[Locksmith]

Htownanddown posted some very accurate and valuable insights about the city of León and I wrote something generic about the city of Granada in that same thread.

However, Nicaragua has in IMO one of the most curious and exciting backgrounds in Latin America.

It deserves a chapter here IMO, where the specific info can be slowly added (I hope Roosh is OK with this sort of flow). Guys, I will try to feed you some unusual country information here which I believe could be of interest for some of you until we get to irrelevancies such as girls, cigars, rum, natural sites...

I hope you enjoy Part 1:

Nicaragua: The name comes from the words Nic Nahuatl.

Nic: until here, up to this point, boundary. Nahuatl: here, the people who speak Nahuatl, “the sweet language” i.e. The Aztecs.

Nicaragua= Nic Nahuatl = The Last Frontier of the Aztecs

Words you already know in Nahuatl:

Chocoatl (chocolate)
Tomaxtli (tomato)
Ahuacatl (avocado, aguacate) which in Nahuatl means literally…. Testicle! Just look at the shape of the fruit.

Origins of Nicaragua: In Tenochtitlán (today’s Mexico City) there was a spiritual-warrior leader, a sort of “Aztec Moses”. This Aztec Moses decided to lead his followers to The Promised Land. They walked for several years until they finally found it. It was exactly as the God Quetzalcoatl had described in the prophecy: a fertile and luxurious land with a fresh water “ocean” which had a big island with two towering volcanoes.

Upon arrival, our Aztec Moses and his followers unfortunately saw that The Promised Land was already inhabited by other people. Through a clever trick however (due to lack of space I won't describe it here) they managed to exterminate all the local warriors in a single night without sustaining a single casualty on their side. They took the land and Nicaragua was born.

Colonization of Nicaragua: I believe this is quite unique in Latin America. When the first Conquistadores arrived in Nicaragua, they found the local chief, who was called “Seven Deaths”, ready and waiting with his Aztec warriors. Instead of waging war, chief “Seven Deaths” asked for the Bible to be translated to him as well as to study the Spanish Legal System. He found out that if he declared himself and his army Catholics, they would enjoy legal protection according to Spanish Civil (and the churches’ canonic) Law. The King of Spain’s legal obligation would be thus to protect them, not to destroy them.

The place where chief “Seven Deaths” and thousands of his armed warriors were baptized still exists, it’s very near the town of Rivas. There’s a kitschy monument with childish paintings, sorry, naïve, marking the exact spot.

Nicaragua was perhaps the place in L.A. where the Spaniards had to break most blatantly their own local binding legal agreements and civil and religious laws in order to be able to proceed to carnage and enslavement. Chief “Seven Deaths” proved to be a fucking good lawyer and it took the Spaniards a few years to see they would never find a respectable excuse to take over.

Note: I was told there was still a direct living descendant of chief “Seven Deaths”. In the early 00’s he was given some diploma or honorable distinction, which he wasn't able to read. The government commissioners laughed at him, at his illiteracy. To which he responded by handing over a stone with Aztec inscriptions. After a moment of silence he would have asked “What, can’t you guys read?” (I must still confirm this story, would be great to write about).

Why Nicaragua was so important for the US economy:

In the 19th century, during the gold rush in California and other western areas, virtually all the precious metal was shipped through Nicaragua in order to reach the US East Coast. This is to say the gold would not travel over land from the West to the East Coast of the U.S.

The gold would be shipped from California and then reach the pacific ocean sea port of San Juan del Sur. From there it would travel over land for about 15 kilometers until it would reach the big lake. Once at the big lake, the gold could be again loaded on boats, reach the San Juan river (which is connected to the lake) and go all the way to the Caribbean Sea and further to New York, Boston etc.

Note: Being such a vital route for the US economy of the time, a whole system of logistics and security was implemented on Nicaraguan soil. Some hard core American Hitmen “pistoleros” were hired to ensure everything went well and safe. The most famous of these guys was called Ronnie Runner or something like that. He is buried in the cemetery of Rivas, where he married a local girl and died as a decent citizen after a successful and honorable career during which it is said he killed at least two dozen thieves.

Cornelius Vanderbilt

I believe this American billionaire doesn’t need introductions. C. Vanderbilt owned the whole logistics of the gold, the easiest and cheapest way to connect the US West and East Coasts, which ran through Nicaragua. You wouldn’t want to mess with this guy. But that’s exactly what a brilliant and fairly crazy adventurer from Tennessee, called William Walker, did (google him, interesting character). William Walker and his mercenary army took over Nicaragua. After a while ruling the country, William Walker seized Vanderbilts’ company and assets. This imbroglio is considered the most heroic pre-revolutionary period of Nicaragua and one of the nation’s greatest heroes is a guy who single-handedly set on fire (and exploded) the headquarters of William Walker. This national hero is especially cherished because he managed to escape alive.

The Somoza Dicatorship

Somoza Garcia and then his son, West Point Military Academy educated Anastacio Somoza, ruled the country like archetypical Banana Republic dictators. They had a finger in everything but, looking back, it wasn’t all that bad. You knew exactly what you could expect from those bastards and you could do business in the country. Ironically, the courts and the bureaucracy worked better in those times if compared to the present moment. For gamers, this was the golden era of Nicaragua, when the (high) middle class was able to produce some beauties such as Barbara Carrera (look in youtube, Never Say Never Again with Sean Connery as James Bond) and Bianca (the first wife of Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones). These were politically incorrect, decadent, US backed dictatorial times. And some highly educated people in Nicaragua seem to miss it.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Locksmith]

Part 2

Ruben Dario:

I forgot to mention the universal Nicaraguan. This guy drank a lot, partied a lot, swooped countless women all over the world and died in his early 40’s as an internationally acclaimed genius. If Barcelona’s Antonio Gaudi was the head of “modernismo” in architecture, Nicaragua’s Ruben Dario is the founder of “modernismo” in Spanish Language poetry. The libidinous elegance and musicality of his poetry is a must, especially for those who like more elaborate verses and luxurious contexts.

The International Hall of Great Women:

If you ever set foot in the main hall of AC Sandino international airport in Managua, don’t walk straight out. Exceptionally, take a few minutes to observe a circle consisting of busts of women of different races and origins: the muses of Ruben Dario. His texts under the busts, poetically, describe the hotness and the beauty of the Black woman, of the Russian woman, the Indian Woman, the Spanish woman, the German woman, the French woman, the Japanese woman etc. Nowhere else in the world will you be welcomed at the airport by this ode to all types of women.

The Sandinista Revolution and Nicaragua today:

As the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. The revolution fought for some noble causes, had the support of great people from all strata of society (including the private sector) and fought for a brighter future for the nation after decades of stagnant Banana Republic style dictatorship.

In the end, the revolution was hijacked by a small and very corrupt camarilla. Widespread land and property seizures, the instability of constantly changing laws, the obligation for the families to relinquish their sons for a Cuban-style war for Socialism were all concrete reasons for a massive exodus of the middle and higher classes. Few of the educated or entrepreneurial Nicaraguans stayed home. And the visible minority of good looking women also fled. The stock of female beauty was unfortunately never replenished.

Sandino, an early 20th century patriot, was himself also symbolically hijacked. Pretty much like Cuba’s hero Jose Marti, who was transformed by Fidel Castro into a symbol of Communism, Sandino underwent a deep metamorphosis to the point that you would now believe he was a junior partner of Stalin.

Daniel Ortega:

The former socialist revolutionary leader Daniel Ortega was abandoned by the vast majority of idealistic, honest and patriotic people who had joined him in earlier times. But, sure enough, he is into business. One the one hand, he became a close ally of Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez. This friendship has earned him literally billions of dollars (mainly through donated oil) which he manages through a private company. On the other hand, he signed a free-trade agreement with the U.S.A.!

Ortega is now far richer than the Somoza dictators. And he has become a major capitalist in the name of socialism. Ironically, there is a degree of stability now for private investment since Ortega is the first person to be interested in protecting his Hotels, Shopping Malls, TV stations, companies, farms and local commercial empire. One of the reasons the world has accepted his fraudulent and illegal reelection is because business/investment is very welcome nowadays.

Could Nicaragua Be A Place For Your Personal Plans?

I was surprised by the amount of (western) foreigners living in Nicaragua during my last visit. Other people in the forum could complete this list, but I could roughly divide these foreigners into the following groups:

- NGOers: Nicaragua, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere after Haiti, is a paradise for NGO’s. Some people seem to take a long vacation to drink, party and fuck with the alibi of doing something “noble” for the world. Some other people are more idealistic, while making a living from it and adopting a relaxed, low-key, tropical lifestyle through these organizations.

- Real Estate Investors: I was truly impressed to see most of the beautiful patrician colonial mansions in Granada had been refurbished by westerners. There may still be some bargains. Westerners have opened boutique hotels, little malls, built small beach resorts etc. It’s a very risky bet though since there is widespread fraud, the notaries are a mess and the same property may have several different owners after the confiscations during the revolution. I was asked by a local lawyer to help translate some stuff for his client (a New Yorker) who paid 80,000 USD for a magnificent tropical beach-front property. This guy, who was rather naive and didn't do his homework, unfortunately, later found out that this very same property had already been sold twice previously! One could make money or at least get beautiful properties for low prices, sure, but it takes very careful, almost paranoid, legal research and the back-up of a top local (and honest) lawyer.

- The “Fuck the Rat Race People”. I could write a whole list here, but let me focus on a single example to illustrate this. I met this western mining engineer who decided to settle down in Nicaragua, close to the big lake. He has a passive income of about 1,500 USD a month and has a good, quiet life there. He rents a house with a garden, has a girlfriend, spends his afternoons wearing slippers and shorts and drinks Flor de Caña rum with his friends. Zero stress. I met him because he makes and sells ice (in his house) to complement his income and I was organizing the drinks for a barbecue. I have to say this guy seemed very relaxed and happy.

Retired People: Nicaragua is one of the cheapest places in Western hemisphere. It is sunny, beautiful nature wise and it’s still an oasis of peace and low crime rates in an otherwise troubled region. You can comfortably stay at the beach or in a walkable historic colonial town. And you could probably afford a cleaning lady and a cook with your American pension. I understand the number of US retired people is increasing in the country.

Agribusiness People: An example: A dutch family decided to stay in Nicaragua and bought some land at an affordable price. Since most entrepreneurial people are gone, you'll probably have an edge if you decide to do something there. Land is fertile, labor is cheap although unskilled and not motivated, there are tons of fruit all over the place which you could process and you could otherwise grow any high quality tropical product you wish plus you have a free trade agreement to export your stuff. This dutch family started a small gourmet, organic high-quality chocolate factory "El Castillo del Cacau". I don't know if they're getting rich, but they're arguably not directly exposed to the current hardships of their fellow EU citizens.


TO BE CONTINUED

[Locksmith]

Part 3

Ometepe Island

Personally, I find this island in a huge fresh water lake one the most intriguing spots in Latin America. Ometepe has roughly the shape of a horizontal 8 with two volcanoes. The smaller (and inactive volcano) is called Madera. The higher volcano, still active, is called Concepción. If Concepción would be a woman, she would be a model. Think of a perfectly shaped volcano, the way you imagine a volcano should be, moreover surrounded by water. There you have it.

Ometepe was the Promised Land of that “Aztec Moses”, it was sacred soil, only high-ranking people were originally allowed to live there. In the native religion, every man has an animal spirit. Only those who have managed to completely ally themselves with his animal spirit, and not fight it anymore, were considered enlightened. In the main village of Alta Gracia you will find the ancient stone statues of warriors, proudly standing with their animal spirits depicted on their heads. You’ll see crocodiles, jaguars, etc. And those who have blended with their animal spirit and absorbed all of its might have rays of light around their heads, a bit the like the auras of saints. These enlightened guys are depicted either telling a story or simply smiling.

It’s very easy to go to Ometepe. Near the town of Rivas you’ll find the port of San Jorge from where a ferry regularly departs a few times a day. I took a very amusing ferry boat, a second hand ship, which still had pictures of Dutch North Sea Islands covered with snow and typical Nordic scenes for decoration. Some of the safety instructions are also still in Dutch and English so nobody really gives a dam about that.

I was lucky when I got this ferry earlier this year, while it slowly crossed the “fresh water ocean” I made friends on board who on their turn invited me to a big private party which would last for two days. Beer on board wasn’t really that cold, but cheap and very suitable for enhancing the mood. The people I met also told me to join them at the hotel where they were going to stay, in a spot called Venecia, where I had a simple but really nice room with a private bath and a veranda overlooking a small beach for 25 USD. There was even an air-conditioned van from the hotel waiting for them at the harbor of Alta Gracia so I really didn’t make any effort to look for accommodation and just went along with the flow. When I saw the other tourists queueing for a lousy bus under the sun I knew I had made a good choice, it would be an easy ride to get to the gardens of the hotel with those folks and ask for a few more beers.

Having said that, the island is full of small hotels and it shouldn’t be a problem to find a cheap and scenic place to stay. The more you distance yourself from Alta Gracia the nicer it gets (the island is a UNESCO Biosphere preserve), but then make sure you look for a spot either with backpackers and Scandinavian NGOers or travelling beauties or you take your own girl with you or, alternatively, just stay in Alta Gracia because that’s the only spot resembling a town where you could eventually find a few shabby bars and meet people. For me, the couple of hours on board of the ferry boat harassing the bar staff and smoothly approaching people proved crucial to make my decisions. Again, it was the miracle of lousy beer and shameless friendly talking (amen). But I’m sure you don’t have to count on Bacchus solely and can also develop a basic strategy for your stay after doing some research on the internet. By the way, there is a very nice eco-hotel in Ometepe with the pretentious name of “Paraiso”. It was indeed very stylish for local standards, I didn’t stay there but had some shrimp cocktail (7USD) on a beautiful deck overlooking a beach. I’m not sure what kind of folks stay there but keep it in mind as an option as well.

Ometepe is not a super favorable hunting ground in itself. You’ll have to be lucky and socialize, or check where the travelling babes will stay or bring your own “supply”. Having said that, it has tons of open air discreet spots where you can let loose your instincts surrounded by one of the most exotic sceneries in the continent. The place inspires, you can do the “mystic BS”, the “adventurer’s BS” the “cultural BS”, the “wildlife lover BS”, the island offers you perfect excuses to raise your status and smooth your way in. If on the mainland you’re trying to seduce a girl and she proves a bit hard to catch, take her to the island, get a nice cheap room by the water, chose the appropriate speech from the menu and you’ll manage, I’m sure.

Moving around the island is best done if you rent a motorcycle. Ask around, this shouldn’t be hard to arrange. They won’t ask you for a license and I believe I paid something like 25 USD for a day. There should be other means of transportation too, perhaps even Ox Carts which I saw roaming around, but I really wouldn’t know. Try to be mobile somehow, the private parties are spread out over the island (which is roughly 30 x 5 kilometers) as are the rest of the attractions: plenty of scenic spots, archeological sites and petroglyphs, hostels with foreign girls, rivers and beaches where to bathe, and even some volcano climbing. I had initially planned to climb the smaller volcano (Madera, but in fact you can climb both) but there was just too much partying and I naturally prioritized the gifts of Bacchus and Venus at the expense of the heroic struggle of climbing the colossus of magma. Anyway, it’s pretty easy to arrange locally in Alta Gracia or at the hotel a tour for bird/animal watching, hiking, canoeing, whatever.

This is a piece of advice I wouldn’t often give, but decent food is a problem in Ometepe. Restaurant food is generally crappy in Nicaragua, but Ometepe seems to be even worse. Besides that shrimp cocktail in “Paraiso” everything else was dreadful. Make sure you bring your own basic emergency supplies of stuff that doesn’t need to stay in the fridge. Just in case. Don’t worry about the Flor de Caña Rum and the beer however, on that front everything should be perfectly fine.

TO BE CONTINUED

[Locksmith]

Part 4

Granada

Granada is nicknamed by Nicaraguans “La Gran Sultana”, a bit pretentious and perhaps overrated, but the charm of the city is undeniable. If you’ve been to Antigua in Guatemala, well, Granada would be IMO the more agreeable and stylish colonial sister. At times, it is easy to forget you’re in the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere (after Haiti). The place is bloody lovely.

What matters in the city can be easily reached on foot. The “Plaza de los Poetas” has some cool artworks and, guess, poetry which is cleverly displayed all over. That’s also where, guess, a yearly international poetry festival is held which attracts a fine drinking and carnal cosmopolitan crowd.

In terms of nightlife, it couldn’t be easier. Most of the action takes place around Calle de la Calzada, the main square and a few nearby streets in the historic center. Granada is not a place for clubs or raves, basically it’s in one of the dozens of bars and pubs where the lonely and thirsty traveler will find comfort. The bars are not that different in terms of what they offer, so the suggestion is to always check who’s around in order to make a decision to give it a try.

Normally it’s not a plus, but in the case of Granada it surely is: The place is usually rather full of international tourists. Firstly, this means westerners, mainly Europeans, have settled down and refurbished the ancient mansions to establish their businesses. Secondly, this has definitely raised the bar in terms of quality and quantity of women. Forget about stag parties and hysterical hordes, in Granada you’ll find a mix of backpackers, NGOers, some retired westerners, some American middle aged rednecks and European tourists who are into nature and culture.

Tourism has obviously a downside too: nowhere else in Nicaragua was I offered drugs and P4P as openly as in Granada. Both seemed to be low quality, the Pros would have been unacceptable even in a case of severe desperation after ten years in a labor camp in Saudi Arabia. By the way, I met this American who fell in the typical Blowjob trap: He got this whore, and, while she performed, she got his wallet with everything in it. She left him half naked and ran away, without even letting him finish. Truly sad.

Food is a little less crappy in Granada if compared to the rest of Nicaragua. There is a fancy place (for local standards) with a charming inner patio and a little fountain, with some barely decent “world food”, where I would normally go. It’s called “El Tercer Ojo”, it’s right in front of the “Convento de San Francisco” at Calle El Arsenal. The place, because it’s a bit more expensive than the average Nicaraguan junk, sort of self selects higher quality women.

Right on my second visit, I sat next to two solid 7.5 Swedish babes who looked like sisters (unfortunately they weren’t). In a matter of seconds I was talking to them, offering some wine, bullshitting about travel, literature, food, nonsense philosophy and finally as to why Brazil is so sexy (I live in this country). Well, to make a long story short, these two were served on a silver tray. For a couple of days and nights I again understood the meaning of life: Its all about being the guy in a great Swedish threesome.

There are a couple more venues like “El Tercer Ojo” with stylish patios which are basically suited for day game (there is a really cool one not far from there which serves breakfast and lunch, I bloody forgot the name but it’s surely easy to figure out the type of place I mean here). Another interesting place is the Spa of Granada, a grand colonial mansion with pool, massage and even a Chocolate Museum, also a place worth checking out during day time. By the way, if you have some spare 20 bucks, go to Coco Berry, outrageously cheesy name, but good massage to get you back in a state of high spirits and help cure a hang-over (it’s also close to Convento de San Francisco). The owner of that place is English-Nicaraguan, by the way, she’s quite good looking for local standards.

The Casa de los Tres Mundos also deserves a special mention, even if only for a quick visit and a beer outside at one of the tables (it’s very near the main square). There is also that beautiful yellow mansion at one of the corners of the main square with pool tables upstairs. I would sit outside however, street level, and, since I became friends with the manager, I started getting introduced to a lot of people while being served my Flor de Caña Reserva with buckets of ice and enjoying a nice cigar.

In Granada I stayed in two places: One is a 25 USD little hotel near Calle de la Calzada. I skipped the dreadful breakfast and went instead to Hotel Dario on Calle Calzada for that: beautiful colonial patio, great espresso, and they were so nice as to always take me to my favorite table and bring the newspaper while I slowly recovered from the previous Mariachi nights. There are also plenty of hostels for the budget traveler and, if you speak some Spanish, just don’t be afraid to negotiate and get the same rate for a private room elsewhere (you don’t necessarily need to stay at a hostel for chasing backpackers, IMO). A bit more high-end, but thoroughly recommended, is Patio de Malinche Hotel in Calle Xalteva. It was the nicest of the bunch, with the best service, discreet, a very nicely renovated 18th century mansion, and, yes, finally a beautiful local receptionist who would agree on dating + (after some persuasion) if total secrecy was ensured.

[MiXX]

WWOOOOOOOOW! (Noooooosssaaaaa!)

Everyone on the board needs to give you a +1 for this report on an off the beaten path place like Granada, even if they never go! That Swedish 3'some sounds like the true cup of life indeed!

How does a Brazilian end up in Nicaragua...better yet, how do Swedish girls end up in Nicaragua for 3'somes?


Mixx

[scotian]

This is excellent info, keep it coming!

[Locksmith]

Thanks!!!

This was the kind of situation which in Brazil is called "Cavalo Selado": a Saddled Horse Situation. Metaphorically speaking, if a Saddled Horse happens to cross your path, you should really mount it and ride away!

Everything happened to be perfect for the catch (place, setting, atmosphere, moment, etc) and I guess, like when hunting in the forest, a good deal of your success is saving your energy and trying to find the right place and the right moment. To use another metaphor, I also had this suspicion I might have found the spring where the Gazelles would come to drink and lick their furs, a most favorable situation for a clear shot.

A curious fact about Nicaragua is the PC appeal that the country has for some groups of Scandinavian chicks and other EU girls. Besides enjoying the beach, nature, culture, booze etc. they also feel they can "help a poor country", buy some handicraft from a social project, visit some NGO, pose for a picture with native children, make some contribution and feel great about it.

I believe we should all track them down, ease their loneliness and personally show them our deepest manly gratitute for their dedication to creating a better world!

[MiXX]

(11-26-2011 07:20 AM)Locksmith Wrote:  

Thanks!!!

This was the kind of situation which in Brazil is called "Cavalo Selado": a Saddled Horse Situation. Metaphorically speaking, if a Saddled Horse happens to cross your path, you should really mount it and ride away!

Everything happened to be perfect for the catch (place, setting, atmosphere, moment, etc) and I guess, like when hunting in the forest, a good deal of your success is saving your energy and trying to find the right place and the right moment. To use another metaphor, I also had this suspicion I might have found the spring where the Gazelles would come to drink and lick their furs, a most favorable situation for a clear shot.

A curious fact about Nicaragua is the PC appeal that the country has for some groups of Scandinavian chicks and other EU girls. Besides enjoying the beach, nature, culture, booze etc. they also feel they can "help a poor country", buy some handicraft from a social project, visit some NGO, pose for a picture with native children, make some contribution and feel great about it.

I believe we should all track them down, ease their loneliness and personally show them our deepest manly gratitute for their dedication to creating a better world!

I'd would love to buy you a drink and pick your brain cara...you obviously know the meaning of life for the single man who loves white, blonde Euro women.

Check you PM Locksmith, we need to talk cara..!

Mixx