So this weekend I have a date to capture a new flag from a solid 8.

I also have a girl I'm seeing on the regular who's deeply in love and I haven't turned her down so far, so she thinks we're exclusive and I cna't bring myself to break her heart. Add to this that she's new to town and I'm basically the only person she spends time with. Makes me feel horrible.

Anyways, I got a message from her:

"I hear you have a date Saturday!?"

A lump formed in my throat. Shit, she found out. I wrote back:

"Date?"

No answer. Nothing.

How did she find out? I was starting to feel seriously worried. A little at the prospect of losing her, but I also felt a rush of relief that now it was over. I felt far worse for the possible brain-fuck I had just inflicted on her.

Scenarios began in my head: if she wrote me that overtext, does that mean we can break up over text? Hopefully that means I never have to see her again and can avoid the very unpleasant confrontation.

But how did she find out?

I checked my phone. I used to keep different girls on different phones, but that became a hassle so now I just give them guys names on my main phone but try and remember to delete convos. Nothing conspicuous except for one brief convo with the 8 about Saturday. Shit. Did she call her?

New scenario: the two girls talk to each other over the phone and agree to coordinate so that I meet them both Satuday night when I'm expecting to meet just HB8. I can already feel the discomfort of two wenches accusing me, however justly, of playing the field and leading them on. Dammit! I was really looking forward to hearing that DJ, and now I'm going to have to stay home to avoid trouble. Fuck. If she shows up ringing, can I pretend like I'm not home?

All these scenarios are going through my head.

After an hour, the response comes:

"with Anthony "

WTF???

Then I remember. I had agree to take her girlfriend's man down to the gym and introduce him to weightlifting.

I'd be lying if I didn't say I was relieved.

I'd also be lying if I didn't say I was also a bit disappointed.

Good job on keeping your cool. Most dudes let what's happening inside show on the outside.

Imagine if you were an average dude. You'd reflexively start apologizing or trying to explain what is going on. Theres a good lesson to be learned here.

But hey, maybe you do care more about this girl than you let yourself to believe.

Sunshine is the best disinfectant. If you haven't had an explicit conversation about exclusivity with your regular, she probably just assumed it, which makes you a cheater in her mind.

You need to tell her you indeed have a date on Saturday, because you've never intended on being exclusive with her unless explicitly agreed, and if she has a problem with that, you understand and are sorry that it won't work the way she was hoping it would.

Then you see if she sticks around or not. If not, it's her problem, not yours. You have a date on Saturday anyways.

Quote: (04-04-2013 01:57 PM)Fatless Wrote:  

You need to tell her you indeed have a date on Saturday, because you've never intended on being exclusive with her unless explicitly agreed, and if she has a problem with that, you understand and are sorry that it won't work the way she was hoping it would.

Wrong answer try again. That is girl advice. This is a player forum.

You do NOT need to tell her anything. It is business as usual ElJefe.

Even now when my girl or any girl starts to call me on shit like seeing other girls, there's a little tiny lump in my throat, the last residual grains of beta lingering around.

Just remind yourself: we're human, life is short, the universe doesn't care what we do. Everything you do is insignificant. Puts things in perspective, no? Kind of gives you a sense of humor about life? Retain that, it works wonders in game. Women are not something to be taken seriously, no matter how much it seems like her emotional well-being is at stake.

You have no responsibility to her, remember that. She's responsible for her own happiness. If she allows other people bearing on her happiness, she deserves whatever comes her way.

In your dealings with women, even if you're breaking new territory, you should be telling yourself, "Just going through the motions. Nothing to see here. Might as well be comfortable."

Quote: (04-04-2013 05:22 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

You have no responsibility to her, remember that. She's responsible for her own happiness. If she allows other people bearing on her happiness, she deserves whatever comes her way.

In your dealings with women, even if you're breaking new territory, you should be telling yourself, "Just going through the motions. Nothing to see here. Might as well be comfortable."

I actually bought into this view when I was younger, but I've since rejected it.

We're responsible for own actions and our own feelings, yes. But there is no denying we also affect how others feel. It's just human reality.

If I can prevent someone from being hurt for no good reason (my own hedonistic preferences), then this awareness itself demands I do so. Treat others as you would have them treat you.

I guess it's a question of whether hypocrisy bothers you. It certainly bothers me, even if discover hypocrisyin my own dealings daily.

Still... I don't have the balls to dump her. Wish I did. I'm hoping she'll find happiness in some new endeavor soon enough. Right now she'd walk through hell for me, it seems and I can't help but appreciate her forthrightness and loyalty. I just don't want to settle down!

Yeah. Seeing if she sticks around or not should happen when she catches you raw-dogging her sister or something not after a simple misunderstanding.

Quote: (04-04-2013 05:30 PM)ElJefe Wrote:  

Quote: (04-04-2013 05:22 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

You have no responsibility to her, remember that. She's responsible for her own happiness. If she allows other people bearing on her happiness, she deserves whatever comes her way.

In your dealings with women, even if you're breaking new territory, you should be telling yourself, "Just going through the motions. Nothing to see here. Might as well be comfortable."

I actually bought into this view when I was younger, but I've since rejected it.

We're responsible for own actions and our own feelings, yes. But there is no denying we also affect how others feel. It's just human reality.

If I can prevent someone from being hurt for no good reason (my own hedonistic preferences), then this awareness itself demands I do so. Treat others as you would have them treat you.

I guess it's a question of whether hypocrisy bothers you. It certainly bothers me, even if discover hypocrisyin my own dealings daily.

Still... I don't have the balls to dump her. Wish I did. I'm hoping she'll find happiness in some new endeavor soon enough. Right now she'd walk through hell for me, it seems and I can't help but appreciate her forthrightness and loyalty. I just don't want to settle down!

That's a bit of a personal philosophical quandary. Everyone's different I guess. I can only speak for myself when I say that even though my actions might be hypocritical, I have zero conflict about that whatsoever.

I never go out of my way to hurt others. I don't gain pleasure from hurting others and I'll avoid it if at all possible. But I also know emotions are controllable. I've had some fucked up shit happen to me and I'd like to think I handled it in stride.

But everything's relative. Good on you for showing compassion.

With that said... it's still just a girl.

And life is too short to worry about shit like this. I just felt like sharing a "funny" story. I'm barely in my prime. My muscles are swelling, my finances are improving, and my self-esteem is growing. No reason to sell a strongly appreciating stock.

do you think this would work the other way around?

as a guy, text a girl you're seein: "heard you got a date saturday"

or do you think this is only something that a girl could text a guy?

i guess it depends how much hand the guys got? it would either drive the girl away for good, or she'd laugh it off, or in the rare case she might fess up. whachu think?

In the past, I guess that a man not wanting to hurt anyone but with balls itching for new pussy could just visit a brothel and solve both problems at once. But since that is now illegal, we don't live in rational times.

Quote: (04-04-2013 04:44 PM)kenny_powers Wrote:  

Quote: (04-04-2013 01:57 PM)Fatless Wrote:  

You need to tell her you indeed have a date on Saturday, because you've never intended on being exclusive with her unless explicitly agreed, and if she has a problem with that, you understand and are sorry that it won't work the way she was hoping it would.

Wrong answer try again. That is girl advice. This is a player forum.

You do NOT need to tell her anything. It is business as usual ElJefe.

I disagree. OP doesn't need to hide the fact that he's not exclusive, so long as she knows it and is okay with it. Girl advice would be something like, "stop dating multiple women, you jerk."