[JackinMelbourne]

So everyone's heard the theory of becoming like the 5 closest people around you...

Whether it's true or not, there's a mate who I have known for a *very* long time who I'm contemplating cutting off, or at least seriously distancing myself from because I don't want his "shit" rubbing off on me.

Some of the reasons involve:

*being an absolute pussy when it comes to interacting with women socially (and being a weirdo and terrible wing man when I do my thing)
*unfit fat fuck yet won't act on advice when he asks me... and even disputes advice countering with misunderstood internet knowledge (why? I have results to back it up..)
*tries to cut me down psychologically and keeps chipping and chipping
*slow-lane mindset (for those who know)
*generally a guy I would not want to become like in any sort of way

Having said that, he is entertaining when I'm bored or have nothing else going on.

Good/bad idea to cut him off? I know the answer is yes, but just looking for confirmation and maybe similar stories of your experiences and results...

[The Catalyst]

Honestly you should cut him off. There really is no reason not to. If you're truly bored do something productive with your life. Even burning time playing computer games is just going to be healthier than having those losers in your life.

I've had a similar guy who would constantly message me on facebook on similar things. He's redpill but became blackpill and MGTOW, which isn't bad on it's own but he started being hatery and doesn't contribute much to my life. Eventually I decided I would just unfriend him and my life got better.

[roid]

I cut such people out of my life. No baggage. You will move faster in life.

[kinjutsu]

Since hes your friend don't cut him off cold turkey and go radio silent like you would a girl.
Slowly hang out with him less and less and when you do hang out with him apply very strict time limits of when you arrive and leave.

A slow fade is much better than just ignoring his calls and texts suddenly. Also don't even bother with writing him some kind of letter or super long text, thats what chicks do.
You want it to come across that "your priorities have changed" not "i'm emotionally dumping my baggage on you".

[Cobra]

Is this a friend that would bail you out, fight with you and be there for you? This is what matters jn friendship.

If the answer is no, he's not your friend. Cut him off. If the answer is yes, he's your friend and deserves your respect no matter what his beliefs are and how much he disagrees with you.

Part of being a man is being honorable to those who care for you, at least in my opinion.

[Zanardi]

Have you ever tried talking to your friend about it?

[Eddie Winslow]

(12-28-2017 03:52 AM)JackinMelbourne Wrote:  

Having said that, he is entertaining when I'm bored or have nothing else going on.

This is not how someone talks about someone they consider a friend. Is this for real, or are you just exaggerating because you're upset at him right now?

If he is really nothing more to you than a security blanket when you are lonely, I'd say it'd be good to end it for both of your sakes.

[Peregrine]

The answer is clear: slow fade that guy out of your life. You basically said you use him as a social booty call when you're bored. You can do better.

[gework]

(12-28-2017 03:52 AM)JackinMelbourne Wrote:  

*absolute pussy ... being a weirdo and terrible wing ... unfit fat fuck
*tries to cut me down psychologically and keeps chipping and chipping

I think the last point is key. He sounds like a guy with little that is generally valued. The psychological cutting down is him trying to bring you down to his level and stop you from leaving his supposed low-rent and insecure orbit. Subconsciously he probably fears loosing you to social strata he can't compete with. This is the same as girls who see one of their group has been snared by a top-tier guy. She's being elevated above them, they're jealous and want to keep her down on their level. Her getting access to something they don't have has no value to them.

You can see this behaviour here: (start at about 2:05)

The thinner girl has started a connection with this guy, the fatter one starts to look a bit insecure. She's got her hands on the girl, trying to pull her back and keep her away from the guy. She then strops off as she can't keep her friends attention from the guy, complaining that her friend has got something she is probably jealous of. Later at 5:45 she's brought back to her friend whose run off and she feigns disinterest in her.

This is your friend's strategy. He wants to keep you in his safe, slow lane and will be jealous about you upping gear and eventually loosing you from his orbit.

You need to take the chance of trimming your social circle and use that void to propel your search for new better, friends.

In the last few years my friend group, some of whom I have known for over 20 years has completely split in half. By next Christmas I doubt one half will have anything to do with the other. The group has become split into two lanes: the fast lane (for those who are attempting things in the world and are successful) and the slow lane (those who are just waiting for things to happen and angry that they don't and jealous of those who have got what they want). The latter are all soycalists or close to it. Their political relationship strategies are exactly the same: take from, attack and demoralise as a way of getting what they want and keeping others on their level.

I have a friend who is probably 3-8 times richer than me - all from sitting at home trading BTC. I'll admit I'm jealous of him - that he is where I want to be in 5-10 years time with less work. But I also have a respect for what he's done. He's bested me and has the rewards. I don't want to attack or take from him because of it.

[H1N1]

Personally I don't think you have to 'cut him off'. We are not all dealt the same hand in life, we can't all play the same parts, and even those of us who are perhaps batting above average still fall woefully short in our friendships and relationships at times as life makes its demands of us. You've not mentioned any of your friend's positive traits. Is he loyal, dependable, funny, thoughtful? I don't believe you would have chosen to hang around with someone with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. He doesn't have to be a bosom pal, and if he is frustrating you at the moment then it's no big deal just to let things drift a little. Time and distance may well rekindle your past fondness for him, or indeed you may naturally and without resorting to unnecessarily hurtful behaviour drift apart. Either way, there's rarely a need in life to burn bridges when neither party has done anything unforgivable.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm in my late twenties and am starting to occasionally bump into people I didn't think much of earlier in life. It's remarkable how often such meetings generate significant depth of feeling that was never there between us until that moment. I'd done nothing whilst we knew each other previously to lay the ground work for this kind of emotion, other than to not be needlessly unpleasant to them. Sometimes simply not doing any harm is enough to reap surprisingly positive rewards for that fleeting forbearance later on in life.

[Robert High Hawk]

This is a great question, and certainly not one you should take easily. I have distanced myself from a few people in my life. Sometimes it was more deliberate than others. Also there were times I distanced myself and then the person in question sort of sensed I was unsatisfied with his behaviour, and he made some changes in his attitude towards me. If this friend is redeemable, he already knows what annoys you, then if you distance yourself he may know whats up and hopefully modify his behavior.

I am not a fan of cutting people out unless it is totally necessary. I think just selective engagement works much better. You say this guy is entertaining when you are bored? Well perhaps limit your interactions to that, or simpler things like getting a quick bite to eat or a coffee. It sounds like you are bit too invested in him anyway, and are susceptible to his frame.

That said, I think there's been a couple times now where I have more or less cut off an old friend. It certainly isn't easy, but in hindsight now I just wonder why the hell I didn't do it sooner. Many friendships even are co-dependant and you may not realize it.

Eitherway, do not make a rash decision. Just think it through, and explore other reductions or modifications to your friendship before cutting it loose. H1N1 posted very well on the value of friendships that often get unnoticed. There is a way to deal with this situation through grace and not frustration.

[treypound]

I cut two close friends out of my life in 2017 for similar reasons. One had a victim mentality on why he was not as successful as he could be, blaming everyone else and not taking any responsibility for his current situation. The other had no game to speak of, and only seemed to hit on married women. I know some here are cool with banging a married woman, but I didn't want that bad karma around me.