[TrifeLife]

Have had this GF for about 5 months now. She's generally a great girlfriend. Pleasant to be around, almost always in a good mood, likes to fuck and has never refused me sex etc.

The one thing I want to change is that I want her to suck my dick more, to WANT to suck it more. She isn't unwilling to go down. I'd say one out of every 5 times we have sex she does it of her own volition. Otherwise I just have to grab her head and put my dick in her mouth. She doesn't refuse this when I do it, and will let me blow a load in her mouth if I want. However, she has NEVER just given me head without any sex involved, and is reluctant to swallow, though she has done it.

I've fucked a decent amount of girls but I am pretty inexperienced when it comes to LTRs. Normally I don't really compromise, if a chick isn't doing it for me the way I want then I'll fuck her when its convenient if I don't have any better options, but won't give her much time of day otherwise. The girls that I've kept around have always acted like my balls were the fountain of youth.

I just like this girl more than normal. She's kind of a gem and has some qualities that are rare in an attractive girl where I live (major US city borough with a completely pervasive and over-the-top culture of feminism, female entitlement, attention whoring and thirsty hipster fags). I'm not trying to make some sort of NAWALT case or saying she's wife material. But, she spends hardly any time on her phone or social media, low appetite for drama, is pretty 'red pill' and receptive to my conservative ideas. Most importantly, she's loyal.

What would do you guys think? Is this as simple as just telling her straight up "I want more blowjobs" ? Maybe it's pride but part of me is resistant to this. Like I said, I want her to want to do it.

[Remington]

So, you live in NY...just a guess haha.

From my experience, girls that don't like giving head too much are those who are inexperienced in bed.

These are the kind of girls where instruction is needed. Tell her exactly what you like WHILE your dick is in your mouth. Instruction will give you what you desire.

My ex was awful at giving head, but once I gave her a little bit about what I like, she turned into a pro.

Tell her what turns you on, then instruct her so she knows exactly what want.

You'd be surprised what a girl will do to make you happy.

[Dream Medicine]

TrifeLife,

You wrote that she never refuses to blow you when you ask/lead her to do it. Rather, you are complaining that your apparently feminine, submissive and somewhat conservative woman doesn't initiate blowjobs with a frequency that pleases you.

A few thoughts:

1. Most women tend not to initiate sex in the way that men do. This is not a problem.

2. A woman who is LTR-material is unlikely to behave like the cum-guzzling randoms you're used to. Again, not a problem.

3. So, keep being the man, initiating things, and being the leader by taking action.

This could include showing her how to pleasure you and giving her good emotions for pleasuring you (for instance, by rewarding her with lots of passion, noise and compliments when she does suck you off). This is likely to be more effective than simply making verbal, demanding requests for compliance. It's a gradual process so be patient with her.

4. Before going to bed each night, write down 3 things you appreciated about your day. This will help to train your mind to be more grateful for the great life you have. Enjoy.

[TrifeLife]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Both of you touched on a similar point, that less experienced girls often need to be lead. It's true, sadly I have more experience dealing with sluts than with 'good girls'. That has conditioned my expectations. I think the divide between those expectations and reality caused me some offence, in the most mild and minor way. Overall I am very happy with this relationship.

So, I am going to make more of an effort to show her what I like.

@ Dream Medicine: any advice as to how to attach positive emotions to the act of pleasing me?

[Dream Medicine]

(01-29-2017 12:55 AM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

@ Dream Medicine: any advice as to how to attach positive emotions to the act of pleasing me?

I think I may have edited my reply to include the following while you were writing:

(01-29-2017 12:32 AM)Dream Medicine Wrote:  

...showing her how to pleasure you and giving her good emotions for pleasuring you (for instance, by rewarding her with lots of passion, noise and compliments when she does suck you off). This is likely to be more effective than simply making verbal, demanding requests for compliance. It's a gradual process so be patient with her.

[GlobalMan]

(01-29-2017 12:14 AM)Remington Wrote:  

From my experience, girls that don't like giving head too much are those who are inexperienced in bed.

Exactly this. In my experience, when encountering this, it is because the girl is young and/or simply inexperienced/shy/embarrassed- and there is nothing wrong with that, in fact it's great!

Guide her and provide constant positive feedback letting her know how great it feels and how sexy she is while doing it. She should become more comfortable over time and more likely to initiate it on her own.

Now, if she's 32 and has a bad attitude about sucking your cock, despite being with 27 guys before you, then there's a problem (more than one). But given that she has no problem doing it, just doesn't initiate, then it's more likely to be shyness.

[Resolute]

It's quite possible to teach a woman to ENJOY giving you blowjobs. The key is to simply make her cum WHILE giving you head. It's not actually difficult to do.....I like to reach down and play with her nipples while she goes down on me, and if you're tall enough, you can often position your leg or knee between her legs and have her dry hump it while she gives you head. This, combined with a little dirty talk, well make her wet. Eventually, like Pavlovs dogs, you can teach her to cum while giving you head. It's a pretty awesome thing, actually, but only really useful in LTR's, as it does take a few weeks to teach.

[LeoneVolpe]

Yeah, this doesn't sound like a problem to me either. In fact, I ran into a similar situation when I dated an Asian girl for about two years who was a virgin when we met. Unsurprisingly, she was terrible at everything at first, but with a little patience and training on my part, I took a sexual clean slate and crafted her into being, essentially, my own personal sex slave. In the beginning, her insecurity made her sheepish about taking the lead on anything, but with my encouragement her confidence began to grow and I can honestly say she provided me with some of my most memorable experiences.

TL;DR: This is nothing to worry about, there are pros and cons to everything. You didn't think she'd be perfect, did you? Sure, it'd be great if she wanted to suck your dick on her own, but for now it should be enough that she's willing to do it. In time, she'll likely become more sexually assertive, or maybe even aggressive.

[XXL]

You want it too much. Don't want it.

Try this, it worked for me. Please her as much as you can, make her cum as much as you can. Once she's fully satisfied and play some porn [preferably blowjob videos] and jerk off to it. Take your time and enjoy every stroke. She will try to stop you or start yapping. Ignore her. After you finish stay in the moment and crack the biggest smile you can. Tell her that was the best orgasm you have ever had and it didn't include her.

Credit Patrice O'Neil

[RatInTheWoods]

Its not always that they are inexperienced and everything will be ok after you teach them or make them.

I have had older, experienced women that JUST HATE IT. No matter what you do they won't do it, and definitely won't take cum in the mouth.

Sadly these have to be nexted, there is no cure.

[TrifeLife]

I wonder if this is a situation where it's a scratch my back and I'll scratch yours sort of thing. I go down on her once in a while but not very often. It's not my favorite thing to do but I don't hate it either.

(01-29-2017 12:12 PM)XXL Wrote:  

You want it too much. Don't want it.

Try this, it worked for me. Please her as much as you can, make her cum as much as you can. Once she's fully satisfied and play some porn [preferably blowjob videos] and jerk off to it. Take your time and enjoy every stroke. She will try to stop you or start yapping. Ignore her. After you finish stay in the moment and crack the biggest smile you can. Tell her that was the best orgasm you have ever had and it didn't include her.

Credit Patrice O'Neil

Sounds kind of fun. I've never watched porn with a chick. Think I'd rather do it with a cumdumpster, I don't really want to do it with this girl. But I am curious how'd she react if I threw a cumshot compilation on the projector while I was banging her in the living room. Ah well, I'm trying to quit porn, got a couple months clean under my belt.

[Mayweather]

This is bothering you because you know deep down your 100 percent right to want your needs met. A lot of the times you find out with these girls that say they don't do this , or they tried something like anal in the past and don't do it anymore is because you don't create the kind of climate in which she feel she has to do these things.

Your bargaining about your needs as a man while you give her your time, your most valuable resource, whether it comes with your commitment or not. If you started to "just not pick up the phone" or "not send many responses to her texts" she would be quick to assert herself as most women are. Even if you were doing the other things she wanted, she'd still advocate that she wanted all bases covered. I think things like this should be a deal breaker for any dude with all the bullshit we have to give up to be in a relationship.

As the male half you have to constantly manage emotions, handle logistics, defuse arguments, escalate and yet you have to compromise? Fuck all that. If I was you I woulda been told her, "slob on my knob or kick rocks". Selfishness is healthy and necessary when dealing with these chicks. Pretty soon it will be my girlfriend just doesn't fuck me that often. If you don't believe me go look up the deadbedroom subreddit. Grown men leaning in and doing chores hoping their wives will give them a hand job.

TL;DR: State to her getting head is a need not a want for you to be happy in the relationship.

[TrifeLife]

(01-29-2017 07:50 PM)Mayweather Wrote:  

This is bothering you because you know deep down your 100 percent right to want your needs met. A lot of the times you find out with these girls that say they don't do this , or they tried something like anal in the past and don't do it anymore is because you don't create the kind of climate in which she feel she has to do these things.

Your bargaining about your needs as a man while you give her your time, your most valuable resource, whether it comes with your commitment or not. If you started to "just not pick up the phone" or "not send many responses to her texts" she would be quick to assert herself as most women are. Even if you were doing the other things she wanted, she'd still advocate that she wanted all bases covered. I think things like this should be a deal breaker for any dude with all the bullshit we have to give up to be in a relationship.

As the male half you have to constantly manage emotions, handle logistics, defuse arguments, escalate and yet you have to compromise? Fuck all that. If I was you I woulda been told her, "slob on my knob or kick rocks". Selfishness is healthy and necessary when dealing with these chicks. Pretty soon it will be my girlfriend just doesn't fuck me that often. If you don't believe me go look up the deadbedroom subreddit. Grown men leaning in and doing chores hoping their wives will give them a hand job.

TL;DR: State to her getting head is a need not a want for you to be happy in the relationship.

In response to the parts I bolded, agreed.

Beyond that, your response is a recycled and worn-out answer to this type of question. It comes off as affected 'alphaness', which is pretty common around here.

Not sure if you read the entire OP or not, but you're presuming a lot of things. I explained the reason as to why I have made this 'compromise' - she has some great qualities that are not commonly found in hot girls in this particularly backward cultural setting I find myself in. There has been no 'bargaining' or negotiation up to this point. To be clear, as relationships go this one requires very little invested effort on my part. That's the only way it works with me - I'm an only child, introvert, need lots of alone time to do my own thing = naturally averse to relationships. That's why I've been in so few.

Eventually she will start to fuss. I'll deal with that when we get there. For now, it's good.

(01-29-2017 06:03 PM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

I wonder if this is a situation where it's a scratch my back and I'll scratch yours sort of thing. I go down on her once in a while but not very often. It's not my favorite thing to do but I don't hate it either.

Maybe you read into this. For the record, this conversation has not taken place. If it did and she said something to the effect of "you need to go down on me more if you want more blowjobs" it would bother the shit out of me. Based on my 5 months of experience with her, I don't think it would go down like that. Either way, I don't want this to be a negotiation. That's why I came here for advice.

[wi30]

You're really overthinking it.

Just tell her you like blowjobs. And tell her that you like when she surprises you with them. And that you like when she swallows.

If she's into you like you infer, there won't be any discussion or argument. She wants to please you and keep you happy. Let her know how to do that.

[lapalco]

I have found that the key is never asking for them (really hard to do if you like them). Every new sexual relationship involves blow jobs. Eventually, those dont happen as much after a bit of time passes. Keep going down on her and never ask for a bj. Dont get pissed off either. Eventually, she'll start to get self conscious and wonder why youre not asking or getting mad like all the other guys. If she asks if you like them tell her to love them. If she asks why you dont ask her for them tell her, "i dont want you to do anything you dont want to do etc."

She will start to think that it's her. That she sucks at BJs (which may be true so this works with girls who arent that good/too much teeth). IME, she will get online and read 10 articles about how to give the best BJ. And when it happens, it will be good and she will swallow (at least the first time lol).

[questor70]

There's something to be said for sexual compatibility. If a woman really doesn't like to perform a certain act, using some sort of Pavlov's Dog trick will result in a woman doing something mechanically without really being into it, which is a turnoff.

It goes for me too. I don't like french kissing. I just don't. I've been coaxed into doing it a little, but it will always be half-hearted. I just won't be compatible with a women who needs a guy who loves french kissing and a guy who loves BJs won't be happy with a woman who hates giving them.

[Mayweather]

(01-29-2017 10:55 PM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

(01-29-2017 07:50 PM)Mayweather Wrote:  

This is bothering you because you know deep down your 100 percent right to want your needs met. A lot of the times you find out with these girls that say they don't do this , or they tried something like anal in the past and don't do it anymore is because you don't create the kind of climate in which she feel she has to do these things.

Your bargaining about your needs as a man while you give her your time, your most valuable resource, whether it comes with your commitment or not. If you started to "just not pick up the phone" or "not send many responses to her texts" she would be quick to assert herself as most women are. Even if you were doing the other things she wanted, she'd still advocate that she wanted all bases covered. I think things like this should be a deal breaker for any dude with all the bullshit we have to give up to be in a relationship.

As the male half you have to constantly manage emotions, handle logistics, defuse arguments, escalate and yet you have to compromise? Fuck all that. If I was you I woulda been told her, "slob on my knob or kick rocks". Selfishness is healthy and necessary when dealing with these chicks. Pretty soon it will be my girlfriend just doesn't fuck me that often. If you don't believe me go look up the deadbedroom subreddit. Grown men leaning in and doing chores hoping their wives will give them a hand job.

TL;DR: State to her getting head is a need not a want for you to be happy in the relationship.

In response to the parts I bolded, agreed.

Beyond that, your response is a recycled and worn-out answer to this type of question. It comes off as affected 'alphaness', which is pretty common around here.

Not sure if you read the entire OP or not, but you're presuming a lot of things. I explained the reason as to why I have made this 'compromise' - she has some great qualities that are not commonly found in hot girls in this particularly backward cultural setting I find myself in. There has been no 'bargaining' or negotiation up to this point. To be clear, as relationships go this one requires very little invested effort on my part. That's the only way it works with me - I'm an only child, introvert, need lots of alone time to do my own thing = naturally averse to relationships. That's why I've been in so few.

Eventually she will start to fuss. I'll deal with that when we get there. For now, it's good.

(01-29-2017 06:03 PM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

I wonder if this is a situation where it's a scratch my back and I'll scratch yours sort of thing. I go down on her once in a while but not very often. It's not my favorite thing to do but I don't hate it either.

Maybe you read into this. For the record, this conversation has not taken place. If it did and she said something to the effect of "you need to go down on me more if you want more blowjobs" it would bother the shit out of me. Based on my 5 months of experience with her, I don't think it would go down like that. Either way, I don't want this to be a negotiation. That's why I came here for advice.

Did YOU read my post?

Cause if you did, you would see I mapped out how little issues turn into big issues with women down the line. Would she be on the female equivalent of RVF if the male half wasn't handling his job as the leader in a relationship and she felt her needs weren't met, or would she be discussing her frustrations with an orbiter? Giving her the benefit of the doubt and lets say she were inexperienced, wouldn't said partner be the perfect guy to practice with since you have been potentially doing all the right things?

If looking out for your own physical needs the way women look out for their own emotional needs is 'fake alphaness', then you can catch me by a mountain of kratom with a copy of gorilla mindset. One thing I won't ever be doing myself though, is rationalizing my basic wants and needs on the forum, as if wanting some head that isn't forced is a rare concept. I would never waste 5 months not having my needs met while offering commitment, the number one thing women fight for from men, in an exchange like I was getting equal value back.

[Vill@in]

(01-29-2017 06:03 PM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

I wonder if this is a situation where it's a scratch my back and I'll scratch yours sort of thing. I go down on her once in a while but not very often. It's not my favorite thing to do but I don't hate it either.

You should suggest doing 69 with her. It will be pleasurable for both of you. Personally I love 69 because it's fun trying to concentrate on your job while you're getting sucked off.

It's a win/win for both parties and maybe she'll be more into giving blowjobs if she connects it with her own pleasure.

[RatInTheWoods]

(01-29-2017 07:50 PM)Mayweather Wrote:  

This is bothering you because you know deep down your 100 percent right to want your needs met. A lot of the times you find out with these girls that say they don't do this , or they tried something like anal in the past and don't do it anymore is because you don't create the kind of climate in which she feel she has to do these things.

Oh yeah. This one hurts. When that chick says "I don't like doing xyz anymore"

You know she did it with chad in the club toilet when she was 17.

She's saying "I'm just not going to do it with you"

You HAVE to hard next any woman that says that to you, it will eat out your mojo over time as you dwell on it.

Find a woman thats more into you.