It seems like I've got off on the wrong foot in this new relationship and I worry that I like her more than she likes me (and that we both know it). I'm the one who asked to go exclusive (even though I was banging 3 other girls and she was likely seeing only me), so I've already made way more of a sacrifice, etc. She kind of negged me a bit when I asked to go exclusive by saying "don't you know by not I'm not the type of girl who would be sleeping with multiple guys?", etc. I also texted her "first" last night (to say 'good night, sexy') and then this morning (to show her my kale juice). She took 4 hours to reply to the juice text this AM.

Last night we had a misunderstanding about which I was right and she was wrong. She admitted as much via text but hasn't honored my request to "call me when you're off work". I am pretty sure she's been off work for a couple of hours and yet nothing. I am struggling how to show my displeasure or annoyance without seeming butthurt. Radio silence is my only real idea.

Basically I suppose I should initiate hard core silence and delayed text responses and then just be as alpha as possible when I see her next. But I'm worried that this isn't getting off to a flying start - this is my first relationship in over 3 years and I have been tearing up the dating scene. I waited for a girl of this caliber and was proud to have "snared" her - she's definitely relationship material - except for the way that I'm allowing her to behave.

Any advice/links appreciated

One other thing I need to add - I'm really kind of beta/clingy by nature in some ways. I've learned "game" and have an impressive notch count, and one thing about my soft harem or game that has helped me SO MUCH is that when a girl was freezing me out of "winning" like above, I was able to just text my other girls and get bucked up and satisfied by them. It was a great fallback and perfect for my "reformed beta" personality.

I remember this same problem from my last relationship - I'd sit and wait for texts and watch the clock and agonize like a 16 year old girl. It sucks and I don't feel like I have a fallback or an alternative now that I dropped my other girls.

Why did you decide to have a girlfriend? Sounds like you have a problem of being too involved. Focus on yourself so much that she is chasing you act like she doesn't even exists until she is right in front of you.

Off the top of my head, I'd send a follow-up text along these lines:

"You think it's all roses, but I'm going to beat you like Chris Brown for this."

Quote: (11-10-2014 09:51 PM)MikeinMKE Wrote:  

It seems like I've got off on the wrong foot in this new relationship and I worry that I like her more than she likes me (and that we both know it). I'm the one who asked to go exclusive (even though I was banging 3 other girls and she was likely seeing only me), so I've already made way more of a sacrifice, etc. She kind of negged me a bit when I asked to go exclusive by saying "don't you know by not I'm not the type of girl who would be sleeping with multiple guys?", etc. I also texted her "first" last night (to say 'good night, sexy') and then this morning (to show her my kale juice). She took 4 hours to reply to the juice text this AM.

Last night we had a misunderstanding about which I was right and she was wrong. She admitted as much via text but hasn't honored my request to "call me when you're off work". I am pretty sure she's been off work for a couple of hours and yet nothing. I am struggling how to show my displeasure or annoyance without seeming butthurt. Radio silence is my only real idea.

Basically I suppose I should initiate hard core silence and delayed text responses and then just be as alpha as possible when I see her next. But I'm worried that this isn't getting off to a flying start - this is my first relationship in over 3 years and I have been tearing up the dating scene. I waited for a girl of this caliber and was proud to have "snared" her - she's definitely relationship material - except for the way that I'm allowing her to behave.

Any advice/links appreciated

Sounds like a Western chick. Isn't there info about them around here?

It's a sad but almost always true thing. It's almost impossible to have a great relationship with a woman where you are very overly excited about it. She has to be way more excited than you are for it work long term without a bunch of bullshit. This means the fantasy of being high in love with each other is usually trash.

She can get high on love all she likes. You can't afford that. You are the one supplying the high. Girls are love high takers much more than givers for the most part.

You are Coked up (fell in love)
Whatever people tell you, it would be hard to listen because you are under that influence
Do your best. Thats all i can say

Did you dedicate most of your time to spinning plates in the past? Sounds you like just need a productive hobby, something that you can focus on that will consume your creative side so that you don't sit there and fret about what texts you sent to a girl.

A lot of your thoughts and efforts seem to be going towards this one girl.
That is one fundamental flaw that we all are guilty of from time to time.

For your own sake and sanity please try and remember this girl is in fact not a special snowflake and she isn't "different" from the other girls.
You are most likely catching hard feelings for this girl and thus your logical brain will be taken over from emotion and the hormones released into your brain from these emotions. Most advice will fall on deaf ears until you get over her and look back and think "fuck that bitch."

Cut contact with her, focus on yourself and improving yourself, and then get back into the game once your mind is a little more cleared up.

Stop texting her and monitoring your phone so much. Youre already with her - chill.

Do the shit you want to get done, focus on yourself and when you feel like it hit her up to hang out. Stop texting so much (again).

Youre chasing when you should be relaxing. Act aloof if anything and maybe get back in touch with one of those three girls to keep something on the back burner. You are rushing in and looking for attention when it should be her chasing you. He who cares less in a relationship has the most power.

pls stop texting immediately. Go out with other girls and remember she is not a special snowflake no matter how hot.

I am sure most guys can relate to that. To tell a guy "why you want a GF?" or "just be alpha and she will chase you" are mostly full of shit.

Good relationship type women are hard to find. We think the women who are thin, pretty and young are in demand, well just add in that they are also wholesome and family orientated as well and she is damn unicorn.

But we know they are out there. She already scared the piss out of you, as most guys are not used to seeing unicorns.

What you need to run now is some beta game to be sure that you have another night out with her. You just need to keep seeing her out just the two of you. Then run standard game but while dropping hints of long term thinker.

Most of the women in my massive family fall into the category you are talking about. They want marriage and kids and to be a housewife at a young age, but are also going to college and "dating" as well as thats the world we live in.

If you are chasing the lay, then just walk away now. But if you are already feeling the way you are then double down son.

Hmmm something seems off here to me, you claim that you were banging an additional 3 other girls, yet you sound like you have total one-itis and are needy as hell, it just doesn't seem to add up. What is so special about this one chick, that you not only dumped the other 3, but that you're obsessing over when you texted her and how long she's taking to reply. It just seems that if you were actively fucking 4 chicks at the same time, you wouldn't give so much of a fuck about this particular one.

I'm guessing that you're a way above average guy in terms of looks or height or both, because a guy getting that much pussy usually would have tight game, and not be so hung on one particular chick. Now I don't mean to come off as being harsh or talking shit, because I've been there myself with one-itis, but usually it's following a long dry spell and she's the only option of female I'm working with.

You probably are right in a sense that you're coming off as kind of needy and that you care more than her and like her more than she likes you, and as you most likely already know that's a turn off to most women. At this point it's too early on to trip, not that you should otherwise, but there is no need to psyche yourself out on shit.

I think you should just chill out like others have said, hold off on texting her, let her hit you up, don't over-analyze shit, and don't act like you care too much. She probably was doing some mini-form of a shit test by not calling you and taking forever to reply to texts, that kind of stuff does really annoy me and could be considered as a slight form of disrespect, but at this point I wouldn't call her out on it.

My advice is don't over analyze, don't over think, hold off on initiating contact, don't put her on a pedestal and tell yourself how "perfect" she is, don't worry about "being alpha", just remember that it's the start of a new relationship, and relationships need time to grow, so don't jump into the deep end head first too soon.

OGNorCal, my story is true - I'm basically a reformed beta who is able to "act alpha" and get decent pussy because of great logistics, being 6-1 and fit with money and spare time, and have genuinely gotten good at dating.

There was something about this girl - from the moment I first saw her I set her apart and pegged her as "GF material". Great looks, great job, smart as hell, perfect age (a full 9 years younger than me). I realize that I pedestalized her but the thing is I never acted like it, really. I fucked her before I took her out to dinner, I passed the "impress her friends" test over Halloween, and I was looking forward to playing less text games and getting closer during what I presumed would be a "homeymoon period" during the first couple weeks or our relationship.

Instead it's gone sour from the word go. She still hasn't texted me nor I her and I'm genuinely wondering if this shit was stillborn. Worst first 2 days of a relationship in history. Seriously. I'm shocked. And I didn't really act that bad - the only truly "beta" thing I've done was start this thread.

Maybe shes just busy? I would stop worrying about her and go out with another girl. Get laid. Probably feel a lot better.

Quote: (11-10-2014 10:58 PM)Laner Wrote:  

I am sure most guys can relate to that. To tell a guy "why you want a GF?" or "just be alpha and she will chase you" are mostly full of shit.

How is this full of shit ? If you have high SMV I'm pretty sure women would chase you and try to lock you down right ?

Quote:Quote:

Good relationship type women are hard to find. We think the women who are thin, pretty and young are in demand, well just add in that they are also wholesome and family orientated as well and she is damn unicorn.

But we know they are out there. She already scared the piss out of you, as most guys are not used to seeing unicorns.

This chick doesn't even sound wholesome at all, and she's ALREADY playing mind games after he asked her for it to be official.

Quote:Quote:

What you need to run now is some beta game to be sure that you have another night out with her. You just need to keep seeing her out just the two of you. Then run standard game but while dropping hints of long term thinker.

He already dropped hints of long term thinking by asking her to be his GF. Not sure how acting beta is going to help, he's already acting like it (no offense OP).


AT MikeinMKE :

How old are you two ?
How long have you been seeing her ?
How long have you been banging these other girls ?
What made you decide to pull the trigger and ask her ?

Usually the one who wants the relationship first, loses at the end.
There is always one person giving more than the other in a relationship.

If I were you I reel everything back in, keep things distant and short, see if she starts asking questions, getting worried, starts chasing you. She definitely is playing hard to get, that's for sure.

If you REALLY thing this girl's worth it then go for it !

Give me her number, I'll put her in place for you

In all seriousness I understand what you're going through, I lost out on my Belgian lizard this way. Played some great game then lost it with neediness, not afraid to admit it

This shit happens and the only thing you can do is learn from it

I'm a big believer in frame and once you lose it, there is no coming back. Its like believing a girl has the prettiest eyes only to find out she was wearing contacts

I hope it works out for you

The fundamental problem is you believe she is "The One".

If you can see her feet are actually made of clay, anything she does, not texting back for days, not saying I love you, etc. won't even matter to you.

You will still have to suffer her flakiness, but the suffering won't cause you any pain.

Look at the title of your post, "I feel like....".

She only has the upper hand because you have decided that she does. You are creating that reality in you mind. In a very real way it's just a mirage you have made because you have decided that she is "The One", the ultimate, the infinite, the only thing worth living for and the only purpose to life itself. And she senses this.

Is she really all that? Can any woman who's feet are only made of clay be the answer to life and why we are here?

See how crazy this idea of "The One" is.

Once you truly stop believing she is The One, or that any woman can be The One, she will sense it and will start making an effort to draw you back in to believing in it.

You can do practical things like not texting her, being aloof, or whatever, and while that may work initially it's just a band-aid. What you really need is a fundamental shift in your attitude about her being the answer. Once that occurs, your behavior follows suit naturally and what's more she senses it so even if you do something nice, or say "I love you" she won't lose respect for you because she knows you don't believe she is the answer to your purpose in life.

When a woman says she loves a man with "confidence" she is really saying she loves a man who doesn't believe she is too important.

Quote:Quote:

How is this full of shit ? If you have high SMV I'm pretty sure women would chase you and try to lock you down right ?

In a perfect world this is the case. But the reality is that some good women are just going to take a lot more work than just a guy just being 'alpha' and projecting high value. The world is not black and white where Be Alpha = Get (quality) Pussy.

Quote:Quote:

This chick doesn't even sound wholesome at all, and she's ALREADY playing mind games after he asked her for it to be official.

Girls play mind games. Even wholesome ones. Many wholesome girls are even more attuned to this than other women as they understand they have a lot more to lose if they are played.

Quote:Quote:

He already dropped hints of long term thinking by asking her to be his GF. Not sure how acting beta is going to help, he's already acting like it (no offense OP).

True. I did not know that they had been fucking, dating and going all in.

Perhaps you just spooked the cat mate. I have been there myself where I seduced a wholesome girl and and thought I had her locked down but she realized what was up and distanced herself from me and pretended like nothing happened. Women are insanely good at cleaning out and forgetting past experiences.

Quote:Quote:

Usually the one who wants the relationship first, loses at the end.
There is always one person giving more than the other in a relationship.

Bang on. Never be the first one to make this move, and especially do not be the first to say I love you. She will be pissed that you took this from her, even if she doesnt know it. Real game is being able to get her so wound up in the moment that she spills all this out in a blubbering blur of candles and wine and satin.

delete

This is something I often describe as "burning". The more you get attached, the more distant she will seem, and the more you will have pain.

She sounds like the typical American girl. What I'd do is, just go see other girls, and don't pay much attention to her, perhaps 1 text during the day, that's all. If she wants to see you, pretend you're busy, and then "all right, I guess I can make space for you, but not long".

To make things short, you should be the one who's calling the shots. Give a woman a centimeter, she will take a kilometer. You are the one calling the shots, let her get burnt a few times, and she will hopefully get down her pedestral and act fair.

If you feel that she is really, and volunteerly trying to act independent, you should ditch her. Do not think she is "The One", there are always better girls out there. Once you found a better one, she will only be a small part of your memory.

I think your having oneitis.

You think too much of the outcome.

Me too I guess, pussy is power.

one of the things that helped me in the early days was rules. Like no matter the importance there was no reason to text before 1 pm and after that the sole reason was still to arrange a date

http://therationalmale.com/2014/11/07/ma...rethought/

The only juice you should be showing her in the future is from your trouser snake.

Sending "check this out" type texts/photos (as cool as you think it might be), does not help your cause whatsoever. It comes from an approval seeking place, even if that's not what your intention is.

As others have suggested, run some aloof game on her. It may not turn the tables, but at least you know you tried.

It's been said already but to reiterate, no matter what anyone here says, your subconscious mind will make a strong effort to push you into submitting to her ways.

Every man changes his "frame" to comply with in a relationship. It's the default. So you're working against a strong tide when you now want to be "alpha."

Nevertheless, be strong yourself. Get out before the tsunami comes, because I assure you it's on its way.

Good luck.