[coffeedrinker]

- Been msging a girl that I met from a social circle recently
- Banter but not sexual convos
- Asked her what she is doing tonight and she said watching a movie with a friend
- I told I would probably be doing the same but was going to suggest going for drinks
- She took that as an open invite and invited her friend + few people from the social circle ( I should have been more obvious here).
- I suggested a nice bar and we met there
- Initially it was me, her and her friend. Her friend was not hot at all (3/10 but was interesting to talk to)
- Fun convos etc and decent kino with girl I liked. Though she was equally as touchy so I'm not sure if that was just her personality

- 2 Mutual friends (Gay guy couple) from social circle arrive 1hr later and suggest we go to a house party.

- At house party I don't really know anyone but was initially speaking to few of the hosts etc just trying to be social.
- Later, me and 1 of the gay friends sat on a sofa outside in garden and 4 random girls sat around us.
- Chatted for a while and then my friend left me with them.
- Decided to go for one of the girls that seemed most responsive
- Told her I've ran out of alcohol and if she wanted to continue drinking back at mine
- She agreed and we left, though I didn't really get a chance to say goodbye to the people I was with originally but they saw me leave with her
-Got last minute resistance from the girl I left with so nothing happened ( I fucked up logistics again which didn't help but tbh I don't really understand why she agreed to leave with me, as soon as we were out of the house she turned stone cold to me and I genuinely think my chat was ok)

- The next morning, had an activity planned with the social circle including the girl I was msging and gay couple but they ignored my msgs.


Anyway, I know there are a lot of fuck ups in there in all areas of game but because of some of these fuck ups (e.g. not making it obvious I like the girl I was msging) I don't feel I have done anything to offend my friends or her. The gay couple and the girl have been in the social circle for much longer than I have so if she felt I had lead her on or something then they would be on her side. However, I don't really feel like I did anything to deserve this treatment even if I had slept with the random girl.

My plan is to see them in person soon and see what pissed them off but I can be very clueless in these kind of situations, so wondering if you can see any clear red flags in why they would react like that?

[Noir]

Original girl probably thought you were into her and thought playing hard to get would work. When it didn't, it lead to her freezing you out and the gays following suit (birds of a feather flock together).

You could have mitigated this if you mentioned something (communicated you are leaving) but honestly, don't sweat it. It sounds like you guys are pretty young so I am sure you will get drunk next weekend and have a good laugh about it.

I would just be aloof about the whole thing, no stress.

If anything, original girl is going to be even more keen for you, just keep your game up like nothing happened.

[KeepMovingForward]

Huge rookie mistake and lack of social intelligence, bad combo.

NEVER go on a group date with a girl you haven't fucked. You will be competing with her friends for attention, it puts her in the driver's seat and elevates her status. You also decrease your chances of taking her home since she now has increased social pressure being in front of her friends.

You made things worse by hitting on another girl in her social circle at a house party. This is socially retarded, if she was being purposely standoffish and you wanted to use it as a jealousy ploy, that can work, but the way you described it sounds like you just switched targets in the middle of the party. Of course you're going to piss off the original girl, and her friends will all now be allied with her against you. Also sounds like you misread the new girl, if she went stone cold on you after leaving than she likely wasn't that into you, and just wanted to drink more.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-05-2018 10:50 AM)KeepMovingForward Wrote:  

Huge rookie mistake and lack of social intelligence, bad combo.

NEVER go on a group date with a girl you haven't fucked. You will be competing with her friends for attention, it puts her in the driver's seat and elevates her status. You also decrease your chances of taking her home since she now has increased social pressure being in front of her friends.

You made things worse by hitting on another girl in her social circle at a house party. This is socially retarded, if she was being purposely standoffish and you wanted to use it as a jealousy ploy, that can work, but the way you described it sounds like you just switched targets in the middle of the party. Of course you're going to piss off the original girl, and her friends will all now be allied with her against you. Also sounds like you misread the new girl, if she went stone cold on you after leaving than she likely wasn't that into you, and just wanted to drink more.

I have heard of the advice to not go on a date when others are present but given that I suggested a plan for about 2 hrs later, I felt like it would be more painful to then cancel. I guess I shouldn't have suggested anything at that point in convo as it put the ball on her to interpet whether I meant this as a 2 people 'date' or as a group activity.

If the original girl took the whole situation to be for more than friends, she didn't give any clear hints of it and I also did not make any direct attempts at her for the reason you mentioned - preference of being on a 1 to 1 drinks.

When I was sat with the gay friend, the girls came to talk to us and I was just having fun convo with them, the one girl was very responsive so I tried my luck with her. Maybe I did misunderstand the situation but she was leaning her head into my shoulder, kept hugging me etc. I would have felt more stupid if I didn't try anything.

I do ocassionally lack social intellegence, I'm trying to improve but it's very difficult when you only realise the stupidity of your actions after they've happened. Not really sure how I can improve this slow learning curve.

(06-05-2018 09:00 AM)Noir Wrote:  

Original girl probably thought you were into her and thought playing hard to get would work. When it didn't, it lead to her freezing you out and the gays following suit (birds of a feather flock together).

You could have mitigated this if you mentioned something (communicated you are leaving) but honestly, don't sweat it. It sounds like you guys are pretty young so I am sure you will get drunk next weekend and have a good laugh about it.

I would just be aloof about the whole thing, no stress.

If anything, original girl is going to be even more keen for you, just keep your game up like nothing happened.

It's end of university and some of these friends are graduating as I'm doing a longer course so might not even see these people. But like Keepmovingforward said, I do recognise I sometimes do things that are socially stupid so I want to improve myself.

[Trent W.]

Learn the rules, then break them.

I don't necessarily think your behavior was so bad. But being oblivious to what it might be perceived like definitely is.

By the way, many things are judged "post mortem". That is, if you ended up getting laid with that other girl or if the other one got jealous and starting showing more interest we would all be talking about what awesome game you pulled. In the end it's all a matter of what result you get.

[Jack Hughes]

Who cares if anyones mad at you? You didn't even do anything offensive.

[coffeedrinker]

(06-06-2018 03:18 PM)Jack Hughes Wrote:  

Who cares if anyones mad at you? You didn't even do anything offensive.

I do sometimes offend people in social sittuations without meaning to just because I'm very hard to offend to and sometimes assume that the other person is also like that. Still have quite a bit of catching up to do socially

Anyway I met up with them later and while I do think she was initially unhappy about the situation, she has been even more active in trying to grab my attention.

My only problem now is meeting her on her own. Most students have gone home so shes always doing something with her flatmates. I'll have to be really direct if I want to get her to come alone but I fear that may kill the tension, particularly as the gay guy would be protective of her.

[Akwesi]

We live in a crybaby age where people routinely get offended for the most trifling shit. If a couple of drunk bitches and two faggots you for some reason are friends with get offended, who cares? Learn to offend people habitually, it gets pussies wet. You have to own it, though, don't go around doubting yourself like this.