[KeepingItPrettyChill]

(08-07-2018 02:54 PM)lowside Wrote:  

goodington,

Thank you for your response to my story. It wasn’t intended to talk about my problems, I can deal with it. There are probably better ways, but I chose this path. It was intented to sketch a situation for guys going through with a relationship with a girl that has a high probability for getting fat.

Having said that, you are absolutely right. Going nuclear is the only option I have left. There are a couple of problems with that though:

1. What if she calls my bluff? I’m not going to be the guy who left his wife and kids merely because the wife got fat, because trust me, that’s what the story will be to the outside world.

2. If I do go nuclear and she breaks down and finally does decide to lose weight. It’s going to be a massive journey of at least a year, maybe two to get back into shape. Not to mention the suspicion I have that all that skin isn’t going to bounce back. This means surgery. I also have to add that there’s no intrinsic motivation to get thin again, so she’ll need a continueous external push. I’m not ready for the drama that will surely ensue over the next 2 years.

Thank you very much for the advice though. Let this be a warning to all you young lads who are considering this.

I've seen a lot of divorces and have some comments.

1. You do not do this as a bluff, but with the understanding that you have reasonable grounds for divorce. She is no longer the same person she was-- whatever she was doing to get you, she decided to stop doing to keep you. That is on her. You do not deserve to suffer because of her decision to stop caring. She neglected your feelings, needs, and desires-- that's not what marriage is. Framed properly, this is not a petty and immature discussion about weight-- instead, this is a conversation about how she is not the woman you married, how you want a marriage that has intimacy and attraction, and that if she is not willing to change the marriage will end.

Make sure that your ducks are in a row for divorce prior to this, if you can. It makes it easier to go through with it and makes the threat much more credible. This is a conversation that should have happened earlier, but it can happen now.

Do not worry about "the story". The new women you meet will not know "the story". Even if they did, many would be sympathetic and would see a sexless marriage as cause for divorce. If you intend to remarry, the story is even better-- they will know that you really will take action if their weight gets out of hand. As long as you frame this as about her consciously choosing to not meet your needs, it is a good story.

2. Realistically this goes one of two ways: 1) She promises to change but then is still the same weight a few months from now or 2) She succeeds. If she doesn't change, well, that makes your story even better-- you stayed with her and tried to work on this, but she did not uphold her side of the bargain. It shows the positive traits of patience, loyalty, and protection. If she succeeds, all you need to do is provide this continuous external push. To be honest, if she is successful, it will be because she spends over a year eating correctly and exercising. Habits can be really hard to break.

Ultimately, you will find that people are more sympathetic to your situation than you think. It is one of the most common reasons for a divorce.

As for the weight issue in general, it's the same as any other issue. Clearly show your expectations, warn when they are close to not being met, and take action when your expectations are not met.

[droughtmeat]

I think it's very difficult with girls that naturally have great bodies, that they don't put any effort into. Sooner or later their beauty will start to fade and they will put on extra weight. Yes, you can show them how to workout and tell them about diet, but working out is a burden to those who absolutely hate physical exercise.
Imo, if you married and your wife got fat, you most likely married at too young an age.

@Keepingitchill yes, I agree with the notion that the woman changed and isn't the person she once was. This goes both ways and it appears as though both men and women aren't truly aware of the need to maintain levels of attraction. With women it's mainly physical, whereas with men it's lifestylewise. At the beginning of the relationship the man was living on the edge, enjoying his life, travelling etc. But as the relationship progresses he becomes complacent, spends the weekends at home with his girl, maybe gains some weight himself. There is absolutely nothing a woman can find attractive about a man who spends his free time at home watching tv and occasionally goes on city tours with his gf.

Both men and women do things that are simply appauling in terms of attraction and thus the sexual spark inevitably dies off

[Roardog]

(06-07-2018 10:44 PM)SHDAD75 Wrote:  

As the old saying goes "Look at her mother and that is what you'll get."

The only time they'll lose weight is when you leave them and they need to trap another sucker. That is the only time they know how to eat right and exercise.

My dad gave me that piece of advice when I was young and it is one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received.

I was in an LTR with a girl for many years and both her parents were quite overweight, her mum particularly so, obese really.
The girl herself at the start of our relationship wasn't, although she wasn't stick thin. With her early 20's genetics and love of sport she stayed in good shape throughout her early to mid 20's.
However, once she started to age and work full time she started to put on the weight despite my control of her diet while at home. I suspect she did a lot of snacking at work.
Eventually this lead to our sex life dying as I found her less and less attractive, before we finally broke up. Thankfully no kids or a house involved.

She got married recently to a thin guy who I thought could do better but who's mother is also very large.

Needless to say I've not ignored my dad's advice ever again!

[The Stronger Sex]

Women tend to have certain character traits that play against them: they're lazy, they lack willpower, they hate physical exertion and they have a strong tendency to food addiction exacerbated by their neurosis and insecurity. Growing sedentarism, cheap easily available crap food and the self-indulgent fat acceptance movement don't help either.

I don't have enough fingers to count the sexy thin girls I banged just to find when I next see them that they've gone chubby as they stand there looking at me with sheepish eyes like a little kid who's caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It's as if I literally pumped them when I pump them.

[The Stronger Sex]

(05-05-2018 10:48 AM)Simeon_Strangelight Wrote:  

Hello there, Miss Piggy.