Nicotine
02-06-2017, 12:47 PM
I am in the midst of cutting down on coffee and smokes.
I went from five cups of coffee a day to one, and it was a killer. Headaches from hell, tense shoulder riding up my neck and parallel to my ears. Got it done though.
Next to caffeine withdrawals, for me anyway, nicotine is a breeze.
When I go for a long time without smoking, I feel a slight ache between my shoulder blades, and that is it.
Emotionally though, it is a whole other story.
The whole reason I decided to cut back on cigarettes and caffeine was because my doc said I had high blood pressure, and she wanted to put me on medication. I thought, fuck that, I will change my lifestyle.
And I did, and dropped my blood pressure by about 25 points, top and bottom number, and my doctor couldn't believe it. It wasn't for health or worries about heart disease, it was because my doctor is a bossy woman telling me I needed blood pressure medication and I thought, fuck you bitch, I will figure it out myself.
She still doesn't believe I could lower blood pressure by changing things, and asks all sorts of questions whenever I come in like, Did you have unusual stressors last time you came in?
But not smoking at all, I just couldn't manage. My blood pressure is low, and I am smoking between one and three a day, and it is because emotionally, I still need them.
And you know what, it isn't really about the nicotine, it is about the freedom, the freedom to do what I want, when I want, because I have a lot of responsibilities, and most of my time is spent doing what I think I should do, not what I want to do.
My whole relationship to cigarettes has changed though, and I know it is just a matter of time before I am done for good.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, and has to work out their own relationship to the things that they can't live without, so I am not contradicting Scotian when he says what works for him, and I have even read that Carr book and think it is good.
I am just saying that at the end of the day, you have to actively figure out what works for you, and it might be what works for others and it might not.
What I know is that now my relationship to cigarettes has changed forever, and my new focus is smoking as little as possible, and how I go about it is that before I have a cigarette, I ask myself if I really need it, and if I don't, I don't smoke it, and while I am smoking it, I ask myself if I have to smoke the whole thing, and a lot of times I don't, it is more about the freedom to do what I want when I want, not about the nicotine.
And that is how I am doing it.
For me, nicotine cravings are trivial. I have to figure out my emotional relationship to my habit to overcome it.
So that is how I am doing it.
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”
Carl Jung