[chvrches]

I've been seeing a girl for the past few weeks. We haven't had sex yet, just made out a couple of times, but it's getting more serious. She was with her girlfriends at the club and I was out with my friends celebrating a birthday. We saw each other and had a good time, danced, talked etc. Later on, during the night I see an attractive guy sitting next to her and talking to her. Obviously, I don't feel threatened because that's just insecure thinking, but I got kind of worried about what his intentions might be. I tried to avoid looking over there, and one of her friends called me over.

They were all sitting at the same table. Her friends started chatting me up since I said I would "wingman" one of them and we were joking around. I just pretended like I didn't care, and it's nothing a handsome guy was sitting next to my plate hitting on her. I just continued the conversation with her friends like nothing had happened. She looked at me quite a few times to "see my reaction", but I didn't give her any.

I went away and talked to more girls, flirted with more girls, not necessarily to make her jealous, but I was vibing and having a great time, talking to every beautiful girl I saw. I caught her looking at me a lot of times. It was almost like she was more concerned about which girls I was talking to than the conversation with the handsome guy sitting next to her. Was this a shit test? Was she trying to see if I felt threatened by the guy that was flirting with her?

Did I play it right with acting like it's nothing and that it didn't bother me and that I was out there flirting and having a good time with other girls, while she saw the whole thing? Perhaps I came off as confident and abundant.

She's a very beautiful girl and this isn't the first time this happens. In fact, it happens almost all the time, when I let her off the hook, or finish talking to her and go out to enjoy myself with my friends, I come back 2 min later and always find some guy approaching her or sitting next to her trying to flirt. I always react like I don't give a shit and keep doing my thing. Sometimes I would even blink at her and gesture "do it, he's handsome " from a distance when I see a guy approaching her.

But I don't know whether it's good or bad because she will think I don't care about her as much as I actually do. She might think I'm just fucking around and flirting with other girls while also flirting with her. Some girls want you to show all signs that you're into them. "If you show jealousy I know you like me a lot and care about me" kind of thing. I just don't want to be the guy hovering over her all night to keep other guys away and show she's mine.

[Supreme4ever]

Do not develop a case of Oneitis welcome to the big leagues. If you got game or attract a lot of hot girls you should expect for the ladies to get a lot of attention. Hold your frame around her and double down how often you both get approached and laugh about it. She will think you understand and relate with her in which it will make her think y'all are in sync. It seems at your escalation has been subpar and that can make her feel insecure of your lack of action not commitment and smothering her especially if she's under 26. Alpha would let her know she is his priority( until we fuck) while smothering her and being jealous can be poison for relationship and dating. Last word of advice it's great to be positive always know and portray you are better than plan b c and d to her. Escalate and don't get friend-zoned.

[Investment Bro]

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

I've been seeing a girl for the past few weeks. We haven't had sex yet, just made out a couple of times, but it's getting more serious.

How many dates have you guys gone on? It shouldn't be getting more serious until she starts putting out, and she begins bringing up wanting to be more serious. All you should be doing is focusing on having fun with her and having sex.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

She was with her girlfriends at the club and I was out with my friends celebrating a birthday. We saw each other and had a good time, danced, talked etc. Later on, during the night I see an attractive guy sitting next to her and talking to her. Obviously, I don't feel threatened because that's just insecure thinking, but I got kind of worried about what his intentions might be. I tried to avoid looking over there, and one of her friends called me over.

You know what his intentions are, the same as yours. He's trying to get some action.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

They were all sitting at the same table. Her friends started chatting me up since I said I would "wingman" one of them and we were joking around. I just pretended like I didn't care, and it's nothing a handsome guy was sitting next to my plate hitting on her. I just continued the conversation with her friends like nothing had happened. She looked at me quite a few times to "see my reaction", but I didn't give her any.

Good job, that was the right move. You engaged the group, didn't seem off balance, and didn't indicate you were threatened. Well played.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

I went away and talked to more girls, flirted with more girls, not necessarily to make her jealous, but I was vibing and having a great time, talking to every beautiful girl I saw. I caught her looking at me a lot of times. It was almost like she was more concerned about which girls I was talking to than the conversation with the handsome guy sitting next to her. Was this a shit test? Was she trying to see if I felt threatened by the guy that was flirting with her?

Yes, of course this was a shit test. Women that like you are always wondering where they stand with you. Manipulating this dynamic is one of the areas that cause women to feel attraction to you. Because she saw you off flirting and talking to other women, she was questioning where she stood with you, which will increase her attraction.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

Did I play it right with acting like it's nothing and that it didn't bother me and that I was out there flirting and having a good time with other girls, while she saw the whole thing? Perhaps I came off as confident and abundant.

You did the right thing in this case, but if you've been seeing her for a couple of weeks you should have slept with her already. It's a lot easier to exert your magnetic pull on a woman that you have already slept with a couple of times. Her investment in you is a lot higher.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

She's a very beautiful girl and this isn't the first time this happens. In fact, it happens almost all the time, when I let her off the hook, or finish talking to her and go out to enjoy myself with my friends, I come back 2 min later and always find some guy approaching her or sitting next to her trying to flirt. I always react like I don't give a shit and keep doing my thing. Sometimes I would even blink at her and gesture "do it, he's handsome " from a distance when I see a guy approaching her.

You shouldn't be going out with her friends or your friends together until she's your girlfriend, or at the very least a consistent plate you've had sex with a number of times. That's giving your the girl the idea that her standing is much better than what it actually should be.

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

But I don't know whether it's good or bad because she will think I don't care about her as much as I actually do. She might think I'm just fucking around and flirting with other girls while also flirting with her. Some girls want you to show all signs that you're into them. "If you show jealousy I know you like me a lot and care about me" kind of thing. I just don't want to be the guy hovering over her all night to keep other guys away and show she's mine.

If you play it right, with the right woman you won't have to mate guard, and you can still chat up other women. Women don't want you to show all the signs you're into them. They want to be teased with occasional glimpses of how attracted you are to them, sandwiched between periods of indifference. There should always be the question in her mind of "how much does he like me, really?"

For example, after I have sex with a new woman, I'll usually hold her really tight, or look deep into her eyes for a few seconds while stroking her hair for around an hour or so post bang. I'll then walk her out to her car, make out with her a little bit, and then tell her I want to whisper something in her ear.

I'll usually say "Hey, let me know when you get home safe".

I won't mention my opinion of the time we just spent together, and then I usually take a few days to give her a call (I'm very busy).

The net effect is push, pull. The push is the holding, or the deep eye contact after, while the pull is withdrawing my attention between our date and then when she sees me next.

You only need to do just enough to keep her on the hook. If she's chasing you, she will spurn other men most of the time if you're doing it right. Most men only know how to push, and too much pushing turns women off. If you're a master of the push, followed by an even longer pull, you will never have much competition at all. That's why the best RVF players consistently do so well. They understand they are in a league of their own.

--

At the end of the day, this chick isn't yours. You've not banged her, and she hasn't pushed you for any kind of commitment. Your level of investment in her is higher than hers is in you right now, which I know is true because you've made this thread. Don't worry so much about her, focus on talking with other women like you were doing in the club, and then push for sex next time you see her.

[ShuaiGe]

I don't know if this is right on any game or moral level but I can tell you for sure if it was me I wouldn't stand there and do nothing, because she's mine so fuck off

Go interrupt them at least

I get what other people are saying but I don't think there's anything not alpha about this mindset, take what's yours

[christpuncher]

That all sounds fine if you've already banged her... But she's not you "plate" yet, and if you playfully tell her "do it, he's handsome" at this point, she might just go ahead and do it...

[Supreme4ever]

Are guys so desperate trying to control one woman. GROSS desperation is the cousin of death. In college sport me and my buddies would try to bang girls faster than the next guy, or even try to pry one of your girls away just for the challenge of top dawg. Please guys read more RooshV or any self-help books.FYI there are more women on the planet than guys.

[LeoneVolpe]

I may or may not let a girl know I don’t approve of her talking to another guy at that early stage of an interaction, but I certainly would not encourage her to pursue it.

Also agree with “if you haven’t banged her, she’s not your plate.” At that point, she’s your prospect.

[jcardial]

(06-23-2018 09:14 AM)chvrches Wrote:  

I've been seeing a girl for the past few weeks. We haven't had sex yet, just made out a couple of times, but it's getting more serious. She was with her girlfriends at the club and I was out with my friends celebrating a birthday. We saw each other and had a good time, danced, talked etc. Later on, during the night I see an attractive guy sitting next to her and talking to her. Obviously, I don't feel threatened because that's just insecure thinking, but I got kind of worried about what his intentions might be. I tried to avoid looking over there, and one of her friends called me over.

They were all sitting at the same table. Her friends started chatting me up since I said I would "wingman" one of them and we were joking around. I just pretended like I didn't care, and it's nothing a handsome guy was sitting next to my plate hitting on her. I just continued the conversation with her friends like nothing had happened. She looked at me quite a few times to "see my reaction", but I didn't give her any.

I went away and talked to more girls, flirted with more girls, not necessarily to make her jealous, but I was vibing and having a great time, talking to every beautiful girl I saw. I caught her looking at me a lot of times. It was almost like she was more concerned about which girls I was talking to than the conversation with the handsome guy sitting next to her. Was this a shit test? Was she trying to see if I felt threatened by the guy that was flirting with her?

Did I play it right with acting like it's nothing and that it didn't bother me and that I was out there flirting and having a good time with other girls, while she saw the whole thing? Perhaps I came off as confident and abundant.

She's a very beautiful girl and this isn't the first time this happens. In fact, it happens almost all the time, when I let her off the hook, or finish talking to her and go out to enjoy myself with my friends, I come back 2 min later and always find some guy approaching her or sitting next to her trying to flirt. I always react like I don't give a shit and keep doing my thing. Sometimes I would even blink at her and gesture "do it, he's handsome " from a distance when I see a guy approaching her.

But I don't know whether it's good or bad because she will think I don't care about her as much as I actually do. She might think I'm just fucking around and flirting with other girls while also flirting with her. Some girls want you to show all signs that you're into them. "If you show jealousy I know you like me a lot and care about me" kind of thing. I just don't want to be the guy hovering over her all night to keep other guys away and show she's mine.

Establishing interest:
A few make outs doesn't mean that much so you can't rely on that as establishing clear interest or intent, especially if you're showing you'd rather talk to other girls. You don't want to play a game of jealousy chicken that ends with your interest getting stuffed like a turkey by some other guy because she thinks you don't like her that much. Outright encouraging her to accept the advances of other guys shows you're not that jealous but also shows you're not that interested which is a pretty big mistake if she already likes you.

Pursuit:
If you both like each other mutually, you should be hanging out with each other pretty organically the majority of the time you're in the same venue. If you leave her briefly and come back and a guy is hitting on her I would join the conversation. This doesn't mean to follow her around like a lap dog every move she makes or when she's talking to her girlfriends.

Why didn't you just pursue her more intently that night if you like her so much. If you want to hang with the guys a bit tell her that and say you'll come find her in an hour or whatever so she knows you're interested. If girls are actively hitting on you it's one thing, but it doesn't help your situation if you're clearly going after other girls.

Non-reactive:
You weren't coming across as non-reactive. You were getting caught looking as well which is reactive regardless of the expression on your face. Going as far as blinking at her from across the room when another guy is approaching her is super reactive regardless of what you thought you were conveying.

Conclusion:
You're just playing it way too scared. It's very simple. If she kept looking at you, you interpret that as interest and go over and talk to her. You were getting caught looking and showing interest too, so if you don't go over to her at that point you just look weak and lacking the confidence to make a move. Why didn't you just join the conversation or move in when you had an opening. If she wasn't smiling at this guy or reciprocating the flirting what other signs do you need to move in.

Have you been on dates with this girl? If not, ask her out. It sounds like you're very hesitant to put your balls on the chopping block to find out where you really stand. You have to be way more aggressive because all of the staring and inaction lowers your value.

[Rhyme or Reason]

I stopped reading at

Quote:

I've been seeing a girl for the past few weeks. We haven't had sex yet,

She's not your girl.

[PapayaTapper]

OP has 35 posts 12 of which are virtually worthless threads he started then abandoned only to come back a week or two later to start and abandon another.

search.php?a...e0ee2259a2

Lame

[Baphomet]

(06-25-2018 01:02 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

OP has 35 posts 12 of which are virtually worthless threads he started then abandoned only to come back a week or two later to start and abandon another.

search.php?a...e0ee2259a2

Lame

Correct!

Seems there are a lot of these recently. Yet people keep replying to posts like them as though they are serious members, or quality posts.

[chvrches]

@Investment Bro I have been pushing for sex, but I believe she's been fucked over before by a guy in the past, so she's trying to go into this safely and slowly. The reason why I say it's serious is because she's telling me she gets approached by a lot of guys but no one is like me. She likes me a lot and wishes for me to be patient and she promises she will give me what I want. I know some girls just say this for the sake of having u stick around, orbiting or entertaining.

But this girl has told her parents about me and tried to get their approval if I can visit sometime. She's a very family oriented good girl. And they're telling her "they're excited to meet her boyfriend". So I know she intends to make this thing serious but for me all that is weird if you haven't even had sex first. I feel like her investment is higher in me than im in her, and it's huge she's already told her friends/family so much about me, while i basically haven't told anyone about her.

"There should always be the question in her mind of "how much does he like me, really?"

About this quote, is it necessary to hold back when she is saying how much she likes me and how much she cares about me, that i don't say the same? Isn't it a two edged-sword if i don't tell her i like her too and she would think im just using her? Or just want sex.

@LeoneVolpe @christpuncher I can see your point. I maybe shouldn't have encouraged her to "go for it". Yeah, prospect is a better word than plate.

@jcardial "Outright encouraging her to accept the advances of other guys shows you're not that jealous but also shows you're not that interested which is a pretty big mistake if she already likes you."

Yeah as the others have also mentioned. I think you're right. It's a double-edged sword, but I'm glad you could see the other side of it that it shows I'm not jealous, but it can backfire.

"If you leave her briefly and come back and a guy is hitting on her I would join the conversation"

I understand. I have never been the guy caring much about showing off my "girls" or put my arm around them or show other guys they're mine because im not scared of competition. I feel secure, because im confident as a person, but also because i trust my girls. But i think in this scenario during a night out and there's alcohol involved, and guys approach like machines, it could be bad for me if i just sat back and watched. I thought of it... some girls like that their "guy" shows they belong to him, act dominant, but i've always been chill about it.

Yeah... i thought i was being lowkey when i looked, but i guess i wasn't. We were both looking at eachother and i regret i was holding back so much, playing it passive and way too scared.

"Have you been on dates with this girl? If not, ask her out. It sounds like you're very hesitant to put your balls on the chopping block to find out where you really stand. You have to be way more aggressive because all of the staring and inaction lowers your value."

So true so true... she's busy with exams so i figured i would wait, but she will be done on wednesday and i plan to invite her out. You see, as i mentioned to Investment Bro, she is really a good girl. The only reason why i call her my plate is the fact that she's already told her parents about me and her friends keep telling me all she does is talk about me when they're hanging out. "Girls im nervous, what should i do, what should i say to him" etc. I was surprised hearing this, because then it's just run basic no fuck up game.

I listened in on one of the conversations she had with the guy when I stood by the table chatting with her friends. This guy went from being so happy and cracking jokes left and right to being sad and moaning like a little girl. He looked up to me and shook my hand and said "good job", i was confused. I asked her afterwards, "what did you say to this poor guy, I saw him with his head in the table, and then he came to shake my hand" she said it's a guy that has been hitting on her for 2 weeks now, writing to her etc. She said, don't worry he won't be doing it anymore. I said, why not? She said she told him that she was seeing me and that she isn't interested when he asked her to go home with him. The guy was funny and handsome, so it's not because he was a random creep she wanted to get rid off. That made me quite happy, and I got a new respect for her. I felt kinda bad that she's having these feelings for me while I'm flirting with others girls in front of her whether intentionally or not, and she's fending off boys saying that she's with someone.

@PappayaTapper I'm sorry I don't sit and refresh the forum 24/7, I've been busy with exams for the past month and I'm still in the learning process of all of this. Whenever I go through a situation where I feel like there's experience to be taught, I seek advice on here. So what you consider "worthless threads" to me is a big step to learning, we all start somewhere. And i've read and studied every single reply on each post i've made. Don't get me wrong, because I don't reply doesn't mean I'm not investing, or learning, sometimes I simply leave a "+1 like" to show appreciation for the time people take to reply and help me.

[Investment Bro]

Let me preface this by saying that giving attitude to experienced members of this forum is a really quick way to get yourself written off. PT makes a very good point here, one I agree with. He's right you know. Start a game log if you want continuing advice as opposed to countless low value threads.

That said:

(06-25-2018 05:21 PM)chvrches Wrote:  

I have been pushing for sex, but I believe she's been fucked over before by a guy in the past, so she's trying to go into this safely and slowly. The reason why I say it's serious is because she's telling me she gets approached by a lot of guys but no one is like me. [/b]

Which means some other guy did all the things to her you want to do, and now you get to pay for it. If that's actually the story. You never know with women.

Family girls, good girls, church girls, etc. It doesn't matter. They're all built the same. If a girl really likes you enough, her desire to have sex with you will overcome any outlying objections she might have.

Of course, no one is like you. They leave when she doesn't get her list of needs met to get put out. There's greener pastures elsewhere.

(06-25-2018 05:21 PM)chvrches Wrote:  

She likes me a lot and wishes for me to be patient and she promises she will give me what I want. I know some girls just say this for the sake of having u stick around, orbiting or entertaining.

Tread carefully. Women can be very convincing when it comes to stringing guys along. Just remember, if a guy hurt her that means his game was strong enough to sleep with her quickly, and strong enough to make her stay around while causing her pain. I've learned this lesson the hard way, I'm hoping you don't have to.

(06-25-2018 05:21 PM)chvrches Wrote:  

But this girl has told her parents about me and tried to get their approval if I can visit sometime. She's a very family oriented good girl. And they're telling her "they're excited to meet her boyfriend". So I know she intends to make this thing serious but for me all that is weird if you haven't even had sex first. I feel like her investment is higher in me than im in her, and it's huge she's already told her friends/family so much about me, while i basically haven't told anyone about her.

"Hey guys, meet my new best friend! Isn't he great?!"

There is a subset of women who get a huge rush from talking about this type of stuff. If she hasn't had sex with you yet, and is already telling her whole family about you, I'm willing to bet she is a serious validation seeker. These types of women get annoying very quick.

Tread carefully.

(06-25-2018 05:21 PM)chvrches Wrote:  

"There should always be the question in her mind of "how much does he like me, really?"

About this quote, is it necessary to hold back when she is saying how much she likes me and how much she cares about me, that i don't say the same? Isn't it a two edged-sword if i don't tell her i like her too and she would think im just using her? Or just want sex.

At the end of the day, validation and attention are what women want. Men want sex and companionship. If you're giving her attention and validation, and she's only giving you half assed companionship and no sex, does that seem like a fair trade to you?

People love to talk. Don't judge people on what they say. Judge people on what they do.

[PapayaTapper]

OP

You'll find men on the forum willing to help you if they believe you are sincere rather than some type of hit and run troll. Your response indicates to me that you are (sincere) but the scattered threads created another perception

If you want solid advice then Id do as InvestmentBro suggests and start one general thread for yourself. Something along the lines of "Chvrches game journal / advice wanted" (just a suggested example...make it your own) where you can post your questions / scenarios on an ongoing basis. You will find it much more effective for a number of reasons. Guys responding in one thread will also make it easier for you to track responses, your actions, and subsequent results.

Most of the topics you posted have been covered in other threads. For example a search of the terms "mate guarding, jealousy, amoged" etc will turn up a lot of valuable info for you