I don't know why but this thread is making me laugh uncontrollably.

Quote: (01-10-2014 07:22 PM)Rotisserie Wrote:  

The fact that she had all that in her fridge is the shameful part. Dude merely took one for the team by clearing out all that junk. Saved her from diabetes and a heart attack.

He's a hero.

Dude does not play on my team, that's for sure.

There's something about this girl and her article that makes me feel sad, rather than annoyed and irritated like with most jezebel-type shit. There's the glimmer of a sense of humor peaking through the caustic, hateful snarkiness and you can tell she mostly realizes how miserable her condition in life is.

Without feminism, she might have a husband and family, despite her frightful appearance. Instead, it's one "slimy retracting penis" after another, hoping for someone to fornicate with that won't make her feel "totally gross" after he leaves, and worrying about the "good" groceries. She's resigned to her ideology-shaped fate, but she's self-aware enough to realize it sucks.

This is the life that these people claim that they aim for.

Quote:Quote:

And I know it's a thing (maybe a sitcom thing?) to bitch about having to do a fake porn moan under the same sweaty, hairy, disgusting meatsack of a pre-corpse you've been holding your farts in under for the last five or 10 or 15 years or whatever, but I don't even care: I WANT THAT.

Quote: (01-10-2014 05:26 PM)Bacchus Wrote:  

3)HIDE YOUR GOOD GROCERIES

Quote: (01-10-2014 06:02 PM)Nolecbo Wrote:  

According to the story, he returned to the bed carrying six items:

Oreos

No, get this: not just any Oreos, but an UNOPENED bag of Oreos.

OH, THE INDIGNITY!

This self-loathing jezebel-author banging lowlife couldnt just take the already opened bag of Oreos closed shut with the clothespin. He had to take a whole, UNOPENED, bag of Oreos and she couldnt do anything about it. She had to watch while this hungry hungry hun raped her GOOD groceries. Oh why he couldnt take the bag of fig newtons from the dollar store? Why earth goddess, why?

Quote: (01-10-2014 08:04 PM)ryanf Wrote:  

For the next 30 minutes, we talked about all the shit we should take when leaving a girl's house. Not stealing per say, not something she would call the cops about, but something that would really inconvenience her. The list included

Batteries from her remote

Ive done this.

You know, sometimes people hate on a girl's looks on the forum, and I think "aw, com'on. She's not a looker but she's cute." I scrolled down this thread expecting that original author was exaggerating and I'd see a moderately cute SWLP.

But no. germanico's gif of Mickey ripping his eyes out is right. The girl looks like the kind of lesbian that beats other lesbians up.

I rifle through girl's refrigerators and pantries regularly

They are usually stuffed full but unfortunately I almost never find anything that I consider edible

I did score some goat cheese and good crackers last weekend though

Quote: (01-10-2014 07:25 PM)DJ-Matt Wrote:  

Ah yes the old myspace angle, clearly a SIF, although I think the secret's out already

Yeah, nothing secret about that one. The myspace angle is probably to achieve some bare minimum level of dignity.

I cuss a lot, it's from growing up being poor white trash. Even I find these Jezebel articles tasteless. Do they all start out with "FUUCCCKKK" and a snarky comment? Seems they all write nearly exactly the same. No originality.

Jesus, I just read that article...actually my first time reading a Jezebel article.

You guys should check out the comments section. A good window into the minds of some of these skanks. Lots of bragging, posturing, I'm-a-strong-woman-in-control-and-I-can-throw-a-guy-out-after-sex bullshit.

Article's mostly attention-whoring juvenalia, but some comments from me:

1. Maybe it's just me, but I've never had the urge to munch on some chick's food in her refrigerator after banging. Ever.

Sounds like this cunt is projecting out to the world her fear of losing the one real love in her life: food

2. The whole humidifier thing was a bad joke about a way to cover up her "queefs" during sex. Yeah, whatever, dunce. The reality is that that shit is more of a turn off to us than you. Nothing ruins the vibe more than unwanted sounds coming out from down there, due to your flapping lips.

3. Ugly chicks can be just as delusional (if not more so) than hot ones. What guys are banging ugly freaks like this? Yet in her mind, she has all the options in the world, able to hire and fire whatever guys she likes. Able to "kick out" any random guy from an endless lineup of options, all of them eagerly willing to dive into her putrid snatch.

I don't even know where to start. I am cracking up laughing, but this shit is sad. The male equivalent of her would still be a virgin, yet she is projecting all of this fake confidence because she gets a ton of desperate dick.

a woman using a man for sex is like a man using a woman for a relationship

Why do you guys even read sites/articles like that?

delete

Quote: (01-10-2014 10:19 PM)germanico Wrote:  

No, get this: not just any Oreos, but an UNOPENED bag of Oreos.

OH, THE INDIGNITY!

See, now this is why I'm gonna call bullshit on the whole thing. There is no way in hell a bag of oreos would stay unopened long enough to get stolen from this chick's house.

Judging by the camera angle and pudgy face, we're probably looking at a major fattie, in which case I doubt she had anything as healthy as "almonds" or "red beans and rice" in her fridge to begin with. The whole thing's a hoax; an attempt to get her peers to believe that she is:

a) getting more dick than she actually is

and

b) eating more healthily than she actually is

However, she is self-loathing enough (i.e. realistic) to know that nobody would believe Brad Pitt fucked her and then stole all her fruit and vegetables.

Case closed.

Quote: (01-11-2014 08:31 AM)MidniteSpecial Wrote:  

Why do you guys even read sites/articles like that?

We need to occasionally remind ourselves of the horrors that lurk in the dark corners of the world so that we might properly appreciate young, thin, feminine women who cook for us rather than worry that we're going to steal their dessert.

I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.

This fat sack of shit is the female equivalent of a male with the build of Jabba the Hut writing an article about how between marathon video game sessions, fantasy football, and re-runs of Family Guy he somehow manages to bed supermodels and kick them out of his apartment so he can make another Taco Bell run and pick up a dimebag from one of his bros. No chance in hell.

Also interesting to compare that if a male wrote an article about how he's a couch potato waiting to die from a heart attack or diabetes, sustaining himself on junk food, and somehow still managing to have sex with women, but not enjoying it, other men would tell to him get help and change his life.

Gotta love how Americunts are constantly patting each other on the back for being dysfunctional losers by any objective measure, but still having the nerve to think that 99% of the men on the planet are somehow not good enough for them.

This is further proof that XO Jane and Jezebel are about empowering ugly fat women. Unfortunately, they are effective in doing so. If that women were to try to say those same things in person to any group of people, everyone would disregard her. It is only because the internet levels the playing field somewhat between losers and normal people that she is able to have such a loud voice.

Quote: (01-10-2014 06:02 PM)Nolecbo Wrote:  

The elaboration on groceries was:

---------------------

HIDE YOUR GOOD GROCERIES.

Caps Lock on because I mean that shit. Last dude I had up in here was like, “Hey, can I get a glass of water?” and came back to my bed with the Brita pitcher, a package of sopressata still wrapped in butcher paper, an unopened bag of Oreos, and a container of expensive-ass Whole Foods marcona almonds.

All I could do was sit there, mouth slack in disbelief, and watch this dude eat the three-piece mild from Popeyes I was saving for breakfast in two gigantic bites as his slimy penis recoiled back into his body. Now I keep some bottled water on the nightstand. HE ATE MY RED BEANS AND RICE WITH HIS FINGERS, YOU GUYS. I mourn to this day.

---------------------

According to the story, he returned to the bed carrying six items:
Pitcher of water
Salami
Oreos
Almonds
Fried Chicken (this is what she meant by 'three-piece mild from Popeyes')
Red beans and rice side, also from Popeyes

Assuming that even 1/3 of this is true (did he carry a tray? make several trips?), clearly the men she hosts have eating habits as disgusting as hers. In one way, they HAVE done a service for us all - by banging this gross female, she will stay in her apartment for a few days - so maybe they deserve a tasty treat.

Personally, I never thought to do this - raid her fridge after the bang. Lets go back to the RVF cliche - was this alpha?

Taking her food after you fuck her == beyond alpha. Think about it, she's trying to trap you with her body in order to take your resources, and you take hers instead?

Alfafa as fuck.

Quote: (01-10-2014 08:51 PM)Sawyer Wrote:  

We need an answer on the humidifier, and we need it now. It's too strange to ignore.

I guess if go over to a girl's house and she has the humidifier going full blast, it's on.

From the article...

Quote:Quote:

But I don’t want to listen to my queefs in surround sound, bouncing off the walls of my minimally furnished crib, so I run the humidifier. Extra loud.

I'm looking back over this because I'm still in disbelief that such an article even gets published. It's doubtful that any man on the planet would want to stick his dick in this girl. Yet, somehow she's an "expert" on banging new dudes and writes an article giving advice about something she obviously has little to no experience in.

She even looks like the character Wendell from Key and Peele. The whole point of the character is basically the type of typical dork/loser who has absolutely no chance of ever getting laid and is going to die alone with his action figures.






This article is basically like that guy writing an article on casual sex and one night stands.

I've never been with a girl that has "good groceries", and it's because I've never fucked a fattie (chubbie, sure)

Nearly every girl I've banged has had the following in her fridge:

3 day old leftovers in a styrofoam to-go container.
A pizza box with 3 slices of dry ass, congealed cheese pizza inside. Packets of parmesan and chili flakes still in the box.
6 different kinds of salad dressing
Condiments galore: ketchup, 3 bottles of mustard, 2 bottles of bbq sauce, 4 different kinds of jam/jelly, 2 jars of peanut butter with like one spoonful left in each of them and tons of crumbs at the bottom as well.
Some sort of sugary drink like orange soda or Crystal Light
A cornucopia of frozen entrees that could sustain a 3rd world village for an entire year, with a 1.5L bottle of vodka in the freezer as well. 2 ice trays with no ice inside. 4 tubs of mostly empty ice cream and sorbet, all of them with ice crystals blanketing the top.
All different kinds of milk alternatives: soy milk, almond milk, rice milk. All opened and each with a few drops left inside, likely expired.
Margarine. Bitches never have butter. Always margarine or some fake butter spread.
Stale sandwich bread.
Random, forgotten pieces of old produce in some ill attempt at healthy cooking; a sad, dried out head of broccoli, a head of iceberg lettuce, limp carrots, sprouted garlic.