[Maistre]

So this thread was prompted by a conversation I had a couple days ago with my best friend, a lithe and slick irishman who pulls harder than anyone I've ever met. We had a party at our house a couple nights ago, and he went around with his camera shouting "kiss cam!" at various couples, each time getting a laugh and a makeout picture. Reviewing the night the next morning, I observed to him that I could never, ever, get away with a lot of the audacious stuff he pulls socially in general and with girls - essentially, people react to us differently. If I tried to pull the kiss cam stunt he had, for one example, I would have, at best, weirded people the fuck out.

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My homie responded by saying something along the lines of "well duh, its because youre fucking huge. I'm just this skinny and flamboyant guy girls often first assume is gay. You're way more intimidating than I am."

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I've been thinking about this conversation since. Because my buddy is just this charming, fun, and most importantly non-threatening looking guy, he can pull certain shit off because of the general vibe he gives off, and it 100% links in with and complements his (incredibly tight) overall game. Obviously part of the issue is that his game is much better than mine, but I'm now thinking that one's physical shape and overall "aspect" tends to be conducive towards a certain type of game, and clearly my friend has figured out the game that works best for him.

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So that leads us to the central question. While I'm not gigantic, at 6'4'' and 230 lbs (definitely fatter than I want to be, as 230 is about 10-15 lbs heavier than I'd be satisfied with, but I carry it pretty good, I've got a big frame and have been steadily lifting weights since high school) my physical size is probably the most conspicuous thing about me. I've certainly noticed that, for better or worse, I stand out more distinctly at social gatherings because of how I carry myself. How should I tailor my game to this aspect of myself? Are there any other larger men who've found consistently productive ways to naturally blend their physical size and comportment into their game (and overall social behavior). Are there any solid ways to shape one's game method around a distinguishing attribute like this?

Obviously I understand that the fundamentals of game are the fundamentals, and at the end of the day the same basics hold true. That said, if anyone has more general reflections on how they've modified their game to better suit their own persons, I'd be fascinated to hear about it.

[Remington]

I am also a bigger person. Women will be a lot more responsive if you have a good sense of humor. It will help lower their guards if you really believe you are intimidating them.

Due to your size, both men and women will look at you and think that you're built like a tank, and nothing can hurt you. I throw in some self-deprecating humor to make myself appear more vulnerable. And when they see you're able to laugh at yourself, they won't be afraid that they will say something that would set you off and put them through a wall.

You also have to loosen up with your body language. Don't look or act intense at parties. Make yourself approachable and wear a smile on your face. Talk to everyone, doesn't matter if you say two words to the person, make people comfortable at the party and also with you.

When people see that you're a chill guy who likes to crack jokes and socialize with everyone, that will immediately make you more approachable and attractive. Due to your size, you would be able to control the room, so take advantage of it.

[Sonoma]

See the above, just smile and be friendly and it'll make a lot more people at ease.

Size is really a plus. It'd be better to come off as intimidatingly large than annoying and small

[RatInTheWoods]

Your mate is right, its a whole different game for you.

You each have advantages you need to target and hone your game along with.

Being tall, big and manly has a whole host of game advantages over a short skinny dude.

[little wing]

also wanted to add: Losing some fat really ain't that hard. In 3-4 months you could shed 30lbs easily and then you have a more athletic build.
Look into intermittent fasting

[Maistre]

(10-23-2017 08:16 AM)Remington Wrote:  

I am also a bigger person. Women will be a lot more responsive if you have a good sense of humor. It will help lower their guards if you really believe you are intimidating them.

Due to your size, both men and women will look at you and think that you're built like a tank, and nothing can hurt you. I throw in some self-deprecating humor to make myself appear more vulnerable. And when they see you're able to laugh at yourself, they won't be afraid that they will say something that would set you off and put them through a wall.

You also have to loosen up with your body language. Don't look or act intense at parties. Make yourself approachable and wear a smile on your face. Talk to everyone, doesn't matter if you say two words to the person, make people comfortable at the party and also with you.

When people see that you're a chill guy who likes to crack jokes and socialize with everyone, that will immediately make you more approachable and attractive. Due to your size, you would be able to control the room, so take advantage of it.

Awesome advice man, I think you're right on all this stuff. Just a couple questions I wanted to get a little more into.

1) You're definitely right on the humor thing. Definitely not a guy who always takes himself super-seriously, I'm good about shitting on myself in my humor, though I feel like I sometimes have a hard-time hitting the sweet-spot between the right amount of self-deprecation and getting a little too real and turning girls off with over-doing it. That's kind of true for my humor generally. I can definitely get people to laugh, but my sense of humor sometimes doesn't translate great to more general social situations, because my delivery tends to be really straight and my content can be a little too edgy/transgressive for most people. Like if I'm sitting in a circle of the boys, where I know my audience and we have a shared background, I can crack guys the fuck up without having to worry about saying something a little too obscene or like completely miscommunicating something. Similar situation on dates with girls, if the conversation is flowing good and I can tell we have similar sensibilities, I can definitely be on it with the funny. Take it a little bit more general than that though and I tend to lose people, either by them not realizing I'm joking or by making a shithead type (pretty unacceptable, like something about xanax blackouts or ghosting chicks) drugs/sex/whatever type comment that freaks out half the crowd, and makes me seem even more unapproachable. In the past I've fucked up by having too weird of shit come out of my mouth around the wrong people, so I guess it's made me a little gunshy.

2) Great point about the body language, and I know you're right about this one, because not only do I often realize I have shitty "don't fuck with me" or blank poker face type body language - my friends have openly come up to me at parties and told me I need to fucking brighten up my facial expression and look more approachable. This is something that's clearly and immediately fixable, I just gotta get myself into the right habits so I can stop posing like a badass and become a less intimidating, more gregarious cat. Honestly I'm not even sure why I front like that - certainly stemming on some level from my own insecurities and anxieties, maybe I put on the aloof "cool hardo" posture because it makes me feel less vulnerable, less open, safer - closing myself off from the possibility of rejection, like I've struggled with in other areas. Any tips on how to consistently adopt positive body language in social situations like this?

3) Last thing - in the past, I have been mr. life of the party, albeit in a super rowdy and boisterous way. In high school I would get hammered drunk to fully shut down any nagging insecurities and just be social party guy, and that continued into the first couple semesters of college. Basically the classic "class clown" type persona, and as you might guess, this approach produced pretty dreadfully mediocre results with girls. I get that it's all about striking a happy medium, but for some reason I struggle with that. I can be the life of the party or the sullen-looking big guy in the corner of the room, but finding that right middle spot for optimal game is damn tough.

(10-23-2017 03:27 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Your mate is right, its a whole different game for you.

You each have advantages you need to target and hone your game along with.

Being tall, big and manly has a whole host of game advantages over a short skinny dude.

Good to hear you agree. Any thoughts on specific ways to modify one's game to individual size and physical build?

(10-23-2017 04:16 PM)little wing Wrote:  

also wanted to add: Losing some fat really ain't that hard. In 3-4 months you could shed 30lbs easily and then you have a more athletic build.
Look into intermittent fasting

I mean bro you're definitely not wrong on the fundamentals here. You're right that a loss of 30 lbs. in the next four months would be possible, and it would definitely give me an edge with the pussy. Come to think of it, the only 9 I've ever fucked was a couple years ago when I was briefly weighing around 200 lbs... To nit-pick, I don't necessarily think it would be a more athletic build (I was probably in the best shape of my life back in high school when I played football at 250 lbs), just a sexier one.

All that said, (probably just because I'm lazy garbage) I'm not sure that hard of a cut would be worth it to me. It seems like, if I'm working out but not really being overly methodical/deliberate about my diet, I float around 230. If I count my calories religiously, I can cut it down to and stay at 220, which is what I'm currently working on cutting down to. As weak as this might sound, the willpower to get and stay there is all I feel sure about demanding from myself these days. Although I'm hesitant to say this because so many delusional fat pieces of garbage scream this line all the time, cutting weight is definitely harder for me than the average person. Like being skinnier is obviously 100% within my power, but I'm like the opposite of those guys who just can't seem to figure out how to put on mass - I could toss on 20 lbs while lifting/working out decently hard sooooo easy within the next month, and make some nice progress on my lifts without ever having to really struggle with it, whereas getting from 220 to 200 is a fucking passage through the crucible for me. Definitely losing that weight would make me at least marginally more attractive to girls, but idk, I definitely feel like better game is far more important to me at this moment than a little more definition, and the concomitant strength diminishment. Like I said, I'm definitely not skinny and fatter than I want to be (although I lol damn hard @ all the guys posting "yeah, I'm a taut muscle-bound beast, 6'2'' 250" given that with those stats they're either deluded fatties or roided out monsters), but I also am a legitimately broad-framed, big-boned cat who flirts with bear mode on good days. Idk, this is all probably just excuses because I know how fucking miserable pushing myself through to 200 lbs would be.

[realologist]

^^^^
All I just heard was excuses. He gave you all the advice you need.

If you're a big dude don't be too aggressive. Tone it down to have contrast game. Think gentle giant not Jack and the bean stalk. You will have plenty of presence and of you're big and strong show girls in other ways. Pick them up, call them little things. Emphasize that you're big but not aggressive because that's a great way to scare off chicks or get in a fight.

[Steelex]

Just be a funny mufasa.

[Remington]

(10-23-2017 06:38 PM)Maistre Wrote:  

Awesome advice man, I think you're right on all this stuff. Just a couple questions I wanted to get a little more into.

1) You're definitely right on the humor thing. Definitely not a guy who always takes himself super-seriously, I'm good about shitting on myself in my humor, though I feel like I sometimes have a hard-time hitting the sweet-spot between the right amount of self-deprecation and getting a little too real and turning girls off with over-doing it. That's kind of true for my humor generally. I can definitely get people to laugh, but my sense of humor sometimes doesn't translate great to more general social situations, because my delivery tends to be really straight and my content can be a little too edgy/transgressive for most people. Like if I'm sitting in a circle of the boys, where I know my audience and we have a shared background, I can crack guys the fuck up without having to worry about saying something a little too obscene or like completely miscommunicating something. Similar situation on dates with girls, if the conversation is flowing good and I can tell we have similar sensibilities, I can definitely be on it with the funny. Take it a little bit more general than that though and I tend to lose people, either by them not realizing I'm joking or by making a shithead type (pretty unacceptable, like something about xanax blackouts or ghosting chicks) drugs/sex/whatever type comment that freaks out half the crowd, and makes me seem even more unapproachable. In the past I've fucked up by having too weird of shit come out of my mouth around the wrong people, so I guess it's made me a little gunshy.

2) Great point about the body language, and I know you're right about this one, because not only do I often realize I have shitty "don't fuck with me" or blank poker face type body language - my friends have openly come up to me at parties and told me I need to fucking brighten up my facial expression and look more approachable. This is something that's clearly and immediately fixable, I just gotta get myself into the right habits so I can stop posing like a badass and become a less intimidating, more gregarious cat. Honestly I'm not even sure why I front like that - certainly stemming on some level from my own insecurities and anxieties, maybe I put on the aloof "cool hardo" posture because it makes me feel less vulnerable, less open, safer - closing myself off from the possibility of rejection, like I've struggled with in other areas. Any tips on how to consistently adopt positive body language in social situations like this?

3) Last thing - in the past, I have been mr. life of the party, albeit in a super rowdy and boisterous way. In high school I would get hammered drunk to fully shut down any nagging insecurities and just be social party guy, and that continued into the first couple semesters of college. Basically the classic "class clown" type persona, and as you might guess, this approach produced pretty dreadfully mediocre results with girls. I get that it's all about striking a happy medium, but for some reason I struggle with that. I can be the life of the party or the sullen-looking big guy in the corner of the room, but finding that right middle spot for optimal game is damn tough.

[

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'll try to address the above as best I can:

1. Self-deprecating humor is not to be used on a constant basis. It's alright to poke fun at yourself if you use it sparingly. If all you use is self-deprecating humor, women will actually start to believe that you are the kind of person who has those negative qualities that you talk about.

Knowing your audience is what separates you from being the funniest guy in the room, to the weirdest. Some people will share the same mindset and type of humor you do, others won't. When you talk to people, listen to what they talk about, because you will be able to really gauge what kind of humor would work on those people.

Granted, you're not a stand up comic, you can't just come out on stage and say anything you want, you have the ability to get into social circles and hear what they laugh about. Then, you can build upon that and be a part of the conversation.

Example, I was at a house party at my buddy's house last weekend. The girls somehow got us into the topic of which celebrity woman we thought was hotter, and we gave our answers and a reason why. Well, there were two women that were named, and the men were giving the answers. When it came to my turn, I said a couple things about each, and then I said something along the lines of "yea, but I know so-so can take a punch, so I'm going with her." Everyone busted out laughing except for this crazy liberal wack job who's eyes got all bug eyed. I did escalate her shock/anger on purpose by saying "in case you didn't get it, that was a domestic violence joke!" Everyone started laughing even harder, and she called me an asshole. She's a friend so I know she didn't get genuinely pissed off.

2. As you said in your response, this is an easy fix. You just need to learn to be more self aware and realize that you aren't smiling or being relaxed with your body language. If for some reason you're in a bad mood, go find a bathroom. Look in the mirror, and force yourself to smile. Hold that smile until you can't help but naturally do it. For some reason, this works and will automatically improve your mood. Then, walk back into the party.

You can "look like a badass," you just have to do it the right way. People will already assume you're a badass because of your size. Now, when they see that you're a chill, funny, and sociable guy, they will want to interact with you.

3. Also an easy fix. Stop drinking so much. I know that when you drink, you become more loose, but you need to know how that feels without alcohol. It's fine to drink, and to have the occasional drunk night. However, people will be turned off if you're a drunken mess and unable to stand up straight. You don't want to develop the reputation of a drunken clown. You are not there to entertain party guests like a performing artist. If it is your party, you entertain people by being a good host. That means not getting too drunk, being social, introducing people to others, and making sure the party runs smoothly.

Being the class clown in high school was considered the cool thing because we aren't smart in high school. People thought the drunkest guy at the party was cool because he drank so much and he said/did something stupid.

Now, that you're older, people will think the drunkest guy at the party is jerkoff and a clown. Don't be that guy. Be in control of yourself at parties.

[Perspicacity]

Everyone's overlooking the most important thing here.

Look, guys complain about height, race, facial aesthetics, body type, and on and on.

Mostly it's bullshit whining.

What's not bullshit is the disadvantage that 99.9% of guys suffer--not being a small twenty-something Irishman.

That's your real problem here when you compare yourself to your mate.

David Belle, the genius philosopher-founder of Parkour, went to Asia to live with monkeys for many moons as a young man to attain enlightenment in the art of movement. He put his life on the line living dozens of feet up in the trees, but it paid off: he lived and became the best there ever was.

If any of us here were really serious about notch count, rather than fucking about in EE or SEA, we'd be making similar pilgrimages to Ireland to observe and learn from the young sages there.

Irish men are gestated in an amniotic fluid consisting of 75% alcohol and 25% substances outside the realms of present-day scientific understanding, but believed to be related to Guinness. They fall out their mothers' fannies into birthing pools of Jameson, with which they are also baptised on the spot.

Due to his lifelong alcohol consumption and genetic makeup, a young Irishman will maintain a permanent 'buzz' and outgoing disposition, and his body will typically consist of 91.8% ethanol by mass that must be maintained, on pain of death, by regular imbibings.

What would a pilgrimage to Ireland look like, you ask? I can only speculate, but I would imagine:

The first year of the pilgrimage would be spent simply socialising with Irish men to inculcate their approach to life, i.e. their ability to tolerate alcohol. In the second year, one would be allowed to interact with people other than Irish men, but still with their oversight and simply practising the 'Irish vibe', not allowed to close any notches, just working on the basics. After two years, one would finally be allowed to actually deploy what had been internalised in order to close.

We don't do that because it's easier to become fluent in both Russian and Mandarin, and build a seven-figure location-independent career, than it is to effect even 1% of the inner change needed to nail a pale imitation of Irishman game.

Moreover, remember what I said: David Belle risked life and limb in his sage training.

Similarly, attaining Irishman game comes at a cost, but whose price is guaranteed and twofold: If you undergo Irish sage training, you will reap the fruits of the fertile earth in your youth (not to mention, in the folly of said youth, the pomegranates of Hades...) But your game will plummet precipitously as soon as you turn thirty, commensurate with the inevitable toll that the higher state of being will take upon your very human, mortal liver.

Assuming these are prices you are not willing to pay, here are some less drastic things you can do:

(1) Your Irish friend already was willing to give you useful feedback and is Irish so is probably a solid guy willing to help you out (Irish guys have nothing to fear from other guys muscling in on their notches so they view helping others as positive-sum rather than zero- or negative-sum). Iterate on it: Loosen up and switch up your vibe a bit, then tell him you appreciated his advice and are implementing it, and crack a joke (while flattering him) that now he has to coach you into being a smooth motherfucker like him, and in return you'll coach him into being 6'4" 230lbs. Get him to call you out and tell you to lighten up when you're looking too serious or acting too uptight.

(2) Analyse what your friend is doing and pick out one thing at a time to emulate. Don't be so blatant that it's obvious you're ripping off his game--abstract the generality of what he's doing and implement it in your own way.

(3) Spend eight weeks doing intermittent fasting at 2000kcal and < 20g carbs per day (do not subtract fiber off your total) while working out fasted three days each week immediately before feeding. Report back here in seven weeks (a week before you're due to finish), or when you reach 200lbs, whichever is the earlier, to evaluate how to proceed at that point. If you have to drink, stick to diet drinks without calories or carbs, and spirits without carbs (include the calories in your daily total). You can have one cheat meal a week in which you can eat as much and whatever you want, so long as it doesn't affect your workouts or sleep.

(4) Based on what you say about your sense of humour and how it does best with your boys that you know or specific girls (I'm guessing girls with a sarcastic or dark sense of humour), you probably need to tone it down. Many people have a weak, or no, sense of sarcasm or dark humour, and just read it as on-the-nose negativity/psychopathy. You probably know on some intuitive level, as you're saying something, when it's likely to be taken awkwardly, so you can probably get immediate improvements from not saying stuff that your gut tells you will be received poorly, even if your brain can't put into words why. Maybe you're ignoring this feeling because you don't want to 'dumb down' your humour for people who 'don't get it'. Maybe you're trying to feed people red pills through humour when they're only interested in blue pills, and looking down on guys who get 'cheap laughs' with 'dumbed down humour'. Work on 'normie humour' instead of looking down on it. (I could be wildly off base here and projecting from when I used to be more like this. I'm saying this because this is the vibe I'm reading from you so looks like a way you can improve. I'm not saying it to tear you down, other than to build you up stronger. also you said something about being gunshy, so maybe you're already checking what you say.)

(5) Here's the thing with being imposing and people telling you to brighten up. They say will not say this if you're having a good time or getting stuck in. I could go to a club and sit by myself all night ruminating, and one or two girls would tell me to lighten up. I could go to the same club on the same night, again by myself, and do the same, except intermittently getting up to open sets, and nobody would think to tell me to brighten up if they'd seen me on my feet or talking to somebody, because they'd figure I was just taking a break, rather than spending the whole night glowering in a corner.

Introspective above-average IQ guys like us have to avoid the trap of getting too in our heads, wimping out of approaching/being cheeky like your Irish mate, then getting into endless thought negative thought cycles beating ourselves up for not approaching and/or rationalizing it as being others' fault.

Again, I could be way off base with that. But if that sounds sort of like you, then when people tell you to brighten up or enjoy yourself, take it as a cue not necessarily to be a smiley freak or off-the-wall clown, but to start getting involved more.

Check this video of Robbie Williams interacting with a German reporter chick:

He barely smiles at all in five minutes and could even look (and sound) angry. But nobody at a party would tell him to brighten up. I've interacted similarly but less intensely, and intermittently, with people in clubs like that, and never been (seriously) told to brighten up.

That particular style might not be one you necessarily want to emulate if you're prone to being too intense (then again, it might be). But it shows that when people get a vague feeling of discomfort at a guy and tell him to brighten up, it's not actually because he needs to 'brighten' up, but that they feel uncomfortable because he's bringing the vibe down or making them feel responsible for the burden of making him have a good time and including him. This feeling is assauged if you get stuck in, even if you're looking like ol' Robbie up there. This is a case of looking at their actions (feeling the need to say something), not what they say. The need for them to say something, tells you something, but what they say is not necessarily the real reason they say it.

Does any of that seem relevant to you?

Perspicacity

[Maistre]

(10-24-2017 07:24 AM)Remington Wrote:  

Example, I was at a house party at my buddy's house last weekend. The girls somehow got us into the topic of which celebrity woman we thought was hotter, and we gave our answers and a reason why. Well, there were two women that were named, and the men were giving the answers. When it came to my turn, I said a couple things about each, and then I said something along the lines of "yea, but I know so-so can take a punch, so I'm going with her." Everyone busted out laughing except for this crazy liberal wack job who's eyes got all bug eyed. I did escalate her shock/anger on purpose by saying "in case you didn't get it, that was a domestic violence joke!" Everyone started laughing even harder, and she called me an asshole. She's a friend so I know she didn't get genuinely pissed off.

2. As you said in your response, this is an easy fix. You just need to learn to be more self aware and realize that you aren't smiling or being relaxed with your body language. If for some reason you're in a bad mood, go find a bathroom. Look in the mirror, and force yourself to smile. Hold that smile until you can't help but naturally do it. For some reason, this works and will automatically improve your mood. Then, walk back into the party.

You can "look like a badass," you just have to do it the right way. People will already assume you're a badass because of your size. Now, when they see that you're a chill, funny, and sociable guy, they will want to interact with you.

3. Also an easy fix. Stop drinking so much. I know that when you drink, you become more loose, but you need to know how that feels without alcohol. It's fine to drink, and to have the occasional drunk night. However, people will be turned off if you're a drunken mess and unable to stand up straight. You don't want to develop the reputation of a drunken clown. You are not there to entertain party guests like a performing artist. If it is your party, you entertain people by being a good host. That means not getting too drunk, being social, introducing people to others, and making sure the party runs smoothly.

Being the class clown in high school was considered the cool thing because we aren't smart in high school. People thought the drunkest guy at the party was cool because he drank so much and he said/did something stupid.

Now, that you're older, people will think the drunkest guy at the party is jerkoff and a clown. Don't be that guy. Be in control of yourself at parties.

Hahahaha big balls on you for dropping the wife beating joke, obviously shows the necessity of knowing your audience. Again, thanks man, more good stuff here for me to mull over. Love the bathroom smile tip, definitely going to pull that one out next weekend the next time I'm mean-mugging it in the corner of a party. And on the drinking yeah dude, you're totally right. Luckily I figured out that being a drunken animal wasn't doing it for me, and my drinking actually became pretty responsible after my freshman year of college. Haven't blacked out hard in over two years now, and honestly drink less than most of my friends. I guess the core of the problem for me is, as you keyed on, "you need to know how that [being loose] feels without alcohol," which is something I still really struggle with. I was the classic friendless nerd type until high school, where I basically learned how to maneuver in social situations and make friends by just being stumbling fucked up all the time, and (as is also super stereotypical for a guy on this board) when I showed up to college a virgin my solution to that problem was to just fucking force myself to go out multiple nights a week and approach approach approach. It worked, eventually, but to steel myself for the inevitable parade of rejections I knew I'd have to face, I would just face liquor to make myself not give a fuck. Doing something like that sober would have been completely inconceivable for me at that time.

I think when I stopped being hardo party guy, I reacted kind've hard in the opposite direction, which is partly at the root of what's going on here. Alcohol was such a crutch for me for soooo long, and my loud, loosed up, boisterous behavior that it produced was like my identity for years. I guess what I really need to do is find a way to practice aspects of that identity without the drunken fool package.

(10-24-2017 07:58 AM)Perspicacity Wrote:  

(1) Your Irish friend already was willing to give you useful feedback and is Irish so is probably a solid guy willing to help you out (Irish guys have nothing to fear from other guys muscling in on their notches so they view helping others as positive-sum rather than zero- or negative-sum). Iterate on it: Loosen up and switch up your vibe a bit, then tell him you appreciated his advice and are implementing it, and crack a joke (while flattering him) that now he has to coach you into being a smooth motherfucker like him, and in return you'll coach him into being 6'4" 230lbs. Get him to call you out and tell you to lighten up when you're looking too serious or acting too uptight.

(2) Analyse what your friend is doing and pick out one thing at a time to emulate. Don't be so blatant that it's obvious you're ripping off his game--abstract the generality of what he's doing and implement it in your own way.

(3) Spend eight weeks doing intermittent fasting at 2000kcal and < 20g carbs per day (do not subtract fiber off your total) while working out fasted three days each week immediately before feeding. Report back here in seven weeks (a week before you're due to finish), or when you reach 200lbs, whichever is the earlier, to evaluate how to proceed at that point. If you have to drink, stick to diet drinks without calories or carbs, and spirits without carbs (include the calories in your daily total). You can have one cheat meal a week in which you can eat as much and whatever you want, so long as it doesn't affect your workouts or sleep.

(4) Based on what you say about your sense of humour and how it does best with your boys that you know or specific girls (I'm guessing girls with a sarcastic or dark sense of humour), you probably need to tone it down. Many people have a weak, or no, sense of sarcasm or dark humour, and just read it as on-the-nose negativity/psychopathy. You probably know on some intuitive level, as you're saying something, when it's likely to be taken awkwardly, so you can probably get immediate improvements from not saying stuff that your gut tells you will be received poorly, even if your brain can't put into words why. Maybe you're ignoring this feeling because you don't want to 'dumb down' your humour for people who 'don't get it'. Maybe you're trying to feed people red pills through humour when they're only interested in blue pills, and looking down on guys who get 'cheap laughs' with 'dumbed down humour'. Work on 'normie humour' instead of looking down on it. (I could be wildly off base here and projecting from when I used to be more like this. I'm saying this because this is the vibe I'm reading from you so looks like a way you can improve. I'm not saying it to tear you down, other than to build you up stronger. also you said something about being gunshy, so maybe you're already checking what you say.)

1) hahahahaha, yeah man, the Irish. Lots of nationalities like to wave their flag about being hard drinkers, but it seems nowhere produces dissolute alcoholics quite like that sad little island. The Celts just have that certain way they carry themselves...nothing more likeable than a slick mick, even though a true word probably only comes out of his mouth a few times a week.

2) I'll definitely mention it to my homie to call me on it when I'm being too dour during a night out, that's some good advice. And yeah, watching the way he moves around women has been crazy eye-opening for me. Prior to getting to college I had friends who did really well with women, but it was all because they were sexy bad boys, not because they actually knew how to game. When I met this irish guy freshman year, I remember being kind've awestruck (yeah embarrassing) at the sight of somebody who REALLY knew how to talk to girls. I've learned a ton about the social dynamics of game and general "do this not that" type stuff from watching this kid maneuver over the years, but like you said I think I've gotten to the point where I really need to find how I can apply shit "in my own way." I can't perfectly play the role of the charming little bastard the way my boy does, nor should I want to, but I definitely gotta take the key parts underlying what he's doing and translate it to my context.

3) Yeah bro, the feedback in this thread has made me recognize something I knew subconsciously, that I need to be less of a pussy and just fucking own the work and suffering I'm gonna have to put in to cut down to the 200-205 territory. I guess I've let my ability to still pull, albeit not as much as I want, at higher weights to suck away at the motivation to diet hard AF. Time to face facts and realize I'm mis-treating myself, restricting and limiting my success with girls, by not putting in the dedication that will get me down 30 lbs.
W/r/t the specific diet and fitness advice, I actually found out the hard way that for whatever reason I'm not compatible with a super-low carb diet. Went keto for a month or two way back, started feeling crazy sluggish and lethargic, got a blood test that revealed I was crazy hypoglycemic (sic?). I think the move for me is just to count those calories up to 2000 each day, and try to always get my .8g of protein/pound of body mass. Like most constitutional fatties, I've long stuck to diet soda, and yeah, I gotta watch my booze calories, the beer isn't doing me any favors. Any reason you recommend only three days a week in the gym? The program I'm running calls for 4 days a week, which I've always found super manageable if I'm being at all responsible. Lastly on the working out fasted thing: some of my crazy fitness buddies will do this, but as like a special thing for a few of their (sometimes >10) weekly workouts. I've never liked doing it because I just feel weaker and less energetic. Any reason you recommend it? Will definitely check back in at the 7 week mark.

4) Your analysis on my humor is fucking uncannily spot-on. Definitely have too much of a tendency to try and drop red pills and yeah looking back on situations ur 100% right that (as most individuals are) people without a sense for sarcasm or blacker humor definitely will misread my jokes as expressions of a psychopathic or depressive personality. And yep, I definitely have some sense of "uhhh maybe don't say that in this situation" and such going on in my head, but it can be pretty weak sometimes. I've always had a problem with saying the wrong shit at the wrong time, though I've gotten better about it over the years, and I feel this is just another call for me to further development my sense for social cues on that kinda stuff. The point about "normie humor" is actually so goddamn on point for my situation, although I didn't consciously realize it until I read your comment. I think I need to fucking swallow my pride, get off my own dick, and beat down the self-consciously superior attitude I take about "dumbed down humor." Reflecting on it, I feel like I - foolishly - put a higher premium on being legitimately clever/provocative/whatever than on producing social capital from my banter. "Tone it down" is probably the perfect advice for me here, along with "shut up and follow the crowd."

5) All good points in your last part, though not entirely sure I understand the comment you're making about getting "stuck in." I think maybe I get in this trap of, when I'm out at a social function, if I'm interacting around my actual friends I don't give a fuck about putting on the social mask because why would I, but then that gets worse when I'm around strangers, where I fail to put on the happy bouncing around interactive guise because, I think, it could scare me to be vulnerable like that around people I don't know, because I give off such a strong impression on people regardless. And yeah, I definitely have a tendency to come off as overly intense, and have definitely fucked up with girls by, "being myself" like an idiot, dropping comments that were way too deep/spacey/intense for what the situation called for. Gotta find good ways to combat that.

As I said, thank you so much for everything you wrote, all of it helpful. Nothing was quite as on the nail as this though:

Quote:

Introspective above-average IQ guys like us have to avoid the trap of getting too in our heads, wimping out of approaching/being cheeky like your Irish mate, then getting into endless thought negative thought cycles beating ourselves up for not approaching and/or rationalizing it as being others' fault.

Facts, facts, facts. My tendency to over-intellectualize shit and get way too up into my own head is, I find, one of the core negative aspects of my personality. I've been fighting a long battle, trying to recognize when I'm letting it consume me and when that self-critical voice in my head gets too loud, and then actively trying to divert to a different mental state. Trying to live more actively in the present moment, of course, is one method of combating this trait of ours. You have any thoughts on other ways to counteract this tendency's more pernicious effects?

Again, thank you everyone for all the super helpful responses to this stuff.

[RatInTheWoods]

(10-24-2017 07:58 AM)Perspicacity Wrote:  

If any of us here were really serious about notch count, rather than fucking about in EE or SEA, we'd be making similar pilgrimages to Ireland to observe and learn from the young sages there.

I made the Holy-Game pilgrimage to Ireland a few years ago.

All I saw was Italian tourists, Polish people working in the bars and hordes of Chinese with selfie sticks.

I think I saw a genuine real life Irish dude passed out from a heroin overdose on a soggy mattress in a back alley once, but I can't be sure.

I didn't learn much.