[mcw78912]

Hey guys. I have been lurking on here for a while, trying to learn game from all the helpful posts on here. Great to see how active this forum is. I have lots to learn on here.

For my background, I got out of a very long term relationship a few years back. I have had a few relationships since then that lasted around 6 to 8 months each. All of these have been with girls I met at bars, number closed and then followed up with dates that eventually led to these relationships.

The above method works for me. But one thing I really want to accomplish is to get same night lays. I can pick up on IOIs and can build attraction but then when it comes to pushing the interaction forward and going for the pull, I just panic/freeze. Because I know these girls at that point for only about an hour or so, I feel completely out of my comfort zone to initiate a pull.

I have tried hard for the last two months and failed hard. It is the same story each time; I just panic when it comes to the pull. I can consistently get numbers and follow up, but that's not what I am after at this point. I really want to be able to pull directly from the bars for an SNL.

Can you guys give me some advice? How do I achieve this goal? Thanks.

[polymath]

How sexual are you as a person?

Do you try to gauge the level of attraction of the woman you're talking to?

Terms like "kino" are silly punchlines these days, but there is a lot of intimacy associated with the sense of touch. Not to mention that you will be more comfortable when you realize that you're with a girl who wants and likes your touch (by which I mean little things like holding a hand, putting a palm on the small of her back as you cross a street, touching her arm when you are changing a conversational thread, etc).

Also, do you ever do little things to see if a girl would be receptive to a kiss? I use little compliance tests, or I smile big and see if she naturally responds to my smile with her own. These can help you figure out if you are clear to make a move.

Escalate in stages, build comfort, push and pull, and look for feedback in the body language of the woman you're with. Leave the goggles and fuzzy hat at home, but take some of the ideas from the Mystery Method to the bar with you....the underlying theory there is timeless.

For example, one girl came to my place with me a couple hours after we met, we were making out pretty heatedly, and I held off on doing anything sexual until we were comfortable with that level of physical intimacy. Then I took it to the next level by undoing her bra through the fabric of her shirt. You don't have to be aggressive to get a girl to feel that something is escalating, you just have to consciously take appropriate baby steps in a sexual direction. The progression itself is exciting.

The same mentality works in a bar setting. Figure out what the girl is feeling and escalate with respect to that. If you think she's down to go next door with you, suggest it. If she's receptive to your touch, be comfortable in your physical presence with her. If she's overt about her sexual attraction to you, kiss her. And so forth.

Frankly, sometimes you just don't feel confident and/or comfortable. I've definitely had moments where a really attractive woman was, in retrospect, giving me a green light that I totally treated as a red. You're not always going to conquer your own anxiety or hesitation, and that's totally OK.

So to sum it up....use physical touch, try to get a sense of how sexually receptive your girl is, escalate in stages, and don't miss an opportunity to push the interaction forward if she throws an alley oop your way.

[elRey]

read bang

[DonnyGately]

(10-24-2016 03:16 AM)polymath Wrote:  

How sexual are you as a person?

Do you try to gauge the level of attraction of the woman you're talking to?

Terms like "kino" are silly punchlines these days, but there is a lot of intimacy associated with the sense of touch. Not to mention that you will be more comfortable when you realize that you're with a girl who wants and likes your touch (by which I mean little things like holding a hand, putting a palm on the small of her back as you cross a street, touching her arm when you are changing a conversational thread, etc).
...
Escalate in stages, build comfort, push and pull, and look for feedback in the body language of the woman you're with. ...the ideas from the Mystery Method to the bar with you....the underlying theory there is timeless.

For example, one girl came to my place with me a couple hours after we met, we were making out pretty heatedly, and I held off on doing anything sexual until we were comfortable with that level of physical intimacy. Then I took it to the next level by undoing her bra through the fabric of her shirt. ...The progression itself is exciting.

The same mentality works in a bar setting. Figure out what the girl is feeling and escalate with respect to that. If you think she's down to go next door with you, suggest it. If she's receptive to your touch, be comfortable in your physical presence with her. If she's overt about her sexual attraction to you, kiss her. And so forth.

Frankly, sometimes you just don't feel confident and/or comfortable. I've definitely had moments where a really attractive woman was, in retrospect, giving me a green light that I totally treated as a red. You're not always going to conquer your own anxiety or hesitation, and that's totally OK.

So to sum it up....use physical touch, try to get a sense of how sexually receptive your girl is, escalate in stages, and don't miss an opportunity to push the interaction forward if she throws an alley oop your way.

This is a brilliant response, well written and 110% correct. Kudos.

And, importantly, DON'T PANIC, if you miscalibrate at some point. I was getting huge IOIs from an amazing babe at a bar last week, was touching her hair and back, huge smile, and went in for the kiss...denied!

This has literally never happened to me before.

We both laughed about it, being in public made her nervous about the kiss, so I changed conversation quickly and we ended up hanging out and then I took her to the park and then another bar.

Nothing happened but we're going to meet up this week for drinks. All because I didn't panic, didn't act hurt, laughed it off, not a big deal whatsoever, kept touching her after and kissed her on the cheek when she had to leave. She's texted me 2x to go out again so she must have liked the rest of the date.

Don't let people fool you into thinking game is just one good step after another. It's often 2 fwd, 1 back but keep progressing and push-pull works a lot better than push-push-push-push.

[mcw78912]

(10-24-2016 03:16 AM)polymath Wrote:  

How sexual are you as a person?

Do you try to gauge the level of attraction of the woman you're talking to?

Terms like "kino" are silly punchlines these days, but there is a lot of intimacy associated with the sense of touch. Not to mention that you will be more comfortable when you realize that you're with a girl who wants and likes your touch (by which I mean little things like holding a hand, putting a palm on the small of her back as you cross a street, touching her arm when you are changing a conversational thread, etc).

Also, do you ever do little things to see if a girl would be receptive to a kiss? I use little compliance tests, or I smile big and see if she naturally responds to my smile with her own. These can help you figure out if you are clear to make a move.

Escalate in stages, build comfort, push and pull, and look for feedback in the body language of the woman you're with. Leave the goggles and fuzzy hat at home, but take some of the ideas from the Mystery Method to the bar with you....the underlying theory there is timeless.

For example, one girl came to my place with me a couple hours after we met, we were making out pretty heatedly, and I held off on doing anything sexual until we were comfortable with that level of physical intimacy. Then I took it to the next level by undoing her bra through the fabric of her shirt. You don't have to be aggressive to get a girl to feel that something is escalating, you just have to consciously take appropriate baby steps in a sexual direction. The progression itself is exciting.

The same mentality works in a bar setting. Figure out what the girl is feeling and escalate with respect to that. If you think she's down to go next door with you, suggest it. If she's receptive to your touch, be comfortable in your physical presence with her. If she's overt about her sexual attraction to you, kiss her. And so forth.

Frankly, sometimes you just don't feel confident and/or comfortable. I've definitely had moments where a really attractive woman was, in retrospect, giving me a green light that I totally treated as a red. You're not always going to conquer your own anxiety or hesitation, and that's totally OK.

So to sum it up....use physical touch, try to get a sense of how sexually receptive your girl is, escalate in stages, and don't miss an opportunity to push the interaction forward if she throws an alley oop your way.

Thanks a lot polymath for the excellent input. elRey, great suggestion, just got the book. DonnyGately, appreciate sharing some tips for me to improve.

When I was ready to meet new people again after my LTR, my buddy and his wife advised me to pick up swing, as it is easy to meet girls. I started taking lessons; for almost all the girls I have dated since, I met them at dance bars/clubs/socials.

Polymath, regarding your question - I can get girls attracted as I can dance. If they are interested, they will usually stand there after the dance and/or start asking questions or re-engage me later on in some way during the night. This is usually how I gauge the level of attraction, if that makes sense. During the dance, I can physically escalate smoothly. I am not super chatty, so that's something I need to work on.

From your post, I have the following that will be of immediate help for me:
1. you will be more comfortable when you realize that you're with a girl who wants and likes your touch
2. do little things to see if a girl would be receptive ... to help you figure out if you are clear to make a move.
3. Escalate in stages, build comfort, push and pull, and look for feedback in the body language
4. you just have to consciously take appropriate baby steps in a sexual direction
5. Figure out what the girl is feeling and escalate with respect to that.

As mentioned earlier, I am the one who feels the nerves when I should go for the pull. This is what I'm trying to fix. I can almost bet that the girl I am talking to would agree to a suggested bounce.
The last girl I could have pulled but failed, was an HB7 from out of town.

I am making a few changes to see if this will have me stay more motivated for SNLs:
1. no asking for numbers from here on out
2. start working out the day of going out, so I am more in the zone
3. go out 3 nights a week instead of 2, so I can learn to callibrate better
4. pick target early on during the night, focus on building comfort so I'm comfortable enough to bounce.

Hopefully I shall be able to work through this with some solid, focused effort. Thank again, any other tips/advice for me to improve would be appreciated.

[Hazaer]

Is it possible that a girl who did not seem interested at the start of the night maybe around 10.30 or 11pm might be open to another approach at about 2am if you meet her again? It happens that I see the same girl in the venue a couple hours later and she gives IOIs but not sure if it is just looking for attention or if she wants the guy to try again before she responds positively.

What have been your experiences?

[FLGuy1988]

yea definitiley if she has more drinks in her, or may be in a different mind set and open to more approach, I find my biggest problem is if I go alone at night (which I like) then I have to talk to people right away otherwise if that women see's you just standing around and not talking to anyone she will automatically not be interested and have a bad pull. what opening lines are you using on the women ?

[Rugster]

At the risk of humiliating myself;

I just don't believe in nightgame/SNL. I have had SNL experiences, but each time the girls where straight up crazy, and I don't know if I'd want to repeat it.

It makes no logical sense to me. I'd say 1/10 girls in a club are even Open to Possibly Fuck, and they pretty much have an open tacit offer from 9/10 guys.

Add to that 5/10 girls are just there to get validated and be rude if the opportunity arises, then as Aziz Anzari says in 'Modern Romance'; you're better off going into the nearest washroom to jerk off))

I don't actually believe all of that, but still, I'm all about the day)

Actually, at this moment I'm thinking about whether to go out, and my logical mind is telling me to save the energy for the gym, and the money for coffee dates.

Tell me I'm wrong)

[FLGuy1988]

lol it makes sense, also most of the girls at night do go out in groups just for girls night.. and if they do hook up they most likely know the guy already from before and planned on being with him that night .. the only thing i will say is happy hours can be mint and women can be open more.. I think night game in regards to clubbing but of course you always have the chance of going up to women on the dance floor grinding maybe kiss or number close but the fact of them coming home with you is hard for the club game since friends are always an issue just meeting you in a club etc.

[Hazaer]

(01-20-2018 09:11 AM)FLGuy1988 Wrote:  

lol it makes sense, also most of the girls at night do go out in groups just for girls night.. and if they do hook up they most likely know the guy already from before and planned on being with him that night .. the only thing i will say is happy hours can be mint and women can be open more.. I think night game in regards to clubbing but of course you always have the chance of going up to women on the dance floor grinding maybe kiss or number close but the fact of them coming home with you is hard for the club game since friends are always an issue just meeting you in a club etc.

Do you roll solo?
I find that the key is going out with friends if you are planning on nightgame. Whether it is happy hour or at the club, girls want to know that you are a 'normal' guy and being with friends is a huge leg up and it automatically gives more energy and projects that fun vibe because you would still be interacting with friends. Normally, it is much easier if you introduce your friends and her friends to each other and suggest shots or something later, take the lead. Just do normal conversation with them to again let them know that you can be trusted to keep the girl safe and are just looking to have fun for the night before taking it to the step with the girl of your interest.