[harveyspecter]

I noticed that many people in my surroundings, when are asked to do me some favor, even a favor that isn't of such a magnitude aren't eager to do it although we know each other for some time and we're in good relations.

When I got to thinking more, I assigned that to the fact that actually I didn't never did them any direct favor but they didn't never even asked it. Maybe I'm wrong and the people around me are just pricks but I don't want to go down that road and want to mainly improve myself.

What is funny I really tend to be the kind of a guy that helps even if not asked and try to actually help but in reality, in most of the cases, I wasn't DIRECTLY asked so I concluded that people actually don't even mostly count that help as much.

In a nutshell, I wanted to discuss your general view on the subject and maybe tips on how to actually have people actually owe you one?

[sonoran_]

People easily forget the positives you do for them but will remember the negatives for a long time.

Ill do favors for others IF its not too much of a hassle for me but when it comes to asking for favors, I think real hard about it.

[Jetset]

#1) Believe it or not, you'll often get better results from letting others do you favors. It gets them used to helping you out, makes them feel important, and gives you an opportunity to reward them with good feelings. Think of the contractor who does a particularly attentive job setting your new bathroom tile, so you show off his workmanship on Facebook. (There's a famous story about Benjamin Franklin using this strategy to get in the good graces of some aristocrat, writing him a letter asking to borrow a rare book from his extensive library and returning it in a timely manner with a gracious thank you note. As a result, there's a theory called the "Benjamin Franklin Effect", which suggests that our brains are biased against admitting that we're wrong, we are predisposed to like people we've previously done favors for, and predisposed to hate people we've previously harmed, since there must have been a good reason we did those things.)

#2) Weigh it out and prefer the favors that cost you little but are very valuable to others. Think of the hotel that throws in a free upgrade, because they know it would cost you $200, but the room sits empty if they don't give it to you so it really costs them nothing. Done right, making a valuable favor look easy makes you look powerful.

#3) People will rarely feel like they owe you. At best, it'll tend to drive them away from you for fear you'll call in the debt. Think of the film 'A Bronx Tale'. A young man asks the gangster Sonny how to collect the $20 he lent to a deadbeat who is now avoiding him. Sonny asks him if he even likes the guy. No, this guy's a pain in the ass. Sonny explains to him that he should just be glad it only cost him $20 to get rid of the guy forever.

EDIT: #3 applies double to women. They're conditioned to believe they're supposed to be helped.

https://therationalmale.com/2012/04/26/t...or-schema/

[Svoboda]

(09-08-2017 01:05 PM)harveyspecter Wrote:  

I noticed that many people in my surroundings, when are asked to do me some favor, even a favor that isn't of such a magnitude aren't eager to do it although we know each other for some time and we're in good relations.

When I got to thinking more, I assigned that to the fact that actually I didn't never did them any direct favor but they didn't never even asked it. Maybe I'm wrong and the people around me are just pricks but I don't want to go down that road and want to mainly improve myself.

What is funny I really tend to be the kind of a guy that helps even if not asked and try to actually help but in reality, in most of the cases, I wasn't DIRECTLY asked so I concluded that people actually don't even mostly count that help as much.

In a nutshell, I wanted to discuss your general view on the subject and maybe tips on how to actually have people actually owe you one?

Are these people you helped women?

[qwertyuiop]

(09-08-2017 01:30 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

#1) Believe it or not, you'll often get better results from letting others do you favors. It gets them used to helping you out, makes them feel important, and gives you an opportunity to reward them with good feelings. Think of the contractor who does a particularly attentive job setting your new bathroom tile, so you show off his workmanship on Facebook. (There's a famous story about Benjamin Franklin using this strategy to get in the good graces of some aristocrat, writing him a letter asking to borrow a rare book from his extensive library and returning it in a timely manner with a gracious thank you note. As a result, there's a theory called the "Benjamin Franklin Effect", which suggests that our brains are biased against admitting that we're wrong, we are predisposed to like people we've previously done favors for, and predisposed to hate people we've previously harmed, since there must have been a good reason we did those things.)

#2) Weigh it out and prefer the favors that cost you little but are very valuable to others. Think of the hotel that throws in a free upgrade, because they know it would cost you $200, but the room sits empty if they don't give it to you so it really costs them nothing. Done right, making a valuable favor look easy makes you look powerful.

#3) People will rarely feel like they owe you. At best, it'll tend to drive them away from you for fear you'll call in the debt. Think of the film 'A Bronx Tale'. A young man asks the gangster Sonny how to collect the $20 he lent to a deadbeat who is now avoiding him. Sonny asks him if he even likes the guy. No, this guy's a pain in the ass. Sonny explains to him that he should just be glad it only cost him $20 to get rid of the guy forever.

EDIT: #3 applies double to women. They're conditioned to believe they're supposed to be helped.

https://therationalmale.com/2012/04/26/t...or-schema/

Women uber drivers are the worst. Men 90% of the time will get out and open doors.

Women? Never.

[harveyspecter]

(09-08-2017 01:30 PM)Jetset Wrote:  

#1) Believe it or not, you'll often get better results from letting others do you favors. It gets them used to helping you out, makes them feel important, and gives you an opportunity to reward them with good feelings. Think of the contractor who does a particularly attentive job setting your new bathroom tile, so you show off his workmanship on Facebook. (There's a famous story about Benjamin Franklin using this strategy to get in the good graces of some aristocrat, writing him a letter asking to borrow a rare book from his extensive library and returning it in a timely manner with a gracious thank you note. As a result, there's a theory called the "Benjamin Franklin Effect", which suggests that our brains are biased against admitting that we're wrong, we are predisposed to like people we've previously done favors for, and predisposed to hate people we've previously harmed, since there must have been a good reason we did those things.)

#2) Weigh it out and prefer the favors that cost you little but are very valuable to others. Think of the hotel that throws in a free upgrade, because they know it would cost you $200, but the room sits empty if they don't give it to you so it really costs them nothing. Done right, making a valuable favor look easy makes you look powerful.

#3) People will rarely feel like they owe you. At best, it'll tend to drive them away from you for fear you'll call in the debt. Think of the film 'A Bronx Tale'. A young man asks the gangster Sonny how to collect the $20 he lent to a deadbeat who is now avoiding him. Sonny asks him if he even likes the guy. No, this guy's a pain in the ass. Sonny explains to him that he should just be glad it only cost him $20 to get rid of the guy forever.

EDIT: #3 applies double to women. They're conditioned to believe they're supposed to be helped.

https://therationalmale.com/2012/04/26/t...or-schema/

I agree, everything that you wrote makes sense but I'm interested in how to increase the chances of them actually doing a favor because when it comes to some people they just don't tend to do it.

I don't want to come off as too tacky but then again if they can do me something that to me seems relatively easy to do, I would like to see that they do it, especially if I feel that I would've done the same if the parts were reverse.

But then again, I cannot change other people, I can change only myself.

[RatInTheWoods]

If everyone helped each other out, it would be a better world.

Especially when its a small favor that would mean so much to someone.

I track my friends with a "favors bank account" you get a credit limit, and its favor deposits and I make favor withdrawals.

Too many favors asked or not returning favors gets your credit refused.

[qwertyuiop]

What you do is do easy shit for you for favors for other people. It takes no time for you. Then when you need something you call in the favor that took you 2 seconds.

Shit like letting someone use your netflix, use your car (depends on person), getting a (qualified) friend a job...etc.

[harveyspecter]

(09-08-2017 01:34 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  

Are these people you helped women?

I'm not an idiot.

(09-13-2017 02:04 PM)qwertyuiop Wrote:  

What you do is do easy shit for you for favors for other people. It takes no time for you. Then when you need something you call in the favor that took you 2 seconds.

Shit like letting someone use your netflix, use your car (depends on person), getting a (qualified) friend a job...etc.

I agree but I'm asking on tips how to persuade them more so they feel compelled to help you because I've run into people that even after doing them favors they aren't willing to return one.

[qwertyuiop]

(09-13-2017 06:04 PM)harveyspecter Wrote:  

(09-08-2017 01:34 PM)Svoboda Wrote:  

Are these people you helped women?

I'm not an idiot.

(09-13-2017 02:04 PM)qwertyuiop Wrote:  

What you do is do easy shit for you for favors for other people. It takes no time for you. Then when you need something you call in the favor that took you 2 seconds.

Shit like letting someone use your netflix, use your car (depends on person), getting a (qualified) friend a job...etc.

I agree but I'm asking on tips how to persuade them more so they feel compelled to help you because I've run into people that even after doing them favors they aren't willing to return one.

Then they get no more favors and are no longer friends