[JayGould]

So I've been dating a girl for the last three months. Guess we both "fell in love". First time I had that happen in a long time. I have been looking to settle down with someone lately, so against my better judgement and gut feeling I agreed to involve myself in an exclusive relationship with this girl just after the first week we were together (she stayed at my place for 2 weeks straight after our first date).

Anyway. A lot of things happened during this time where she would accuse me of entertaining and chatting with other women (which was true, I was constantly getting messages on Whatsapp, Instagram etc) and while I did give out my number to quite a few, I never met up with any of them.

Either way, I am not the type of guy that looks through someone else's phone. To me that's private property. And I don't care if they went through mine first. Principles are principles.

But yesterday we had a raid in my apartment by the local version of DEA. Have had a fight with my landlord and her way of messing with me was telling the Police I kept drugs in my apartment. They went through the whole place and my girlfriend was scared as I did have some weed in the closet.

Anyway, she says she's not my boyfriend, that we are only fuck buddies, that she's only here like once a month...and on top of it, it looked like she was flirting with one of the cops. After it was all done, she even went with him outside and exchanged numbers. I'm thinking cause shit seemed to be happening and all of a sudden I wasn't the most "alpha" in the room, she mentally just left me there for a couple of hours.

The next day I hacked her Tinder account (which we had agreed to delete). While I constantly were re-installing and deleting my Tinder account whenever she would come visit, she said she never did. But anyway, found that not to be true and that she had also been "entertaining" guys the whole time.

So, I broke up with her. This is the 5th time I am breaking up with her during these three months. The other 4 times was because of similar things. She seemed to hide or lie about things. Her stories didn't add up.

In one way I know logically that a relationship with such amount of turmoil, where I have broken up with the girl 5 times in 3 months is never going to work out long term. But I am also wondering whether it was my own insecurities and jealousy (because of my strong emotions for her) that caused me to overreact and become suspicious when there might not even have been a reason to.

She says the reason she was entertaining other guys was because she felt insecure in the relationship (after all my break ups with her), along with her seeing my messages and flirting with other girls. According to her she is just "mirroring my behavior".

Anyway, I do feel bad and I still love her. I don't feel like dating any other girl right now, no matter how hot she is. Any advice for how to move forward emotionally and get back into the game? Should I play things differently next time around?

[Kahler]

The question from your title was one of the simplest in the world - of course you did the right thing. You should cut this psycho from your life completely. What she did is beyond any forgiveness.

But if you feel that there is something you did wrong - namely not being discreet about other girls - you're probably right. If girl sees you as a real man, she will go nuts if she sees you doing anything with other girls. She will hate other girls with almost unimaginable intensity.

There are guys who are running open relationship game, but I don't know whether it can be done with every girl.

[DamienCasanova]

She's trying to bang the DEA agents while they're raiding you?!!? She's lying and banging other guys... You're likely dealing with a psychopath here man, borderline personality disorder plus more.

These girls will fuck your brains out and make you think you're in love, while they manipulate and ruin you. This girl doesn't love you, she's already trying to jump on the next guy's dick right in front of you. Look up any thread here on "borderlines", do a search and read some other stories.

You're nuts If you don't block her number and run for your life!

[Synezthetic]

Definitely did the right thing.

If this is the *5th* time breaking up - you need to make sure it's also the last time. That means going full-on no contact. You remove every method of contact which you have to her and she has to you, no exceptions. It will feel awful, and you'll have an inner voice that'll make you hesitate, that will tell you that it can't picture her not being in your life - you need to ignore that voice. The longer you keep her around, she'll take up real estate in your head, and that'll really fuck with you. It sucks, but remember you need to put yourself first in life, and all other shit is secondary. There are also a million other girls out there, and 3 months is more an extended fling than a relationship. Most men that seek help recovering from harsh breakups are getting out of ones that lasted 3+ years.

Time is the only healer for these things. There is always a certain amount of time necessary that you'll have to power through where eventually you'll accept reality, and lose the feelings. Think of every time you contact her as resetting the clock on that recovery time - it means you will have to start all over, and you erase any progress that was made. By contacting her, you're just prolonging and putting off the ugliest part of the process. It's a short-term drug to end your suffering, but it's only dooming you in the long run.

Meeting another girl that's of perceived LTR quality is the only way to significantly shorten that time-frame, but you don't want to bank on that happening. Improve yourself first and foremost. And lastly, while you want to talk to girls, don't go all-in on cheap and dirty bangs either (unless she is decidedly hotter than your ex, and even then, eh). Like Roosh said in a recent live episode, you'll just start comparing these useless sluts to your ex, who actually gave you feelings, and you'll just end up missing her.

[droughtmeat]

Definitely did the right thing. Judging by your text neither of you should be in a relationship. I'm not even trying to be judgmental, but you just don't seem ready at this point. Maybe in a couple of years.
From the living together after the first date to the multiple breakups in the first 3 months it just seems off.

[torridon747]

Yup. It's going to feel bad. You did good, except the part about openly gaming other girls. Unless you want an open relationship (with or without your consent) don't openly game other women. There should always be the implication that you can and do but not so openly.

She disrespected you by lying about her status and yours to a police officer. And lying about tinder. Can't trust a hoe like that, and you'd feel worse if you stayed longer and then broke up.

Give it a month or two and see other women. You'll feel better.

[blck]

Don't worry, she was already over you before you dumped her

[JayGould]

(01-24-2018 03:12 AM)DamienCasanova Wrote:  

She's trying to bang the DEA agents while they're raiding you?!!? She's lying and banging other guys... You're likely dealing with a psychopath here man, borderline personality disorder plus more.

These girls will fuck your brains out and make you think you're in love, while they manipulate and ruin you. This girl doesn't love you, she's already trying to jump on the next guy's dick right in front of you. Look up any thread here on "borderlines", do a search and read some other stories.

You're nuts If you don't block her number and run for your life!

Well, reading up on borderline personality disorder now and it's interesting. She's telling me that she took his number because she wanted a guy on the inside who could tell us about the case etc. It doesn't make much sense to me, and it definitely looked like they were flirting (and being very comfortable with each other, talking in their own language which I don't understand).

Perhaps I also have BPS? Sometimes the slightest red flag/thing will set me off and I go from all loving to "fuck this bitch, she's done".

The first time I dumped her I did it after she said she'd had 25 sex partners before me, and I said "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife, get the fuck out". Since then I haven't gotten any honest revelations like that from her again, just "girl game". But maybe it's understandable because of the way I reacted.

Problem is I haven't had these issues before, so I think there could be just either one of three explanations:

1. She's a lying, manipulative whore (with BPS perhaps)
2. She's very insecure and does all of this because she doesn't trust me (still not worth purusing)
3. I have BPS myself and is seeing things that aren't actually happening

But as I said I've never acted like someone with BPS before. On the other hand, I've never really had a relationship where I was emotionally invested like this.

Some more information about her:

+ Black
+ High T "alpha female" (aggressive, argumentative, used to watch porn daily)
+ Has a kid from when she was 19
+ Was raped by her uncle when she was 5
+ Her parents died young, raised in foster care homes etc

Not a lot of good signs, I know. Probably the worst candidate for a LTR when looking at the stats like that. In some ways my life wasn't that great either, so perhaps there is some connection to be had there. She also does some positive things though, like continuously posting pictures of me on her IG or Facebook.

But about BPS, yeah she probably has it. As soon as we start to have a disagreement or an argument she will turn psycho pretty much and start shouting and interrupting. She says she would like to go to therapy for my sake though. But whatever. Can't change a person this messed up can you?

[JayGould]

Anyway, I know this chick is BPD now. No question about it. The victim mentality, the blaming, the lying. She's sticking to her lies so hard that even with clear evidence in front of me I start to question whether she's actually telling the truth.

It felt like we fell in love on the first day we met, and it took like a week before she brought up how she wanted to have a baby with me, how we should get married etc. And the weird thing is, I even thought about it (although I pretty much knew back in my mind, I wouldn't).

It's weird how these BPD chicks play with your emotions. You know something is off, but the emotion is just too strong so you disregard your logical side with "What ifs". Anyway this girl is done for for good this time and hopefully it won't take that long for me to get over her.

It's kind of bittersweet though, because the highs you get with these chicks are unlike the highs you'd ever get from a "normal" girl.

[Steelex]

Most PEOPLE have some sort of BPD or fucked up ness, it's just a question of severity. It's pretty much in a human beings nature to act a fool.

Hell you were macking on other chicks too. It's just the nature of the beast.

Let her go, move on, and keep on smashing.

[Montrose]

If you feel that you can’t live without something... get rid of that thing

[JayGould]

(01-24-2018 06:44 AM)Steelex Wrote:  

Most PEOPLE have some sort of BPD or fucked up ness, it's just a question of severity. It's pretty much in a human beings nature to act a fool.

Hell you were macking on other chicks too. It's just the nature of the beast.

Let her go, move on, and keep on smashing.

Yeah I don't actually feel bad about it anymore. I'm realizing I only felt bad because maybe, she was a good person and I was the one being an asshole (which she always liked to say). Now I really know this was never the case, and the gut feeling I had about her from the start is definitely accurate.

I am happy to have found out about BPD though, because this relationship started to make me hate women. Apparently BPD is sort of hyper-femininity, in a sick way. Guess this is why they are so alluring to be around as well.

Now I just hope I won't be getting HIV, cause I have fucked her ass on multiple occasions without a condom. And I'm in South Africa with a 20%+ HIV rate.

[seabridge]

It is what It is. Crazy chicks can be a lot of fun. You had some emotion and fun with this girl, but now you should forget about it. To many red flags

[Preshita]

I know 100% where you're coming from, had a similar situation on hand not too long ago. The slut factor is wrapped into all these red flags, and the girl will never step up to the task of convincing you how she really wants her past not to play any role in the present relationship. And it's a damn shame when you really start liking a girl, because eventually you'll start acting beta, and you know for a fact that whenever you do, she's likely to fuck someone else, and this is just how their mind works. They fuck you up, and feed on your insecurities afterwards. I too walked out on a girl with whom I saw quite a lot of red flags, and they just kept coming. I too got back into it, and then at some point (last week), I realized that blocking her sorry ass is the harsh, but only way to move on, and I would recommend you do the same. You'll have a few tough weeks ahead of you, but if you accept it you'll be fine in a month, if even.

Good luck man

[droughtmeat]

[quote] (01-24-2018 04:55 AM)JayGould Wrote:  

[quote='DamienCasanova' pid='1724722' dateline='1516781551']

Some more information about her:

+ Black
+ High T "alpha female" (aggressive, argumentative, used to watch porn daily)
+ Has a kid from when she was 19
+ Was raped by her uncle when she was 5
+ Her parents died young, raised in foster care homes etc

Not a lot of good signs, I know. Probably the worst candidate for a LTR when looking at the stats like that. In some ways my life wasn't that great either, so perhaps there is some connection to be had there. She also does some positive things though, like continuously posting pictures of me on her IG or Facebook.

But about BPS, yeah she probably has it. As soon as we start to have a disagreement or an argument she will turn psycho pretty much and start shouting and interrupting. She says she would like to go to therapy for my sake though. But whatever. Can't change a person this messed up can you?[/quote]

Wow the writing was simply on the wall from the start. You said it yourself definitely the worst candidate for a LTR and simply a waste of time. Friends with benefits seem fine, but anything else would be extremely emotionally draining.

But, yea, some guys are attracted to those kinds of women. I wouldn't consider posting IG pictures a positive, but we're all wired differently.

Being with her was probably a valuable experience, but any man who values his time would not make a woman like that his gf.

[Mig Picante]

Yes, well done. I suggest you go no contact.
Bigger and better things await.

[Jetset]

If you didn't, next week you'd be posting about how she was giving your arresting officer a blowjob while you were handcuffed in the back of his car. This bitch is cracked. Now that you're rid of her, keep her gone. You did the right thing.

Take out your frustration in the gym.

As for this:

Quote:

The first time I dumped her I did it after she said she'd had 25 sex partners before me, and I said "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife, get the fuck out". Since then I haven't gotten any honest revelations like that from her again, just "girl game". But maybe it's understandable because of the way I reacted.

Lesson learned. If you can't accept her past, just quietly next her or at least downgrade her to plate status without being judgmental. If you don't want her hiding shit, she has to believe she can tell you. Once she senses that you're disgusted, she'll not only stop telling you, but she'll probably start lying about things she already told you. I have seen this happen in the space of three sentences if I'm not paying attention and let surprise slip out.

[CaptainCup]

Hey OP. As others have suggested, cut her off completely.

I had a situation, albeit with less drama than yours, where I went full no contact. It felt empowering and was helpful in recovering. The broad basically went cold on me and was lying to me, so I formally ditched her via text.

If another poster has not done so already, I refer you to the no contact thread. It contains, among other things, stories about guys who resist the temptation to go back and become stronger, better men.

[General Stalin]

You didn't break up with her for no reason; of course you did the right thing.

[kaotic]

Once you realize the nature of women AND accept that they are capable of anything - only then will shit like this not phase and you'll drop loser women easily.

Take this lesson to heart - and screen more carefully.

You jumped the shark with this one by making her "your" girl in the first week.

You were on the losing end from the get go.

I've never been one to make the first move in the "what are we" department.

If a chick wants it, she's come after you for it.

If she doesn't, you know where she stands, and she's probably banging other dudes.

There's alot of good observations in this thread already.

[JayGould]

(01-24-2018 12:07 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Once you realize the nature of women AND accept that they are capable of anything - only then will shit like this not phase and you'll drop loser women easily.

Yes I know the nature of women. But this woman is unlike anyone I've ever been with. My notch count is 150+, although I've rarely been in any long term exclusive LTR's. So I'd still consider myself pretty experienced.

I know most if not all women lie if they can get away with it, but there are plenty of them out there who at least will feel some sort of remorse if actually caught in one, instead of doubling down. This woman has never admitted to a single lie she has told, even when presented with proof. She would look you straight in the eyes and somehow make you feel like you were the paranoid, mentally unstable one. She even made me uncertain of my own sanity sometimes. I guess the brass balls of this tactic was unlike anything I had ever come across before, and a piece of my soul kind of died with this experience.

I wonder if these types of women are the only one's you could actually be satisfied being in an exclusive LTR with, sexually and companionship wise (she was just as crazy as me and so fun to be around), but on the other hand they are not going to stay loyal, and you're going to have a lot of fighting and arguing over trivial things once they get their extreme moodswings.

Another bittersweet insight to life I guess. We can't have it all.

[The Alpha Virgin]

Is this thread of yours about the same chick?

thread-65672.html

Oh lord...

[kaotic]

(01-24-2018 01:37 PM)JayGould Wrote:  

Yes I know the nature of women. But this woman is unlike anyone I've ever been with. My notch count is 150+, although I've rarely been in any long term exclusive LTR's. So I'd still consider myself pretty experienced.

I'm actually going to put more of the blame on you for the outcome of this relationship than on her - even though she's a loser woman.

I don't think you know the nature women when it comes to relationships, sure when you fuck them, but handling a women long term takes ALOT MORE.

Just because your notch count is high doesn't mean you're very experienced with relationship interactions- you point that out not being hardly being in any LTR's.

150 bangs doesn't mean shit if you fucked up in such a short time span with a woman.

You've got some serious flaws in your reasoning with women and I'll explain why below:

You said "this woman is unlike anyone" - that right there is a lapse in judgement and clouds your decision making process.

As I pointed out before, you also jumped into a relationship with only knowing her for a week - that's jumping the shark.

You let her spend literally 2 weeks at your pad right after, with no breaks - another lapse in game and frame.

You didn't keep you game tight and didn't lock your phone down, and worst of all you admitted you were hitting up other girls.

What do you expect ? For her to sit idly by and do nothing ?

You never give out information, let alone let it leak out.

You also didn't learn ANYTHING the last 4 times you broke up in 3 months.

Quote:

I know most if not all women lie if they can get away with it, but there are plenty of them out there who at least will feel some sort of remorse if actually caught in one, instead of doubling down. This woman has never admitted to a single lie she has told, even when presented with proof. She would look you straight in the eyes and somehow make you feel like you were the paranoid, mentally unstable one. I guess the brass balls of this was unlike anything I had ever come across before, and a piece of my soul kind of died with this experience.

You dove right in head first, clouded by good pussy and what you thought was "love".

That was foolhardy at best and you got burned

You're hoping she's sort herself out and admit to her lies and feel shitty about her actions.

Newsflash - she doesn't give a shit and sounds like a sociopath who was gaslighting you about her actions.

No a piece of your soul didn't die, you swallowed some more truth on how women truly act, and you were trying to deny it could happen to "your" girl.

Quote:

I wonder if these types of women are the only one's you could actually be satisfied being in an exclusive LTR with, sexually and companionship wise (she was just as crazy as me and so fun to be around), but on the other hand they are not going to stay loyal, and you're going to have a lot of fighting and arguing over trivial things once they get their extreme moodswings.

Another bittersweet insight to life I guess. We can't have it all.

NO these are not the only type of women to make you happy in relationships.

Matter of fact that's a shitty outlook to have if you think these are the only type of females that are LTR material.

Girls can be crazy, they can be fun, but that's it - have your fun with them, milk it as long as you can as a fuck buddy until the "what are we" question and drop them.

There's nothing bittersweet about this - you just chose a loser woman - and got burned from it.

Learned the lessons from this fuck up - charge it to the game.

Apply it to future women, screen better, and keep reminding yourself.


You have ALOT to learn before looking for an LTR - hell you're looking for a wife in some of your other posts.

[b]You can't even handle a thot, how the hell are you going to handle a wife for the rest of your life ?[/nb]

You're nowhere near ready for that.


PS: Stop making multiple threads about the same girl, or how you're lost.

[Remington]

You've only been with this woman for 3 months. From what you have described, this woman has so many red flags that she shouldn't even be considered for a relationship.

The woman also has 0 respect for you. If she is shamelessly flirting with a man that kicked your door down 5 minutes prior, then she doesn't give a shit about you.

The lying is also a huge thing for me as well. If I catch a woman in a lie, I will never trust her again. I will always think something is up. However, you were being equally as shifty with the Tinder account and Whatsapp stuff.

This woman was a mess to begin with in the first place. Don't waste your energy on this woman. She is toxic.

As others have said, cut off all contact. Delete everything you have that allows you to contact her. You don't need any temptation.

Also, Delete all pictures if you have any. No need to waste emotional energy or reminisce about the past.

You won't like it for a while, but you will feel much better in the long run.



Edit: Kaotic's summary is solid. Pretty much highlighted the biggest things you need to consider next time you want a stable relationship.

[JayGould]

(01-24-2018 02:13 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

I'm actually going to put more of the blame on you for the outcome of this relationship than on her - even though she's a loser woman.

I don't think you know the nature women when it comes to relationships, sure when you fuck them, but handling a women long term takes ALOT MORE.

You're right, as I said in my original post I knew I made a mistake from the beginning treating this relationship differently than any other I've done in the past (except when I was in my teens perhaps).

Quote:

You said "this woman is unlike anyone" - that right there is a lapse in judgement and clouds your decision making process.

Well, not unlike anyone in a positive way, but in a sociopathic, lying, conniving way. I've met plenty of those before, but not on this level. But sure, our best times were some of the best times I've had with a woman as well.

Quote:

As I pointed out before, you also jumped into a relationship with only knowing her for a week - that's jumping the shark.

You let her spend literally 2 weeks at your pad right after, with no breaks - another lapse in game and frame.

I set the frame of me being a player early on, but that right now I was tired of that and was looking for a long term relationship, potentially marriage in the future. After the first 2 weeks she spent here (while I was simultaneously working at my computer for a couple of hours a day) is when I agreed to try an exclusive relationship. I was new to South Africa, so I didn't have any friends etc here yet. I also told her that my plan was only to stay for 6 months while focusing on my business, then I would return back to Europe.

When she suggested we'd have an exclusive relationship, I said: "Well, I'm not really looking to hook up with a bunch of different girls right now anyway, especially with the high HIV rate here, and I like you, so why not try it?"

But yeah obviously, this isn't the way to go. The problem was that she lived 1500 miles away, so she has been driving back and forth to see me during all this time. Given those circumstances, it was a bit tough to offer the "lets start non-exclusively"-way.

Quote:

You didn't keep you game tight and didn't lock your phone down, and worst of all you admitted you were hitting up other girls.

Yeah I guess this was bad game on my part. I've never had a problem with this before, as I have pretty much only done non-exclusive relationships. That's definitely something I will take with me for next time. We live and we learn.

Quote:

You also didn't learn ANYTHING the last 4 times you broke up in 3 months.

Well, she had that manipulative, sociopathic belief in herself being innocent which made me doubt my own intuition and gut feeling. I never actually caught her doing anything wrong, it was just small changes in her behavior, the way she talked on the phone, the way she texted or things that she said that had my gut screaming: "Get out!". But somehow, my emotional side always immediately said: "Since I am not 100% sure, why not try a little bit longer, just to see if I was right...perhaps, I might even have been wrong".

If I had the energy and motivation to date a bunch of other women to find out my "number one", she would've been dumped after the first week. I think I wanted it to work for convenience sake as well.

Quote:

No a piece of your soul didn't die, you swallowed some more truth on how women truly act, and you were trying to deny it could happen to "your" girl.[/b]

But if she's had 15 boyfriends (all lasting on average 3-6 months) during the last couple of years, wouldn't at least one of them have been playing the game good enough to keep her around? To me it seems like this is a mentally ill person who won't ever end up in a happy relationship, no matter with whom.

Is it really fair to say that all women are like this? Not from my experience. Now of course, I have always played the relationship game differently in the past...but just thinking back on some of the girls I have been with, I very much doubt they would be as toxic and backstabbing as this bitch.

I never doubted this wouldn't come from as you said, "my" girl. My gut told me all of this would happen from Week 1. My mistake was not trusting my instincts, somehow wanting to believe that it could work in the end and that my instincts were wrong.

Quote:

[b]NO these are not the only type of women to make you happy in relationships.

Matter of fact that's a shitty outlook to have if you think these are the only type of females that are LTR material.

Girls can be crazy, they can be fun, but that's it - have your fun with them, milk it as long as you can as a fuck buddy until the "what are we" question and drop them.

Seems like you are contradicting yourself? You're saying, like I did, that crazy and fun women are only to be used as fuck buddies. So that means they aren't LTR material. I haven't met any very feminine, low notch count girls that I wanted to hang around with for very long. Sure they make good wives, but there is no excitement there.

[u]Quote:

Learned the lessons from this fuck up - charge it to the game.

Apply it to future women, screen better, and keep reminding yourself.

Certainly.