Quote: (01-08-2017 12:30 PM)Phoenix Wrote:
When I read this, I think two things: she won't come without the stimulation of vigorous banging
You've got to understand that what a woman
thinks will get her off and what
actually works are two different things. Since women don't want to have to coach their guys they gravitate towards whatever manages to work well enough while staying roughly within a guy's limited repertoire (emphasis on limited).
So, let's say you're with a woman, and she resorts to asking for "vigorous banging".
Don't comply. Tell her to trust you and do it your way and you will likely open her up to a whole new level of pleasure. I mean, there's no more alpha move than to take control like this. It shows that you understand her body even more than she does. It's a mindblowing thing for her because she long resigned herself to selfish lovers who do the bare minimum. If she gets bored, you're just doing it wrong.
To be more specific, the reason she
thinks she needs vigorous banging is that on the downstroke you hit her clit, but for the rest of the stroke her clit is just sitting there unstimulated. Meanwhile, her vagina barely feels anything. Guys falsely assume that women must feel the same thing inside that their penis does. They don't. It's a cruel trick of nature, but it is what it is. The "vigorousness" is there to make up for the lack of contact on the rest of the stroke. It can work but it's still a compromise that they've fallen into.
If you watch any porn, study how women play with themselves. The bread and butter stimulation is constant rubbing, either up-down or circular. Penetration when they are masturbating is more of a side-dish. If they have a dildo they are not generally sliding it in and out constantly. A lot of the time it's either just sitting there motionless or not even inside them.
When you go slow and steady, pretty much pressed up against her, it's actually more stimulating for her than it is for you. It might take her longer than it would if you were to use your fingers alone, but she's still moving up the ladder faster than you are. When she gets close,
then you switch to "vigorous banging" which you're pretty much going to need. The end result is a great likelihood of both cumming simultaneously. If that happens, odds are it will be the first time in her entire life and you'll win her over even more.
So yes, on a certain level the forcefulness is something women like, to feel a man's strength, but at the point of contact I think a gentler approach is best.
The other thing you absolutely don't want to wind up doing is be like those porn stars that screw women for an hour and at the end they wind up having to pull out and wank for 2-3 minutes. There are a lot of reasons that can happen, either because you're used to a choke-hold from masturbation or the session has gone on long enough that you're rubbed to the point of numbness. But for me, the best way to make it last and be able to finish is to go slower and gentler. If you're with the wrong woman she's going to be loose as a goose. If you're with the right woman she'll be using her muscles to squeeze you even while you barely move. * Neither you nor her will need anything more.
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Now as far as escalation...
I have a girlfriend right now. She's a 40-something ex-housewife with very little sexual experience. In other words, she's a goody two shoes. That doesn't mean she has no libido. It's just been woefully satisfied to the point where her expectations were really low.
Guess what? I got her in the back of my car on the icebreaker. This is NOT supposed to happen with a woman like this.
I did this by having a deep talk with her in the restaurant with no real physical contact and no overt "game". It was a genuine no-holds-barred intimate talk with lots of taboo ex-relationship confessionals.
It's the typical talk a nice guy would do that would usually lead to LJBF.
But here's the difference...
When we were done and headed out to the parking lot, there's that inevitable moment where you're at the very least, going to have a polite hug, and maybe a kiss.
THAT, my friends, is the make or break moment.
THAT is when you have to kind of slow time and do things just right over every precious millisecond.
I really can't emphasize how important that first kiss is, how much is riding on it.
I can't tell you how to give a really good kiss, but if you do, then the rest is easy, because she will NOT want to just go home, and once you start making out, all the escalation is simply a function of how well you can caress her and make her feel safe and relaxed in your arms.
I think for guys, they crave the cock in pussy experience and they see everything else as a means to an end. A woman must feel fireworks on that first kiss. You can not do it in a perfunctory manner. I don't even really french kiss. I do it my own way, which is simultaneously wholesome AND passionate. The passion doesn't come from being forceful, it's comes from the way I caress her back gently with my hands, or I hug her with pulses, and she can probably feel my heart race. And if I'm lucky I get my body close enough so she can feel my cock throbbing against her tummy.
That is how you SEXUALIZE kissing. Her hamster thinks of it as romantic and nonthreatening, but because of how much physical contact is going on beyond just the lips, it is ABSOLUTELY sexual, and her body is reacting that way, even though you're there doing something out in public view.
I usually avoid going for her neck or anything like that. Unless she specifically turns her head as a prompt to suck on her neck, I keep it on the lips.
I also have to really evaluate her movements. If she's getting into it she will "double down" on the kissing. She'll start rocking her head back and forth and she'll throw her arms around you again and pull you in tighter. You've got to kind of give her space to communicate through body language like this that she's into it rather than you being the only one investing. The more signals like this that she gives, the more confidence you're going to have to keep going.
So if you do it right that kiss can last several minutes right out in the parking lot to the point where there's really no choice but to stop being ridiculous and get into the car to continue.
I think the problem with guys is they don't read a woman's body language. They operate off of a script. So they assume that on the first kiss you should only let it last X seconds and then disengage, period, in order to not be "a creep". You MUST play it by ear. If she is into you, she will not want you to pull away.
Now, you can just start to pull away, but look closely at her eyes. If she wants to keep going, you'll know. As a formality, it might impress her to pull away as if you're mister Chivalry, but once you sense that she's really turned on, just dive right back in. Personally, I don't think doing that really matters.
On the flipside, if she's "done" with the kiss you need to immediately sense that move she makes with her hands. Her arms will move from hugging back down to her side and her whole body will kind of start to straighten back up again. The gentlemanly move is to anticipate all this and start to lay off simultaneously. If you force it, THAT is when you will be perceived as a creep.
I've never had a case where a woman gives off the "I'm done with the kiss" body language and then jumps me again. When it's done, it's done.
Sorry for writing an epic here, but this, to me, is the single most important make or break moment in sealing the deal with a woman. Where I usually get screwed is women not wanting to go out with me because the dating profile isn't compelling enough. If I can cross that physical threshold, though, then women are
shocked by this transformation from meek beta into lover extraordinaire.
Just to relate back to the OT, you can see how much that study attempts to wildly oversimplify. Becoming a good lover is a pretty deep topic. It's not simply a matter of women knee-jerk cumming because a guy has an invisible "alpha" or "beta" label over them.
* Yes, my current GF does this. I'm a happy camper.