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Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy
#1

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

I'm in my early thirties and I want to settle down with one person and build a life with that woman. The problem is, however, that the thought of fucking one girl and only one girl until I die is a terrifying venture.

To give up all the variety of body shapes, accents, styles, and looks is a daunting prospect.

I've had long term relationships in the past and the sex has always fizzled out towards the end and that fault has always been mine. After 6 months or so, when you've tried everything and tried it many times, the sex because more like a chore to me and I get to the point where I would prefer reverting to porn.

This may lead to many suggesting to stay single and fuck around. The issue is that i have indeed spent these past few years being single and fucking around 20 women and that time period and its not something I want to continue into my late 30s.

Is anyone else in a similar scenario?

You're tired of fucking around but you cant envision just sleeping with one woman forever?
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#2

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

You're in a similar headspace to me. I was getting in relationships (generally whenever I met a hb8 or hb9) and then getting sick of them and going back to being single again.

Once you have a taste of player lifestyle, or at least serial monogamy, it's going to be hard to go full monogamous forever and ever.

I'm not tired of fucking around because I pace myself with quality girls, I'd rather bang 3 hotties a year than 30 warpigs. So that, for me, brings balance to the force.
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#3

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Has it ever occurred to you to try what worked for your father and his father and his father? Mainly, marry a good woman, have side chicks discreetly.
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#4

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Most men are not meant for the strictly player lifestyle. At the end of the day, we all want a good girl to come home to and take care of us. We want that rock solid girl who's a ride or die and is always on our team.

Then, after having that great ride or die chick, we start thinking about all the variety we had on the side. Suddenly, you find yourself salivating at the thought of new pussy. You still love your girl, but that new pussy is so intoxicating. Your girl can feel that you have a foot out the door, and the relationship ends.

Then, you go back to chasing new pussy, and the cycle repeats itself.

You want to have a great relationship with your main chick? Fuck other chicks on the side, but keep it at that. There's no reason why you can't have your cake and eat it too.

You should have a couple of discrete FBs on the side if you're in a relationship. Because you have multiple women, your need for variety will be met and you'll desire sex with your LTR more. Plus, even if she isn't putting out as much as you like you can focus on other aspects of your relationship, and enjoy the carnal aspects with your FBs. You'll feel more fulfilled and virile overall.

The best part is by having other chicks on the side, you'll be able to keep better frame with your LTR which will lead to a better relationship for both of you.

Luckily the trend is changing, where men realize that monogamy is not the de jour thing. Men can actually maintain a serious LTR and have chicks on the side. Women have a lot of trouble with that emotionally.
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#5

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Most dudes are not even players, nevermind living the player lifestyle. Calling most dudes on this forum "players" would be a misnomer. I'm not saying that to disparage anyway. I sometimes struggle to call myself a player when I catch myself slipping.

I think STRs are a good choice for younger guys who want to build up their relationship skills and still play often. The problem though is learning how to exit STRs.

I will be checking my PMs weekly, so you can catch me there. I will not be posting.
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#6

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 08:13 AM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

Most men are not meant for the strictly player lifestyle. At the end of the day, we all want a good girl to come home to and take care of us. We want that rock solid girl who's a ride or die and is always on our team.

Then, after having that great ride or die chick, we start thinking about all the variety we had on the side. Suddenly, you find yourself salivating at the thought of new pussy. You still love your girl, but that new pussy is so intoxicating. Your girl can feel that you have a foot out the door, and the relationship ends.

Then, you go back to chasing new pussy, and the cycle repeats itself.

I agree. Many of my friends arem struggling with this. Somehow is the paradox of having too many choices. You feel like it is never enough and start to get bored easily. I think it starts to happen at your mid 20's and when your game is giving results. I suggest to keep all the doors open, but be quiet about it. Because you need to rememver that as you have choices, a girl will always have more than you and if she dumps your ass you will end up alone. Just find a way to keep all the cards in your hand. I don't say you go and fuck everything that you please, but rather that raising your standars and always pursue something that is better that what you have.

My blog: Wolfsout
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#7

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 07:48 AM)praxguy Wrote:  

Has it ever occurred to you to try what worked for your father and his father and his father? Mainly, marry a good woman, have side chicks discreetly.

His grandfather didn't have to deal with the modern courts/hatred of men culture that we do, it's a completely apples and oranges debate. If his grandfather had the same system we do, he would have been brutally divorce raped after his first child, and Flying Horses father would never been born to make him in the first place. Grandpa would have been working 3 jobs to pay for the divorce rape and having his kids on the weekend, he wouldn't have time for a first chick, nevermind a side chick. If she was really vindictive, she could have had him locked up a time or 2 on bogus domestics, so we can add disgraced and imprisoned to the list.

I'm not saying it can't be done, but it's orders of magnitude more dangerous than it was in grandpas day.
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#8

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Personally in my early 30's I'm still enjoying women and having fun with them in general.

I do feel some pangs about wanting a steady girl, but definitely not marriage or kids at all.

There's a few rare guys who can handle being single and playing the field past 30.

Problem is alot these guys who have banged alot of women, had a few ltr's, and have been doing it for years see what women are capable of.

I wouldn't call it jaded, maybe these guys are just wiser to women's ways are reducing risk by avoiding getting married or having an LTR.

Also, I think the more women you sleep with, the more you lose your ability to bond with just one woman.

A few years ago I ended things with a woman who wanted to marry me and wanted to have my children in the next 4-5 years.

Even with her I loved every inch of her, but I also played the field on the side for the hunt/chase of new pussy, but damn it kept my game skillset sharp as fuck.

I had about 2 semi serious relationships with them, but that "feeling" just wasn't there and those came to some abrupt ends also.

I just don't have that "urge" to be with any women in my life like that - keep in mind there's plenty of other women out there.

WIA told me once that playing the game was "heaven and purgatory" - this echoes in my mind ever so often because damn it's true.

It's okay to have fun, enjoy the company of women, short term or long term, as long as they know your intentions.

You don't have an expiration date like women do when it comes to kids and marriage.
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#9

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

I'm married and don't want to live in a society where sex outside of marriage is legitimized, any more than I don't want to live in a society where I have to wonder if the guy next to me in the bathroom is gay, or if my family members are inclined to incest. Men "not being able to do monogamy" is the exact same self-centered garbage as women justifying not being able to keep their legs shut. If you're not married, or don't care about social norms, do whatever you want. If you are, then part of owning the relationship is not being an adulterer.
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#10

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 12:10 PM)Lunostrelki Wrote:  

I'm married and don't want to live in a society where sex outside of marriage is legitimized, any more than I don't want to live in a society where I have to wonder if the guy next to me in the bathroom is gay, or if my family members are inclined to incest. Men "not being able to do monogamy" is the exact same self-centered garbage as women justifying not being able to keep their legs shut. If you're not married, or don't care about social norms, do whatever you want. If you are, then part of owning the relationship is not being an adulterer.

That's a very black and white view of the world, and I hope you will be able to reconcile it with the shades of grey we live in today.

Social norms are another form of control. Marriage as a concept is outdated. Generally speaking, monogamy is outdated too. Of course, you have to pick and choose how to live your life, and maximize your own happiness.

I just wonder how much of monogamy is actually people consciously choosing it without bias, versus those who are misled to believe it's the only way?

Here's an honest question: What does sexual monogamy do for you in the context of a marriage?

I genuinely want to hear what you have to say.
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#11

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 12:10 PM)Lunostrelki Wrote:  

I'm married and don't want to live in a society where sex outside of marriage is legitimized

Hate to burst your bubble, but it's ALWAYS been around.

Mistress, Harem, Concubines, Escorts, Au Pair, etc.

Quote:Quote:

I don't want to live in a society where I have to wonder if the guy next to me in the bathroom is gay

There were gays before, you just didn't know.

Quote:Quote:

or if my family members are inclined to incest

Bet you've had first cousins fuck and marry in your bloodline somewhere down the line.

Quote:Quote:

Men "not being able to do monogamy" is the exact same self-centered garbage as women justifying not being able to keep their legs shut. If you're not married, or don't care about social norms, do whatever you want. If you are, then part of owning the relationship is not being an adulterer.

Clearly you don't understand the differences between men fucking on the side versus a woman cheating on her man.

That holier than thou shaming ain't gonna fly in here buddy.
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#12

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

So we have a priest in here now LOL. In a game forum, no less!

I've been married once before, for 5 years, and it's not as fun as it sounds. After the first few months it gets very boring and then just goes downhill from there.

The other problem is that it's difficult to cheat without getting caught.. or at least it was for me. Maybe you can figure out how to do it, but I had issues finding the time to fit in the extra girl after work, then if she calls or texts your wife will be like "who was that???"

Not impossible, but I think you need special skills..
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#13

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

@ don, don't make excuses. Cheating is not that hard, especially if you're not married or living with the girl. If you plan on getting married, I would work on a way to earn location independent income to where you could go out of town "for business" every week. This would eliminate a lot of the risk. If you can't do that, the least you could do is get another phone number. Family mobile and other similar companies offer good plans for 25 dls or less. This also assumes you don't "act" differently with your wife by neglecting her emotionally or sexually, which should be a no brainer.
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#14

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Relax guys, as an older guy I am here to reassure you that the urgent curse of pussy worship will wear and dim with time.

You will no longer be a slave to chasing strange pussy all the time, and come to realise that it's just a fold of skin and hardly worth all that effort and risk of sabotaging a quality marriage etc.

So all you have to do is wait until you are 111 years old and ready to settle down before you get married.
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#15

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 06:48 PM)Conquistador Wrote:  

@ don, don't make excuses. Cheating is not that hard, especially if you're not married or living with the girl. If you plan on getting married, I would work on a way to earn location independent income to where you could go out of town "for business" every week. This would eliminate a lot of the risk. If you can't do that, the least you could do is get another phone number. Family mobile and other similar companies offer good plans for 25 dls or less. This also assumes you don't "act" differently with your wife by neglecting her emotionally or sexually, which should be a no brainer.

I agree that it is a lot easier when not living together. Spinning plates / multiple LTRs is not hard at all.

I would never dream of neglecting a girl [Image: whip.gif]
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#16

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 11:47 AM)kaotic Wrote:  

Personally in my early 30's I'm still enjoying women and having fun with them in general.

I do feel some pangs about wanting a steady girl, but definitely not marriage or kids at all.

There's a few rare guys who can handle being single and playing the field past 30.

Problem is alot these guys who have banged alot of women, had a few ltr's, and have been doing it for years see what women are capable of.

I wouldn't call it jaded, maybe these guys are just wiser to women's ways are reducing risk by avoiding getting married or having an LTR.

Also, I think the more women you sleep with, the more you lose your ability to bond with just one woman.

A few years ago I ended things with a woman who wanted to marry me and wanted to have my children in the next 4-5 years.

Even with her I loved every inch of her, but I also played the field on the side for the hunt/chase of new pussy, but damn it kept my game skillset sharp as fuck.

I had about 2 semi serious relationships with them, but that "feeling" just wasn't there and those came to some abrupt ends also.

I just don't have that "urge" to be with any women in my life like that - keep in mind there's plenty of other women out there.

WIA told me once that playing the game was "heaven and purgatory" - this echoes in my mind ever so often because damn it's true.

It's okay to have fun, enjoy the company of women, short term or long term, as long as they know your intentions.

You don't have an expiration date like women do when it comes to kids and marriage.

I can relate to the idea that the more women you fuck the harder it is to bond with them.
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#17

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 12:42 PM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

That's a very black and white view of the world, and I hope you will be able to reconcile it with the shades of grey we live in today.
We've always lived in shades of grey. But principles shouldn't change as much. The reason why we got feminism, Cultural Marxism, and SJWs is because people couldn't handle the material changes caused by industrialization and abandoned their principles.

Quote:Quote:

Social norms are another form of control. Marriage as a concept is outdated. Generally speaking, monogamy is outdated too. Of course, you have to pick and choose how to live your life, and maximize your own happiness.
That's your own opinion. The history of civilization (and un-civilization that we are experiencing today) validates the superiority of monogamy, or at least female chastity.

Quote:Quote:

I just wonder how much of monogamy is actually people consciously choosing it without bias, versus those who are misled to believe it's the only way?

Here's an honest question: What does sexual monogamy do for you in the context of a marriage?

I genuinely want to hear what you have to say.

If everyone is generally monogamous, then husbands don't need to constantly worry about whether their friend is trying to get his wife to cheat on him. It's the same principle as not wanting to wonder if your coworker who you get along well with is gay. If certain destructive behaviors are universally frowned upon, you don't have to concern yourself with them so much.

I don't really believe in personal freedom and choice in the way that it's been marketed in the last few generations. Society, family, civilization etc. work because people put up with reduced freedom and redirect their desires.

I'll concede that lots of traditional societies had concubinage, but even then there was the expectation of chastity on the part of the woman in return for the attention and resources of one man. In moderation it could be viewed as a mechanism for giving rich people more chances to reproduce and thus spreading their wealth more broadly in the next generation (the opposite of what is happening today). I suspect that this practice will make a legal comeback, but there are obvious downsides: it is easy for the wealthy to abuse it by hogging an inordinate number of women and causing social unrest.

Quote: (09-12-2018 12:44 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Hate to burst your bubble, but it's ALWAYS been around.

Mistress, Harem, Concubines, Escorts, Au Pair, etc.
I said "legitimized," not "exist." Theft and murder have also existed since the beginning of time, but it's not considered legitimate in any civilized setting.
Regarding concubines (basically a derivative of wife), see above.

Quote:Quote:

There were gays before, you just didn't know.
I'd prefer not to know. We don't need to be legitimizing them.

Quote:Quote:

Bet you've had first cousins fuck and marry in your bloodline somewhere down the line.
And?

Quote:Quote:

Clearly you don't understand the differences between men fucking on the side versus a woman cheating on her man.
Men "fucking on the side" is less immediately damaging but it still encourages a vicious cycle of immorality and decadent self-centeredness, same as women who ride the cock carousel.
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#18

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-12-2018 05:10 AM)flyinghorse Wrote:  

I'm in my early thirties and I want to settle down with one person and build a life with that woman. The problem is, however, that the thought of fucking one girl and only one girl until I die is a terrifying venture.

To give up all the variety of body shapes, accents, styles, and looks is a daunting prospect.

I've had long term relationships in the past and the sex has always fizzled out towards the end and that fault has always been mine. After 6 months or so, when you've tried everything and tried it many times, the sex because more like a chore to me and I get to the point where I would prefer reverting to porn.

This may lead to many suggesting to stay single and fuck around. The issue is that i have indeed spent these past few years being single and fucking around 20 women and that time period and its not something I want to continue into my late 30s.

Is anyone else in a similar scenario?

You're tired of fucking around but you cant envision just sleeping with one woman forever?

im in somewhat a similar situation as you. im dating a HB9 and I was getting sick and tired of her. We converted to an open relationship and shes getting lots of attention which is making me extremely jealous. Now i am more attracted to her more than ever. life is fucking rocky.
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#19

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

Quote: (09-14-2018 06:20 PM)KiwiTheGermanShepherd Wrote:  

im in somewhat a similar situation as you. im dating a HB9 and I was getting sick and tired of her. We converted to an open relationship and shes getting lots of attention which is making me extremely jealous. Now i am more attracted to her more than ever. life is fucking rocky.

Open relationships never turn out well for the guy. It's just too easy for the girl to fuck a string of randoms even if the main intention is simply to make you feel bad. Which is what she's done... My sympathies for you, but you should end the relationship.
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#20

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

I second don_quixote. In my opinion, no man should ever accept an open relationship with a girl.

If a girl and a guy are fuck buddies and are also fucking around with other people, that's fine.

BUT, if you accept an open relationship, isn't that actively cucking yourself? You ARE in a relationship with a girl, hence the ''open RELATIONSHIP'', you go out on dates and shit, and she's officially allowed to fuck other guys? That sounds like lack of self-respect to me.

There's a not-so-subtle difference between the two. A fling is a fling, no strings attached, no jealousy, no emotions, no investment. But a fucking relationship where she fucks other guys as well, that's unnatural and extremely demeaning, in my opinion.

EDIT: more rage

''We converted to an open relationship and shes getting lots of attention which is making me extremely jealous. Now i am more attracted to her more than ever.''

And there you fucking go. Actively cucking yourself, FIRSTLY by ''converting'' to a open relationship (I'd bet my yearly earnings that SHE was the one who initiated that talk? Huh?), SECONDLY by being extremely jealous and going mad and falling in love with a fucking whore who is riding the cock carousel all the while keeping you because you're ''The'' beta provider/decent BF material to fall back to/stupid beta orbiter who will always be there and accept her. She knows that you're nuts about her. She's using it. That's a fucking textbook maneuver right there, making you chase her by being with other guys.

In the name of Jesus and everything that's holy to you, please grow a pair, be a fucking man and wave that slut goodbye.
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#21

Not Sure If I Can Do Monogamy

I've been married (albeit only briefly) and didn't go for any side action, while I would like to get married or have a stable long-term relationship again in the future (mainly because I want kids) I don't see myself going back down the monogamous route. I used to think I wanted to find a bisexual girl because then I could have my cake and eat it too, but as I've gotten older I've realized very, very few bisexual women are wife material.

Do what you need to do, but if you have a good girl at home then shield her from suffering any ill effects of your shenanigans. Make absolutely certain you're not getting any of the other women knocked up or bringing any diseases home, don't screw around with her friends or anyone in your social circle, don't be seen in public with other women, don't have profiles on Tinder etc where one of her friends will find you, ideally you may want to consider not even screwing around in your home city at all and keeping it strictly for when you are traveling. Most of this is also good advice for not "getting caught", but at the same time you're also protecting her. Many women understand at least on a subconscious level that men aren't wired for monogamy, but they don't want to be humiliated (or suffer any more obvious ill effects like diseases etc).

I got my Magnum condoms, I got my wad of hundreds, I'm ready to plow!
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