Back in school we had been like wolves. If a fresh and young teacher comes in and has no authority, well it was not nice for them. We did not listen, talked and so on. Of course never violence. But it was hard to do a lesson. More we did understand quite well if a teacher speak empty threats or if he/she was strict and give us consequences.
I don't have kids by my own but in my football club the made me with 15 to a coach for 8 - 10 year old. I was not very older but I had to build up authority. First of all my intention was to teach them, that they learn football. I was aware of the individual skills. If one put some effort in training or made a good game, I was the first to tell them so. Even if he was maybe not the most talented kid, I saw the individual effort.
If they act bad I did call them out direct and let them suffer by running. If 2 or 3 act bad, I let the group suffer. So they learn to discipline themselves. Also I made very clear what I want from them and what not. I had some issues with parents that I'm to strict but I told them, their kids can handle more then they think. And I was already that aware that people, and mostly kids need rules. And the person that control the rules has also to live by them.
All the talk is nonsense if kids notice you say A but do B. You are the living example of those rules. When you believe in them, you live them.
I was together with them for about 3 years. Their conclusion was, I'm strict but fair. I never spoken empty threats nor did I punish them to hard because I lost control. I was strict and never let my rules go. I never made an exception. Kids are like dogs, you can not let them go one time in the living room and the next time not.
Kids need rules because this is the only stable thing the have as a start. Are all the rules good? Of course not. If they fight them? Sure, its a process of learning. Test the limit, see how far you can go. Believe it or not, the more you argue with kids, the more understandable you are, the more confusing for them. You have to be the harbour in a world of chaos. It give them the inner hold they need to grow up.
Today's parents want either to be the friends of their kids or treat them as adults. You are a parent, not a friend or a buddy. And you need an inner compass by yourself. Kind of a codex you live by. And love and understanding. What you do you do because you really want to help them.
Not putting your ambitions on them nor your fears by overprotection. And also yes, it take work. Affection. Time. Its not a toy that you put at front of a computer and expect the teachers in school to rise them. Teachers are out there to teach knowledge, not behaviour.
As I said I don't have kids, I had them just for a few hours. Make it a little more easy. But it teach me more about stress and dealing with humans then every stupid seminar I had at university. And dealing with parents, if you can do that, you can lead and handle others.
I don't have kids by my own but in my football club the made me with 15 to a coach for 8 - 10 year old. I was not very older but I had to build up authority. First of all my intention was to teach them, that they learn football. I was aware of the individual skills. If one put some effort in training or made a good game, I was the first to tell them so. Even if he was maybe not the most talented kid, I saw the individual effort.
If they act bad I did call them out direct and let them suffer by running. If 2 or 3 act bad, I let the group suffer. So they learn to discipline themselves. Also I made very clear what I want from them and what not. I had some issues with parents that I'm to strict but I told them, their kids can handle more then they think. And I was already that aware that people, and mostly kids need rules. And the person that control the rules has also to live by them.
All the talk is nonsense if kids notice you say A but do B. You are the living example of those rules. When you believe in them, you live them.
I was together with them for about 3 years. Their conclusion was, I'm strict but fair. I never spoken empty threats nor did I punish them to hard because I lost control. I was strict and never let my rules go. I never made an exception. Kids are like dogs, you can not let them go one time in the living room and the next time not.
Kids need rules because this is the only stable thing the have as a start. Are all the rules good? Of course not. If they fight them? Sure, its a process of learning. Test the limit, see how far you can go. Believe it or not, the more you argue with kids, the more understandable you are, the more confusing for them. You have to be the harbour in a world of chaos. It give them the inner hold they need to grow up.
Today's parents want either to be the friends of their kids or treat them as adults. You are a parent, not a friend or a buddy. And you need an inner compass by yourself. Kind of a codex you live by. And love and understanding. What you do you do because you really want to help them.
Not putting your ambitions on them nor your fears by overprotection. And also yes, it take work. Affection. Time. Its not a toy that you put at front of a computer and expect the teachers in school to rise them. Teachers are out there to teach knowledge, not behaviour.
As I said I don't have kids, I had them just for a few hours. Make it a little more easy. But it teach me more about stress and dealing with humans then every stupid seminar I had at university. And dealing with parents, if you can do that, you can lead and handle others.
We will stand tall in the sunshine
With the truth upon our side
And if we have to go alone
We'll go alone with pride
For us, these conflicts can be resolved by appeal to the deeply ingrained higher principle embodied in the law, that individuals have the right (within defined limits) to choose how to live. But this Western notion of individualism and tolerance is by no means a conception in all cultures. - Theodore Dalrymple