiveness. Marriage is comparative to baseball; Every top pitcher should have more than one pitch to retire a batter. You can't just fling fastballs time after time and expect the same results. Likewise, you to have more than an iron fist when seeking compliance.

Yes, you're speaking of the "velvet hammer." Boundaries are one thing, but you need to be able to pilot most concerns with care. As you're saying, not everything can come down to shit or get off the pot. So you do take a knee if you have a neutral reaction to a shit test that is questioning your authority. Or even amused mastery if she bests you, I'll give her a round of applause and then a smack on the ass. That all still applies.

This is why the use of game techniques are strongly encouraged even when inside of the framework of a relationship. Even more so before you enter into the union itself. Sounds like a matter of trust; if she doesn't trust you to ably steer the ship, you will get resistance at every turn.

It wasn't that bad, but there was trust issues. I earned it back and I'll give you an insight into how I worked this out on our end.

Just got the new house and all that and she had gone into overdrive. Her main issue is anxiety, she is brilliant and high energy so she focused all that on the house. She got overworked with her career, kids etc. She started imploding.

We know how this goes though, it's your fault. Basically everything I was working on she would inject herself into. It was an attempt at mutiny. That aint happening.

The only thing that was on our fridge was our anniversary date coming up next month (this went up around september). That date signified whether or not she would be renewed. And the requirements where absolute trust and submission. I was willing to leave and she said it was over. That was fine with me.

We know how the next day went, she fell into line, but she still didn't trust me. And inch by inch I earned her total trust and prevented the mutiny. I smashed every door down that I had left alone the last 4 months. And our anniversary this year will be a literal solidifying of that construct.

Or is it that you just upset that you have been complicit in creating an environment, where there are two chefs in the kitchen with different ideas on how to prepare the same meal?


Not really, we're more or less on the same page with things. She's very smart, I don't know how well this would work if your wife was headstrong and stupid. That would be tough. But I mean it doesn't take much convincing to come to the logical solution with her. Her main hang up with that she is a woman and society has convinced her that she "don't need no man" all that. Not saying she's that person, but that stuff I think has poisoned nearly every woman, it's only a question of to what degree and how strong is your game?

[quote='Beyond Borders' pid='1172469' dateline='1450333408']
This whole idea is so bass-ackwards to me.

I don't hope to tame a woman; women hope to tame me. I'm the wildman, the catch. The second part may take a while to convince them of but they eventually figure it out.

I agree 100%, in the previous post this is mirrored in my respect for "the most responsible teenager in the house." However, what this entire post is about, is that I'm telling you from my perspective that this does not work anymore once you have kids.

It requires militant respect for those lines, you can't use that game as effectively anymore. Real dread can become too dangerous, you have to shift dread mechanics to the family.

Dread is still the woman you'd leave her for and start another family. But the main mechanic now is that your time is valuable and quality family time is the reward for her submission and bringing her a-game.

Because ultimately, family is a sacrifice you make as a man. You give up the male power fantasy. You give up control over your ultimate destiny and you put part of that in her hands. And this is about her thanking you for that, about recognizing the sacrifices you've made.

If she doesn't, then just like an "equal relationship" you've supplicated through a covert contract.

But as the poster above mentioned, if you don't know how to pilot the ship and reinforce what you bring to the table with your family, you're waiving a rotten carrot. I bring my a-game to the family. She just needs to bring her a-game to me.