A woman who wants her divorced boyfriend of four years to put a ring on it has complained to the Sun Sentinel's "Ask Amy" advice column.
Her boyfriend should be congratulated for showing more spine than Bill Burr or Mark Minter. Of course, unlike Burr, he has the advantage of having lived through a divorce.
Notice how this woman can only think of herself. She "feel[s] insecure." She feels "there is no commitment."
But what about him? What if he feels less secure in a marriage, because of its disproportionate costs and risks to him? What if he is happier unmarried? It is striking how the lady asking for advice nowhere mentions, or seems to care, what is important to him.
Further, her complaint that he is insufficiently committed because he won't marry her rings hollow. She doesn't seem to realize that marriage itself today is "no commitment to anything." Marriage can be dissolved for any reason or no reason on a moment's notice. That is not commitment. The only legal consequence of marriage today is that it entitles the woman to an enormous payoff in the event of divorce. Why should a guy who has already gone through it once want to risk it again?
My bet is that she stays with her boyfriend regardless of whether he marries her. She's in her fifties, after all. She's probably past the wall or close to it.
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I don't understand why he hasn't asked me to marry him. We've talked about this several times (with me bringing up this subject). I end up getting upset because he gives no specific reason for not wanting to get married.
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He treats me well, but I sometimes feel used and underappreciated and feel I'm not good enough to be married to him. I feel insecure not being married; there is no commitment to anything. What should I do: be happily unmarried or look for another Mr. Right who is willing to commit (in time) to getting married?
Her boyfriend should be congratulated for showing more spine than Bill Burr or Mark Minter. Of course, unlike Burr, he has the advantage of having lived through a divorce.
Notice how this woman can only think of herself. She "feel[s] insecure." She feels "there is no commitment."
But what about him? What if he feels less secure in a marriage, because of its disproportionate costs and risks to him? What if he is happier unmarried? It is striking how the lady asking for advice nowhere mentions, or seems to care, what is important to him.
Further, her complaint that he is insufficiently committed because he won't marry her rings hollow. She doesn't seem to realize that marriage itself today is "no commitment to anything." Marriage can be dissolved for any reason or no reason on a moment's notice. That is not commitment. The only legal consequence of marriage today is that it entitles the woman to an enormous payoff in the event of divorce. Why should a guy who has already gone through it once want to risk it again?
My bet is that she stays with her boyfriend regardless of whether he marries her. She's in her fifties, after all. She's probably past the wall or close to it.