[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

I first thought this would be easy when my Tinder/Bumble accounts exploded on day one.
But I've been here for months with 0 results and last night's failure forces me to admit I've touched the bottom and I'm in need of guidance.

I'm not looking to bang a different girl everyday. I'm aiming at a minimum of one new one per month until I find one worth something more stable. Just that.
I'm in my mid 30s and have finally reached a point where I have all my other shit incredibly together (career, physique, sports, logistics, countries travelled, etc...). That also means being truly busy has cut down some of my choices (I can't meet ASAP because I'm swiping/texting while I get other stuff done and I only have like a couple days a week free for dating).

Last night I went out with these guys I met online.
I first met an older girl (38 yr old) with nice tits and while queing for a beer I chatted up and got the number of a younger cuter girl (a dorky looking white knight wanted to get cookie points with her by helping her break in line ahead of us but she refused and ended up talking with me).

Then the older girl kept hanging around with me as we changed bars and met other people. I was isolating myself with her to do some mixture of deep-diving /rapport and kino (the only thing I can more or less do). Things seemed good so far as she was letting me touch her and the conversation was flowing.

For the last bar the weird shit / tests started all of a sudden.
We had this role play where she was submissive and had to follow my orders which maybe I did not take sufficiently far.
But at some point she started reacting badly to some of my sex stories (crazy hook up situations, things that happened to me or to friends). I don't think I give a Beta vibe (anymore than a bouncer does) but she started being bitchy and pushing this frame of always dating for months and falling in love before sex (which I denied saying she was either dating idiots or they were hooking up with other girls meanwhile this being Asia and so on...)

At this point the group consisted of us and four other people: a couple (basically) and a drunk old guy with another, younger, cuter girl. They were pushing for me to hook up with this woman but it didn't help.

At some point, she reacted badly to me discussing sex with the other girl and went outside "to smoke". They suggested I go out after her and I did (she was playing on Instagram not smoking) and she was suddenly flattered and warmed up (I was answering weakly here - I should have said something ballsy and tried to escalate while the iron was hot) but it didnt last long.

Inside again, it was even more of the same bullshit as before, plus trying to make me jealous with some platonic boyfriend of hers (shoving her phone screen on my face) and trying to get the younger girl to hook up with a guy on another table (turns out she knew this other girl also wanted me because they had spoken about me while I went to the bathroom). All this as loud and irritating as possible. I was pretty annoyed by then so I just ignored her until I went home.

I'm left with these :
1) I should have amplified our domination-submission game while I had the chance? Also my kino was hesitant and limited. Stagnation was a problem here. I probably overdid it with the sex stories as a compensation for weak kino/escalation.
2) When I went out after her and she warmed up asking why was I there I should have said" I came to look for you" or some such...? she went cold again after a bouncer broke circle.
3) I don't know if there was a right answer once she got bitchy towards the end but the fact that I was arguing with her proves I was fucking up big time.
4) Women over 35 should just be avoided? it is not the first time we have a group situation, they are kind-off into me but also crazy af and end up making a mess..

Duh... anyway...


I have read other threads and articles about Philippines and have seen drunk shitty-looking foreigners humping at random girls getting treated like rockstars in nightclubs.
So I must be doing something extremely wrong here...

[the-dream]

Filipina girls generally don't respond well to talking about sex. Rhey like to think of themselves as "conservative" which doesn't mean to them not having sex, it means just not talking about it. Just don't mention it they will read between the lines perfectly well

Also if you're in your 30s then you will still easily be able to get with 20s girls if that's your preference.

[Proud_Nimby]

Women want your attention while knowing that other women are interested in you. They want your money, power over you, to be as fat as they want without criticism, to have multiple kids from different fathers, to provide as little sex as possible, have you do physical labor for them, do their chores, take care of their pets, and still believe that they are superior to the universe. There is no way you are going to have the energy and desire to give them everything they want and allow them to treat you like crap after accomplishing what it takes to get interest from the most desirable women. Accept it.

I recommend the following:

1. Work on YOU everyday in every way --- always seek to get more out of giving less, to be more efficient.
2. Reduce being consumed by distractions of the world and its games.
3. Reduce / eliminate being around "friends" / co-workers / family who seek to subtly sabotage who you are as a person out of jealousy, envy or whatever.
4. Treat every new girl with dignity and respect and opportunity for a clean slate until they treat you like crap, you can't take it anymore and you decide to move on.

[Brodiaga]

If you've been in the Phils for months and can't get laid, you have some fundamental problems. It's hard to tell from your post what these problems are. However, it's very clear that you have them. To put it bluntly, a man in his 30s who can't get laid in the Phils (probably the easiest place in the world to get laid) has to be a complete and total fuckup. Whether it's your permanent state or something that can be easily fixed I have no idea.

Your question about girls in their late 30s. Yes, you should avoid them. In your mid 30s in the Phils, you should focus on girls in their early-mid 20s, maybe late 20s but not older than that. There is simply no reason to waste your time on older women unless one of them throws herself at you and passes the boner test. Generally speaking, compared to younger women, they look worse and have more mental issues. More importantly, they are not easier than younger women, can be more difficult other things being equal.

[subterfuge]

I'm far from expert but I agree with the above poster in that there must be some sort of problem that isn't easy to detect from your post. If you are white and in somewhat decent shape (not morbidly obese, basically) then you should be able to get laid in the Philippines of all places.
My brother in law went there when he was basically a 30 year old virgin, and he was able to get laid a fair bit in the 6 months he was there, and with much younger girls including teenagers. He felt like a rockstar! Really makes me want to go, in fact, but I never got around to it
Sounds like maybe it's your actual 'date strategy', though, if you are able to get meets but it goes wrong. Maybe don't try to get too sexual with these girls is the better move? Just be the cool, non-needy fun dude and lead it back to your place without ever really verbalising anything too sexual?
What about cold approach in bars and stuff too? (as opposed to tinder). Have you done much of that?

[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

Thanks the-dream
I must say I wasn't explicit as some people seem to be imagining but according to the other girl maybe I was too "open minded" for her - so its probably true I overdid it with the stories.

I look like I jacked guy in his late 20s and there was a chubby girl that wanted to hook up with me after a night out some weeks ago. This other girl yesterday too - but with help of the older one ended up going for another guy. So the opportunity is definitely there. I don't have steady group yet.
Since my schedule is so packed in physical life I'm using Tinder and whatnot. I got a crazy number of matches and they keep coming - but so far I've only gotten a flake; most just stop replying when I say "lets meet-up", or don't reply at all from the start, or try to screen me for provider role. I also got a few numbers but many times they messaged me when I was away and when I finally got back to them they lost interest already...

[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

thanks subterfuge
i've hung out with two other Asians only but no dates with local yet.
Let's go to the basics. What did your virgin-no-more brother did exactly? I'll see if I can copy exactly that.
People saying "it's very easy" without clarifying how and when is a bit annoying really. I haven't done any real cold approaches yet.

[subterfuge]

The way he described it to me (didn't go into massive detail and I didn't ask) was that he was basically getting approached lots in bars and stuff (plus he made approaches) and he basically found it about 500x easier than here in the UK to just game them and get them back to his place. He's an average looking white dude who struggled to compete in Essex where every guy is an over-confident, tattooed, roided, fashion conscious, cheeky chappy and girls are super picky when it comes to looks!

I don't know much about it so didn't want to frustrate you, but you read here non-stop about how getting laid in places like the Phillipines is like fishing with dynamite. I hope to find out for myself one day!

[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

Well I've only been out six times.
Twice I got a random girl cold approach me - including that girl I got the phone of yesterday. Though they kind of frame it as just being social.
Twice I was stuck in shitty groups with almost no girls and full of weird desperate guys. Horrible vibes. Wasted time.
Twice it was me I had a bad vibe and was ignoring OIs.

... but the point is yes, you are right, they do approach and give OIs. I need to find a bar I like otherwise I end up tagging along groups I don't like just to try this or that place.

[Preussen]

What city are you based in right now. Sorry if I missed it. I will be down in Cebu in a couple of weeks visiting a friend who just signed a two year work contract there. If you are around we can meet up. I am also fairly new but have had success in Thailand and at home in the States using what I have learned so far. A second set of eyes never hurts.

[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

I'm in BGC but thanks Preussen.

[HowOneBecomesWhatOneIs]

Ok, sorry about that I guess...

I just pulled and banged from a first date with the phone # girl I mentioned before. 6-7/10 in looks, 5'5" curvy but not fat. Reasonably smart, 0 drama, no tests that I can remember of...
She paid her own taxi back.
I'm left wondering what was the catch...