Weird situation with gf and her neighbour/friend - how would you handle this?
03-19-2017, 07:38 AM
I wouldn't normally post a thread like this but need a RVF perspective on something that happened last night.
Was having a meal out with my girlfriend of nearly a year, serious for half of that. Things are going great then we get onto the subject of a neighbour of hers - sort of a mutual acquaintance, has done some work for me and knows her through someone else - not exactly a friend to either of us but an ok guy. We talk about him a little then from nowhere she tells me they smoked weed together the night before.
This is pretty strange as she barely ever smokes so I naturally say that's weird and want more info. Next I get 'yeah he was round drinking with me and 2 friends, they left but he didn't want to leave. I asked him 5 times to go and he said no." I am pretty pissed but keep calm, ask for more details. She says she really did ask this guy to go 5 times, not worded particularly strongly by the sounds of it, something like 'I'm tired and need to go to bed' to which he's like 'no I'm not drunk enough, can't go home yet lol''. So he refuses but not in a forceful way, but still didn't go. So eventually she says ok we will smoke this joint then you need to go. They did that and he left.
This whole thing put me in a really bad mood immediately and ruined the night. I was pissed off with the guy obviously - someone asks you to leave their house, you do it. Never mind being asked 5 times! He is quite pushy and I have had to be firm with him in the past when saying no to something stupid like his offer to give me a lift home. He has also made a few weird comments - to her and to the mutual friend, about her semi-sexually and in a jokey way asked to rub cream on her back for pain relief (none of this was with me present). He is an ok guy but definitely a bit socially awkward, fairly stupid and delusional in life in general. Not someone I would ever be real friends with, sort of a wannabe gangster but physically harmless - he is 21 so younger than me/her by around 7 years. He has a long distance gf who is also a mutual friend of ours. He hasn't actually made a move and I don't really think he would. I do think that he has shown disrespect, maybe not intentionally - more through poor reading of social cues, but disrespect nonetheless.
With her I am also mad that she says she doesn't really like the guy (and I believe her) but allows him to drink with her and act the way he has. She says she feels sorry for him because he is a bit of a loser with not many friends (all true). The fact she thought the best way to get rid of someone you don't want in your house is to offer to smoke weed with them is concerning ... normally she is very smart. Another issue I have is a guy is refusing to leave her house - not in an aggressive way but still refusing, why didn't she phone me? I live less than 5 minutes away and would have happily told him straight and kicked him out. I actually text her goodnight around 10.30pm on this night, to which never got a reply even though this weed smoking was around midnight. We are not in the habit of texting every minute or every night even, but normally reply to each other if we do send a 'goodnight' text. It's worth mentioning that although I am aware of AWALT I see absolutely no way she would cheat on me, she is completely in love and especially wouldn't cheat with this guy who is no competition in any way.
This was last night and I am still pretty pissed today which is really annoying and ruining what could be a great day. I left her at her house last night and haven't spoke since. I intend to tell the guy face to face that if someone tells him to leave their house, he leaves. I will call him out on the weird stuff he said and then have nothing more to do with him. I am not sure what to do with her though, so far I see no point in any contact while I am this pissed off.
Writing this out has helped somewhat. I appreciate your thoughts and please tell me if you think I am overreacting or what you would do.
Was having a meal out with my girlfriend of nearly a year, serious for half of that. Things are going great then we get onto the subject of a neighbour of hers - sort of a mutual acquaintance, has done some work for me and knows her through someone else - not exactly a friend to either of us but an ok guy. We talk about him a little then from nowhere she tells me they smoked weed together the night before.
This is pretty strange as she barely ever smokes so I naturally say that's weird and want more info. Next I get 'yeah he was round drinking with me and 2 friends, they left but he didn't want to leave. I asked him 5 times to go and he said no." I am pretty pissed but keep calm, ask for more details. She says she really did ask this guy to go 5 times, not worded particularly strongly by the sounds of it, something like 'I'm tired and need to go to bed' to which he's like 'no I'm not drunk enough, can't go home yet lol''. So he refuses but not in a forceful way, but still didn't go. So eventually she says ok we will smoke this joint then you need to go. They did that and he left.
This whole thing put me in a really bad mood immediately and ruined the night. I was pissed off with the guy obviously - someone asks you to leave their house, you do it. Never mind being asked 5 times! He is quite pushy and I have had to be firm with him in the past when saying no to something stupid like his offer to give me a lift home. He has also made a few weird comments - to her and to the mutual friend, about her semi-sexually and in a jokey way asked to rub cream on her back for pain relief (none of this was with me present). He is an ok guy but definitely a bit socially awkward, fairly stupid and delusional in life in general. Not someone I would ever be real friends with, sort of a wannabe gangster but physically harmless - he is 21 so younger than me/her by around 7 years. He has a long distance gf who is also a mutual friend of ours. He hasn't actually made a move and I don't really think he would. I do think that he has shown disrespect, maybe not intentionally - more through poor reading of social cues, but disrespect nonetheless.
With her I am also mad that she says she doesn't really like the guy (and I believe her) but allows him to drink with her and act the way he has. She says she feels sorry for him because he is a bit of a loser with not many friends (all true). The fact she thought the best way to get rid of someone you don't want in your house is to offer to smoke weed with them is concerning ... normally she is very smart. Another issue I have is a guy is refusing to leave her house - not in an aggressive way but still refusing, why didn't she phone me? I live less than 5 minutes away and would have happily told him straight and kicked him out. I actually text her goodnight around 10.30pm on this night, to which never got a reply even though this weed smoking was around midnight. We are not in the habit of texting every minute or every night even, but normally reply to each other if we do send a 'goodnight' text. It's worth mentioning that although I am aware of AWALT I see absolutely no way she would cheat on me, she is completely in love and especially wouldn't cheat with this guy who is no competition in any way.
This was last night and I am still pretty pissed today which is really annoying and ruining what could be a great day. I left her at her house last night and haven't spoke since. I intend to tell the guy face to face that if someone tells him to leave their house, he leaves. I will call him out on the weird stuff he said and then have nothing more to do with him. I am not sure what to do with her though, so far I see no point in any contact while I am this pissed off.
Writing this out has helped somewhat. I appreciate your thoughts and please tell me if you think I am overreacting or what you would do.