[Boomtown]

This is a complicated situation but I'll try to keep it to the point so it doesn't feel like a novel.

I've never really had any trouble getting girls. I'm a good looking, fun-loving guy, and can get laid pretty much whenever. However, I've also never really developed any strong feelings for a woman. Now it just happened.

Met her about 9 months ago, she became a part of my social circle. She started seeing one of my good friends and roommates (has no game, but good looking guy, doctor). I knew right when I saw her the first time we had insane chemistry, but because my friend was involved I stayed out of it, and we were never really alone together.

They dated for about a month and then he broke it off at party where there were too many other hot chicks around for him to handle being stuck with one. It happens, I'm guilty of the same thing. They would still hook up from time to time. She was hung up on him.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. My friend moved out of state a few month back for his fellowship. Her and I still talked because we were friends. She sends me a text about some big blowup with him and another girl, and that they've decided try to give it another shot long distance. Reality: he is lonely as shit where he is because pickings are slim, so he's trying to keep some girls on the wire.

A day later we're at a party together. I leave with some other girls and she gets left there by her roommate. Calls me, I pick her up, we decide to go out for a bit. First time we've been alone together. Well, we hit off, spend the whole night together, amazing time, dance, slight kiss, but we both freak out because she just started up with my friend again. Sexual tension off the charts. Chemistry off the charts. I sleep in her bed but no sex, her roommate is there (who I've hooked up with a couple times, and is obsessed with me--like I said, complicated) so we had to sneak around. She drops me off next morning, we try to pretend that nothing happened.

Fast forward to this weekend. I roll back in from out of town. Meet with friends at charity event. She's there. We dance, go out together with everyone. High tension, attraction is obvious but we try to hide it so our friends don't notice. We leave (sneak off?) together back to her place. Roommate out of town (doubt it would have mattered). Hook up. Freak out some next morning, but going to game with friends so get it together. After game go out, spend the whole night together. All over each other. Back and forth we freak out because we know that it's wrong but can't help it. Think we're being sneaky but people are starting to notice. So it has to stop. We're better than this.

I don't want it to stop. I'm 100% in love with this girl. I know it. Can't sleep. Can't get her out of my head. I think she feels the same, but still likes my friend and feels dirty about what's been happening. I'd let my friend beat my face in 1000 times if it meant I could be with her. But I don't know what to do here. I'm going to meet her tonight and tell her how I feel and I guess let her make the next move. It's going to be complicated, but fuck if you don't go after what you want then you don't deserve it anyway. Guess we'll see...

Thoughts?

~S

[alphabeta]

I guess I don't get why it's an issue that you two are hooking up in the first place. He dumped her, you're getting his seconds so I don't see why he should care and you're happy with her so I don't see why you should care. Long distance things fail 99.9% of the time anyways- if she's not getting it from you she'll get it from someone else.

[Agent_008]

Never be the first to declare your feelings in a relationship. Let the tension build. Make her burst at the seams because she's unsure about how you feel for her. When it becomes to much to bear, show her how you feel but let her be the first to state it. That's me anyway, my two cents.

[5K2D]

You don't seem to have a problem with technique, but rather conscience. I'm not sure how much other people can do to help you there, but as an argument for further pursuit, she clearly doesn't mean as much to the other man as she does to you, so go for it. Make a show about being torn about it if you need to maintain a friendship with the other guy or those siding with the other guy, playing into standard storytelling archetypes (especially if he has no game).
Technique-wise, you're doing well - why risk a social Hail Mary? Unless you're doing it to alleviate her feelings of dirtiness, in which case I don't have enough experience to tell if it will work.

[DLuzhin]

You have, very interestingly, stumbled into what anthropologist Rene Girard coined "the mimetic triangle." You're going to lose all the power in this dynamic in a few weeks. She doesn't really like you, just the drama.

I would extract yourself from the situation with her, allow yourself a confidence boost from the hookup, and direct your focus on other girls.

[Boomtown]

(09-27-2011 07:19 PM)Agent_008 Wrote:  

Never be the first to declare your feelings in a relationship. Let the tension build. Make her burst at the seams because she's unsure about how you feel for her. When it becomes to much to bear, show her how you feel but let her be the first to state it. That's me anyway, my two cents.

Well, too late for that. We both already know how we feel about each other. The only hangup is the other guy. She's scared of the drama it would create within our social circle.

(09-27-2011 10:35 PM)5K2D Wrote:  

You don't seem to have a problem with technique, but rather conscience. I'm not sure how much other people can do to help you there, but as an argument for further pursuit, she clearly doesn't mean as much to the other man as she does to you, so go for it. Make a show about being torn about it if you need to maintain a friendship with the other guy or those siding with the other guy, playing into standard storytelling archetypes (especially if he has no game).
Technique-wise, you're doing well - why risk a social Hail Mary? Unless you're doing it to alleviate her feelings of dirtiness, in which case I don't have enough experience to tell if it will work.

We're definitely torn. Talked to her last night. I didn't tell her I loved her or anything like that, obviously never a good idea to hand over all the power. I just told her that I wanted her. It's really up to her to get her mind right and decide what the hell she wants. I guess that may take some time but how long I don't know. Clearly I don't want it to take too long otherwise it's a lost cause. I'll fight to get her but again I don't know how to go about that given the complexity of the situation. I could try pushing her away from me to make sure she understands that I'm not just gonna be waiting around until she decides that the other guy is a waste of time.

Not really sure what the next step should be though. Do I talk to my friend and ask him how strongly he feels about her? Or tell him how I feel about her? Do I say fuck the consequences and go for it?

(09-28-2011 03:05 AM)DLuzhin Wrote:  

You have, very interestingly, stumbled into what anthropologist Rene Girard coined "the mimetic triangle." You're going to lose all the power in this dynamic in a few weeks. She doesn't really like you, just the drama.

I would extract yourself from the situation with her, allow yourself a confidence boost from the hookup, and direct your focus on other girls.

Yeah, that could happen, but I'd do everything I can to stop it if I knew how. I know girls get off on drama, but I also know she DOES like me. Just a question of how much now.

I don't want to focus on other girls. I've been with probably 90 girls in my life and none of them ever mean anything to me. It's always short term pleasure. I could go bang her roommate tonight if I wanted, though that might be taking it to the extreme...

~S

[Caligula]

@DLuzhin good observation. She loves the drama and without it she would enjoy it less.

It's not as complicated as you make it out to be. It comes down to whether you value your friendship with your friend over getting some pussy.

Since your priority seems to be to keep her around for an LTR, keep her guessing and play up the drama. Then wait and see if it blows up when word inevitably gets out. Since they'd already broken up just keep your frame strong in case things pop off; you're doing nothing wrong. Remember that if she's lying to your friend she will eventually lie to you too.

[Roosh]

Have a pretty girl on your arm the next time you see her.

[Boomtown]

(09-28-2011 09:08 AM)Caligula Wrote:  

@DLuzhin good observation. She loves the drama and without it she would enjoy it less.

It's not as complicated as you make it out to be. It comes down to whether you value your friendship with your friend over getting some pussy.

Since your priority seems to be to keep her around for an LTR, keep her guessing and play up the drama. Then wait and see if it blows up when word inevitably gets out. Since they'd already broken up just keep your frame strong in case things pop off; you're doing nothing wrong. Remember that if she's lying to your friend she will eventually lie to you too.

Yeah, I agree on the drama. But that is true for any woman in any situation. I use that to my advantage all the time.

How do I keep the drama going with this girl without sneaking around with her--because we WILL get caught, we know too many people. When my friend comes to visit it will no doubt be awkward, but should I feign like it's not? Or is the awkwardness what I want?

My best friend who knows about all this is telling me to remove myself from the situation, be cordial with her but don't flirt anymore, etc. It sounds good in theory but goes against my instincts.

(09-28-2011 10:04 AM)Roosh Wrote:  

Have a pretty girl on your arm the next time you see her.

This I can do.

[Tassadar]

Fag.

[Boomtown]

(09-28-2011 01:52 PM)Tassadar Wrote:  

Fag.

I'm sorry your mom didn't love you.