Shout Out to Manipulative Men: Is getting caught red-handed cheating salvageable?
02-24-2019, 10:51 PM
Hi forum,
I'm a long time lurker and have been interested in game concepts for the past 5+ years.
I believe the topic of getting caught cheating, and how to salvage it has been delved into on Heartiste, with this great article;
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/08/...do-you-do/
However, I think my situation is a bit unique, and I'd be keen for any advice and opinions from any dark triad types here.
Here's the story (bear with me, all elements are important);
I'm 31, my girl has just turned 25. We have been dating and living together for just over a year. I had met her in a period of burn-out, where chasing notches wasn't doing it for me anymore, so I decided to find a girlfriend.
The relationship started hot and heavy, she moved in almost straight away. I maintained a good frame and she was putty in my hands. 4 months into the relationship/living together and she noticed I was texting a lot on my phone, but I brushed her off. I was getting itchy feet in the relationship, but only for side-pussy. She was also so submissive that I got careless. I think at that point I was desperate to bang other women.
I underestimated her resourcefulness. She's a clever girl so she somehow managed to guess the passcode to my phone, which was not that difficult - it's 6 0's. This is the first time I was caught with her (more to come). The first time I was caught she found evidence of me exchanging photos, chatting-with and arranging meet-ups with girls. Critically, there was no conclusive proof that I'd slept with anyone, so I portrayed it as just me being a bit uncertain about her, and her not stepping up to the plate and tying me down - I explained this by saying that we had no plans for the future and made her feel like it was her responsibility to tie down a rogue like me. I maintained that I didn't sleep with anyone and she swallowed it quite quickly. She left for a day and then was back every night with me again.
However, something was definitely missing from my frame and control over her from that point on. She was slightly more defiant and questioning from this point, but it would only emerge sometimes. For the vast majority of time she was still quite submissive and compliant. In this period she also looked into an old harddrive I had and found 100's of videos that I'd recorded of me having sex with other women prior to our relationship. I had maintained a bit of a trophy collection. She was horrified by it, but I detected some intrigue as well. Women are a bit perverted like that. I could tell aspects of my cheating and womanising turned her on. I was starting to wonder how far I could take this.
She knew I was a player before meeting her and I never hid that, so I think finding the videos was just confirming what I'd already told her.
Crucial also is I'm her first proper bf, who gave her a first proper dicking. This gives me big leverage in the 'bonding glue' department.
She caught me again 3 months later in the same way. Similar evidence found of me texting girls and exchanging photos. She guessed my passcode again, a slightly more complicated one that was 979797, and I basically gave her the same story and noted that I was getting 'better, playing less and texting less.' She again swallowed it after a series of temper tantrums and things settled back down for another 4 or 5 months.
To explain how I manipulated her - She's a child of divorce and therefore she's very nervous about having her own kids. This was her major weakness. I could manipulate this by saying that I wanted to have kids soon, an expectation I knew she wouldn't easily be able to fulfil, and then used it to justify my bad behaviour. It's a variation of 'if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.' This manipulation may seem strange, but it put her in a position of her feeling like she couldn't fulfil my needs. It even got to a point where she was watching baby delivery videos on youtube to try and ignite her maternal side. She definitely put effort in, but just wasn't able to come around to the idea of having kids. This was a terrible game for me to play, because I'm quite certain that if she told me she was going to stop taking contraception and wanted kids, then I would have bailed. I do want kids, but I just wasn't convinced she was the one, especially with my control over her slipping slightly. I'm also not financially in a position to raise a family to a standard I'd be proud of. I'd need a really solid and committed woman if I was going to do that. Funnily enough, this manipulation ended up hurting me because there was a blow to the ego that I couldn't get this woman to want to have my kids, even though I know divorce is ruinous for the children of the divorce and their future family forming desires.
Next time I was caught cheating was the big one. She broke into my phone again, very difficult passcode so I don't know how she managed to guess it and I'm still in awe. I never unlocked my phone in front of her, so she must have guessed it trying random combinations. She searched in a hidden photo album on my phone and found a video of me banging a woman doggy style on our bed. The video was dated, the bed was instantly recognisable, so I was caught red-handed and there was no easy way to initially talk my way out of it.
Long story short, she was incredibly upset and left me for a few days, but then she came back after much drama. We were together for another month and it seemed like it was going back to normal, although a pattern was emerging that she would only see me on weekends, however she'd be calling me every day to check up on me (I never initiated phone calls with her). I was being my usual aloof, uncaring self while mixing in some kindness so I didn't come across as a total prick, but maybe I over-calibrated my mean side. An example of aloof is that in this last month of our relationship it was her birthday and I forgot to call her on the day. She had to call me and remind me.
The relationship was seemingly shaping up to be an ideal situation. She was only wanting to see me on weekends and I potentially had the week free to bang other women. I felt like a God, having managed to get a young, beautiful woman to forgive me for blatant cheating.
Then, last Friday, she called me out of the blue and told me that she's going to have to 'let me go' and that she's interested in meeting other people. She then admitted she wants to meet other guys (do women just say this without doing it? I always thought that women's words were not to be paid attention to, only their actions).
It has been 4 days since the phone call and I understand that the plan from here is radio silence and wait for her to come back. I fucked up the initial radio silence because I wasn't taking her break-up seriously. Tried to convince her to come over a few times. We spoke on the phone last night and she clarified her position again, making it seem very real now. She has also been quite limited in her contact with me and her demeanour appears quite melancholy, but she's maintaining her line of "our relationship has become toxic, I'm holding out a seed of love that I hope I can replant in the future when we meet after space."
I know the average guy will say I deserve this and I should leave her alone now. I'm not interested in moralising. I know I treated her badly.
What would a dark triad do from here to manipulate a girl back into his orbit?
She has agreed to meet me next weekend (6 days from now) for a bushwalk in a lovely mountainous area near the city. I sold it to her as our last meeting and leaving on a good note. She seemed very enthused, but I'm also aware that she could cancel between now and then. Women are brutal and cold when they want to be.
Where to from here, sage gentlemen?
I'm a long time lurker and have been interested in game concepts for the past 5+ years.
I believe the topic of getting caught cheating, and how to salvage it has been delved into on Heartiste, with this great article;
https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/08/...do-you-do/
However, I think my situation is a bit unique, and I'd be keen for any advice and opinions from any dark triad types here.
Here's the story (bear with me, all elements are important);
I'm 31, my girl has just turned 25. We have been dating and living together for just over a year. I had met her in a period of burn-out, where chasing notches wasn't doing it for me anymore, so I decided to find a girlfriend.
The relationship started hot and heavy, she moved in almost straight away. I maintained a good frame and she was putty in my hands. 4 months into the relationship/living together and she noticed I was texting a lot on my phone, but I brushed her off. I was getting itchy feet in the relationship, but only for side-pussy. She was also so submissive that I got careless. I think at that point I was desperate to bang other women.
I underestimated her resourcefulness. She's a clever girl so she somehow managed to guess the passcode to my phone, which was not that difficult - it's 6 0's. This is the first time I was caught with her (more to come). The first time I was caught she found evidence of me exchanging photos, chatting-with and arranging meet-ups with girls. Critically, there was no conclusive proof that I'd slept with anyone, so I portrayed it as just me being a bit uncertain about her, and her not stepping up to the plate and tying me down - I explained this by saying that we had no plans for the future and made her feel like it was her responsibility to tie down a rogue like me. I maintained that I didn't sleep with anyone and she swallowed it quite quickly. She left for a day and then was back every night with me again.
However, something was definitely missing from my frame and control over her from that point on. She was slightly more defiant and questioning from this point, but it would only emerge sometimes. For the vast majority of time she was still quite submissive and compliant. In this period she also looked into an old harddrive I had and found 100's of videos that I'd recorded of me having sex with other women prior to our relationship. I had maintained a bit of a trophy collection. She was horrified by it, but I detected some intrigue as well. Women are a bit perverted like that. I could tell aspects of my cheating and womanising turned her on. I was starting to wonder how far I could take this.
She knew I was a player before meeting her and I never hid that, so I think finding the videos was just confirming what I'd already told her.
Crucial also is I'm her first proper bf, who gave her a first proper dicking. This gives me big leverage in the 'bonding glue' department.
She caught me again 3 months later in the same way. Similar evidence found of me texting girls and exchanging photos. She guessed my passcode again, a slightly more complicated one that was 979797, and I basically gave her the same story and noted that I was getting 'better, playing less and texting less.' She again swallowed it after a series of temper tantrums and things settled back down for another 4 or 5 months.
To explain how I manipulated her - She's a child of divorce and therefore she's very nervous about having her own kids. This was her major weakness. I could manipulate this by saying that I wanted to have kids soon, an expectation I knew she wouldn't easily be able to fulfil, and then used it to justify my bad behaviour. It's a variation of 'if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it.' This manipulation may seem strange, but it put her in a position of her feeling like she couldn't fulfil my needs. It even got to a point where she was watching baby delivery videos on youtube to try and ignite her maternal side. She definitely put effort in, but just wasn't able to come around to the idea of having kids. This was a terrible game for me to play, because I'm quite certain that if she told me she was going to stop taking contraception and wanted kids, then I would have bailed. I do want kids, but I just wasn't convinced she was the one, especially with my control over her slipping slightly. I'm also not financially in a position to raise a family to a standard I'd be proud of. I'd need a really solid and committed woman if I was going to do that. Funnily enough, this manipulation ended up hurting me because there was a blow to the ego that I couldn't get this woman to want to have my kids, even though I know divorce is ruinous for the children of the divorce and their future family forming desires.
Next time I was caught cheating was the big one. She broke into my phone again, very difficult passcode so I don't know how she managed to guess it and I'm still in awe. I never unlocked my phone in front of her, so she must have guessed it trying random combinations. She searched in a hidden photo album on my phone and found a video of me banging a woman doggy style on our bed. The video was dated, the bed was instantly recognisable, so I was caught red-handed and there was no easy way to initially talk my way out of it.
Long story short, she was incredibly upset and left me for a few days, but then she came back after much drama. We were together for another month and it seemed like it was going back to normal, although a pattern was emerging that she would only see me on weekends, however she'd be calling me every day to check up on me (I never initiated phone calls with her). I was being my usual aloof, uncaring self while mixing in some kindness so I didn't come across as a total prick, but maybe I over-calibrated my mean side. An example of aloof is that in this last month of our relationship it was her birthday and I forgot to call her on the day. She had to call me and remind me.
The relationship was seemingly shaping up to be an ideal situation. She was only wanting to see me on weekends and I potentially had the week free to bang other women. I felt like a God, having managed to get a young, beautiful woman to forgive me for blatant cheating.
Then, last Friday, she called me out of the blue and told me that she's going to have to 'let me go' and that she's interested in meeting other people. She then admitted she wants to meet other guys (do women just say this without doing it? I always thought that women's words were not to be paid attention to, only their actions).
It has been 4 days since the phone call and I understand that the plan from here is radio silence and wait for her to come back. I fucked up the initial radio silence because I wasn't taking her break-up seriously. Tried to convince her to come over a few times. We spoke on the phone last night and she clarified her position again, making it seem very real now. She has also been quite limited in her contact with me and her demeanour appears quite melancholy, but she's maintaining her line of "our relationship has become toxic, I'm holding out a seed of love that I hope I can replant in the future when we meet after space."
I know the average guy will say I deserve this and I should leave her alone now. I'm not interested in moralising. I know I treated her badly.
What would a dark triad do from here to manipulate a girl back into his orbit?
She has agreed to meet me next weekend (6 days from now) for a bushwalk in a lovely mountainous area near the city. I sold it to her as our last meeting and leaving on a good note. She seemed very enthused, but I'm also aware that she could cancel between now and then. Women are brutal and cold when they want to be.
Where to from here, sage gentlemen?
![[Image: screen-shot-2018-10-11-at-32756-pmpng.pn...ress&w=650]](https://fsmedia.imgix.net/04/c9/55/62/9d56/47f1/99d8/20216641894b/screen-shot-2018-10-11-at-32756-pmpng.png?rect=0%2C25%2C866%2C434&auto=format%2Ccompress&w=650)
