[coffeedrinker]

Have fucked up twice and never making this mistake a 3rd time.

Two girls, one on a date and one on the app itself asked me what I'm looking for.

Both times I say something a long the lines of, 'just having fun and see if it develops'

Both times the girls, say: 'I've just come out of a relationship so I'm not looking to date yet'

First time it was on person and it took me off guard and I completely fucked it up.

Second time, I'm recovering but wont be easy. We had agreed for drinks and then after that reply on wha im looking for, she said ' acc got work on thurs so rather we do another day' but def meant don't want to see you. So I ignored that msg, did a u turn and completely sexualised the convo which she enjoyed but might be too late.

From now on, I'm always replying with " Passionate sex with someone that I can bang on all my furniture" to that question. If they are the relationship type girl, then I'll play it off as a joke.

[torridon747]

It's a shit test. Leave it open ended/deflect, treat it as a joke, or turn it around on them

"Nothing in particular, I want to see where things go"

"I've been searching for Waldo for like 8 years, I suck at looking for things"

"A cool girl I can get along with, you're chill right?"

I don't get that question often anymore, usually when a woman asks that question she's unsure of your intentions with her and she already has whatever stupid shit in her mindm And it's likely you haven't been assertive enough or shown enough intent. Whether it be taking her on a date or working out logistics to get her back to your pad. If you answer honestly you have a pretty good chance of fucking it up. It's an incredibly dumb and crass question, best to write it off, ignore it, say something that shit tests her back. You can avoid that question by showing intent subtlety. Women aren't completely stupid, it's Tinder, everyone there wants to bang, but it will set off their anti-slut defense if you come out and say that or imply it in the wrong way. I find it best to act like you're open to dating even if you're going to P&D the bitch and always push for the bang, at least until you have a bit better frame control and can flip their switches a bit better. At a certain point when she's wet and wanting your cock and down to come over and bang you can just say how you're going to fuck the shit out of her. I find working inside the dominant submissive paradigm is easiest and best for my personality but it may not be for yours.

After you bang you want her chasing you to be in a relationship with her use that leverage to maximize the amount of fun you can have with her but anyway that's deviating from the subject at hand

[coffeedrinker]

(06-18-2018 08:38 PM)Eugenics Wrote:  

It's a shit test. Leave it open ended/deflect, treat it as a joke, or turn it around on them

"Nothing in particular, I want to see where things go"

"I've been searching for Waldo for like 8 years, I suck at looking for things"

"A cool girl I can get along with, you're chill right?"

I don't get that question often anymore, usually when a woman asks that question she's unsure of your intentions with her and she already has whatever stupid shit in her mindm And it's likely you haven't been assertive enough or shown enough intent. Whether it be taking her on a date or working out logistics to get her back to your pad. If you answer honestly you have a pretty good chance of fucking it up. It's an incredibly dumb and crass question, best to write it off, ignore it, say something that shit tests her back. You can avoid that question by showing intent subtlety. Women aren't completely stupid, it's Tinder, everyone there wants to bang, but it will set off their anti-slut defense if you come out and say that or imply it in the wrong way. I find it best to act like you're open to dating even if you're going to P&D the bitch and always push for the bang, at least until you have a bit better frame control and can flip their switches a bit better. At a certain point when she's wet and wanting your cock and down to come over and bang you can just say how you're going to fuck the shit out of her. I find working inside the dominant submissive paradigm is easiest and best for my personality but it may not be for yours.

After you bang you want her chasing you to be in a relationship with her use that leverage to maximize the amount of fun you can have with her but anyway that's deviating from the subject at hand

On the first girl, she def thought she wanted to just play around, whether that would last if she liked the guy, probably not but for a first date, she was pretty adamant on it. Unfortunately, I kinda lost frame after that as I wasn't expecting her to be so open in person.


Second girl we still just msging and she kept asking me personal questions which I always turned into jokes/silly answers. Then at one point she gave me a long list describing herself and asked me to do the same. I just said I was a mysterious guy that prefers to get to know people better in person.

She replied that being mysterious would get me nowhere with her so I told her to ask me 3 questions I would answer and then we will get drinks on X day to find out more. She agreed and then proceeded to ask the same question of what degree I do in 3 different variants LOL.

Anyway soon after she asked me the 'what you looking for right now' and I tried to make it silly: 'Literally right now? the TV remote control' but she was like 'No I'm serious, do you want to date or just play around?'

It's really annyoing when they ask that because you basically get a 50-50 chance of hitting what they want you to say.

Your 3rd suggestion might have just been both specific and vague enough to work but I didn't think of it, will try it in the future so thanks for that!

[tobehero]

Being vague will actually harm you.
Be more direct with your intentions.

1/ it will filter out the time wasters
2/ find girls with the same outcome

You will get less matches / leads but the ones that you get will have a better ROI

[LeBaron]

I just reply "I'm here to meet a girl" it makes them sound dumb and they will usually reply me too

[coffeedrinker]

It seems like if you switch off a trigger, no matter what you do afterwards can bring you back. The banter I had after that question was top quality as I was 100% IDGAF msging. Next day I started off with a previous joke related to her snapchat story, got to a high point again in few msgs and asked to go for drinks but she was a stone wall, gave work in the morning as an excuse again.

Probably shouldn't have replied at all but decided to do a sore loser reply of 'No alternative offered, 3/10 poor effort' To which she replied she'll check her schedule for week after and let me know. But I'm 100% sure she won't be up for meeting.

I hate caring and do need to sort my shit out. Keep fucking up opportunities and not creating enough to replace them. Onwards and upwards.

[Investment Bro]

In my opinion, rather than asking how to answer the question I would get right to the root of it.

Why are girls asking you what you are looking for in the first place?

I haven't had a girl ask me this until multiple dates in, and after sex in years. The change for me was cutting down on the messaging, and fixing what came across as an artificially sexual vibe.

When I was new to the game, I used to think I needed to sexualize immediately, but now I avoid doing that on the phone all together until after I've had sex with her twice. I would be interested in seeing the chat logs with these women.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-20-2018 05:31 AM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

In my opinion, rather than asking how to answer the question I would get right to the root of it.

Why are girls asking you what you are looking for in the first place?

I haven't had a girl ask me this until multiple dates in, and after sex in years. The change for me was cutting down on the messaging, and fixing what came across as an artificially sexual vibe.

When I was new to the game, I used to think I needed to sexualize immediately, but now I avoid doing that on the phone all together until after I've had sex with her twice. I would be interested in seeing the chat logs with these women.

So I just typed out the whole convo as it was all on snapchat ( she gave me her snapchat after like 5 msgs on tinder) and reading it all again gave me few answers myself:

1) Way too much msging. I sometimes get in the trap of msging for too long when a convo is going good (IMO anyway). But I knew this was the case throughout and kept trying to get drinks going but we were both unavaiable for some time. I don't know how you can keep the interest of someone on tinder who hasnt met you without pinging and starting convos every few days.

2) I did msg some cringeworthy stuff occasionally. However, with so many msgs, it was almost inevitable. None were deal breakers until it got to the question about what I was looking for.

I realise now that I may have given sly hints of LTR dating without realising.

a. At one point she said lets meet at a club as drinks on our own can be awkward. I couldn't make that but made a point that first dates shouldn't be awkward. Not too bad this IMO but it may have set a bit of a formal 'dating' tone.

b. Just before she asked me what I was looking for, I asked her, 'what she hates about the dating process'. Such such a stupid question. No idea why I did and definitely led to her asking. As I was reading it now, I realised how I pretty much brought the question myself.


Looking back it's easy to spot mistakes. But she was very responsive and I've had more success with tinder when I do actually have longer convos. It's annoying that such a few badly worded msgs can cripple your chance.

I'm willing to share convo with you or anyone whos interested in braking it down and would be greatful, but keep in mind it is quite a long read.

[questor70]

(06-20-2018 05:31 AM)Investment Bro Wrote:  

Why are girls asking you what you are looking for in the first place?

Women who have been pumped and dumped will routinely give guys the Spanish Inquisition like this. If you haven't gotten it then maybe you're better at screening out damaged women before it even gets to the first chat.

The paradox is that when women shit-test guys up front like this it comes across like a standoffish hiring manager starting a job interview. It's NOT romantic and NOT organic. It's cold and calculating and formulaic.

The more I get that job interview vibe the less interested I am.

If she seems worth the effort then I really think it's best to turn it around and make it seem like that approach is a buzzkill and to let it breathe.

[christpuncher]

Quote:

Anyway soon after she asked me the 'what you looking for right now' and I tried to make it silly: 'Literally right now? the TV remote control' but she was like 'No I'm serious, do you want to date or just play around?'

It's really annyoing when they ask that because you basically get a 50-50 chance of hitting what they want you to say.

"Well I'm not the clingy type..."

[kaotic]

You've got to have a little bit of a mix of sarcasm, direct, and truth:

-These are just a few off the top of my head-

"I've got 0 expectations until I meet someone in person and go from there"

"My ex wife of course!"

"Honestly, nothing, I like to feel a person out and see how we vibe before even thinking about that"

"The least craziest girl possible"

"Woah already trying to get hitched to me?"


Honestly you shouldn't be having such serious convos or even leading the conversation to that place to begin with, especially before meeting.


Texting should always be sparse, funny, light, and to finalize logistics.

If a girl asks that question in person, keep it funny but real, treat like a little sister asking you a question.

Drop a light joke first, see how she reacts, if she pressed then be direct about have 0 expectations and seeing how you vibe with someone first.

Be creative, make a mix of the above, but play it your own way and for the given scenario.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-20-2018 12:26 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You've got to have a little bit of a mix of sarcasm, direct, and truth:

-These are just a few off the top of my head-

"I've got 0 expectations until I meet someone in person and go from there"

"My ex wife of course!"

"Honestly, nothing, I like to feel a person out and see how we vibe before even thinking about that"

"The least craziest girl possible"

"Woah already trying to get hitched to me?"


Honestly you shouldn't be having such serious convos or even leading the conversation to that place to begin with, especially before meeting.


Texting should always be sparse, funny, light, and to finalize logistics.

If a girl asks that question in person, keep it funny but real, treat like a little sister asking you a question.

Drop a light joke first, see how she reacts, if she pressed then be direct about have 0 expectations and seeing how you vibe with someone first.

Be creative, make a mix of the above, but play it your own way and for the given scenario.

Thank you for this reply, great suggestions! Hopefully I won't have to use them but at least I should be much more prepared if it does happen again

[kaotic]

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

A man should know how to handle women and how to handle shit test they throw at you.

Sometimes you'll learn on the fly, sometimes you'll crash and burn, even to seasoned vets.

[FullThrottleTX]

"What are you looking for" sounds like filler material because banter isn't interesting enough.
Dating meta on a first date/exchange means there's too much self-awareness on her part and you've not swooped her into your fun little world.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-20-2018 11:30 PM)FullThrottleTX Wrote:  

"What are you looking for" sounds like filler material because banter isn't interesting enough.
Dating meta on a first date/exchange means there's too much self-awareness on her part and you've not swooped her into your fun little world.

Agree with you on the case which was in person. it was a weak date performance from me and since then I have improved quite a bit but still got a long way to go.

However, when it comes to tinder, I've had such a wide mix of experiences that I find it hard to calibrate my approach.

Innocent looking girls that seem to want me to go full on sexual references etc soon as.

'Outgoing girls' that bring up sexual topics themselves but then punish you if you respond in similar way.

I've had two tinder bangs and about 10 tinder dates and most of these girls wanted at least some level of comfort built in msging. Hence why I sometimes seem to overdo it.

This might be because my profile is a bit tame and thus attract girls who have no idea what they want. I need 1 or 2 better face pics as atm, the dog in my first photo is probably the only reason some hot girls match with me. Tried some photo shoots out with a friend but they come out staged so waiting for some good holiday photos.

[FullThrottleTX]

(06-21-2018 05:57 AM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  

However, when it comes to tinder, I've had such a wide mix of experiences that I find it hard to calibrate my approach.

Innocent looking girls that seem to want me to go full on sexual references etc soon as.

'Outgoing girls' that bring up sexual topics themselves but then punish you if you respond in similar way.

I've had two tinder bangs and about 10 tinder dates and most of these girls wanted at least some level of comfort built in msging. Hence why I sometimes seem to overdo it.

This might be because my profile is a bit tame and thus attract girls who have no idea what they want. I need 1 or 2 better face pics as atm, the dog in my first photo is probably the only reason some hot girls match with me. Tried some photo shoots out with a friend but they come out staged so waiting for some good holiday photos.

My rule is to just setup dates. I have a minimal amount of small talk/banter that I put into online dating (when I do it, I don't anymore). "Comfort building": this is just delaying the date from happening. If a girl isn't comfortable meeting up right away, she's probably not going to. You can't make someone comfortable with a text from a stranger.

You're in the recruiting business not the sales business. The goal isn't to attract chicks, it's to find chicks YOU like and pursue them - because you've got to like them first before they like you. Once you make that shift, I think you'll be more successful and less all over the place.

[kaotic]

(06-21-2018 11:52 AM)FullThrottleTX Wrote:  

(06-21-2018 05:57 AM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  

However, when it comes to tinder, I've had such a wide mix of experiences that I find it hard to calibrate my approach.

Innocent looking girls that seem to want me to go full on sexual references etc soon as.

'Outgoing girls' that bring up sexual topics themselves but then punish you if you respond in similar way.

I've had two tinder bangs and about 10 tinder dates and most of these girls wanted at least some level of comfort built in msging. Hence why I sometimes seem to overdo it.

This might be because my profile is a bit tame and thus attract girls who have no idea what they want. I need 1 or 2 better face pics as atm, the dog in my first photo is probably the only reason some hot girls match with me. Tried some photo shoots out with a friend but they come out staged so waiting for some good holiday photos.

My rule is to just setup dates. I have a minimal amount of small talk/banter that I put into online dating (when I do it, I don't anymore). "Comfort building": this is just delaying the date from happening. If a girl isn't comfortable meeting up right away, she's probably not going to. You can't make someone comfortable with a text from a stranger.

You're in the recruiting business not the sales business. The goal isn't to attract chicks, it's to find chicks YOU like and pursue them - because you've got to like them first before they like you. Once you make that shift, I think you'll be more successful and less all over the place.

100% on the money - girls decide if they want to fuck you or drop you in the first 5 minutes of meeting you

The same goes for meeting a girl.

You can run all the comfort game you want, but it won't help if she ain't interested.

Girls give there numbers out all the time with no intention of meeting up.

100% on the money again with Sales 101

You're on the chase and need to show value to the customer, like you said.

Every man's pipe dream end goal is like a business goal, to be the leaders of their industry, show value, and have customers wanting your business.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-21-2018 11:52 AM)FullThrottleTX Wrote:  

(06-21-2018 05:57 AM)coffeedrinker Wrote:  

However, when it comes to tinder, I've had such a wide mix of experiences that I find it hard to calibrate my approach.

Innocent looking girls that seem to want me to go full on sexual references etc soon as.

'Outgoing girls' that bring up sexual topics themselves but then punish you if you respond in similar way.

I've had two tinder bangs and about 10 tinder dates and most of these girls wanted at least some level of comfort built in msging. Hence why I sometimes seem to overdo it.

This might be because my profile is a bit tame and thus attract girls who have no idea what they want. I need 1 or 2 better face pics as atm, the dog in my first photo is probably the only reason some hot girls match with me. Tried some photo shoots out with a friend but they come out staged so waiting for some good holiday photos.

My rule is to just setup dates. I have a minimal amount of small talk/banter that I put into online dating (when I do it, I don't anymore). "Comfort building": this is just delaying the date from happening. If a girl isn't comfortable meeting up right away, she's probably not going to. You can't make someone comfortable with a text from a stranger.

You're in the recruiting business not the sales business. The goal isn't to attract chicks, it's to find chicks YOU like and pursue them - because you've got to like them first before they like you. Once you make that shift, I think you'll be more successful and less all over the place.

Just after my last reply, I msged 2 hot matches and focussed completely on staying in frame with a goal of ' get a date or get her to never reply asap'. It worked pretty well, convo was interesting straight away but both ended being 'never reply'. Happy though cos if they couldn't take my way of communicating then it would have never worked in person anyway.

I think I just had an epiphany then, that what you said is so true. Slowly but surely seeing progress in my life, so thank you all for your help.