[N1ghtrain]

While I'm finishing my studies I work a couple of hours a week in a supermarket to make some extra money. Almost all the people I work with are students and somewhere in between 17-24 so the entire vibe is pretty chill and informal.

There is this one chick who I have been working with regularly for little over half a year now, she can be a bit shy and quiet sometimes. Now over the past 0.5 year we've been kinda bantering/playfully flirting but I never really thought too much of it. She is giving me quite some IOI's(among others; 'accidentally' touching me/standing very close to me, laughing at all my silly jokes, waiting 10 minutes for me to finish so we could cycle home together). I'm generally a bit cold/aloof towards her. She even said she wants me 'to melt a bit'.(to which I replied "yea sure, but I'm going home now. Iceman Out."

Over the past two months or so we've been hanging(drinking at someone's house or going to a bar or something) out with a group of around 8-10 co-workers including her and some other girls who I'm cool with. It's actually turning into a bit of a social circle(not my main one though). We also spended a bit of time together with just the two of us but not like an actual date.

Spending more time with her outside of work I kinda started liking her and realised I should do something about it. During my teenage years I would've just obsessed over her and not taken any form of action but of course now I realise that nothing good ever comes of that.

I just thought fuck it, and tossed a coin. It landed on heads and a couple days later I just told her on the way home from a party that I liked her. She pretty much rejected me saying that she didn't really feel that way about me. I did feel a bit shitty about it but thought, okay far enough now we know.

Know, I'm kind of puzzled by this. Was it my (very) direct approach that maybe scared her off? Was I already friendzoned in her eyes? Was she on her period? I also thought that that would just be the end of it but the next evenning she suddenly started texting me in long paragraphs with complete words and sentences. "I just wanted to talk about yesterday blah blah, I just hope nothing changed between us blah blah" Also repeating a couple of times that her feelings aren't going to change and all that. I saw her a couple of times after that but not paying all that much attention to her. Just once I walked past her gave her a little glance and she started giggling softly and blushing.

Not sure what to make of it though. I've pretty much moved on, talking to other girls, but it stuck in my head enough to write a very tiresome forum post about it . Maybe some of the more advanced members can give me some clarification on what went wrong and what a better approach would be the next time?

Thanks!

[RedPillUK]

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

While I'm finishing my studies I work a couple of hours a week in a supermarket to make some extra money. Almost all the people I work with are students and somewhere in between 17-24 so the entire vibe is pretty chill and informal.

There is this one chick who I have been working with regularly for little over half a year now, she can be a bit shy and quiet sometimes. Now over the past 0.5 year we've been kinda bantering/playfully flirting but I never really thought too much of it. She is giving me quite some IOI's(among others; 'accidentally' touching me/standing very close to me, laughing at all my silly jokes, waiting 10 minutes for me to finish so we could cycle home together). I'm generally a bit cold/aloof towards her. She even said she wants me 'to melt a bit'.(to which I replied "yea sure, but I'm going home now. Iceman Out."

Over the past two months or so we've been hanging(drinking at someone's house or going to a bar or something) out with a group of around 8-10 co-workers including her and some other girls who I'm cool with. It's actually turning into a bit of a social circle(not my main one though). We also spended a bit of time together with just the two of us but not like an actual date.

Spending more time with her outside of work I kinda started liking her and realised I should do something about it. During my teenage years I would've just obsessed over her and not taken any form of action but of course now I realise that nothing good ever comes of that.

I just thought fuck it, and tossed a coin. It landed on heads and a couple days later I just told her on the way home from a party that I liked her. She pretty much rejected me saying that she didn't really feel that way about me. I did feel a bit shitty about it but thought, okay far enough now we know.

Know, I'm kind of puzzled by this. Was it my (very) direct approach that maybe scared her off? Was I already friendzoned in her eyes? Was she on her period? I also thought that that would just be the end of it but the next evenning she suddenly started texting me in long paragraphs with complete words and sentences. "I just wanted to talk about yesterday blah blah, I just hope nothing changed between us blah blah" Also repeating a couple of times that her feelings aren't going to change and all that. I saw her a couple of times after that but not paying all that much attention to her. Just once I walked past her gave her a little glance and she started giggling softly and blushing.

Not sure what to make of it though. I've pretty much moved on, talking to other girls, but it stuck in my head enough to write a very tiresome forum post about it . Maybe some of the more advanced members can give me some clarification on what went wrong and what a better approach would be the next time?

Thanks!

I bolded your mistakes.

[eradicator]

Right you don’t wait a half year or months on end.

[PapayaTapper]

Jet lag had me up early so



^They posters above already stated it. You took too long. But lets dig deeper into the "whys"

Warning : Mixed metaphors ahead

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

There is this one chick who I have been working with regularly for little over half a year now,

If you met her 365 days ago then you shouldve made a move about 364 days ago.

Think of attraction to bang as a sequence. Like point A to point B. Girls attraction may initiate visually exactly like a guys but it almost immediately diverges from ours.

And failing to truly understand the divergence / differences are where most guys that struggle with women stumble.

Guys sex sequence is Physical > Emotional
Girls sex sequence is Emotional > Physical

The feminine sexuality is built on an passive foundation. Emotional over physical. Its hard wired in. Conversely the masculine sexuality is built on an aggressor platform. Physical over emotional. Both can be equally powerful in sexual arousal..but a guys is 0-120 in .5 sec and getting a girl to 120 depends largely on the skill, knowingly or unknowingly, of the guy but its almost always a longer runway.

So for purposes of illustration think of girls as a flower and guys like a bee. The moment the bee enters proximity the attraction sequence may (or may not ) be triggered by the initial purely visual stimuli. So biologically a key part of her passive sexuality sequence lays in her being receptive

Here's the applicable crux. Once you trigger a girls attraction sequence then you've essentially lit a biological imperative fuse. If you dont actively keep that fuse lit then it, her receptiveness, will shut down and quickly turn into repulsion.

Why? Because not making a sexual intention is a biological rejection that cause a visceral response. Its a primal defense mechanism

Put another way. You can only stay in a "potential" sexy / interesting / mysterious / aloof state so long before your relegated to the asexual: loser / friend / orbiter / chump. Once you land in that classification in her primal/ emotional brain its like max security prison...It's difficult if not nearly impossible to escape*

Thats why over and over and over and over and over when surveyed women say the number one thing they find sexy is confidence. They say "confidence" but what they are responding to is "a man that clearly and smoothly conveys that he wants to fuck my brains out, knows how, but doesn't give a shit if he doesn't because he knows he'll fuck somemone else"

Its wired in

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

I just thought fuck it, and tossed a coin. It landed on heads and a couple days later I just told her on the way home from a party that I liked her.

Never ever do that again. Ever. You let a girl that you haven't banged know that youre invested in the dynamic more than she is and you trigger an uncontrollable repulsion response. Repulsion being the opposite of attraction in case you dont know. Thats bad

You basically ceded all (if any) remaining power in that moment. You said "I like you" but her hind brain heard "I have lower sexual value than you so I'll take whatever you'll give me so please give me some pussy"

Weakness / awkwardness / vulnerabilty are the opposite of confidence. (See confidence above). Pussy desiccants if you will

Again...Its wired in

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

Know, I'm kind of puzzled by this. Was it my (very) direct approach that maybe scared her off? Was I already friendzoned in her eyes?

No you didnt scare her. You repulsed her. And yes you were probably already friendzoned sexually and were just providing emotional attention. She wont suck your dick but she'll suck your time

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

Not sure what to make of it though. I've pretty much moved on, talking to other girls, but it stuck in my head enough to write a very tiresome forum post about it . Maybe some of the more advanced members can give me some clarification on what went wrong and what a better approach would be the next time?

We've all been there son. Learn from it and keep plowing

*Bonus. The only way you can possibly get out of the friend zone is to have the girl that FZed you see you with another (s) hotter chick

[firat113]

(04-28-2018 09:16 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Jet lag had me up early so



^They posters above already stated it. You took too long. But lets dig deeper into the "whys"

Warning : Mixed metaphors ahead

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

There is this one chick who I have been working with regularly for little over half a year now,

If you met her 365 days ago then you shouldve made a move about 364 days ago. Think of attraction to bang as a sequence. Like point A to point B. Girls attraction may initiate visually exactly like a guys but it almost immediately diverges from ours.

And failing to truly understand the divergence / differences are where most guys that struggle with women stumble.

Guys sex sequence is Physical > Emotional
Girls sex sequence is Emotional > Physical

The feminine sexuality is built on an passive foundation. Emotional over physical. Its hard wired in. Conversely the masculine sexuality is built on an aggressor platform. Physical over emotional. Both can be equally powerful in sexual arousal..but a guys is 0-120 in .5 sec and getting a girl to 120 depends largely on the skill, knowingly or unknowingly, of the guy but its almost always a longer runway.

So for purposes of illustration think of girls as a flower and guys like a bee. The moment the bee enters proximity the attraction sequence may (or may not ) be triggered by the initial purely visual stimuli. So biologically a key part of her passive sexuality sequence lays in her being receptive

Here's the applicable crux. Once you trigger a girls attraction sequence then you've essentially lit a biological imperative fuse. If you dont actively keep that fuse lit then it, her receptiveness, will shut down and quickly turn into repulsion.

Why? Because not making a sexual intention is a biological rejection that cause a visceral response. Its a primal defense mechanism

Put another way. You can only stay in a "potential" sexy / interesting / mysterious / aloof state so long before your relegated to the asexual: loser / friend / orbiter / chump. Once you land in that classification in her primal/ emotional brain its like max security prison...It's difficult if not nearly impossible to escape*

Thats why over and over and over and over and over when surveyed women say the number one thing they find sexy is confidence. They say "confidence" but what they are responding to is "a man that clearly and smoothly conveys that he wants to fuck my brains out, knows how, but doesn't give a shit if he doesn't because he knows he'll fuck somemone else"

Its wired in

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

I just thought fuck it, and tossed a coin. It landed on heads and a couple days later I just told her on the way home from a party that I liked her.

Never ever do that again. Ever. You let a girl that you haven't banged know that youre invested in the dynamic more than she is and you trigger an uncontrollable repulsion response. Repulsion being the opposite of attraction in case you dont know. Thats bad

You basically ceded all (if any) remaining power in that moment. You said "I like you" but her hind brain heard "I have lower sexual value than you so I'll take whatever you'll give me so please give me some pussy"

Weakness / awkwardness / vulnerabilty are the opposite of confidence. (See confidence above). Pussy desiccants if you will

Again...Its wired in

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

Know, I'm kind of puzzled by this. Was it my (very) direct approach that maybe scared her off? Was I already friendzoned in her eyes?

No you didnt scare her. You repulsed her. And yes you were probably already friendzoned sexually and were just providing emotional attention. She wont suck your dick but she'll suck your time

(04-28-2018 05:16 AM)N1ghtrain Wrote:  

Not sure what to make of it though. I've pretty much moved on, talking to other girls, but it stuck in my head enough to write a very tiresome forum post about it . Maybe some of the more advanced members can give me some clarification on what went wrong and what a better approach would be the next time?

We've all been there son. Learn from it and keep plowing

*Bonus. The only way you can possibly get out of the friend zone is to have the girl that FZed you see you with another (s) hotter chick

Amazing post. Mindblown. When you realise you've done a lot of these things wrong up until this point.

[Mizo1234]

@PT.
But here where I got stuck usually . When should you act fast and when should you boil the forge ?

[PapayaTapper]

(04-28-2018 09:37 AM)Mizo1234 Wrote:  

@PT.
But here where I got stuck usually . When should you act fast and when should you boil the forge ?

Lots of variable but short answer..always boil the frog as quickly as possible.

[RedPillUK]

Always act fast, forget 'boiling the frog'. If you're too slow you get friendzoned. It can happen in days, and even hours and minutes count if you meet her on a night out. Strike while the iron is hot.

Which is more attractive and confident to the girl in the story in the OP?

You get her number and set up a date the day you meet this girl at work
You get her number and set up a date a week after you meet this girl
You wait for six months and then tell her you like her.

[MPD]

Great advice here. PT's post is top notch. Excellent breakdown of the "friend zone" in concrete terms instead of the girly magazine bullshit.

Mizo, try to internalize the advice here. It'll save you time and energy in the future. Upside is you pulled the trigger rather than wondering for a few more months. Good going man!