Quote: (09-13-2017 04:15 AM)H1N1 Wrote:
When it comes to alcohol induced misadventure, we do not fuck about. It is right, and fitting, that the only man ever to have completed this heroic endeavour should be an Englishman.
I would have to see a picture of the chap to be certain, but I would venture that this fellow is a veteran of many a Buckfast fueled night of destruction and chaos. There is something about the semi regular imbibing of 'Bucky' that gives a man a deep rooted sense of indestructibility, that spills over into other areas of his life and endures long after the effects of the Bucky have passed.
For those who are unfamiliar with the 'wreck the hoose juice', a brief primer follows.
Buckfast is a kind of tonic wine, made at Buckfast Abbey (a Benedictine Monastery) by monks. It is 15% ABV, with the equivalent of 10 cans of Coke's worth of caffeine per 750ml bottle. The 'Commotion Lotion' was cited as a material factor in the offense in over 7000 crimes in Greater Strathclyde alone in the space of a single 3 year period. 'The Buckie made me do it' has become a familiar refrain in the Glaswegian courts.
It is hard to overstate the almost supernatural ability of this drink to expose an otherwise sane and civilised man to the depths of his depravity and capacity for chaos.
The correct way to abuse Buckfast to ensure maximum hilarity, sideways-ness, and heart palpitations, is to drink a single 750ml bottle in relatively short order - the space of 20 minutes or so - and to then keep oneself 'topped up' from a 350ml bottle over the course of the rest of the evening. This ensures one hits the peak of the wave nice and early, and allows one to ride it out for a good many hours of questionable behaviour.
It is very important that you do not allow Buckfast to be drunk in your own home. It should always be drunk at someone else's party, never your own.
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I've never experienced Buckfast, but have always been curious since reading about it on this hilarious site:
http://bumwine.com/others.html
Buckfast Tonic Wine
17% alc. by vol.
Huge demand from our friends in Scotland made it impossible to ignore this drink. However, the difference in the American English dialect has caused a misunderstanding about the purpose of this web site. The word "bum" in the US more commonly means a homeless person, also known as a "tramp," a "hobo," or a "wino." The purpose of this web site is to review wines that are popular with homeless people.
Buckfast is made in Devon, England at Buckfast Abbey by Benedictine monks. True to its name, Buckfast will get you "bucked up" real fast. Buckfast was thick, with a strong taste of molasses. There was also a hint of some type of herb reminiscent of oregano, and a soapy aftertaste. Like some of its high-sugar American counterparts, Buckfast gets you fired up and full of energy. A report from BBC News and one from the New York times shows a connection between Buckfast and violent crime. Of the offenders who had been drinking immediately before their violent offence, more than 40% had been drinking Buckfast! According to the report, each bottle contained 281mg of caffeine - the same amount as eight cans of Coke. Despite its reputation for violent hooligans, with Buckfast's hefty price of about $8 US per bottle, we were skeptical that homeless winos would spend their hard earned coins when there are cheaper alternatives. Our contacts in Scotland tell us that only the most hardened alcoholics drink this beverages, but the homeless winos reach for cheaper alternatives.
Like the great Sherlock Holmes, our UK investigator hit the alleys of London to see if there was any bumvidence to support Buckfast as a popular drink among homeless people. The discarded bumvidence littered in bums' nests pointed to the much more economically viable hard cider in 3 liter plastic jugs as the drink of choice rather than any of the wines. Our reporter brought a 3 liter jug of "White Ace" cider back to the states, which is 7% alcohol per volume and only about $3.50 US for the whole 3 liter jug. When the test subject drank the whole bottle of "White Ace," in Las Vegas, the effects were severe. He got kicked out of 4 Queens casino for washing his hands in a urinal, then fell asleep for 3 hours and woke up soaked in his own urine (see picture to the right). He woke up and got into a 6 year old's pirate costume, ran around slapping gamblers in the gut, got kicked out of The Imperial Palace, and became so obnoxious that his friends put him on a plane and sent him home early.
In summary, there are readily avaliable cheaper alternatives to Buckfast that have similar alcohol content. As far as we can determine, Buckfast is a wine for alcoholics, but out of the price range of the destitute homeless. Nevertheless, we salute it!