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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 04:09 PM
I guess this is more so for the older guys that are 30+. Have you experienced any significant setbacks in life because you arent married at your age?
When I was like 20, this guy that was maybe 33 at the time and married told me "man, im not gone lie, i mess around on my wife. But being married makes people respect you more. Its easier to get a loan. People are more apt to do business with you. People trust you more because they feel like you have a reason to be dedicated to whatever it is that your trying to do. When you're not married, people feel like you might not be as reliable....blah blah blah"
I was wondering if any of the older dudes here that arent married have experienced any of this so called potential backlash because they arent married.
Have you been denied a loan or anything? Have you missed out on a job? Did you have a good business plan but couldnt find investors because they felt they couldnt trust you cause you arent married?
I would suspect that the answer is no, but just thought that I would ask.
Has anybody else heard of this theory of it being harder on men that arent married because people feel they cant trust them?
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 04:41 PM
You'll start getting the why aren't you married questions 40 +.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 04:43 PM
Nothing like that has happened to me. The trust thing has NEVER come up. The biggest loss has been with friends. Back when we were all single, we would hang out multiple times a week. Then almost all of them got married, and outings became more couple oriented. THEN they all started having kids at the same time, so that had to be taken into consideration. To top it off, two of my best friends married sisters and had kids at around the same time, so they have formed their own little sub-group and mostly only hang out with each other.
As far as business, I have seen no negative impact. In fact, for MY business, it is certainly a net positive. I can travel at a moment's notice and stay abroad for months at a time, without any regard for a wife and kid. I don't have any wife pressuring me to buy some overpriced house a suburb with "good schools". I have an apartment, and will be picking up a couple of condos in different states over the next few years.
As far as game, chicks ask why I am not married. I give them an honest answer that I won't get married until I am fully able to commit to a woman. I'm not going to be one of those guys that cheats on their wife. That line usually draws the chicks in their 30's in deeper. What I don't tell them is that I don't believe I will ever be able to fully commit to a woman, and as a result (in addition to the horrible divorce laws) I don't plan on ever getting married.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 05:14 PM
In the traditional, corporate world setting, when you're trying to climb the ladder, this can definitely be a factor when you are on the verge of cracking the upper levels of the firm. In that world, married = stable, whether it's actually true or not. It indicates a level of dedication and seriousness to take care of business, and make money for the company and yourself. There's also the social aspect of business. There will be functions to attend, etc., and it's better if you have a wife on your arm, as opposed to some random chick. This is definitely dependent on what kind of business you're in, but if it's a set-up where you have older bosses, who are married, it can be a benefit to be married.
"The best kind of pride is that which compels a man to do his best when no one is watching."
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 05:31 PM
Upper management tends to be kinda cliquey in my experience. It's kind of a status thing to have the family aspect of your life locked down. I can see being excluded or hindered career-wise if you're single.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 06:04 PM
I've actually heard it said before that men live longer and make more money when they're married (Napoleon Hill was big on this, for instance). The reason being that they tend to party less, take better care of their bodies, and focus more on their goals - out of concern for the family and because they're not chasing ass all the time.
That said, if these things are even true, I feel like they could be offset by making an extra effort to develop self-discipline.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-21-2011, 11:42 PM
Used to be this was a sort of glass ceiling for my career (military) but then back then senior officers were meant to do more entertaining, so the wife participated in the career-building a bit more. But in today's world of deployments and "entitled" feminist women, hell--at least a quarter of the senior guys in my office are divorced or having marital troubles. I think it's less of a problem today to be single than it was.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 06:37 AM
Quote: (12-21-2011 05:14 PM)Timoteo Wrote:
In the traditional, corporate world setting, when you're trying to climb the ladder, this can definitely be a factor when you are on the verge of cracking the upper levels of the firm. In that world, married = stable, whether it's actually true or not. It indicates a level of dedication and seriousness to take care of business, and make money for the company and yourself. There's also the social aspect of business. There will be functions to attend, etc., and it's better if you have a wife on your arm, as opposed to some random chick. This is definitely dependent on what kind of business you're in, but if it's a set-up where you have older bosses, who are married, it can be a benefit to be married.
This is the main place where it might really hold you back. Clawing your way up the last couple of steps on the corporate ladder. Even then there are exceptions. Lord Brown, the former CEO of BP worked his way up from the bottom without a wife. He was widely known to be gay.
In politics it's the same story. You can be in congress without being married, but good luck achieving higher office without it. In the UK it's generally accepted that Gordon Brown being unmarried played a big part in his losing out to Tony Blair as party leader in the 1990s. Brown also made sure to get married before he became prime minister.
But with the divorce rate being what it is and attitudes changing I think it matters ever less even at top levels.
"A flower can not remain in bloom for years, but a garden can be cultivated to bloom throughout seasons and years." - xsplat
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 06:51 AM
My dad had me when he was 45 (mum 10 years junior) so when I turn 30 he'll be 75. He was born in a third world country and works hard in a working class job so I don't think he'd make it to 80. As I got older I expect the parents will try and guilt me into marrying so dad can live to see some grandchildren.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 11:55 AM
Quote: (12-21-2011 06:04 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:
I've actually heard it said before that men live longer and make more money when they're married (Napoleon Hill was big on this, for instance). The reason being that they tend to party less, take better care of their bodies, and focus more on their goals - out of concern for the family and because they're not chasing ass all the time.
Divorced men, however, have health and economic indicators that are much more negative than those of their unmarried peers.
Divorce occurs in 50% of all marriages, and is initiated by the woman 75% of the time. Keep that in mind.
Know your enemy and know yourself, find naught in fear for 100 battles. Know yourself but not your enemy, find level of loss and victory. Know thy enemy but not yourself, wallow in defeat every time.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 03:01 PM
The only reason to get married is if you absolutely the the woman 100% and want to spend the rest of your life with her. Marrying for financial stability, health reasons, what people think, kids, etc. are all very bad ideas.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 03:41 PM
I haven't encountered any blacklash in a professional way or from banks, to date. The only backlash I keep have is from female relatives on what am I waiting to "settle down and man up". (roll eyes each time...).
As to trusting women, the only woman in your life you can totally and blindly trust is your mother. Period. Unfortunately.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 05:55 PM
I would also be curious to know what the rate is for "unhappy marriages". With the divorce rate around 50%, I bet quite a bit of that 50% that stays together is unhappy and would not stay together if it wasn't for kids, mortgage, financial reasons, social and religious stigma, etc. I wouldn't be shocked all if it was something like 25% more are unhappy, 15% are indifferent, and only 10% are actually happy. Of course, I come from a family where my mom has been divorced 3 times and my dad had 6 kids with 6 different women, so that might skew my perspective on happy marriages a bit lol.
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 07:03 PM
Apple's CEO Tim Cook is single ,never married and has tons of cash
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Backlash from NOT being married
12-22-2011, 09:30 PM
I can see it affecting me becoming partner at my firm. Also, older women seem to be dumbfounded, I'm not married. I want to tell them its not the 70s. Having a stable professional career doesn't attract the women like it did back then!
