[depravity]

I explained why in the edit...it's like my mood is just at this high when I'm 'confident' about my looks and I don't want to potentially ruin it by going up to a girl who might not be attracted to me (so it's obviously still coming from an insecure place). Sometimes it even feels like i have more to live up to. As opposed to when I'm just going through the motions and not as concerned with my looks.