I just got back from a solo night out, this thread really put me in the mood.

Threw on some jeans, v-neck t, nicer shoes (usual) and headed out. Bought a pack of cigs on the way. Went to a bar that I'm familiar with which usually has a solid ratio and cuter girls.

Tonight was an off night, very little talent to work with.

Bought a Sprite ($2) at the bar and started walkin around scoping out opportunities. This is a country bar and the crowd was mostly women in their 30s. Fat, hopeless, masculine, women in their 30s.

Anyway, America sucks but whatever, u do the best you can with what you've got.

So I saw a few cute girls but didn't approach right away cuz I was still kidna scared. Make my way outside to the patio for a smoke, which is the perfect home base for solo. Outside I ask some chick for a lighter (she was gross) who was with some dude. The three of us start talking about guns and stuff as I kill time waiting for real opportunities.

A 6.5 comes out with her phone by herself and sits nearby me. The people I was talking to left so I took advantage. "Hey what's the weather like for tomorrow?" (fav cell phone opener) and it was taken warmly. We talk for a little while and all im thinking is 'eh, i'd hit it but this girl is a mess'. Do I really even like her? (no)

So whatever, doesn't really go anywhere and thats cool. Roll back inside pick a spot to stand confidently and comfortably. The shot girl ends up approaching me (obv for a shot) which I denied. Still, she hung around and started talkin about some shit which I nodded to (it was loud) for a little while and threw some fake smiles. She mighta liked me but I don't game shot girls (not worth it).

Opened up a set of 3 girls at some table... 5, 6.5 and 6 which was fun for a little bit. I told them a story of how I got free shots because I made a bet with the bartender or something. I make up a lot of dumb shit for the sake of conversation. Anyway that was cool then went kinda nowhere.

At the end of the night I got no numbers and no makeouts. More importantly I have NO regrets.

I did the best I could with what I had. I stepped out of my comfort zone. I worked my social mojo. I participated. I put my destiny in my own hands. I tried.

And let me tell you I will be going out alone tomorrow night too. You just give yourself so many more opportunities to meet girls. Friends do nothing but hold you back. Fuck em.

GLethal - Did you drink?

It seems like you were on a different wavelength because all those chicks, like shot girl, were getting sauced.

Quote: (07-06-2013 01:16 AM)Therapsid Wrote:  

GLethal - Did you drink?

It seems like you were on a different wavelength because all those chicks, like shot girl, were getting sauced.

No I was sober. The sprite lasted me a while then I got a bottle of Newcastle.

Didn't really think about their drunkness, but definitely will keep that factor in back of my head moving forward.

Thanks for sharing Houston. Very candidly written. :-)

It's like you said, the scariest thing is the thought of going out solo, walking into the club, talking to the girl, etc. The actual doing isn't so bad.

Very cool of the O.G. to notice the Latina with the attitude and help you shake it off. You have to wonder how many guys had one instance like that and it soured them to approaching for years to come...

Girls in the U.S. can be soo unbelievably nasty to men that I think if I ever have a son, I'll have to make sure he spends his formative years in Thailand or something, so his early experiences with women are overwhelmingly encouraging.

Anyway, great post man. [b]I bet now you even prefer solo game[/b], dontcha?

I've been forced to go out solo a few nights. I generally prefer to go out with at least one other friend but lately my few friends Ive made since I moved have been flaking or hanging with their wives/gfs (the lack of quality standup dudes in south beach could be another thread). I work from home and get lonely and bored and badly need to socialize, so this has forced me out solo maybe 3-4 times.

The venue and crowdedness creates the most anxiety for me. Ironically the situations where its clear im alone, im still more comfortable. I know sitting at the bar is social suicide but if I walk into a bar and its crowded, I have walked right out. I couldnt stand both being alone and having to stand around or immediately approach people.

Going early and sitting at a bar, getting food, chillin etc, I have pretty low anxiety. I def don't have the balls to go into a high energy place later at night solo.

Quote: (07-08-2013 12:49 AM)_DC_ Wrote:  

I've been forced to go out solo a few nights. I generally prefer to go out with at least one other friend but lately my few friends Ive made since I moved have been flaking or hanging with their wives/gfs (the lack of quality standup dudes in south beach could be another thread). I work from home and get lonely and bored and badly need to socialize, so this has forced me out solo maybe 3-4 times.

The venue and crowdedness creates the most anxiety for me. Ironically the situations where its clear im alone, im still more comfortable. I know sitting at the bar is social suicide but if I walk into a bar and its crowded, I have walked right out. I couldnt stand both being alone and having to stand around or immediately approach people.

Going early and sitting at a bar, getting food, chillin etc, I have pretty low anxiety. I def don't have the balls to go into a high energy place later at night solo.

Drink more.

Also, the more you do it, the easier it will become.

High energy places are easier to blend in.

What you guys have to realize is that no one gives a f*ck that you are solo in a bar.

Quote:Quote:

I know sitting at the bar is social suicide

What do you mean by this?

Quote: (07-08-2013 12:49 AM)_DC_ Wrote:  

The venue and crowdedness creates the most anxiety for me. Ironically the situations where its clear im alone, im still more comfortable. I know sitting at the bar is social suicide

I have swooped at least a half-dozen girls sitting by myself, intently watching an NBA game and drinking at various bars in Manhattan. If the girl spends more than 2.3sec looking at the game - you're on.

Esp in towns where most of guys aren't actually interested in whatever sport is on TV, and she is. You can jump into her top 1% right there.

Shit, I picked a girl up [solid 7] during a late-night Trailblazers game on a Sunday, and she was dead-solid sober when I opened. We went clubbing after, asked her if she wanted to go back to her place or mine, turned out she lived a block away!

Never saw her again after that morning, either. But nor did I try.

Alright, good information. Just thought the concensus was always "standing up is better". If I sit alone at a bar, Im usually opened by a girl at least once, who is usually sitting next to me or getting a drink next to me. A common girl move is "excuse me" when they arent in your way at all.

I need to get out in the twilight more, get a bar seat early. Seating down just puts me at ease, because if youre standing around and not talking to anyone its very awkward... so its like a ticking timebomb "fuck i need to talk to someone".

Quote: (07-08-2013 12:49 AM)_DC_ Wrote:  

The venue and crowdedness creates the most anxiety for me. Ironically the situations where its clear im alone, im still more comfortable. I know sitting at the bar is social suicide but if I walk into a bar and its crowded, I have walked right out. I couldnt stand both being alone and having to stand around or immediately approach people.

Going early and sitting at a bar, getting food, chillin etc, I have pretty low anxiety. I def don't have the balls to go into a high energy place later at night solo.

I think Miami Beach is a great place to go out solo. Lot's of tourists / foreigners / transplants etc....I lived there for many years and have a good social network but went out solo all the time.

I'm in DC now. I go out solo a lot here too. Every time I go out I make friends. I go to sports bars / lounges / and music venues. There are always a lot of people solo. Like G said in his post - nobody gives a shit if you are there solo.

Here is why I like rolling solo:
1. I like to do my own thing. In 20 years of going out I've had 3 maybe friends with a sh*t to meet girls with. Most are dead weight or worse.
2. I hate sheep and group think.
3. I am looking for women that are out solo. (there are more than you think)
4. I hate women that are sheep or into group think. Why? 1-1 interaction without mother hen bs or passing social tests with losers.
5. I can go out and go home at will.
6. It is a good f**king adventure to get off the couch and into the world. Amazing what can happen in 8 hours.

South Florida is an amazing place to be a lone wolf my friend. If you have anxiety, start checking out new places out of your comfort zone. Go to Ft Laud and try some new bars. Introduce yourself to the bartender "hey cool place, Im from DC but live in SoBE now. What's good in Lauderdale?" Leave after 2 drinks and check out the bar they suggest. Go back a week or 2 later and find the same bartender. Soon, you won't be anxious, you won't feel weird solo at the bar because now you are a local and the bartender knows you. DHV meet tourist girls, bang, rinse, repeat.

Thanks for the good advice KP. Yeah Ive def got into a funk where I don't explore enough. Ive got one bar Ive been at solo once and had a very good experience and will be going back. Its completely knew to me like It was to Houston and way out of my comfort zone. I think the six years of working alone, the last few from home have really dulled my social senses. I was great at meeting people in college and had almost zero anxiety.

I feel like tourists are harder than locals only because the tourists are always with a couple friends who seem to always want to stick together. With locals, the friends live nearby and wont have alone in a strange land syndrome. Ive never rolled solo on the tourist side of the island before though, just have stuck around local places.

I basically have gone solo out of necessity on a few weekends but would love to become a pro at it.

And G, "drink more", I lol'd because that's def not my problem.

Agreed, Miami Beach is probably the 2nd best place to go out Dolo in the world after NYC.

The tourist girls are the easiest, just play tour guide and show them "the real Miami".

Yeah, you often will have to "game the group" or at least Game two of them.

But yeah, that is one of the easiest rackets going.

Going out solo is the only way to roll unless you are certain the guy you are rolling with won't trigger her hypergamus nature.

Ex: going out with a better looking dude with equivalent game = cock blocking yourself. She will choose him over you.

You have to really choose wisely, ie: the guy I wing with from time to time likes white chicks, so if there is a Latina + white chick it's game on we split them and move.

Going out alone is better 99/100 times, you are more mobile, you can venue change, you can quickly infiltrate new groups etc.

Finally, going solo is no different than groups. Why? You simply split up when you go out at night. That's the truth, all the times you go out with your boys it's not like you open groups together at all times, you two ditch each other within the club/bar and hit on chicks separately. No different than being alone.

a good way to get more comfortable with going out alone is to start off going to places that have things to do, like team trivia, pool tables, shuffleboard, etc. You now have a way to interact with others that is much more natural for most people.

it also really helps to have a few conversational items "chambered" beforehand that you can bust out if conversations starts to wane.

And probably the most important thing is to do things you find fun and make that the top priority. Remove the pressure of having to pick up. if you are having fun, you will be more comfortable doing approaches, but you will also get approached way more b/c your mood shows through. Its very attractive to be a guy out by himself having a blast.

Not that I disagree with pool/trivia being an aid to pickup, but it is very very alpha to just go out and lone wolf on your own.

Chicks respect that way more than you'd think. I've never met a girl in my life who wouldn't talk to me because there weren't #+ guys with me. You nailed it in your last sentence.

I rarely come home without a lesson learned or a story to tell when I get out solo. That in itself is valuable.

While I don't personally roll out solo that much, that's more because I have a strong social group and usually at least one person is available to go out.

Something I think has always been a little intimidating, but actually NOT THAT BIG A DEAL is to go out solo.

You have no idea how high a percentage of weird looks I've received when mentioning off-hand to someone that I like to go to dinner or a movie or whatever alone. People are seriously afraid of this, like they're going to look like some strange weirdo or "what do you do, aren't you bored?"

Can you imagine? The purpose of going to dinner or to a movie is the activity itself. Having conversation during dinner can be nice, but if you can't go out alone to something that doesn't even involve socializing or picking up girls, how do you think you have a hope in hell of going out alone and trying to pick up girls. Go force yourself to go do things by yourself.

The important thing is that YOU drive it and YOU'RE choosing what you're doing. Even if it's a cool trip (skydiving, hiking, etc...) but YOU are the catalyst you will see how rewarding it is when you take control of your own destiny. People afraid of doing any one of those things by themselves has huge insecurities and will never drive their own future and live their dreams.

What kind of person do you want to be? Start small if you're far off from your goal, but dream big, and take those damn steps. In a woman's world (and even in a man's), you're going to get way more respect being an interesting, driven, confident guy out alone than if you have 2 sort of cool dudes with you and you guys are talking sports or some other guy shit.

I regularly when out with friends (and wanting to find more attractive girls to be around and talk to or if I just don't feel the venue) decide to just venture off on my own and scope out a couple other bars/venues. Especially if there's long lines everywhere, it's much easier for me to scope out places solo than it is with a group of 3-5 people. Worst case I come back and join my friends, best case I find a cool girl or spot and hit up my friends to let them know I'm not coming back.

Once you find a couple venues that you like, you should be going out there regularly to get the place on lockdown, so that you know most of the staff, and then it's even EASIER to be out solo.

Trust me, when I'm at a place or two that I have locked down, NOBODY is asking me why I'm there alone when the staff are greeting me here and there and my drinks come fast and heavily poured. I love going out with my friends, but they are ADDITIONS to the experience, not the whole experience and certainly shouldn't be a crutch.

Quote: (07-10-2013 08:24 PM)MaleDefined Wrote:  

I rarely come home without a lesson learned or a story to tell when I get out solo. That in itself is valuable.

Agreed. I can remember every interaction much better without a friend there to divert attention, accidentally or purposefully mess things up.

Quote: (07-10-2013 08:53 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Once you find a couple venues that you like, you should be going out there regularly to get the place on lockdown, so that you know most of the staff, and then it's even EASIER to be out solo.

Trust me, when I'm at a place or two that I have locked down, NOBODY is asking me why I'm there alone when the staff are greeting me here and there and my drinks come fast and heavily poured. I love going out with my friends, but they are ADDITIONS to the experience, not the whole experience and certainly shouldn't be a crutch.

Exactly. When you have a place locked down, rather than seem like a weirdo loner like a lot of guys seem to fear (and it's a greatly exaggerated fear) you come across as a high value, respected guy who is confident and comfortable in the place.

Example: Just last week i went into one of my regular places with an online girl I had just met that night. We sat down at the bar, and the bartender came right over and said "Do you want "xxx" (a certain cocktail) or "yyy" (a certain beer). The bartenders there know I always start out drinking one of those two. I told the bartender which and the girl just turned to look at me with astonishment and said "Cool!" Instant DHV and comfort building.

Quote: (07-10-2013 09:31 PM)MrXY Wrote:  

rather than seem like a weirdo loner like a lot of guys seem to fear (and it's a greatly exaggerated fear)

This type of thing is REALLY exaggerated. Do you really think anyone knows or cares that much about some random dude in a big city?

Stop giving a shit and do what you came to do.

Going out solo is an adventure in itself. From my experience, girls tend to eye you way more when you're alone. Not to mention, it would also be easier for them to approach you (since you're alone/don't approach them first).

Let me give you guys a wake up call. I am an Asian. I go out solo in 90% white state. I am one of few asian guys at a bar and will probably the only asian guy hitting on white girls and I get stared at. But I still go out.
Plus, I am not a native speaker. The first thing I worked on was delivering 'hey how's it going' and saying my name correctly.

Unless you are a white/black dude in china, you can't make any excuses.
Why are you scared of people just looking like you and grew up in the same culture?
Just go out.

Wingman?

What's that?

Quote: (07-11-2013 01:38 AM)Sebastian Wrote:  

Let me give you guys a wake up call. I am an Asian. I go out solo in 90% white state. I am one of few asian guys at a bar and will probably the only asian guy hitting on white girls and I get stared at. But I still go out.
Plus, I am not a native speaker. The first thing I worked on was delivering 'hey how's it going' and saying my name correctly.

Unless you are a white/black dude in china, you can't make any excuses.
Why are you scared of people just looking like you and grew up in the same culture?
Just go out.

That should be enough inspiration for anyone.

^^^The things that I thought I would hate actually are some of my favorite activities- rolling out solo, climbing tall stuff, riding roller-coasters, meeting new people (used to be anxiety-ridden meeting new people) and trying new foods (used to be the pickiest eater EVER. I dont think I ate veggies until I was 13).

Rolling out solo is rough to start, but its very enjoyable. I started about 8 months ago, and its great. Now, I would guess I am solo about 70% of the time I go out.

Baby-steps-
1) Roll out w/a group but separate from them increasingly. First for an hour, then 2 hours
2) Roll out w/a group for dinner (take your own car/taxi), then bounce to another spot by yourself
3) Roll out full solo.

Furthermore, being Asian isn't a disadvantage as long as you don't look like a dork. Cant underestimate the novelty factor. Therent arent many well-put together social Asians.

This thread inspired me, im going out lone wolf tonight ow ow hooooooowl. This should be quite the experience. Gotta limit my drinking tonight, it's been tough using it as a crutch when I seem to be unable to pace myself once I get the slightest buzz.
Anyways thanks for the inspiration dudes, Happy hunting tonight!